United Ar-Herb Emirates
― O Permaban (NickB), Monday, 20 December 2010 14:45 (thirteen years ago) link
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Interrupting giraffe.
Interrupting giraffe who?
...
― Josh in Chicago, Monday, 20 December 2010 15:06 (thirteen years ago) link
Who's the greatest Scottish smooth jazz player?
Kenny MacG
(find it especially funny to say in an exaggerated accent and really elongating the "GEEEEEEEEE")
― hey boys, suppers on me, our video just went bacterial (Hurting 2), Friday, 11 February 2011 22:06 (thirteen years ago) link
going to try it now
― Most women do not like atheism.(8)(9)(10) (Autumn Almanac), Friday, 11 February 2011 22:07 (thirteen years ago) link
response: 'are you feeling all right?'
― Most women do not like atheism.(8)(9)(10) (Autumn Almanac), Friday, 11 February 2011 22:08 (thirteen years ago) link
Song to teach children about not leaving food out/open: "If you liked it then you shoulda put a lid on it"
― hey boys, suppers on me, our video just went bacterial (Hurting 2), Sunday, 13 February 2011 20:02 (thirteen years ago) link
don't quit your day job unless this is your day job
― conrad, Sunday, 13 February 2011 20:35 (thirteen years ago) link
I'm starting a modernist furniture store for the average American: Remote Within Reach
― The Corner Stander, The Suggest Ban Hammer (Hurting 2), Tuesday, 22 February 2011 16:40 (thirteen years ago) link
My g/f made me go to one of her pilates classes the other day and when we got there, the instructor had an eye-patch. He taught us all sorts of things including techniques such as "walking the plank". Then I realised I'd got the wrong lesson...
― chandelier falling through a bar in a batman costume (dog latin), Tuesday, 22 February 2011 16:44 (thirteen years ago) link
Ha, I like that DL. Reminds me of this one that my bro's mate says he made up:
I had a really hard time growing up. All we ever had to eat was glace cherries, dark chocolate and cream. Life's tough in the gateau.
― Inevitable stupid dubstep mix (chap), Tuesday, 22 February 2011 16:49 (thirteen years ago) link
i like that one too!
― chandelier falling through a bar in a batman costume (dog latin), Tuesday, 22 February 2011 16:49 (thirteen years ago) link
this is a non made up joke but the way you've written ir baffles me. it's "interrupting sheep" and you say "baa" in the middle of them saying "interrupting sheep who"
― I see what this is (Local Garda), Tuesday, 22 February 2011 16:59 (thirteen years ago) link
My wife's going on holiday to the USA.Really? Which state?Alaska.No, don't bother, it doesn't really matter.
― Death and Taxis (Nasty, Brutish & Short), Tuesday, 22 February 2011 17:02 (thirteen years ago) link
And, considerably more contrived:
My wife's just moved into a house in north-west London?Maida Vale?No, bricks.
― Death and Taxis (Nasty, Brutish & Short), Tuesday, 22 February 2011 17:04 (thirteen years ago) link
― Death and Taxis (Nasty, Brutish & Short), Tuesday, February 22, 2011 12:02 PM Bookmark
You didn't originate this, sorry pal.
― The Corner Stander, The Suggest Ban Hammer (Hurting 2), Tuesday, 22 February 2011 17:07 (thirteen years ago) link
http://2.bp.blogspot.com/_CiE_xz40zik/S533oW8ZcHI/AAAAAAAACLg/BVJr0pMkXtE/s400/D
― All you have to do is combine 1 to 7 with (a) to (d) and you should ha (Phil D.), Tuesday, 22 February 2011 17:08 (thirteen years ago) link
Really? Maybe 'independently arrived at' then. If someone else claims the 'Maida Vale' one I'll be devastated.
