Game Dev Story: how to succeed on the App Store without even bothering to resize the graphics

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or: goddammit Walt Sidney if I'm paying you $280k to create graphics for Lord Doo-Doo 2 I expect more than +10

Ride decided to give birth to a giant poop log & disguise it as a CD (jamescobo), Tuesday, 19 October 2010 00:51 (thirteen years ago) link

i wannit
i wannit
i wannit

Brick Frog! (forksclovetofu), Tuesday, 19 October 2010 02:33 (thirteen years ago) link

My company is slowly cornering the market on Bookstore Simulations with its bestselling "Fuck a Kindle" franchise.

As far as I can tell the key to the game seems to be getting that first Hall of Fame game... it all falls in place after that.

sofatruck, Tuesday, 19 October 2010 04:49 (thirteen years ago) link

I just got lucky w/ some good breakthroughs on one game and sold a shitload of copies by accident, then used the profits to fund a chart-incinerating architecture DS sim (the illustrious Anus Landlord as mentioned in the other thread), and from there it's been nothing but smashes ever since. it should be said that the game essentially becomes challenge-less in the NG+; eventually the only fun comes from seeing how well your vile titles sell (which, tbqh, is still pretty fun). that being said I've probably played this game for 10+ hours since getting it on Friday just to get to this point, and I'll be playing it at least one more time just to see what else I can make happen (for instance, still have never gotten a 40/40 in Famitsu).

motherfuck a power outage though. got one right after having a 30+ point breakthrough and paying the expensive freelancer $280k for a shitload of graphics points.

Ride decided to give birth to a giant poop log & disguise it as a CD (jamescobo), Tuesday, 19 October 2010 05:12 (thirteen years ago) link

lol is this ONLY FOR iPHONE?

Lamp, Tuesday, 19 October 2010 06:17 (thirteen years ago) link

it should be said that the game essentially becomes challenge-less in the NG+; eventually the only fun comes from seeing how well your vile titles sell (which, tbqh, is still pretty fun

It sorta becomes challengeless as soon as you hit the first hall of fame game. Despite blackouts, I haven't had a non-HOF game since.

But yeah, still fun and very much worth $3.99.

Z S, Tuesday, 19 October 2010 12:02 (thirteen years ago) link

I am still cackling like a loon over 'Anus Landlord'

Les centimètres énigmatiques (snoball), Tuesday, 19 October 2010 20:39 (thirteen years ago) link

Finished my company's 20 year stint. Finished with just over $1 billion capital, and developed 2 consoles. My bestselling title was Dragon Poo 6 (online fantasy RPG) which was just shy of 40 million units. I won 2 Grand Prizes at the yearly award show, but never did get a 40/40 review for a title. And yeah, once I got the first HOF games, everything after also made the HOF, and I just worked at developing my staff into a crack team of hackers.... think my payroll was pushing $20 million a year by the end.

sofatruck, Tuesday, 19 October 2010 21:16 (thirteen years ago) link

the fact that i'm now taking extended bathroom breaks to play this while at my ACTUAL JOB AS A DEVELOPER is super weird

that being said Dong Collapse was a really big hit

Sandwiches That You Will Like.(2002).XviD.torrent (govern yourself accordingly), Wednesday, 20 October 2010 13:48 (thirteen years ago) link

uh oh, i've started playing this

Jaw dropping, thong dropping monster (kingfish), Thursday, 21 October 2010 08:26 (thirteen years ago) link

wish I could take credit for this one:

http://i55.tinypic.com/iontw7.png

"Anus Landlord": A little rough, but good. (jamescobo), Thursday, 21 October 2010 18:38 (thirteen years ago) link

Got several HoF games, developed the top console and portable, now i'm just playing to bump up all the stats

Jaw dropping, thong dropping monster (kingfish), Friday, 22 October 2010 17:54 (thirteen years ago) link

Yeah I'm on like year 30 or something, just trying to level up all my employees. Francoise Bloom is pulling in $44 million a year at this point.

sofatruck, Friday, 22 October 2010 18:04 (thirteen years ago) link

the fact that i had to go on gamefaqs to find out how to get a hardware engineer didn't help, tho

Jaw dropping, thong dropping monster (kingfish), Friday, 22 October 2010 18:46 (thirteen years ago) link

After 20 years, I ended up with 4 game of the years, top seller of 44 million units, around 800 million in the bank. I'm probably never going to play it again, to be honest, but I got around 8-10 hours of really enjoyable gameplay out of it, spread over a week or so, for $3.99, so I'm really happy. would recommend to anyone who hasn't binged yet.

Z S, Sunday, 24 October 2010 22:26 (thirteen years ago) link

two weeks pass...

lite version now available, if you're still on the fence about this game then (1) fuck you and (2) go DL it

"Anus Landlord": A little rough, but good. (jamescobo), Saturday, 13 November 2010 00:43 (thirteen years ago) link

on it

Nhex, Saturday, 13 November 2010 01:47 (thirteen years ago) link

is there an android version?

(yes I h8 myself)

cozen, Saturday, 13 November 2010 09:48 (thirteen years ago) link

I've been playing this for a week and I feel like I'm not doing something right. How come it only ever offers up the same 2 of my staff to do graphics and proposal, when I have 5 staff? One staff member gets ignored completely for any job. What's going on there?

