Dear X, blah blah blah. Love, Z

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Dear Dan,

I second Dan's advice

Love,
The Guy Having Some Sake with Dinner

― Ned Raggett, Friday, 30 March 2007 23:06 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Grady-

Do what Dan is doing.

-Grady

― g®▲Ðұ, Friday, 30 March 2007 23:07 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Hoos,

That sounds pretty damn yumms. Did you catch or purchase your trout?

Inquiring minds want to know,
Abbott

Dear Trout,

If you were injured and had a cast, I would sign it like this:

"Can I eat you?
-Abbott"

With you until your last meal,
Abbott

― Abbott, Friday, 30 March 2007 23:09 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Keith's CSS,

This particular thread looks pretty cool with your stylesheet installed. Each post looks like an index card used on the old "Late Night" version of "Viewer Mail" with David Letterman.

Not a competition, only an exhibition.

P. Plains

― Pleasant Plains, Friday, 30 March 2007 23:09 (seventeen years ago) link

dear grady,

that reunion photo of you and your cheery alert little dog is gorgeous, he has impressive ears.

xxestela

― estela, Friday, 30 March 2007 23:11 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Estela-

Its a she, but thanks. She has those ears because she's mostly Basenji. I made the mistake of taking her to the beach that weekend, requiring a bath when we got home. I didnt realize the flea treatment she got before flying out here required her to go without baths for a week in order to work. Now she has fleas.

Love,

Grady

― g®▲Ðұ, Friday, 30 March 2007 23:15 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Abbott,

I did not catch my trout as I don't live near any fishable bodies of water. But it is pretty damn yums, outta this cookbook that the girlfriend bought me. Lotsa great recipes, including the saucy trout.

saucily,

da hoos

― BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Friday, 30 March 2007 23:20 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear planet,

Fuck you for being so damn huge.

no love,
Trayce

― Trayce, Friday, 30 March 2007 23:29 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear P. Plains,

Where can I get that CSS style sheet? Also, is there a compendium thread of stylesheets somewhere that people have written for nu-ILX?

In a neighboring state,

― Rock Hardy, Friday, 30 March 2007 23:31 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear estela and grady,

Bezenji's are pretty sweet, my friend has one that she adopted in Togo. He is scared of men, tho, because dudes used to chase him because they wanted to have him as their dinner.

True story,

rw

― river wolf, Friday, 30 March 2007 23:31 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Trayce,

If Pangaea were still real, I could take the train and go eat a Breakfast of Warriors with you.

Yours in sorrow of big planet,
Abbott

― Abbott, Friday, 30 March 2007 23:32 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Rock Hardy,

Go to the "More" button at the top of this page. Click on "Preferences". Then go to "Change Style...". From there, you will see the two, count 'em TWO, css formats currently available to ILXors right now.

From the land of yellow cars and scratchy eyes,

P. Plains

― Pleasant Plains, Friday, 30 March 2007 23:38 (seventeen years ago) link

dear money,

i'd like some more of you. also, i'd like to stop spending so much of you so that i might HAVE more of you.

kisses,
get bent

― get bent, Friday, 30 March 2007 23:38 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Money,

You have always been a vexation to me although I manage you well. You caused me, as a child, to make this joke at your expense:

Q. Why is money green?
A. Because it makes you SICK!

Please understand my mixed feelings for you.

Signed,
Abbott

― Abbott, Friday, 30 March 2007 23:42 (seventeen years ago) link

jbr, ironically, otm

― rrrobyn, Friday, 30 March 2007 23:49 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Abbott,

That sounds grand. I'll save a roo steak in the freezer for your visit :D

l,
Trayce

― Trayce, Friday, 30 March 2007 23:50 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Records,

Me and money are tight. You know I don't get to see him that often. Why you always gotta be so demanding? Why you gotta make me choose? It's not fair, dudes! You're worse than my parents! Can't you and money coexist in my house?

love,
hoosteen

― BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Friday, 30 March 2007 23:51 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Money,

I don't believe we've met, but I hear good things about you. Perhaps someday you and I might get together?