― Death and Taxis (Nasty, Brutish & Short), Tuesday, 22 February 2011 17:09 (thirteen years ago) link
― I see what this is (Local Garda), Tuesday, 22 February 2011 16:59 (27 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink
isn't the joke (in this instance) that giraffes don't speak much, hence the ellipsis at the end
― Jari Litmandem (DJ Mencap), Tuesday, 22 February 2011 17:28 (thirteen years ago) link
god yeah it is i suppose
― I see what this is (Local Garda), Tuesday, 22 February 2011 17:29 (thirteen years ago) link
It's a pretty common/old joke in the US. See also:
We're going on vacation next week.
Hawaii?
I'm fine, thanks for asking.
― The Corner Stander, The Suggest Ban Hammer (Hurting 2), Tuesday, 22 February 2011 17:29 (thirteen years ago) link
I haven't heard the Maida Vale one before, but I've spent DAYS making up increasingly agonised versions of jokes of that bent.
See also:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NztfOSyCCFM
― emil.y, Tuesday, 22 February 2011 17:48 (thirteen years ago) link
knock knock
― the butthead frond (rip van wanko), Tuesday, 22 February 2011 18:06 (thirteen years ago) link
who's there?
― administratieve blunder (unregistered), Tuesday, 22 February 2011 18:25 (thirteen years ago) link
what's the mafia's favourite type of joke?
― Achillean Heel (darraghmac), Tuesday, 22 February 2011 18:27 (thirteen years ago) link
knock knock (the 'double tap' is a finishing move favoured by legitimate businessmen of italian descent)
― Achillean Heel (darraghmac), Tuesday, 22 February 2011 18:28 (thirteen years ago) link
HOW DID YOU KNOW, unregistered?
― BIG HOOS (rip van wanko), Tuesday, 22 February 2011 18:35 (thirteen years ago) link
lmbo
― rip van wanko, Tuesday, 22 February 2011 18:36 (thirteen years ago) link
haw
― administratieve blunder (unregistered), Tuesday, 22 February 2011 18:38 (thirteen years ago) link
My wife's moved to the south-eastern fringe of Melbourne.Pakenham Upper?Once she settles in.
― egregious fannydangling (Autumn Almanac), Tuesday, 22 February 2011 22:50 (thirteen years ago) link
lol
― vag vag vag (electricsound), Tuesday, 22 February 2011 22:52 (thirteen years ago) link
why did gadaffi buy button-up trousers?
(i'm sure someone can guess the punchline to this one)
― farieling thosder chout a bagh an i ballme crantuman (dog latin), Wednesday, 9 March 2011 12:15 (thirteen years ago) link
Have you heard the Kansas song about the Irish-Korean vagabond?
CARY ANH MY WAYWARD SON
― for real molars who ain't got no fillings (Hurting 2), Saturday, 19 March 2011 22:23 (thirteen years ago) link
I think I would amend the joke I wrote upthread to:
Q: What is orange and droney?A: Sunny D)))
Here's another (quite bad) joke:
Q: What do you get when you combine the best person in the world with the worst person in the world?A: Kate W. Bush
― jeevves, Friday, 25 March 2011 08:04 (thirteen years ago) link
what do you call a man with a penis in the middle of his face?
Fucknose
― Stevolende, Friday, 25 March 2011 08:37 (thirteen years ago) link
terrible nerdy audio geek joke
q: which comedian is also a reverb preset
a: rich hall
― men at work choices (electricsound), Thursday, 31 March 2011 21:49 (thirteen years ago) link
I came up with a terrible joke today.
Why did the record collector like the egg?Because it had an "albumen" it. (an album in it)
― Publicidad de Sexo (Abbbottt), Thursday, 31 March 2011 23:29 (thirteen years ago) link
http://x58.xanga.com/a821143233035244971397/b179149142.gif
― omar little, Thursday, 31 March 2011 23:34 (thirteen years ago) link
I'm sorry, purple one!
― Publicidad de Sexo (Abbbottt), Thursday, 31 March 2011 23:35 (thirteen years ago) link
Wait, Prince, I take back my apology – what I said was no worse than "WRECKA STOW."
