100 Reasons Why "Ignition - Remix" Is So Damned Great

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1. The rhythm is really insistent without being hard - it's got this sort of bossanova groove, just bubbling under the song, easing it gently but irresistably across

J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Sunday, 15 June 2003 03:44 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

2. Writing a good "weekend" song is hard to pull off. I fear that the guy who prompted me to begin this thread will say "Nonsense! Anybody can write a good 'weekend' song!" When I see his "weekend" song on the charts, I will concede his point. Until then, I'll note that many, many "weekend" songs are released each year, but very few of them actually poke their heads above the surface. This is because most of them sound forced. R Kelly's greatest gift is his ability to sound natural; engaged; genuine. Even when he's singing in a very mannered fashion.

J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Sunday, 15 June 2003 03:46 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

3. How is this song in particular a good "weekend" song? For starters, there's the delay in mentioning the weekend. Note a shitty "weekend" song, Loverboy's "Working for the Weekend," for purposes of comparison, which shoots its entire wad in the chorus's first line & then has nothing compelling to say.

J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Sunday, 15 June 2003 03:48 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

4. Not so "Ignition - Remix." R Kelly delays the song's moment of revelation until the chorus's second to last line:

This is the remix to ignition
Hot and fresh out the kitchen
Mama rollin that body
Got evey man in her wishin
Sippin on coke and rum
I'm like so what I'm drunk
It's the freakin weekend baby
I'm about to have me some fun

J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Sunday, 15 June 2003 03:50 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

5. I mean, Jesus Christ, you might as well fault Bob Marley's heartbreaking Wait In Vain because its substance is facile

J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Sunday, 15 June 2003 03:51 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

6. "it's not rocket science" right right insofar as rocket science is boring

J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Sunday, 15 June 2003 03:51 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

7. But to return to the lyric - what could be funnier than R Kelly's ongoing project of writing new lyrics in which to identify that the version you're hearing is a remix? Think R Kelly doesn't know that that's funny? Where the hell's my boy Trife, he knows what that kind of thinking is called: "racism."

J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Sunday, 15 June 2003 03:53 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

8. Of course Kelly knows that it's funny to lead of a chorus with a line like "this is the remix to ignition." Kelly's whole persona, aside from his public/non-album one which has gotten completley away from him, is a greatly controlled, beautifully constructed thing. It's the good-time-lovin'/deep-thoughts-thinkin'/survived-it-and-came-to-tell-you-how-it-looks-from -the-mountaintop friend from your own neighborhood, assuming that your neighborhood was a poor neighborhood in the midwest. (More on this momentarily.) He knows his audience, and his audience wants him to keep it light when he's making a party song. That's what this is about.

J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Sunday, 15 June 2003 03:58 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

9. Here's where that "more on this momentarily" comes in. Your neighborhood probably wasn't Kelly's poor midwestern block, right? Wrong! Of course it was! Because he goes to great pains to universalize that neighborhood, not through long dull paragraphs like these you're presently reading, but by the miraculously casual tone in which he delivers songs that are anything but casual. Try "The World's Greatest": think there was no malice-of-forethought behind the "ad-libbed" part at the end where he substitutes "I done made it" for "I made it"? Think again. That's there by design. It sells you exactly what you're accusing Kelly doing accidentally: it convinces you (successfully, I'd add) that there's no artifice, no craft to it.

J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Sunday, 15 June 2003 04:02 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

10. Therefore, R Kelly has won and the terrorists have lost.

J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Sunday, 15 June 2003 04:02 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

11. The extra beat! The extra m*therfu*king BEAT! It's a held chord, is what it is, but it's the last thing you'd expect - right on the line "Bouncin' on 24s," right when you'd expect it to either go back to the tonic or jump into the chorus, and it just

J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Sunday, 15 June 2003 04:06 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

12. hangs

J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Sunday, 15 June 2003 04:06 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

13. there

J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Sunday, 15 June 2003 04:06 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

