got a question for ya, nothing vulgar this time, i promise

Also I'd write down on a piece of paper "YOU DON'T WANT TO SLEEP WITH J***** B****" and instruct my 12 year old self to keep it.

Though he might be excited to see that he was going to wind up 6' tall.

Now if I showed him my new PowerBook G4, he'd forget about everything else in the whole world. I'd have to smack him to get some time of my own for e-mail, he'd be up all night playing Escape Velocity or some shit nonstop and playing with all my settings.

12-year-old me: You still live here?
now me: No. I moved out for 7 years then bought the house off our parents.
12-year-old me: So basically you're telling me I'm going nowhere in life.
now me: NO! We've got equity now?
12-year-old me: Is that something to do with horses?
now me: Shut up for a second. Pay attention:
1) you will lose your virginity to your best friend at 19; don't wear a condom
2) after your child is born...
12-year-old me: I'VE GOT A KID!?! FUCK THAT!!!!
now me: ...dude, chill! Anyway...
3) you will have an opportunity to buy a synthesizer for cheap; don't. it's all downhill from there.

(long pause)
12-year-old me: So tell me this - precisely what year did I become stupid and insane?

Jody Bethrosen?

xpost mitch you are a bad, bad man.

That's a drum machine, that's a sampler, and that's an integrated sequencer/sampler workstation. The rest of my stuff is in the closet. Those are biamplified monitors from Alesis.

"AWESOME"

...............

...............

...............

I'm going to try and go to bed, OK? Time's up.

"Shit!"

::sigh::

Young Me: Yay! We have breasts and straight hair!
Me: We do.
Young Me: But we're still geeks, right?
Me: We are.
Young Me: Damn. At least we dress better. But what's up with the boots?
Me: You'll grow to have a healthy obsession with shoes.
Young Me: Freak.
Me: You have no subletly.
Young Me: Huh? At least give me some advice.
Me: Here, memorize The Devil's Dictionary by Ambrose Bierce.
Young Me: You don't like Bon Jovi anymore, do you?
Me: Fuck off.

and i would do it.

Me at 12:  Oh no, I don't look different.
Me at 23:  Nope, sweetie. Sorry, you still look like me.
Me at 12:  I'm still a Duran fan?
Me at 23:  Yes! But the good part about this is that you actually get to go see them live!
Me at 12:  Coolness!
Me at 23:  Definitely. Six times, in fact. And you get to meet Nick and Simon, too.
Me at 12:  Wow. Ok, now what's the catch?
Me at 23:  Um, no catch at all, truthfully. But you do have to know something very important.
Me at 12:  Uh-oh. What's that?
Me at 23:  Um, sweetie, when you get to be my age, Dad will die.
Me at 12:  *crying* WHY? WHY?????
Me at 23:  Well, remember how he had cancer once before?
Me at 12:  *nods, wipes tears away with sleeve*
Me at 23:  He'll get it again, but this time it won't go away and you'll have three years to say goodbye before it's time.
Me at 12:  *sniffling* B-b-b-but how can you handle it so well?
Me at 23:  Honey, when you get to be my age, you become stronger than you thought you could be. But then again....
Me at 12:  What? What's up now?
Me at 23:  Then again, you don't become as strong as you'd like to be.
Me at 12:  Why? What happens?
Me at 23:  You get your heart broken.
Me at 12:  Huh?
Me at 23:  Trust me on this one, dear. And it becomes harder to deal with than Daddy's passing on or the fact that you have to be Mom's caretaker.
Me at 12:  Oh man, that must really suck then, this whole "heartbreak" thing. I feel lonely now.
Me at 23:  Yeah, I can understand. But you won't be as lonely as you think, because you'll actually have quality friends.
Me at 12:  So I can handle stuff better then.
Me at 23:  Definitely! And you live in a better neighborhood locally, too, and have a college degree, and all this cool technology you can't even begin to understand now, and you've got a driver's license and a vehicle and you might even get surgery by the end of the year that will allow you to go without glasses!
Me at 12:  Yeah, that all sounds cool, but... Daddy dying and the heartbreak and all. How can you live through all that?
Me at 23:  Just barely, dear. But you really have no choice but to be strong and to live through it all.
Me at 12:  Yeah. I can see that. But... can you give me any advice on how to make my life cool?
Me at 23:  Sure. Don't pay attention to the people who make fun of you. Put yourself out there more. Take your education seriously no matter what. Don't think being a "nerd" is uncool. Don't give up on the tennis. Sing more. Read more. The very first time you try killing yourself, get help. Don't be afraid to ask for help. Make Mom be careful about driving when you get to be 14. Make Dad go to the doctor more. Play more often with dogs. Try out a video game, because now is the only time you can start. Try out more music. Write more. Be more of a risk-taker.
Me at 12:  And... ?
Me at 23:  I think that's it. The rest you'll have to figure out on your own. Oh yeah, and be more forceful than you are now. That can be the last bit of advice.
Me at 12:  Oh, ok. Thanks. You really think this will help?
Me at 23:  More than you know. Trust me.