Almost missed my tram stop this morning thanks to this damn thing. I'm trying to aim for educational puzzles and sim games on the handheld for kids at the minute.

Sunn O))) Sundae Smile (Trayce), Wednesday, 17 November 2010 22:29 (thirteen years ago) link

so I dl'ed the demo just to see what the fuss is all about. I got a game released, it didn't do so well, but I reckon that's ok. But what I want to know from those of who who've played through further: how much do I need to sweat things here at the start? My problem with sim games is that it can take a long time to realize you're doomed because of early bad decisions. Is this game that way, or is it pretty flexible wrt bad decisions, so that if you're dumb when figuring things out it'll just take longer for your company to succeed (if/when you do eventually figure things out)?

Euler, Friday, 19 November 2010 13:11 (thirteen years ago) link

I think it's pretty flexible. It kinda follows a difficulty arc where it starts really hard but by the end of the game you're winning all kinds of awards.

Mordy, Friday, 19 November 2010 13:44 (thirteen years ago) link

I played Game Dev until almost three in the morning last night.

macaroni rascal (polyphonic), Saturday, 20 November 2010 21:31 (thirteen years ago) link

How come it only ever offers up the same 2 of my staff to do graphics and proposal, when I have 5 staff?

They have to have the right job title. If you play long enough you can buy job title changes from the salesman guy.

macaroni rascal (polyphonic), Saturday, 20 November 2010 21:32 (thirteen years ago) link

this game is great but man is the save-state/multitasking/save game function broken

shirley summistake (s1ocki), Wednesday, 1 December 2010 20:36 (thirteen years ago) link

I finished 20 years and only had one hall of fame game to show for it. :(

macaroni rascal (polyphonic), Wednesday, 1 December 2010 20:50 (thirteen years ago) link

i lost momentum in this game when my attempt at a new IP, Glans Warriors, took a critical drubbing, and then the same year I was forced to release a buggy pre-gold version of Final Pederasty 6, the series' first foray into a new console gen, to make the holiday release deadline. Let down a whole generation of fans who had been with us since Rectal Hordes.

antexit, Wednesday, 1 December 2010 20:57 (thirteen years ago) link

also it's retarded how much you have to level up your workers to unlock the new job titles. Why does a hacker have to first prove himself as a world-class sound engineer?

antexit, Wednesday, 1 December 2010 20:59 (thirteen years ago) link

I never even considered releasing a buggy game. Is there a good reason to do it?

macaroni rascal (polyphonic), Wednesday, 1 December 2010 21:19 (thirteen years ago) link

panic and desperation iirc

antexit, Wednesday, 1 December 2010 21:20 (thirteen years ago) link

man errybody know Final Pederasty's been shit ever since they switched from cartridges to discs

"Anus Landlord": A little rough, but good. (jamescobo), Wednesday, 1 December 2010 22:21 (thirteen years ago) link

Trony Legacy soundtrack makes this game sound incredibly dramatic, especially when the orchestra's reaching a crescendo and two of your developers are engulfed in flames.

aa (Schlafsack), Wednesday, 1 December 2010 22:23 (thirteen years ago) link

I'm on fire this time round, I'm raking in millions, my company Borad Digital's specialty is sims and RPG titles - our best sellers and HOF titles so far are the Petz! franchise, and critcally acclaimed title OlderScrawls (Olderscrawls2 has just had a release and its roaring up the charts). I think I might even win a grand prize trophy if I keep this up.

Fuck if I can get my staff to level up/retrain well tho.

Frank Lloyd Webber (Trayce), Wednesday, 1 December 2010 22:33 (thirteen years ago) link

Final Pederasty made a shift from 2d dungeon-crawler to 3d immersive fps/rpg as an an exclusive launch title on Fart Magnet Studios' Bitchbox console without losing any of its fanbase i'll have you know

antexit, Wednesday, 1 December 2010 22:39 (thirteen years ago) link

you guys sold out to cater to the hardcore. REAL Final Pederasty fans who've loved the series since the beginning don't give a shit about side quests or 3D graphics. who engages in pederasty out in the open anyway? FART MAGNET STUDIOS IS SCREWING US AGAIN!!!1!1!!!1!!

"Anus Landlord": A little rough, but good. (jamescobo), Thursday, 2 December 2010 01:01 (thirteen years ago) link

we felt that what hardcore fans may have felt that they lost in our improving the game's casual playability they gained in the detailed, high-res polygon-based 3D immersive pederasty mechanic that had been so often requested from the series

antexit, Thursday, 2 December 2010 01:05 (thirteen years ago) link

the pederasty just felt so sterile and focus-grouped in the later games, whereas the first few had an intoxicating childlike innocence

"Anus Landlord": A little rough, but good. (jamescobo), Thursday, 2 December 2010 01:18 (thirteen years ago) link

although I do have to admit that the Kinect integration was handled v. well

"Anus Landlord": A little rough, but good. (jamescobo), Thursday, 2 December 2010 01:19 (thirteen years ago) link

We appreciate the feedback! Look out for DLC character skins, coming soon: the first pack contains Lou Pearlman, Gore Vidal and the Adam West Batman

antexit, Thursday, 2 December 2010 01:37 (thirteen years ago) link

god dammit that Gore Vidal skin was supposed to be a GameStop exclusive; if I'd known it would eventually be available separately I would have saved my money and held out for a price drop. FART MAGNET STUDIOS IS SCREWING US AGAIN!!!1!1!!!1!!