14. And then we enter into the levels of reference again, which is where I get completely dizzy "Rollin' on 24s/while they say on the radio": what do they say? Oh, good God, they say what critical theory thought they'd say: "This is the remix to igntion"

J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Sunday, 15 June 2003 04:08 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

15. which is to say that the song describes a party where they're listening to the radio play a song describing a party where they're listening to the radio playing a a song describing a party where they're listening to the radio playing a song describing a party and well you get the general idea

J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Sunday, 15 June 2003 04:09 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

16. Which is joy itself! The song has absorbed its creators, its listeners, everybody!

J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Sunday, 15 June 2003 04:10 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

17. I take back what I said earlier about the song being dumb

J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Sunday, 15 June 2003 04:10 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

Holy crap.

David Allen, Sunday, 15 June 2003 04:10 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

18. I'm saving the rest of this for tomorrow's Last Plane to Jakarta update, I have to be at work in seven hours (it's midnight now) and I can't stay up any later yammering on about a point as glaringly obvious as the greatness of this wonderful, wonderful song

J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Sunday, 15 June 2003 04:11 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

you maniac

Jody Beth Rosen (Jody Beth Rosen), Sunday, 15 June 2003 04:26 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

(if anybody's interested, I really will finish this tomorrow, will probably both post it here & to LPTJ - warning, it'll probably also include why "The World's Greatest" is also quite triffic)

J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Sunday, 15 June 2003 04:31 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

19) Rum and coke is severely underrated and underrepresented in the world of weekend party booty jams.

scott seward, Sunday, 15 June 2003 04:39 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

yeah but then he mentions crystall and god knows that's overrepresented

Brian the Snorf, Sunday, 15 June 2003 04:59 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

"Cristal," actually: personally I liked that weird moment that was all about Alize. Anyway, lovely, John, except the thing about "World's Greatest" is that he does that thing where suddenly he's turned into Sam Cooke, and while that's not nearly a bad thing I still have this reaction where I go "WTF, why is R Kelly turning to Sam Cooke?" and it distracts me from the song itself. (This also has to do with the fact that there's this guy who used to sing in the Chicago subways and was basically a really good Sam Cooke impersonator, and I start feeling like he's on the radio, and that's also disorienting.)

nabisco (nabisco), Sunday, 15 June 2003 05:09 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce

adam west (adamwest), Sunday, 15 June 2003 05:24 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

20. the vocal phrasing on the line "that's why I'm all up in ya grill/tryin' to get you to a hotel", hiccuping extra syllables out of the vowel sounds in a great rhythm which I've most definitely ripped off for a hi-hat pattern.

Al (sitcom), Sunday, 15 June 2003 06:12 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

21. in the car, 2 months ago:

me: is this a coke ad?

nancy: yeah, i think so.

me: this sure has been on a long time

nancy: yeah.

me: holy fuck, this is that r kelly song everyone on ilm is talking about!!

nancy: wow.

me: i hope they play it again.

nancy: yeah.

me: is THIS a coke commerical?

nancy: i'm really confused now.

jess (dubplatestyle), Sunday, 15 June 2003 06:19 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

Yeah, Al, that's a good one.

22. Am I the only one who thinks he sounds like he's been through some shit on this song? Maybe that's my projecting real life onto the song. There's just way too much soul for a song about downing mix drinks, and you can almost here him trying. I mean, it sounds like he really needs to have fun this freakin' weekend or he's gonna stress out.

Actually, that's only in part of the song, and that juxtaposed with his obvious lust for partying has a great effect.

Adam A. (Keiko), Sunday, 15 June 2003 06:22 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

23) i played it at this party and everyone was juiced and all these punk rock girls sang along with the BUT SO WHAT IM DRUNK line!!

trife (simon_tr), Sunday, 15 June 2003 06:34 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

It occurs to me I've not heard this song.

