the crimes of george lucas ('90s on)

special edition jokes right at the beginning of this:
http://www.gametrailers.com/video/angry-video-screwattack/703826

at this point there's really nothing that can be done to ruin star wars further than it already has been. 3-D is way less offensive than shitty tacked-on cgi. but who the fuck would wants to see the phantom menace again?

― latebloomer, Wednesday, September 29, 2010 8:22 AM (1 hour ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

or indeed at all

― progressive cuts (Tracer Hand), Wednesday, September 29, 2010 8:23 AM (58 minutes ago) Bookmark

i think dr morbius was actually the only human being who liked this movie

releasing them one by one *annualy* the press releases seem to be saying? that can't be right can it? i mean who's going to give a shit for that first 3 years?

I loved Simon Pegg's tweet this morning about this:

"Watching TPM in 3D would be like the car actually crashing into your face as opposed to just unfolding before your eyes."

haha

i think dr morbius was actually the only human being who liked this movie

um... I liked it (except for Jar-Jar)

morbius is your sock?

okay now THAT would be some shit

but anyway, look upthread!

lol I am the only person here who doesn't hate these movies

― suddenly, everything was dark and smelly (HI DERE), Wednesday, July 15, 2009 2:58 PM

could be a forgery

i think dr morbius was actually the only human being who liked this movie

I liked it too, for the most part. (And so did Ebert!)

sock, sock, sock

My favorite thing about Ebert's review was that he pretty much called ppl out with "lol u jaded"

If it were the first "Star Wars" movie, "The Phantom Menace" would be hailed as a visionary breakthrough. But this is the fourth movie of the famous series, and we think we know the territory; many of the early reviews have been blase, paying lip service to the visuals and wondering why the characters aren't better developed. How quickly do we grow accustomed to wonders. I am reminded of the Isaac Asimov story "Nightfall," about the planet where the stars were visible only once in a thousand years. So awesome was the sight that it drove men mad. We who can see the stars every night glance up casually at the cosmos and then quickly down again, searching for a Dairy Queen.

http://rogerebert.suntimes.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/19990517/REVIEWS/905170301/1023

man The Phantom Empire would have rocked if the Separatists had split from the Republic over ice cream.

yeesh

TS: technical breakthroughs vs. watchable movies.

And shame on Roger Ebert for lauding visuals over story and characters. He KNOWS better.

If it were the first "Star Wars" movie, "The Phantom Menace" would be hailed as a visionary breakthrough.

what the hell does that mean? sure TPM released 20 years earlier would have BLOWN PEOPLE'S FUCKING MINDS. But by 1999 cgi-heavy sci-fi action flicks were nothing new, and in its own time and place it was clearly ponderous cruddy over-engineered under-written nonsense.

Anyone calling these movies "unwatchable" hasn't seen a truly unwatchable movie, like Terminator: Salvation or The Bounty Hunter.

most popular unwatchable film is The Dark Knight.

Oh bullshit. The prequels are complete garbage.

i have seen plenty of unwatchable films in my day sir

and this film is unwatchable

Well, my work here is done. (claps dust off hands, strides away whistling)

I've seen TPM maybe 3 or 4 times now, and I still couldn't tell you the story. The trade federation stuff was all needlessly complex and bafflingly makes no sense at all. The entire plot of that movie is impenetrable. Jar-Jar aside, I hate how all the aliens speak English with silly accents instead of made up space talk w subtitles. Also hate the actor playing Anakin; he should've been cast as a guest role in a 30 min sitcom. But it's all moot because Jar-Jar pretty much voids the entire movie as soon as he enters.

And shame on Roger Ebert for lauding visuals over story and characters. He KNOWS better.

Nah, he's a sucker for that kind of thing in the sci-fi realm. He grants the same latitude to "Metropolis" and "Dark City," e.g. (The latter of which he did DVD commentary for.)

In fact, I'm pretty sure he named "Dark City" his favorite of 1998, and his review starts: ``Dark City'' by Alex Proyas is a great visionary achievement, a film so original and exciting, it stirred my imagination like ``Metropolis'' and ``2001: A Space Odyssey.'' If it is true, as the German director Werner Herzog believes, that we live in an age starved of new images, then ``Dark City'' is a film to nourish us. Not a story so much as an experience, it is a triumph of art direction, set design, cinematography, special effects--and imagination

Tbh I would permaban

I've seen TPM maybe 3 or 4 times now, and I still couldn't tell you the story. The trade federation stuff was all needlessly complex and bafflingly makes no sense at all. The entire plot of that movie is impenetrable. Jar-Jar aside, I hate how all the aliens speak English with silly accents instead of made up space talk w subtitles. Also hate the actor playing Anakin; he should've been cast as a guest role in a 30 min sitcom. But it's all moot because Jar-Jar pretty much voids the entire movie as soon as he enters.