Much love

Oll

She'd be happy that I moved back to England, though. Though she'd probably be disappointed that I wasn't a fabulous popstar/successful artist/respected novelist, I'd tell her what things to stick with and what things to avoid so that she could be one.

i'd just hug him a while.

(One Moxie Later)

Tep: So, when was the last time you had to beat the crap out of someone to keep them from beating the crap out of your brother?
Bill: That was like ... yesterday, man.
Tep: Yeah.
Bill: What, he still does that? He's such a brat, he never knows when to shut up.
Tep: Yeah.
Bill: Is this where you tell me to stop protecting him so he can learn to face the consequences of his actions?
Tep: Easy there, Afterschool Special. No. Well, maybe. I don't know.
Bill: Does he piss someone off or something and not know how to defend himself?
Tep: Not really. No. No, I mean, these days, he's a weightlifter. He could actually probably kick my ass. I'm not sure why I'm saying "probably." Pride, I guess.
Bill: Oh, watch your back, dude. He's got a lot to get back at you for.
Tep: Nah, it's cool, we're tight. Bygones, man.
Bill: I'm just saying, when you're not looking --
Tep: Look, the thing is, he goes to prison.
Bill: What?
Tep: For seven years.
Bill: You're only 28, though. That means he's only 24.
Tep: Yeah. He was tried as an adult when he was 16. Armed robbery. Flight. Resisting arrest.
Bill: That's like ... not long from now.
Tep: Yeah. It's a year after I went to college, after you will go to college, whatever. After Mom and Dad split up --
Bill: Mom and Dad split up?!
Tep: Oh, come on, do you really care very much?
Bill: ... weird. No. Not really. Why is that?
Tep: It is what it is. After Mom and Dad split, Mom has to work four jobs to get things going, and you both take advantage of it to do your own thing: for you, that's writing horror stories and westerns and going to Denny's --
Bill: -- the place with the kids' menus you can wear as masks?
Tep: -- well, yeah. For your brother, it means drugs.
Bill: This is a farmtown, there aren't any drugs here!
Tep: You're very, very young, Little B.
Bill: What are you getting at, though? I should stay in town instead of leaving, and watch out for him so he doesn't get in trouble?
Tep: I don't know. I'm not sure that would work.
Bill: He doesn't get hurt or anything, does he?
Tep: Seven years in prison isn't exactly fun. But no. I mean, he's a better guy now that before he went in. He's happier, too. He doesn't get in trouble for anything anymore. He's got a good job, a girl, a kid on the way, he's responsible ... It changed him in more good ways than bad, maybe.
Bill: Couldn't they just send him to reform school or --
Tep: He'd already been. Several times. At one of them, he seduced one of the counselors.
Bill: ... dude ...
Tep: I know, right?
Bill: But what am I supposed to do? Are you saying I should stay and try to fix things before they get broken, or that it all works out for the best?