Ned Raggett (Ned), Sunday, 15 June 2003 07:32 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

24. He spreads the melodies through the lines, in fact he carries the flow of a particular harmony across a whole verse like... er..... Dose One, I guess.

nick.K (nick.K), Sunday, 15 June 2003 08:00 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

I like the colour scheme in the video - it stood out on MTV

'thru ma 'fro' - wordplay. sweet.

s.r.w. (s.r.w.), Sunday, 15 June 2003 09:47 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

25. That synth line in the background of the chorus! It sounds like the Human League!

26. There's something about the production that sounds stripped down just enough so it seems to (cough) "bear the devices"--I'm thinking of the drum fills just before the chorus, and the aforementioned synth line, even the way he double-tracks his vocals ("Sippin' on coke and rum [rum]/I'm like so what I'm drunk [drunk]")....It's like each device calls a bit of attention to itself because the overall production is so sparse (by contemporary standards). Even the relatively langorous way he sings "bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce" (I take it she's bouncing very slowly) calls more attention to that word than a typical R&B/hiphop track where "bounce" would be one of a zillion instructions spit out in 20 seconds or less.

amateurist (amateurist), Sunday, 15 June 2003 10:20 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

27. The asides in the lyrics: "I'm like, 'So what...'"

28. The good grammar: "Food everywhere / as if the party was catered"

amateurist (amateurist), Sunday, 15 June 2003 10:22 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

29. I have to say this song fills me with a slight bit of hometown pride (I know someone who went to R. Kelly's high school! etc.) despite his rather foul offstage behavior. I picture R. hanging out at one of those massive Jackson Park BBQs with ragga blasting out of 10-ft-high amps.

amateurist (amateurist), Sunday, 15 June 2003 10:23 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

30. "I don' normally do this but, uh..."

amateurist (amateurist), Sunday, 15 June 2003 10:25 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

31. When in fact he does normally do this - unless there's some Ignition Mega-Mix 12" coming (we should all be so fortunate), Kelly is claiming that he doesn't normally release the remix at all, then saying he'll let you hear a little of it, and then just playing it.

J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Sunday, 15 June 2003 10:37 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

32. And, well - precisely: this is more of that quality Kelly brings to the table that has enabled him to stay strong at the cash register longer than many: it's the dreaded "A" word, you know, "authenticity," all the baggage that carries.

J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Sunday, 15 June 2003 10:39 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

33. Not the authenticity of "here's my soul," though that's in there, too, and more about it later. The authenticity of "here's what I got, seems good, I'm not gonna mess with it much more." The authenticity of sufficiency, not excellence. The authenticity of excellence is exactly why so many people vomit when other people start goin' on about authenticity.

J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Sunday, 15 June 2003 10:42 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

34. I'm like, so what, I'm drunk.

J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Sunday, 15 June 2003 10:42 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

35. But what we're going to have to come back to is what Nabisco brings up & it's where any hyperbole in which we've been engaging will really find its feet and start doing the Charleston. "WTF, why is R Kelly turning into Sam Cooke?" because R Kelly is Sam Cooke

J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Sunday, 15 June 2003 10:46 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

36. OK I have to go to work now (it's a quarter 'til seven in the morning), everybody keep the reasons coming

J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Sunday, 15 June 2003 10:46 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

Sam liked 'em young too. Hopefully R. will not share his ultimate fate however.

I'd like to hear R. get busy a capella like on the second track of Night Beat.

amateurist (amateurist), Sunday, 15 June 2003 10:49 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

I have to drive 8 hours today and I haven't slept a wink!

amateurist (amateurist), Sunday, 15 June 2003 10:49 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

37. YOu don't even need to own a copy to hear it all the time, just turn on the radio, or if you live in the city open the window.

nick.K (nick.K), Sunday, 15 June 2003 16:07 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

38. i dislike it profusely

stevem (blueski), Sunday, 15 June 2003 16:15 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

39. It makes me want to buy a shotgun.

Alex in NYC (vassifer), Sunday, 15 June 2003 16:16 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

40. stevem and Alex are...The No-Fun Brigade!*

*I have also expressed the same feelings about this song, but I was wrong.