No pressure,
Max

― max, Saturday, 31 March 2007 00:00 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear White 1990 Toyota Corolla-

I am ready to end my relationships with you for good. You are the only kind of car I have ever owned, twice infact. But after this weekend, I hope I never have to set foot inside one of you ever again.

We've had a good run. Thanks for the memories.

-Grady

― g®▲Ðұ, Saturday, 31 March 2007 01:02 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Douchebag Coworker

Leaving a Rubbermaid container of spaghetti and mystery meat in the microwave over night is rather disgusting.

yours,
tr

― tokyo rosemary, Saturday, 31 March 2007 23:40 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Anna upthread,
Please purchase strong-color lipstick and swill directly out of your office-mate's milk bottle, leaving lipstick prints all over mouth of bottle.
xoxo,
Beth

― Beth Parker, Sunday, 1 April 2007 01:33 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear world,

You may be too big, but thank you for the perfect things you contain. They make me very very very happy.

muchloves,
Trayce

― Trayce, Sunday, 1 April 2007 01:45 (seventeen years ago) link

dear touchy ilxors,

don't overreact to my innocent jokes that you misinterpret.

love
hoosteen

― BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Sunday, 1 April 2007 01:58 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear my ass -

Please get out from under me more often.

love,
Austin

― Oilyrags, Sunday, 1 April 2007 02:12 (seventeen years ago) link

dear touchy ilxors,

don't overreact to ~~my innocent jokes that you misinterpret~~ everything.

― modestmickey, Sunday, 1 April 2007 02:15 (seventeen years ago) link

dear DADGAD tuning,
i know it is kinda cheating but i love you and u r v pretty.
xo
robyn

― rrrobyn, Sunday, 1 April 2007 15:12 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear sinuses,

What the fuck is your problem today?

Gushingly,
RH

― Rock Hardy, Sunday, 1 April 2007 15:47 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear housemates,

GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE! GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT!!!!!!

Best regards,

AM

― accentmonkey, Sunday, 1 April 2007 17:35 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear The Gym

Stop being there and making me feel like I have to go visit you some more when really I just want to put my feet up with a glass of wine and watch Coronation Street.

love
A x

― ailsa, Sunday, 1 April 2007 17:40 (seventeen years ago) link

DEER ALL THIS BEERS IN BKLYN,

I love you for the way you make me think it's okay to dance like an idiot for hours, talk freely to people I've just met on the sidewalk, and crash onto a total stranger's lap in a tour van containing like 23 very hollering people on the way to somewhere else where there is more of you. And you know what?: It IS okay. Some days I need you to help me remember, so thanks for being there.

Your appreciative friend,
Laurel

PS: See you tonight around 8pm, dude!

― Laurel, Sunday, 1 April 2007 17:55 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear my work laptop,

Thankyou for not breaking when I just stepped on you. I don't use that Windows key anyway, so I won't miss that. Sorry about leaving that big dent in the keyboard though.

Mark

― Colonel Poo, Sunday, 1 April 2007 18:03 (seventeen years ago) link

dear "clan macgregor 100% scotch whiskey,"

u crazy, man. u crazy.

til death,
max

― max, Sunday, 1 April 2007 18:07 (seventeen years ago) link

dear saturday,

shit was blood diamonds!!! :D

c u in fiji,
ally

― the schef (adam schefter ha ha), Sunday, 1 April 2007 18:33 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear shoes,

Please be better-fitting, newer, more comfortable for long walks, and free.

Yers truly,
Fatso

Dear sun,

Please stop burning me when I go outside.

respectfully,
Mr. Pasty

― Oilyrags, Sunday, 1 April 2007 18:41 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Curtis,

You've given up on the opportunity of a lifetime and destroyed the lives of everyone you've ever loved in the process. I hope you're fucking happy. But you've made your damn decision. If you don't stop regretting this eventually, I'm going to have to break your knees. Thx.

Love,
Curtis

― Curt1s Stephens, Sunday, 1 April 2007 18:55 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Sardo's in Burbank:

Thank you for being a very good host for karaoke nonsense and for providing an appreciative crowd for my Kenny Rogers rendition. Too kind of you.