FART MAGNET STUDIOS IS SCREWING US AGAIN!!!1!1!!!1!! (jamescobo), Thursday, 2 December 2010 02:16 (thirteen years ago) link

Arse Biscuits made a small profit despite middling reviews. I think Harry Cockface Studios might have alloacted too much $ to sound for a board game.

aa (Schlafsack), Thursday, 2 December 2010 02:23 (thirteen years ago) link

Other notable failures: My foray into dating simulators for the 8-bit market, Lonely Too Fat, was far ahead of its time, and I overestimated the demand for the town simulator Fuck Your Face 3 and rushed it prematurely into the marketplace near the end of its console's lifespan. The golf arcade game Cup My Balls was greeted with confusion in the press, and the cool reception City of Pubes received in the same season nearly did me in until I had a surprise cash infusion with the one-off bookstore simulator Fuck Cunt Book, and the rest is history...

antexit, Thursday, 2 December 2010 03:18 (thirteen years ago) link

Ah. I'm still struggling. Gnome Rimming is top 10 but Harry Cockface is still a bit sore after a poor showing for Joustbang.

Interests: eating my cookie (Autumn Almanac), Thursday, 2 December 2010 03:25 (thirteen years ago) link

Gnome Rimming is a waggle game i assume? or is that the DS version of Gnome Waggle?

antexit, Thursday, 2 December 2010 03:45 (thirteen years ago) link

And here I am with innocuous titles like BALLZ and Petz and Olderscrawls and my Fantasy title He Poos Clouds. I think I'm doin it rong.

Frank Lloyd Webber (Trayce), Thursday, 2 December 2010 03:55 (thirteen years ago) link

For me without the unfailing delight that comes with a popup telling you how much everybody's talking about Dog Cock Billiards in the gaming press, this is just a management grind with a shitty interface.

antexit, Thursday, 2 December 2010 04:08 (thirteen years ago) link

this is just a management grind with a shitty interface.

― antexit, Wednesday, December 1, 2010 8:08 PM (9 minutes ago)

i said this upthread or perhaps on another thread but feel a lil "umad" @ the people repping this game!

i love you but i have chosen snarkness (Steve Shasta), Thursday, 2 December 2010 04:19 (thirteen years ago) link

shitty pretzel covered in shitty chocolate makes a delicious treat beloved by all. one of the mysterious alchemies of taste. Like my VirtualBoy flight simulator, WTC Smackdown! Still probably fetching big money on eBay

antexit, Thursday, 2 December 2010 04:29 (thirteen years ago) link

You prob hate simcity too rite shasta?

Frank Lloyd Webber (Trayce), Thursday, 2 December 2010 04:36 (thirteen years ago) link

sure, if you hate a resource management game with a sucky backwards interface and lazy backend production values throughout, you must hate a gamechanging classic resource management game with one with one of the best user interfaces ever in history

antexit, Thursday, 2 December 2010 04:42 (thirteen years ago) link

i don't hate simcity, i do think that gamedev hype is a lil OTT on ilx, #jussayin

i love you but i have chosen snarkness (Steve Shasta), Thursday, 2 December 2010 04:52 (thirteen years ago) link

i think it's kind of cool that rather than a game with a shitty interface (and obviously rushed and lazy production) being successful because its audience doesn't know better, it's a game whose audience is exclusively people who screech like they got acid in their face whenever they encounter a menu that's not totally intuitive, but everybody gives it a pass bc it's fun and cheap and disposable and it's not worth crying about

antexit, Thursday, 2 December 2010 04:58 (thirteen years ago) link

GDS' redeeming feature is the ability to title your games (and to a vastly lesser extent the 16-bit charm). if you (a) have any gift whatsoever for amusing yourself 14 characters at a time and (b) have ever - I mean like even once or twice - lulzed at the ridiculousness of the game industry, then there is an incandescently good time to be had in watching the Famitsu critics debating the merits of your new action spy game Dildo Anvil.

FART MAGNET STUDIOS IS SCREWING US AGAIN!!!1!1!!!1!! (jamescobo), Thursday, 2 December 2010 05:02 (thirteen years ago) link

it is also a RIDICULOUSLY fun game to explain to people, hence the OTT hyping

FART MAGNET STUDIOS IS SCREWING US AGAIN!!!1!1!!!1!! (jamescobo), Thursday, 2 December 2010 05:03 (thirteen years ago) link

Is it? I tell people it's a game where you run an office, which sounds boring and it mostly is but you get to engage in videogame nostalgia and make up funny titles. See? It says Fat Fuck Guy is popular with 12-13 year olds!

if you're as entertained as I am by giving profane, offensive, obscene or ridiculous titles to mundane objects, it's a godsend. this is basically a little bit of game holding a mechanic together which allows me to make myself laugh with my tourettey jokes- without alienating my loved ones by telling them something objectively unfunny that i can't get out from laughter-- or appearing insane by saying it to myself in public sotto voce--sign for Ed's car wash = "ed's cock swabs!" Diane Von Furstenberg's Book of Beauty? Diane Von Furstenberg's Book of Buggery!--, often multiple times, and then chortling for a long while for no reason.

antexit, Thursday, 2 December 2010 05:11 (thirteen years ago) link

This is shitting me. I threw loads of money at Smoo Quest and it picked up average scores, so I rushed the Cunt! robot board game out the door and it got 3s. Really sucking at this game.