Neudonym, Sunday, 15 June 2003 16:20 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

41. Because the video has a 360-degree shot of R.'s incredible braidwork, and a funny "white guy learns to dance" part, and shout-outs to dead homiez.

Neudonym, Sunday, 15 June 2003 16:22 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

don't get me wrong - i don't think its THAT bad, i just have no real feeling for it at all thats the problem. it doesn't excite me, it doesn't make me smile or anything. i wouldn't dance or wave a bottle of beer to it. thats not a flaw on my part or a flaw on the part of the song. JOhn makes good points about the track that i appreciate. and if you're able to ignore the fact that R Kelly is a complete tosspot then more power to you.

stevem (blueski), Sunday, 15 June 2003 16:36 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

I was a family counselor on Chicago's South Side for a couple of years, and heard a LOT of "R. Kelly being bad" stories (as well as "R. Kelly is a really generous and nice guy" stories) that had NOTHING to do with underaged girls or Hi-8 technology. And I guess I'm pre-disposed to not giving a shit about artists' personal lives when it comes to their music.

42. Because the entire first verse has been reconstructed to sound like it's a prelude to a song that then (once the chorus kicks in) suddenly exists.

Neudonym, Sunday, 15 June 2003 16:42 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

Actually, John, you are completely right about the Sam Cooke thing, now that I actually think about it (thanks), although it still takes me out of that particular song a little bit. Amateurist already hit the echo I like, but I would add that (a) the "bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce" sounds less like like casual dancing instruction and more like ballet, and (b) the "hot and fresh out the kitchen" brings out that good-time barbeque vibe something fierce, like this weekend fun is so wholesome that your mother's going to show up with some warm cornbread for everyone.

nabisco (nabisco), Sunday, 15 June 2003 16:43 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

43. r kelly does not sport a 'fro in the video

44. r kelly has never once sported a 'fro to my knowledge

45. does this mean he referring to hair, um, elsewhere than his head?

jess (dubplatestyle), Sunday, 15 June 2003 16:44 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

I was a family counselor on Chicago's South Side for a couple of years, and heard a LOT of "R. Kelly being bad" stories (as well as "R. Kelly is a really generous and nice guy" stories) that had NOTHING to do with underaged girls or Hi-8 technology. And I guess I'm pre-disposed to not giving a shit about artists' personal lives when it comes to their music.

he struck me as a complete tosspot long before those stories emerged, for what its worth (apparently nada)

stevem (blueski), Sunday, 15 June 2003 16:52 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

46. The way the original "Ignition" seagues into the remix on Chocolate Factory

Colin Beckett (Colin Beckett), Sunday, 15 June 2003 17:11 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

stevem: just to clarify, I'm sure he IS a complete tosspot. but I don't really care when it comes to great singles.

Neudonym, Sunday, 15 June 2003 17:20 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

47. Toot toot.

Vinnie (vprabhu), Sunday, 15 June 2003 17:26 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

but I don't really care when it comes to great singles.

as another aside, i feel this IS the correct way to think about it...but still i doubt i will ever like the song.

stevem (blueski), Sunday, 15 June 2003 17:38 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

48. Beep beep.

Arthur (Arthur), Sunday, 15 June 2003 17:51 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

back around the time the album dropped, a few stations here would play the whole thing, original and remix, all in a row, as the 6-minute epic it is. i love both, but they really sound their best together.

Al (sitcom), Sunday, 15 June 2003 17:53 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

OK so after reading this fine thread I decided to download a copy of the track, and HOLY SHIT! knocked my socks off! I'd heard it before in various background-music environments but never paid attention/realized what it was. I think I'm in love.

I'm totally with #7. I love that he identifies the song as a remix--it's a song about itself!

s1utsky (slutsky), Sunday, 15 June 2003 17:54 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

49) The 'stirring dance'

William Bloody Swygart (mrswygart), Sunday, 15 June 2003 17:55 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

he's just demonstrating that it is indeed hot and fresh out the kitchen

Al (sitcom), Sunday, 15 June 2003 17:59 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

Exactly. Greatness.

Plus:

50) His green-and-white wristband.