Yours,
The Guy Who Was Not Going to Dare to Try Def Leppard Even After All That Gin

― Ned Raggett, Sunday, 1 April 2007 18:56 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Dude That Just Robbed Me At Work,

Passing your concealed handgun license across the desk with a note that said "give me the cash drawer" was a clever way to make sure I knew about your weapon without having to brandish it in the lobby. You may not have actually had a gun, but our policy of only keeping $400 in the drawer (and our handbook which directs us to hand over the drawer without incident when being robbed) means you didn't make off with much anyway. I was going to spend this afternoon listening to Mingus and downloading Season 4 of The Wire with some beerz, but now I've got to spend it filling out police reports. But hey, you didn't wave a gun in my face or anything, which is better than I can say for the last time I got robbed. So thanks for that at least.

love,

hoosteen

― BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Sunday, 1 April 2007 19:08 (seventeen years ago) link

now I've got to spend it filling out ~~police~~incident reports & talking to police

― BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Sunday, 1 April 2007 19:09 (seventeen years ago) link

The robber handed you a piece of identification?! Not too clever.

― Rock Hardy, Sunday, 1 April 2007 19:15 (seventeen years ago) link

Indeed.

― BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Sunday, 1 April 2007 19:16 (seventeen years ago) link

Now I'm off to go fill shit out.

― BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Sunday, 1 April 2007 19:16 (seventeen years ago) link

Nice day for all today i see hoosteen

― Jibe, Sunday, 1 April 2007 19:28 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear dude that punched me in the face for no reason,

I thought it was nice of you that you tried to help me and my friends make a group of ten guys who were looking for a fight go away, but why did you punch me just after? Thanks for the 2 hours i spent at the hospital this morning, thanks for the appointment to the dentist that i'll have to make tomorrow, thanks for making it impossible to eat. Also, thanks for the useless complaint i'll have to hand over to the police tomorrow.

Love,
Jibe

― Jibe, Sunday, 1 April 2007 19:32 (seventeen years ago) link

dear [debt collectors, other debt collectors, repo men, cousins who remember i owe them $$, sallie mae, verizon, wamu, electric company, gas company, ladwp, netflix, kaiser permenente, insurance co., directtv, visa, chase bank, toyota, landlord, et. al.,]

honestly, i'd pay you if i could.

i really would.

how hard is it to understand that i'm totally broke?

i'm not gonna live outta the corolla for another two months so i can pay you some punitive back fees. not yet, anyway. you really need to fucking stop harassing me. i'm getting an ulcer, and experience anxiety attacks every time the phone rings. i can't pay the rent, i'm ever-depressed re. $$$, and doubt i will be able to make it to september without knocking over a texaco.

love

me

― remy bean, Sunday, 1 April 2007 19:36 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear elderly neighbours in my block,

Sorry for arriving home with two friends at 4am yesterday morning and drunkenly shouting from my balcony "I LOVE HAVING TWO BALLS IN MY MOUTH" whilst eating leftover meatballs. What is it about alcohol that leads me to believe I am a comedian? I do apologise for disturbing your slumber and I will try not to let it happen again.

Yours sincerely
Not Really a Dirty Bitch

P.S. - With a 4 day long weekend on the horizon I can't promise there won't be hijinks, but I will at least lower the volume this time.

― Hard like armour, Monday, 2 April 2007 00:47 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear remy,

I really hope you will manage ok. I wish I could wire you some money or something and help out. Youre a lovely guy and I hate to see friends on hard times :(

love
Trayce

― Trayce, Monday, 2 April 2007 00:51 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Remy,

We don't know each other, but ditto Trayce's sentiment. Sorry I didn't read your post more closely and posted such a flippant letter after yours. Best of luck with fending of those f*cking vultures.

Yours
HLA

― Hard like armour, Monday, 2 April 2007 01:10 (seventeen years ago) link

dear remy,

do you really need direct tv and netflix?

love, me

― jeff, Monday, 2 April 2007 01:33 (seventeen years ago) link

dear jeff,

no. but i have outstanding bills to pay to those companies.

:(

remy.

― remy bean, Monday, 2 April 2007 02:20 (seventeen years ago) link

dear remy,

can you join a debt consolidation service so you'll only get ONE harrassing phone call a month?

-g.b.

― get bent, Monday, 2 April 2007 02:27 (seventeen years ago) link

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