Interests: eating my cookie (Autumn Almanac), Thursday, 2 December 2010 05:37 (thirteen years ago) link

Although I did get a fan letter from some kid who borrowed his Cunt! from a friend and liked it, so perhaps that will help expand my fan base. Or fanny base.

Interests: eating my cookie (Autumn Almanac), Thursday, 2 December 2010 05:39 (thirteen years ago) link

Ach, I wasn't at all implying GDS was anything like SC in regards to depth. just genre.

Frank Lloyd Webber (Trayce), Thursday, 2 December 2010 05:39 (thirteen years ago) link

(hardcore SC4 fan here fwiw)

Frank Lloyd Webber (Trayce), Thursday, 2 December 2010 05:39 (thirteen years ago) link

you're taking huge risks that i don't know how you make them pay off when you put together game types and subjects incongrously like that, for one thing. Robot board game don't make sense to computer mind. I don't know if there's a set number of risky bets that are programmed in to pay off or if it's some random odds throw, but it's not how you play your opening game.

antexit, Thursday, 2 December 2010 05:40 (thirteen years ago) link

I dunno, it seemed to like that combo. It also liked that Gnome Rimming was a fantasy adventure but that got shit scores too.

Interests: eating my cookie (Autumn Almanac), Thursday, 2 December 2010 05:41 (thirteen years ago) link

Set up a wheelhouse of genre titles that hit the core gamer demographic, don't age much, and have room to expand with technology. Once you have that you're always gonna eat and you can do whatever wacky experimenting you want. Just a little friendly advice from a guy who's been in this business 40 years

antexit, Thursday, 2 December 2010 05:43 (thirteen years ago) link

i think it thinks "adventure" is something different than what i think it is. Every time I try to put together a nice sure-shot space adventure or something people furrow their brows at the announcement.

antexit, Thursday, 2 December 2010 05:44 (thirteen years ago) link

Well that's it, I thought sticking with genre would make sense but Smoo Quest was not received well xp

Interests: eating my cookie (Autumn Almanac), Thursday, 2 December 2010 05:45 (thirteen years ago) link

I assumed by adventure it meant point n click. I did ask Nick about that one and he frowned and said "no one agrees on what adventure means, dammit". And this is a guy who works for EA mobile o_0

Frank Lloyd Webber (Trayce), Thursday, 2 December 2010 05:48 (thirteen years ago) link

I thought it meant like an action game with a story. Maybe it means Zork. Anyway, no mistaking a good dungeoncrawler rpg.

antexit, Thursday, 2 December 2010 05:49 (thirteen years ago) link

I tried to stick to sims and RPGS and simRPGs and action RPGS and then the fucking game bitched at me that I was releasing too many games of the same genre.

Also what the heck is "harbour" as a game type!?

Frank Lloyd Webber (Trayce), Thursday, 2 December 2010 05:54 (thirteen years ago) link

Probably a game a lot like Game Dev Story. Shipping and receiving, managing stock, nice boats, etc.

antexit, Thursday, 2 December 2010 06:00 (thirteen years ago) link

Hahahah =)

Frank Lloyd Webber (Trayce), Thursday, 2 December 2010 06:03 (thirteen years ago) link

how exactly do you market a poncho game is the real mystery of this game. how can you put those ponchos in the perfect gameplay environment to really maximize the pleasure poncho fans can take in them?

antexit, Thursday, 2 December 2010 06:06 (thirteen years ago) link

So I rush-developed Minge Wars and Super Sperm and got average reviews, then chucked a load of money at Paul Hogan II and also got average reviews. Nothing I do or change influences anything, and now my funds are dwindling. Not sure how much longer I want to keep at this.

Interests: eating my cookie (Autumn Almanac), Thursday, 2 December 2010 06:23 (thirteen years ago) link

Paul Hogan! I was just thinking about him while playing World's Shortest Lists. (it's lonesome at the top on the Funny Australians list)

antexit, Thursday, 2 December 2010 06:29 (thirteen years ago) link

Boring Shit and Get Fucked got 4s and Suck My Nuts got 3s. This game is not fun.

Interests: eating my cookie (Autumn Almanac), Thursday, 2 December 2010 06:43 (thirteen years ago) link

maybe there's something about the way you're branding your IPs that makes people wary?

antexit, Thursday, 2 December 2010 06:44 (thirteen years ago) link

oh god its daytime in australia

BIG MUFFIN (gbx), Thursday, 2 December 2010 07:34 (thirteen years ago) link

When I was still playing the game, I released the "Cuntkicker!" series to great acclaim, even crossing over thru multiple consoles. Unmatched success until I brought out the dating sim "A Child Sharts"

Crazed Mister Handy (kingfish), Thursday, 2 December 2010 07:52 (thirteen years ago) link

Got well into my second concerted effort tonight, and things are going much better. I made it my mission to have a hardware engineer on staff asap, and to advertise more, and to fire more people rather than training people up so much. All are working well as strategies.

macaroni rascal (polyphonic), Thursday, 2 December 2010 08:46 (thirteen years ago) link

shasta games?!