How the hell can you not know the story if you've seen it 4 or 5 times? It's not even remotely complicated.

Lol that first bit shouldn't be there

No, it makes sense in context.

I like Dark City, but I never understood the sloppy handjob that Ebert gave it. It's a three-star affair.

haha freudian slip there dan

it's a two-starrer at BEST.

How the hell can you not know the story if you've seen it 4 or 5 times? It's not even remotely complicated.

― Monkeys? Um, no. (HI DERE), Wednesday, September 29, 2010 10:08 AM (13 minutes ago) Bookmark

no but it is so painfully boring and shitty the brain actively rejects it

xp I like the story. It's a little silly, but I, like Ebert, was impressed when I realized that it was not Earth at all.

Star Wars: Episode I The Phantom Menace is expected to be released theatrically in 2012

hopefully this is scheduled to be released AFTER the world ends in 2012

December 25, 2012 -- Just in time for post-apocalyptic Xmas.

"I didn't care enough about the plot to pay attention to it" is a very different criticism from "The plot is so complicated and impenetrable that I can't tell you what happens"; I could understand someone saying the latter if we were talking about "Eraserhead" but this is a fucking Star Wars movie!

"released theatrically" - it will be accompanied by a drumroll and a loud bang of confetti

"Complicated and impenetrable" is different still from "Doesn't make a lick of sense."

It's not that I don't understand what's SUPPOSED to be going on, it's that what's supposed to be going on is thinly motivated and often arbitrary, in service of getting to the next big set piece.

How the hell can you not know the story if you've seen it 4 or 5 times? It's not even remotely complicated.

Can you relay the plot to me, with regards to the trade federation, the gungans, who is on what side, who those two alien ambassadors were at the beginning, etc. etc. without referring to wikipedia?

Yeah, i mean, sitting down and watching it, im sure it isn't that complicated, but you forget all of it the minute the movie ends because you care NOT AT ALL what happens.

Without the aid of Wikipedia:

The Trade Federation are blockading Naboo because of something. The Jedi go to sort it out. They ponce around for a bit, meet Jar Jar then leave with the princess. Their spaceship breaks down on way back and they have to stop on Tattoine to find a spare part. They meet Anakin and take him with them, and they have a fight with Darth Maul there for some reason as well. Also there is a very loud and confusing sport event. They get back to Coruscant, then turn around again and go straight back to Naboo after talking to the Jedi council about some stuff I can't remember. Jar Jar persuades his people to join the fight against the Trade Federation, and there is a big battle. Darth Maul shows up again and kills Qui-Gon, then Obi Wan kills him. Anakin blows up one of the Federation's ships by mistake, and the battle droids all stop working and the blockade is lifted. Obi Wan decides to train Anakin, despite Yoda warning him not to. The End.

xp I think I have the basics, yeah. There's a fight going on about tariffs on intergalactic trade. The Galactic Senate has become a powerless UN-like body, once ruling the galaxy, but now totally limp. The Trade Federation, who for some reason how its own military, puts up a blockade around Naboo, preventing supplies from moving in or out, just to prove a pissy point. This is bad for Naboo. Senator Palpatine sees opportunity in this tense situation, and conspires to make the situation worse, to make the Supreme Chancellor look even more incompetent than he already is, and have himself installed in his place.

Right?

Bravo sirs!

I don't think I could do the same for Attack of the Clones.

my eyes glazed over even trying to read that paragraph

How the hell can you not know the story if you've seen it 4 or 5 times?

I apologize if this was already addressed, but why would you see this movie 4 or 5 times?

guys, look away

Notice I didn;t mention the Jedis in my plot synopsis, because nothing they do seems to have any significance whatsoever. The Gungans are there apparently to be recruited as soldiers, even though the Gungan leader is adamant about how the fight won't affect them either way. Obi Wan says something about everything effecting everyone else, except that the Gungans live in the "planet core" (which I guess is made of water?) and the people on Naboo seem to have no contact with them at all, whatsoever. So the Gungans are really, really easily persuaded to fight and die against their interests, apparently.