William Bloody Swygart (mrswygart), Sunday, 15 June 2003 18:07 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

I kiss all of you so much right now.

Cozen (Cozen), Sunday, 15 June 2003 18:30 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

51. The very second before a Hip Hop artist (with a huge 'fro') was about to go on stage came over and confessed his love for the track, knowing that I loved it. A memorable moment for me as it was a risky time, months before the anyone had broken cover and rhapsodised about it.

52. It doesn't sound like a 'real' song, rather some studio experiment, or album interlude.

nick.K (nick.K), Sunday, 15 June 2003 19:01 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

BUT i'd normally cross oceans to avoid kelly but i accidentally heard this tune in the megastore today and christ, it's brilliant for abt 43 of the reasons described above. i will now have to reappraise my entire life.

kieron, Sunday, 15 June 2003 19:04 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

53. ok I'm back

J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Sunday, 15 June 2003 19:35 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

Wow. Brilliant thread, John. Somehow I haven't heard this song before just now, I just downloaded it because of this thread. (I listen to virtually no radio aside from WFMU these days, and I've never heard it on MTV or BET while channel surfing.) Thank you! It's a wonderful song.

Matthew Perpetua (Matthew Perpetua), Sunday, 15 June 2003 19:36 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

54. There's the sudden change in vocal tone in the chorus, right at "mama rollin' that body" - where R Kelly reveals himself to be not just a consummate soul singer, but a pretty clued-in one. Loop that damned line. "Mama rollin' that body": who's that? It's not Kelly. I mean it is him singing, but whose moves is he copping?

J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Sunday, 15 June 2003 19:45 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

55. reggae, it's something reggae: dancehall specifically

J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Sunday, 15 June 2003 19:45 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

56. Elephant Man? No, gentler

J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Sunday, 15 June 2003 19:45 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

57. Ini Kamoze? No, that was what I thought, too, but no

J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Sunday, 15 June 2003 19:49 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

yeah, I thought the same thing--but I can't really identify what artist

s1utsky (slutsky), Sunday, 15 June 2003 19:54 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

58. Oh Christ it's Shaggy, where the hell did that come from?

J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Sunday, 15 June 2003 19:55 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

59. Would anybody who's not comfortable with having their contributions posted as part of my weekly Last Plane to Jakarta update please say so before the thread's over, thanks

J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Sunday, 15 June 2003 19:56 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

60. Yes I am aware that technically speaking that last one is not a reason why "Ignition - Remix" is so damned great, and neither is this one for that matter

J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Sunday, 15 June 2003 19:57 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

61. But hey, what can you do?

J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Sunday, 15 June 2003 19:57 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

62. Anyhow

J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Sunday, 15 June 2003 19:57 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

63. (note also that the whole feel of the remix owes a fair amount to Buju Banton, of all people)

J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Sunday, 15 June 2003 19:58 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

64. let's posit that somebody involved with this record has heard some dancehall

J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Sunday, 15 June 2003 20:02 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

65. and let's further posit that R Kelly is that guy, which is a lot more probable than the "oh-but-he's-do-dumb" crowd would like to admit, but all the disparate elements in his style suggest either the happiest accident of all time or a remarkable keen ear for when to put what where

J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Sunday, 15 June 2003 20:04 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

66. I actually hear a little bit of Prince in it. I can't be too specific or refer to any particular song (though I could hear the backing track fitting in fairly well on Sign O The Times), but it's a general feeling. Maybe it's the keyboards. Like the best Prince songs, it has an ability to make you feel vicariously smooth and sexy, even if you are not a particularly smooth or sexy person.