mo loko (cozen), Thursday, 2 December 2010 08:51 (thirteen years ago) link

OT (only on iphone these days dawgggggg

i grabbed Driver yesterday, that was legendary on my ps1, along with GT1 and HotShots1)

i love you but i have chosen snarkness (Steve Shasta), Thursday, 2 December 2010 09:04 (thirteen years ago) link

if u have any doubt make an animal action game

i dunno, i'm '9 years in' and i've had like 8 hall-of-famers, this game is kinda easy no?

how do i get a hardware engineer?

shirley summistake (s1ocki), Thursday, 2 December 2010 14:44 (thirteen years ago) link

you fuckers are making me want an ipad now

old LOKO heads (forksclovetofu), Thursday, 2 December 2010 15:22 (thirteen years ago) link

as soon as you get the first hall of fame game you pretty much have to try to fuck up. hardware engineer gets unlocked as when you have one employee who's levelled up in all the regular jobs... which i think is dumb. I guess being able to compose a top-notch soundtrack for a golf game on Game Gear wouldn't hurt as a console developer but it's hard to see it being necessary

antexit, Thursday, 2 December 2010 15:28 (thirteen years ago) link

wait, you have to level them up, then switch them to the other jobs, then level them up again?

shirley summistake (s1ocki), Thursday, 2 December 2010 15:38 (thirteen years ago) link

i just keep firing dudes and hiring fancy new ones

shirley summistake (s1ocki), Thursday, 2 December 2010 15:38 (thirteen years ago) link

that sounds like classic shortsighted management strategy! a common mistake companies make who get early success and a cash infusion!

antexit, Thursday, 2 December 2010 15:41 (thirteen years ago) link

how exactly do you market a poncho game is the real mystery of this game

Poncho lovers go for Action RPGs. Herpes Enclave worked on this a little, but decided not to pursue the Poncho Action RPG past a single research title: Poncho only has a 'C' popularity rating, HE is built on the Pubic Stroker cutie simulator franchise and Violated Fox virtual pet online sims.

Thx ilx. hate this game. 4am last night. But I think yeah I'll be bored of it by this evening.

portrait of velleity (woof), Thursday, 2 December 2010 15:46 (thirteen years ago) link

wait, you have to level them up, then switch them to the other jobs, then level them up again?

Yeah, but imo it's prob best to do it with the fancy sorts you get later – they're often a little closer to the goal thanks to filled out job histories, and they'll end up with mad stats as they get levelled. (Though Mr X, who doesn't look that impressive, is apparently a common choice for Hardware Engineer training.)

I don't really get it, though. If I've got say a L.5 designer with 246 graphic skill, and a L.3 hacker with 260 (+ he/she used to be a L.5 designer), is it better to set the designer or the hacker on the post-alpha character design, ie do job titles matter or is it just stats?

portrait of velleity (woof), Thursday, 2 December 2010 15:55 (thirteen years ago) link

because you see, mark, it's easy to throw money at your staff pool and stack your workforce with a lot of young hotshots, but where does that get you? You've got a staff of young hotshots all earning top dollar with no dynamic between them, on salary so you're paying them for their off days rather than just contracting them in--all of whom are used to calling the shots creatively because they're accustomed to the deference that comes with being the best in their field! how do you expect to manage those people effectively as a team?

Now if you take a loyal workforce and train them up to that level, you get to where you want to be professionally a little slower, but when you get there you know how to work together!

i predict one shiny overdesigned gears of war type of game that wows everyone for a second and then nothing but a big fizzle and a bunch of overpaid whizkids draining your working capital dry.

antexit, Thursday, 2 December 2010 16:01 (thirteen years ago) link

not playing this but u guys are killing me w/the lols on this thread so thx

O_o-O_0-o_O (jjjusten), Thursday, 2 December 2010 16:18 (thirteen years ago) link

ok guys, i haven't looked at this since i played through it once a few weeks ago but you're making me want to play again and livepost all of our companies updates

Mordy, Thursday, 2 December 2010 16:32 (thirteen years ago) link

i just booted it up and founded Bloody Stool Studios and then immediately upon zeroeing in and aiming for one of the tiny little buttons to start hiring it jut seemed like a huge drag

antexit, Thursday, 2 December 2010 17:00 (thirteen years ago) link

livepost all of our companies updates

ILXors who don't own iPhones could just post scatological studio/game names?

Les centimètres énigmatiques (snoball), Thursday, 2 December 2010 17:08 (thirteen years ago) link

Just what we needed on ilx, a place you can go to spout vulgar nonsequiturs!

antexit, Thursday, 2 December 2010 17:32 (thirteen years ago) link

Hot Carl XTreme

Les centimètres énigmatiques (snoball), Thursday, 2 December 2010 17:36 (thirteen years ago) link

That sounds fun! What popped into my mind was a 16-bit bobsled kart racer

antexit, Thursday, 2 December 2010 17:38 (thirteen years ago) link

I thought more like a crappy mid 90's snowboarding sim.

Les centimètres énigmatiques (snoball), Thursday, 2 December 2010 17:58 (thirteen years ago) link

Did a sequel to my poncho action RPG after all. Skiddy Wool2 won game of the year! Architecture online sim Built of Shit was a succes d'estime, now back to $$$ cutie simulation w/ Penis Liaison2.

portrait of velleity (woof), Thursday, 2 December 2010 19:53 (thirteen years ago) link

Skiddy Wool sounds more like a longjohns simulator

antexit, Thursday, 2 December 2010 20:54 (thirteen years ago) link

Orrite your tips have convinced me to try again. Started from scratch with Perineophiliac Studios.

