Your Larry David moments (Warning! Blandness!)

dear god not "the comedy stylings of..."

"Here's my signature dish, grilled cheese sandwich and a pickle" etc

they're like the proverbial two wings on the same chicken who never meet
-- lawrence kansas (lawrence_kansa...), November 5th, 2003.

It's sad that I can remember posting that.

Huck, you're like the Mort Sahl of the Day-at-a-Glance set!

Monday:
Tuesday:
Wednesday:
Thursday: New Moon
Friday:

Uh, this is pretty lame, huh?

So...IS that a true story?

"Okay, now I want to know: You guys know as well as I do that it is almost impossible to find a parking spot in this city. I know that these cars are, technically, parked to close to the street corner, but do you actually fine them, even though they don't bother anyone, let alone the traffic?".

Parking guy 1: "Yes. You have to park beyond this line in the sidewalk", and then he pointed to a decorative and paper-thin line in the tiling.

Me: "Surely that can't be right. I don't particularly having seen such sidewalk decoration anywhere else than on this particular street corner".

Parking guy 1: "Oh yes it is. If you don't park behind that line, a fire truck won't be able to round the corner!"

Me [baffled]: "I never heard of that 'rule'".

Parking guy 1: "Oh yes".

Me: "But the law says that you have to park 10 metres from every street corner, so whydon't you fine the guy parked behind him, too? He's only like 5 metres away from the corner".

Parking guy 2: "We try to be reasonable. We are not trying to punish people for no reason".

Me: "Of course not, but when can I know if I have parked illegally?".

Parking guy 2: "You can count the cobblestones. There has to be 12-15 of them between the corner and your car".

Me: "Say what? That's not even close to 10 metres, more like one or two".

Parking guy 1: "We try to be reasonable".

Me: "So I guess that I just have to park and then pray that whoever of you guys comes by have the same parameters as myself?".

Parking guy 1: "I guess so".

That was fucking surreal, I tell you.

She's in the university library, and asks a clerk what the opening time is over the Easter weekend.

CLERK: You can find that information on the internet.
G'FRIEND: Can't you just tell me now?
CLERK: I'm sorry. You can find that information on the internet.

Etc. Heart murmurs. Death.

xp - not recently, no

I was pretty pissed, guy could have said something.

So I sit down and look up, and an old co-worker of mine is sitting across from me. Someone I barely talked to at my old job, unless we were waiting for the microwave at the same time. I have nothing to say to this woman. But she's right there, and she says hi. And so I grudgingly take off the headphones. We make small talk. She tells me she's headed to a doctor's appointment because she's pregnant. I have to be all, "Hey, that's great! Congratulations! When are you due?" but all I really want to do is listen to Daft Punk.

So during a lull in the conversation, when she's looking away, I slowly take my book out from my bad and put it on my lap. When she turns back, she starts to ask me a question but she also notices the book, and I swear her face changes for a moment, as if to say, "Oh. I see." Like in her mind the conversation hadn't met the requisite length yet, even though we'd never actually talked for that long before ever. It's not my fault we're trapped on a slowly-moving train together. So I guiltily keep up the chat for a few more minutes, but during the next lull, I unabashedly open up the book and start reading. We are on the train for another 20 minutes in silence while she just sits there and sips her coffee, maybe thinking that I still didn't converse for long enough. I don't even feel comfortable putting the headphones back on.

I thought about this. Really. But I had already told her that I worked downtown, so she would've been suspicious that I was getting off so soon. Also, it was too crowded to make a really hasty exit.

http://tv.zap2it.com/tveditorial/tve_main/1,1002,271%7C87925%7C1%7C,00.html

EAT MY FACTS

my next car will be a prius.

what do you think is the best Curb season so far?

I get into the elevator with my boss -- a 68-year-old Jewish lawyer who is fairly dapper and charming -- and Richard, another older lawyer who is friends with my boss and looks kind of like Larry David.

A nice-looking, stylish 60-ish woman gets into the elevator.

Richard: I always wonder why men don't carry handbags. That would make life so much easier.
Woman: (something like "well yes I suppose so")
Boss: And that's a very nice handbag, by the way.
Woman: Oh, well thank you.
Boss: And a lovely necklace too, by the way.
Woman: Well thank you very much.
Richard: I think my wife just gave a handbag like that to the Salvation Army.

If anyone has an extra ticket to Fish and doesn't feel like ripping off a stranger, please let me know

I get into the elevator with my boss -- a 68-year-old Jewish lawyer who is fairly dapper and charming -- and Richard, another older lawyer who is friends with my boss and looks kind of like Larry David.

A nice-looking, stylish 60-ish woman gets into the elevator.

Richard: I always wonder why men don't carry handbags. That would make life so much easier.
Woman: (something like "well yes I suppose so")
Boss: And that's a very nice handbag, by the way.
Woman: Oh, well thank you.
Boss: And a lovely necklace too, by the way.
Woman: Well thank you very much.
Richard: I think my wife just gave a handbag like that to the Salvation Army.

― Theodore "Thee Diddy" Roosevelt (Hurting 2), Wednesday, August 18, 2010 5:21 PM (4 years ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

haha, I thought of this story as soon as I saw the thread title, then realized it was here already

I once visited the Hon. Richard Posner's federal courtroom, and in appearance and behavior Curb could have been based on him.

http://www.acslaw.org/sites/default/files/posner2_1.JPG

Hosting SNL this week! So excited. I wish Larry would live forever.