(A Moxie Later)

Tep: I don't know. Anyway, I gotta go make lunch. I think I was going somewhere else with this. It drifted. We cool?
Bill: We cool. Tell me something good, though, Future Guy. C'mon. Like ... robot blowjobs or something. Oh! Or the Red Sox, when do they win the World Series? Cause last year, they were so close, but then Buckner --
Tep: Don't go there, Little B.
Bill: So you're saying --
Tep: Just don't ask. Something good? All right. Two years from now?
Bill: Yeah?
Tep: Batman movie.
Bill: What?
Tep: For serious.
Bill: Is it awesome? I'll bet it's awesome.
Tep: It's wicked awesome.
Bill: THANK YOU, FUTURE TEP!

then: ew. sounds like heavy metal.

Now: far from it. they're about to come out with a very important album called "Isn't Anything?". Start mowing the lawn and saving your money. you know that record store that your friends talk about? start getting mom to take you there, on a weekly basis. your first purchase will be a record call "Let it Be" by this band that's about to break up. Your next purchase will be a record that's much faster out of California, called "Milo Goes to College". Start making friends with your friends' older brothers, and see if they'll take you with them to rock shows in Ann Arbor and Detroit.

Then: why do i care about music so much?

Now: when you're a freshman in college, you'll find out. It'll be your first roommate. But don't worry--you'll move out after 4 months. Oh yeah, and you know that 120 minutes show on MTV on sunday night? start taping it. Every episode. Never let your mom make you ditch the tapes. And don't let her throw away or sell your star wars figures or Transformers. Also, see this? This is an electric guitar.

Then: neat! but i play piano now. I don't like it much.

Now: Go out and buy records by Little Richard & Professor Longhair & the New York Dolls. You will have about 3 more piano teachers in the next 4 years. have them teach you those songs. Now this is how you play an A chord. And here, is a D chord and an E Chord.

Then: Okay

Now: Now this is a record by a band called "The Ramones". This is very important.

Then: will I ever go out with that one girl?

Now: No. you will with another for a short while, and then nobody for about the next 7-8 years.

THen: ...oh. that really sucks. you're depressing me.

Now: yeah. get used to that feeling, as you'll have to deal with it for the next 9 years. start going to a shrink now, and not the one that you saw when you were 9. he's friendly, but he's no good. Also, high school will be alternately good & boring & frustrating for you. Don't hang out with that drummer guy so much, but talk to some of his friends, the ones that don't drink or smoke, and they might come in handy. And stop playing computer games so much. Hang out with people, and run and don't shun sports. you're better at them than you think.

Then: but i don't want to conform...

Now: Shut up. It doesn't work like that. Also, when you're a freshman in college, do NOT move back home. Get a summer job as a computer help guy and do whatever you can to stay in ann arbor. Start going to all those rock shows that you see flyers for, and start listening to the campus radio station. Learn about studying your books int he library instead of in your dorm room, and join the Co-op program. Take any internship or co-op that gets offered to you.

then: this is a lot.

Now: oh yeah. You know that wanking thing you've just discovered? Get used to it. You're going to be doing a lot of it for the next 15 years.

Then: damn.

Now: don't worry. it'll turn out alright in the end. Maybe.

Then: will they ever make a new Star Wars movie?

Now: Don't ask.

12 Me goes back in time. Reality ends.

Hello. Does this go on for long?

No, you actually start college next year. Trinity and all.

That'll be nice.

Yeah, sort of. You know how you don't have to try real hard at this stuff? That'll change.

I'm certain I'll do okay.

Yeah, you are, aren't you? Come here so I can look at you.

What are you looking for?

Certainty. I'm running low these days.

What? How? It's not difficult to be certain, you see the right thing and you do it. It's central to what we are!

Not so much these days.

What do you have if you're not certain?

Something else, something better.

What?

... I don't know, I can't really explain.

You can't explain because it doesn't exist! You're making it up to pretend that it's good because it's all that you've got!

No!

..Maybe.

Anything else?

Dad gets sick in four years time. He gets better and then after another five years he doesn't.

So I should be nice to him for that time?

No, you'll be giving him a lot of grief, the usual teenage stuff. You have plenty of time to make things right before the end.

So why are you telling me this, then?

You pissed me off.