Interests: eating my cookie (Autumn Almanac), Thursday, 2 December 2010 21:13 (thirteen years ago) link

Nope. Up Hilary Duff didn't make enough money, HI DERE was pulled off the market before I was ready to stop selling it, and now I have an Exodus licence and no cash to develop a game for it. Baleeted.

Interests: eating my cookie (Autumn Almanac), Thursday, 2 December 2010 21:31 (thirteen years ago) link

Now that's more like it!!

Top Sellers:
Greek Ladyboy 4: 24.48 million units
Cow Farts 2: 16 million
Artery Ninja 2: 16 million
Booty Quest: 14.7 million
Flyin' Dragboy 2: 13.7 million

Codeo Labs' "Coccyx" is a revolutionary 64-bit BD-ROM.

Codeo has 27 hall of fame games and a 18% market share. 180 million units total

macaroni rascal (polyphonic), Friday, 3 December 2010 09:59 (thirteen years ago) link

Monkey Island creator Ron Gilbert talks about Game Dev Story

zappi, Friday, 3 December 2010 20:49 (thirteen years ago) link

"And of course, it's unrealistic to think that a company would release a game without fixing all of its bugs," Gilbert added. "That would never happen."
har har Doesn't FALLOUT: NEW VEGAS deserve its own thread? har

old LOKO heads (forksclovetofu), Friday, 3 December 2010 22:27 (thirteen years ago) link

this game plateaus so hard. once you do okay once, it's easy peasy street and there's nothing new for you to do or new challenges to face. kinda lame.

shirley summistake (s1ocki), Monday, 6 December 2010 22:43 (thirteen years ago) link

I am definitely finished with it but I still enjoyed the journey.

macaroni rascal (polyphonic), Monday, 6 December 2010 23:42 (thirteen years ago) link

Yeah, for a game that cost about as much as a pint of beer, I got my money's worth.

Crazed Mister Handy (kingfish), Tuesday, 7 December 2010 04:20 (thirteen years ago) link

me too, i just wish it went somewhere and got different u know?

shirley summistake (s1ocki), Tuesday, 7 December 2010 04:27 (thirteen years ago) link

otm about the plateuing, the only replay valu I got was I realised I'd been doing it rong a lot the first go-round so when I hit 20 years I started again (you bring over your levelled up genres) and this time round it is a lot easier.

manic pixie dream girl phenomenon (Trayce), Tuesday, 7 December 2010 04:28 (thirteen years ago) link

Still, it idles time at the train station and whatnot.

manic pixie dream girl phenomenon (Trayce), Tuesday, 7 December 2010 04:28 (thirteen years ago) link

dont miss your train!!

shirley summistake (s1ocki), Tuesday, 7 December 2010 04:32 (thirteen years ago) link

I hear rumours about NEW SECRET CONSOLES if you play past 50 or 75 years or something, is it true?

JimD, Tuesday, 7 December 2010 05:01 (thirteen years ago) link

If nothing else, I am looking for whatever next Kairosoft put out. Also, I really dig the 16-bit pixel art design.

Crazed Mister Handy (kingfish), Tuesday, 7 December 2010 07:59 (thirteen years ago) link

Dunno about secret consoles, but you get extra console design options if you have 4 Hardware Engs in your team (and another with 6). And there are a few hidden characters - Kairobot joined Herpes Enclave for the home stretch (still had to go through his agent & pay him to appear at GameDex, swiz).

everyone otm about plateauing - there's no risk after one or two hall-of-famers. There's stuff to do - 40/40, a 60+ million seller, levelling characters, multiple game of the years - but you likely won't go out of business.

portrait of velleity (woof), Tuesday, 7 December 2010 14:31 (thirteen years ago) link

lol android

tickle me imo (s1ocki), Sunday, 12 December 2010 22:21 (thirteen years ago) link

:( truth bomb

smoke on this^ one (cozen), Sunday, 12 December 2010 22:29 (thirteen years ago) link

just don't think the public were ready for sexy golf 2

cozen, Monday, 13 December 2010 18:17 (thirteen years ago) link

cunt puncher studios resumé to date

quim story 35,335
quim-to-mania 55,724
finger fantasy 118,945
killathon 95,240 (innovative "marathon"/shooter crossover again not sure the public were ready for my vision)
sexy golf 69,308
sexy golf 2 50,998

cozen, Monday, 13 December 2010 18:27 (thirteen years ago) link

I'm always excited when a new quim game is released.

macaroni rascal (polyphonic), Monday, 13 December 2010 18:36 (thirteen years ago) link

if you're as entertained as I am by giving profane, offensive, obscene or ridiculous titles to mundane objects, it's a godsend. this is basically a little bit of game holding a mechanic together which allows me to make myself laugh with my tourettey jokes- without alienating my loved ones by telling them something objectively unfunny that i can't get out from laughter

Yes - this thing functions as like a surrogate girlfriend to me, in that it provides a means for me to make unacceptably shit, offensive jokes without needing to have a "woman" there that I'm all "in a comfort zone" with to the point where I have "no filter".

I paid $800k getting a renowned children's artist in to devise an art style for my romance simulator. I then titled it "Shrub Rapist". It shifted 4.9 million units. This game is Japanese, right?