― Publicidad de Sexo (Abbbottt), Thursday, 31 March 2011 23:40 (thirteen years ago) link
for obscure and forgotten reasons, the ultimate status symbols among wealthy Serbian businessmen are Mazda sports cars. Since Serbians tend to be fiercely patriotic, it's common in their country to see Mazdas decked out in double-headed eagles, red stars, Calvin peeing on Kosovo, and other national icons.
up until a couple years ago, there were two major body shops in Belgrade that specialized in custom nationalistic paint jobs for Mazdas. Borislav's Body Shop did paint work exclusively for Mazda RX-8s, and Miroslav's Body Shop did the same for Miatas. for years neither of them had any competition, and they happily coexisted and raked in money in their own little sectors of the industry. but after a while, other, more generic body shops began advertising similar (albeit inferior) paint jobs at a much lower price.
despite their years of experience, Borislav and Miroslav gradually lost their most loyal customers, and both of them fell on hard times. while they had never been more than casual acquaintances, Borislav took pity on himself and Miroslav, and he got to thinking about how they could help each other regain their hold on the market. one day he walked into Miroslav's shop, shook his hand, and proposed that they merge their businesses and open a groundbreaking body shop that painted both RX-8s and Miatas.
what Borislav failed to realize was that Miroslav harbored a pathological loathing of Miatas. while Miroslav respected Borislav well enough, he had long ago vowed never to apply his brush to a Miata even if it meant jeopardizing his life's work. there was no way he would ever consent to the merger. trying to be as tactful as possible, he turned to Borislav and shrugged.
"no, no, that cannot be," he said, looking his comrade right in the eye. "for what you have to understand, my friend, is that WE 'SERB' DIFFERENT MAZDAS."
― administratieve blunder (unregistered), Friday, 1 April 2011 03:36 (thirteen years ago) link
oh wait, I effed that up a little
― administratieve blunder (unregistered), Friday, 1 April 2011 03:46 (thirteen years ago) link
official version:
what Borislav failed to realize was that Miroslav harbored a pathological loathing of RX-8s. while Miroslav respected Borislav well enough, he had long ago vowed never to apply his brush to an RX-8 even if it meant jeopardizing his life's work. there was no way he would ever consent to the merger. trying to be as tactful as possible, he turned to Borislav and shrugged.
― administratieve blunder (unregistered), Friday, 1 April 2011 03:47 (thirteen years ago) link
a auto paint shop would never use a brush. they use airbrushes.
― who is john nult? (dayo), Friday, 1 April 2011 03:49 (thirteen years ago) link
shut up
― administratieve blunder (unregistered), Friday, 1 April 2011 03:53 (thirteen years ago) link
Q. why did Yogi Berra get nervous when the Yankees announced their plan to play in Australia?A. he heard they were going to Canberra (he heard they were going to can Berra)!
― y'allternative medicine (unregistered), Wednesday, 27 April 2011 02:36 (thirteen years ago) link
Q. why did the assassin fire the chef he hired to poison the Prime Minister's soup?A. there wasn't enough rice in (there wasn't enough ricin!).
― y'allternative medicine (unregistered), Wednesday, 27 April 2011 02:41 (thirteen years ago) link
Q:Why did the Non-Aligned movement include Yugoslavia but not Vietnam? A: Broz before Hos.
― bin caught laden (Hurting 2), Friday, 6 May 2011 02:53 (thirteen years ago) link
Q: What did god say when he saw his massive poop?A: Holy shit
― but I want a bongo drum (CaptainLorax), Friday, 6 May 2011 03:05 (thirteen years ago) link
Oh loraxpaws
― bin caught laden (Hurting 2), Friday, 6 May 2011 03:10 (thirteen years ago) link
it cracked me up when I thought of it a couple days ago. i also clogged the toilet around the same time (and I didn't use much tp). seriously though. what kind of shit clogs a toilet? godly shit
― but I want a bongo drum (CaptainLorax), Friday, 6 May 2011 03:17 (thirteen years ago) link