Ask M. White for help with French translation

(it is an english pub snack)

Hmmm. Don't know anyone, off-hand, but feel free to write at mwwhitesf at y4hoo. I could help, maybe, if it's not too late.

Lieber Herr White,
Warum ist die Banane krum? Das möchte ich wissen.

Neugierig in NYC

How would one say "Your ergonomically designed garlic press has crippled my hand and I demand the satisfaction of a duel as soon as I can grasp a chef's knife again" in French?

Hey, take it over to AAD!

I am all innocence. If you don't believe me, ask this aubergine.

Warum ist die Banane krum?

You perv.

Love
Siggy Freud

Aber das war nur eine philosophische Frage!

James, je bent nog steeds een pervers kereltje.

Het spreekt vanzelf.

Herr Redd, that looks a lot like furrin talk up there and since I have no idea what Krum is to the boches, I'm afeared I can't be of much help.

Aimless, I have told you I don't know how many times now that garlic presses are for consumerist housewives and just between me and you, if you're going to insist on wearing a skirt and sweater set ensemble, make at least a small effort to see that they match and maybe shave the legs at least once in a while.

I'd expand that to consumerist housewives who enjoy tricky washing up.

(no comment on the leg shaving)

I actually DO own a garlic press but I only use it for ginger. I can't be bothered to shave my legs, though, and that's the primary reason I've given up wearing skirts.

I now use my garlic press for pest control purposes only.

And not your pepper grinder?!

The pepper grinder is not so ergonomically designed.

Are you buying all your domestic appliances and gadgetry from some kind of sadist?

I will admit to using a garlic press -- for garlic -- when I make salad dressing.

Chacun à son goût

You know, whenever I have heard a French person say that it immediately precedes a conclusive condemnation of someone else's taste. "Chacun à son goût... mais ---"

À chacun son métier

Tracer, I didn't mean it with any ambiguity. I'm not a big fan of diced garlic; it's hard to avoid burning and often gives me a bit of an uspet stomach if overused but it has its uses and a press is time saving for people likely to cut their fingertips off, which is often the case for me. I mostly crush it these days. For salad dressings, I cleave a clove in twain and rub the exposed part around the salad bowl.

Best (only?) movie depiction ever of somebody slicing garlic was Paul Sorvino in Goodfellas.

Google has favored me with the following translation:

Votre pression établie selon l'ergonomie d'ail a estropié ma main et j'exige la satisfaction dès que je pourrai une fois de plus saisir le couteau d'un chef.

While this may be anatomically correct, it seems to be affected by a certain grotesquerie that unpleasantly obtrudes itself, like Jennifer Lopez's hindermost equippage.

Pression = pressure, so I think, though I'm not sure, that you'd want to say pressoir à ail except you wouldn't 'cause it sounds abjectly unwieldly in French. I'm not sure what you mean by a chef's knife, though. Perhaps you could clarify for me.

Je pense que M. Aimless boit de la bière pression.

C'est presque certain, Jacques.

Je mande un Kebab

Voilà le kebab.
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/8/80/Conchords_101_Sally.jpg/250px-Conchords_101_Sally.jpg

You're sending kebabs, ken c?

errrr

je mange un kebab!

(i had my first ever french class last night so you have to forgive me!)

Je pensait qu'il avait dit "je demande un kebab.

No worries, ken c. Mander isn't a verb you see much, it means 'to summon' or 'send for'.

I think you see Spanish speakers using their equivalent, mandar, a lot more.

Garlic press = presse-ail

Thanks, Zelda.

Good day = Bonjour

Thanks, Ken.

mangouste, nf = mongoose

Thanks, M. White, I didn't know that.

Someone once told me a French verb which means "to say Mass twice in one day", but I've forgotten what it is.

M. there are a bunch of quotes of Sade in John Fowles' the Magus that I've always wanted to know. Mind if I post them? I remember running them by this French TA in college (an unbelievable Algerian girl from Nantes... wow haven't thought about her in a while) and she was totally stumped!

Who's teaching that French course of yours, Ken? Steve Martin? Eddie Izzard?

Moi j'utilise régulièrement un presse-ail, mais c'est vrai que c'est pratique aussi pour le gingembre.

Someone once told me a French verb which means "to say Mass twice in one day", but I've forgotten what it is.

I pray that it's not a verb you need to use often.

gff, why not?