The 14 character limit is kind of a drag though, if there was a bigger limit you could get cracking mileage out of making up lots of pretentious modern game names with colons in them, instead of not even being able to fit the "2" in when you make a cash-in straight-to-DS shovelware sequel.

Sgt's Laughter (Sgt. Biscuits), Monday, 13 December 2010 19:02 (thirteen years ago) link

Yes - this thing functions as like a surrogate girlfriend to me, in that it provides a means for me to make unacceptably shit, offensive jokes without needing to have a "woman" there that I'm all "in a comfort zone" with to the point where I have "no filter".

I don't mean to imply here that I've been playing this for longer than a day, or that I will still be playing it on Wednesday.

Sgt's Laughter (Sgt. Biscuits), Monday, 13 December 2010 19:03 (thirteen years ago) link

of sexy golf 2, the critics remarked "cash-in straight-to-DS shovelware sequel"

cozen, Monday, 13 December 2010 19:04 (thirteen years ago) link

I wonder if some generous spirited Brit tinkerer could pull this apart and edit it so that the Famitsu Death Panel is replaced by injoke spouting 80s Spectrum/C64 magazine subhumans? It'd be kind of apposite; I kept getting grandiose visions of the games I was spending thousands on, then realising that I was putting them out on the game's euphemised equivalent of the c.1987 Brick Gameboy.

While they were at it, they could also add "impenetrable text-based football management", "shit naked poker" and "politically incorrect Native American rape simulator" to the available genres.

Just thinking aloud. In text.

Sgt's Laughter (Sgt. Biscuits), Monday, 13 December 2010 19:14 (thirteen years ago) link

maybe save the rape jokes for the game?

tickle me imo (s1ocki), Monday, 13 December 2010 19:16 (thirteen years ago) link

Sorry, that was an oblique, disapproving reference to Custer's Revenge. It was a different time.

Sgt's Laughter (Sgt. Biscuits), Monday, 13 December 2010 19:20 (thirteen years ago) link

Custer's Revenge is really something.

macaroni rascal (polyphonic), Monday, 13 December 2010 19:33 (thirteen years ago) link

sexy golf 3 feat. lake balls

cozen, Tuesday, 14 December 2010 09:35 (thirteen years ago) link

New studio Thrush Cream just doesn't have the same traction as Herpes Enclave. Fantasy MMORPG World of Sperm (& sequel World of Sper2) aren't even hitting 20 mil, the Bumming Puppy animal life games are our best sellers, but still only so-so (tho' one got game of the year). Some of it's bad luck with power cuts, but I think Fran Bloom has a lot to answer for. Totally unreliable. 'I worked really hard on that'. No you didn't. You're capable of 100+ scenario work; regular mid-30s hackwork is just lazy. Thank god for Mr X. He's a trooper.

Maybe I'll just become a mini-skirt trivia shovelware studio.

portrait of velleity (woof), Tuesday, 14 December 2010 10:05 (thirteen years ago) link

whats up with mr. x and the king? do they level up hardcore or what? they always look like ass to me.

strongly recommend. unless you're a bitch (mayor jingleberries), Tuesday, 14 December 2010 19:08 (thirteen years ago) link

Mr X never gets huge numbers (300ish range), but he seems to be really reliable: the hackers with mad stats (some 900+ if you level them in everything) are a bit flaky, and knock out too many 'that'll do' efforts for proposals/sound/graphics to be really trustworthy. But apparently if trained in the right direction, they become more reliable? Might be true - Dexter seems to perform solidly as a sound eng, but Fran has screwed me over as a writer, designer and director before now (but her stats so good I don't dare sack her, even though I think the Chimp and Bear might be brilliant).

portrait of velleity (woof), Tuesday, 14 December 2010 19:48 (thirteen years ago) link

just cracked a 10-9-10-10 for my pirate mmo booty world 3. sup now.

strongly recommend. unless you're a bitch (mayor jingleberries), Tuesday, 14 December 2010 21:32 (thirteen years ago) link

dude, if i paid you 2.4 mil you don't get to say "i don't know if i'll do well this time"
in good news, the Toot Toot harbor motion franchise is in definite bloom

I spilled, saucer-eyed, into the Tonetta fanclub underground. (forksclovetofu), Wednesday, 15 December 2010 18:47 (thirteen years ago) link

Im starting to enjoy this game less, mostly because my staff is being a bunch of cunts and I cant come up with funny titles anymore.

strongly recommend. unless you're a bitch (mayor jingleberries), Wednesday, 15 December 2010 18:54 (thirteen years ago) link

it's definitely a game where you burn out quickly but those 10 or so hours where the game has its hooks in you are a magical blur of whimsy and profanity

FART MAGNET STUDIOS IS SCREWING US AGAIN!!!1!1!!!1!! (jamescobo), Wednesday, 15 December 2010 19:10 (thirteen years ago) link

Exactly.

I Am Kurious Assange (polyphonic), Wednesday, 15 December 2010 19:21 (thirteen years ago) link

somebody's angling for C+P quotation

I spilled, saucer-eyed, into the Tonetta fanclub underground. (forksclovetofu), Wednesday, 15 December 2010 19:31 (thirteen years ago) link

only in every post I make on this board

FART MAGNET STUDIOS IS SCREWING US AGAIN!!!1!1!!!1!! (jamescobo), Wednesday, 15 December 2010 19:35 (thirteen years ago) link

I keep playing this on the train and I dont even know why anymore.

Sookie G Stackedgarten (Trayce), Thursday, 16 December 2010 10:37 (thirteen years ago) link

I keep playing this on the train and I dont even know why anymore.

^^^ new board descript

dayo, Thursday, 16 December 2010 12:07 (thirteen years ago) link

I keep playing this on the train and I dont even know why anymore.

Really. Dutiful, flat & laboured swearing ('Pong Twat, I'll just call it Pong Twat'), being repeatedly let down by hackers and contractors, comfortable progression into 20-30 million sellers, 37/40 over and over. What am I aiming for? Nothing.

portrait of velleity (woof), Thursday, 16 December 2010 12:29 (thirteen years ago) link

('Pong Twat, I'll just call it Pong Twat')

Hahahahahahahahaha!

Exactly. I think I hit that stage about a day before I finally quit for good.

hot lava hair (Z S), Thursday, 16 December 2010 13:05 (thirteen years ago) link

Kairosoft's new game, wherein you manage a volcanic springs spa(onsen), is slightly more Japanese:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MWh_I3eI2Kc

It appears that the CEO and exec asst from GDS have parlayed their millions from the "CuntFarter" and "Womb Maider" series into a new venture.

Crazed Mister Handy (kingfish), Saturday, 18 December 2010 18:34 (thirteen years ago) link

I wanna play that. :/

I Am Kurious Assange (polyphonic), Saturday, 18 December 2010 18:48 (thirteen years ago) link

two weeks pass...
one month passes...

http://toucharcade.com/2011/02/28/kairosoft-launches-hot-springs-story/

Neat game! Much more to unlock.

Crazed Mister Handy (kingfish), Thursday, 3 March 2011 08:25 (thirteen years ago) link

9pm: Hmm, I don't like this game as much as the other one.

...

2am: Uggggghhhhhhh fuck my liiiiife.

reggaeton for the painfully alone (polyphonic), Wednesday, 9 March 2011 17:19 (thirteen years ago) link

Haha

Crazed Mister Handy (kingfish), Wednesday, 9 March 2011 20:58 (thirteen years ago) link

eight months pass...

Two new Kairosoft games are out on iPhone:

Grand Prix Story and Oh! Edo Towns. Bought them both immediately.

Put another Juggle in, in the Juggalodeon (kingfish), Wednesday, 9 November 2011 18:57 (twelve years ago) link

how is the school one? i've heard good things about it.

Mordy, Wednesday, 9 November 2011 18:58 (twelve years ago) link

ie: is it better than the spa one? bc i tried to get into that a few times unsuccessfully. the ui was a little too unfriendly

Mordy, Wednesday, 9 November 2011 18:58 (twelve years ago) link

The spa one is my favorite. It took me a while to get into it but I love it.

Mega Mall is probably the one that is easiest to get into but it's also TOO easy.

The school one is harder than the the spa one, I'd argue.

polyphonic, Wednesday, 9 November 2011 19:03 (twelve years ago) link

By "favorite" I mean second favorite. Game Dev #1.

polyphonic, Wednesday, 9 November 2011 19:03 (twelve years ago) link

are these all the same? do they change at all during the game or is it just like game dev's endless same same?

the jazz zinger (s1ocki), Thursday, 10 November 2011 04:49 (twelve years ago) link

Grand Prix Story actually has you watch your guys race around in the cars that you do the stat increases on. Other than that, same sorta dynamic. Different that Hot Springs or Academy, tho, and more like Game Dev, since you're working on improving a product over time that goes into competition, rather than laying out landscape tiles harmoniously.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yOsHzk7MbIo

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iCeHGghkgbU

And here's their sim city:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=unyhqwzXxps

Put another Juggle in, in the Juggalodeon (kingfish), Thursday, 10 November 2011 06:11 (twelve years ago) link

Have quite a bit of fun with O Edo Towns, I must say. Moreso than grand Prix story.

Put another Juggle in, in the Juggalodeon (kingfish), Sunday, 13 November 2011 07:42 (twelve years ago) link

grand prix is a buck atm, go get it

Don't attack when he is black. (forksclovetofu), Sunday, 13 November 2011 19:40 (twelve years ago) link

four months pass...

Epic Astro Story finally out for iPhone. I like it. Graphics have a weird scaling thing, tho.

Choad of Choad Hall (kingfish), Wednesday, 11 April 2012 16:11 (twelve years ago) link

what's the theme?

Mordy, Thursday, 12 April 2012 01:57 (twelve years ago) link

SPACE

boy, was that Dan Fielding hungry for some cake! (forksclovetofu), Thursday, 12 April 2012 01:58 (twelve years ago) link

more like game dev / grand prix, or more like spas / stupid building games?

Mordy, Thursday, 12 April 2012 01:59 (twelve years ago) link

You build shit, but there's not the heavy reliance on combos and co-location like the onsen/schooling ones. You bump up the stats and kit out your dudes to go hunt for monster/mob fights.

Choad of Choad Hall (kingfish), Thursday, 12 April 2012 06:47 (twelve years ago) link

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PWRWXGhP8EQ

Choad of Choad Hall (kingfish), Thursday, 12 April 2012 07:40 (twelve years ago) link


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