Matthew Perpetua (Matthew Perpetua), Sunday, 15 June 2003 20:04 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

Why would anyone doubt that R Kelly has heard some dancehall?

s1utsky (slutsky), Sunday, 15 June 2003 20:05 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

67. Spot-on Matthew, Prince is in here

J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Sunday, 15 June 2003 20:05 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

68. So's Curtis Mayfield

J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Sunday, 15 June 2003 20:05 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

...the glasses...because he wants to

s.r.w. (s.r.w.), Sunday, 15 June 2003 20:06 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

69. And Marvin' freaking GAYE

J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Sunday, 15 June 2003 20:06 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

70. So we've got the feeling of lots of reggae that most Americans have sadly missed just ripping across the front of the track, and this dumb weekend lyric that's not actually dumb, hitting-on-a-dozen-points vocals flexing so effortless that you might be forgiven for thinking it was guileless

J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Sunday, 15 June 2003 20:08 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

71. since after all that effect is the point

J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Sunday, 15 June 2003 20:08 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

69. that 180 degree head shot in the video is classic.

Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Sunday, 15 June 2003 20:09 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

That video online anywhere?

s1utsky (slutsky), Sunday, 15 June 2003 20:11 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

70. Julio you're right, this thread warrants at least two 69s

J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Sunday, 15 June 2003 20:11 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

71. Haven't seen the video

J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Sunday, 15 June 2003 20:12 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

72. Where was I? Oh yeah

J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Sunday, 15 June 2003 20:12 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

73. A dozen disparate elements in play all at once and that's when Kelly throws in the deep emotional vocal timbre that is his unique gift, and it's just where "adamwest" said it was:

J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Sunday, 15 June 2003 20:13 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

74. "bounce bounce bounce bounce"

J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Sunday, 15 June 2003 20:13 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

75. I mean listen to that, for the love of heaven listen to it, it's the depthless endless joy of pop music compressed into one word repeated four times

J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Sunday, 15 June 2003 20:14 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

76. john you have to see that video!

77. you'll spend the rest of yr time wondering abt that one shot.

Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Sunday, 15 June 2003 20:15 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

Sorry, but I don't hear Prince or reggae, I hear R Kelly.

(ps. Beyonce & Jigga's new single pretty much kills this tune)

ss, Sunday, 15 June 2003 20:15 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

78. gotta be R's a big Orson Welles fan from the sound of it - crazy, crazy times

J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Sunday, 15 June 2003 20:16 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

79. beyonce's new single is great.

80. at least as good as kelly rowland's last one

Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Sunday, 15 June 2003 20:17 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

81. twenty posts to go and it's finally getting away from me

J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Sunday, 15 June 2003 20:17 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

Hmmm I smell Kanye West.

ss, Sunday, 15 June 2003 20:18 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

82. (if you don't hear reggae on that one line, ss, you're not listening, I mean it's blatant)

J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Sunday, 15 June 2003 20:18 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

If you mean the little toast bit in the middle of the chorus, well, it's hardly fundamental to the record is it

ss, Sunday, 15 June 2003 20:20 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

83. the vibrato, the misplaced depth of feeling, the totality of it: "bounce bounce bounce bounce"

J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Sunday, 15 June 2003 20:20 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

84. (of course it's fundamental, it's a pop song, every line is fundamental)

J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Sunday, 15 June 2003 20:21 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

85. (especially the ones in the chorus)

J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Sunday, 15 June 2003 20:21 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

86. ok now where was I - oh yeah

J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Sunday, 15 June 2003 20:22 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

It's a pop song insofar as it's very popular. Otherwise it's an RnB record.

ss, Sunday, 15 June 2003 20:23 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

87. come on john you're nearly there!

Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Sunday, 15 June 2003 20:24 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

87. but beyond the pop joy of "bounce bounce" it's the sound of beleaguered R Kelly, whose troubles are known to even a casual pop listener but are known well by exactly the people who he'd rather knew nothing about them: people like me, the people who bought TP-2.com even though it had one of the worst album titles of all time

J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Sunday, 15 June 2003 20:24 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

89. if its in the charts its a pop record

Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Sunday, 15 June 2003 20:24 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

90. I'm tryin' Julio but ss wants to argue with me, you know how hard a time I have resisting arguments

J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Sunday, 15 June 2003 20:26 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

91. and he doesn't number his post like i'm doing

Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Sunday, 15 June 2003 20:27 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

92. dude I appreciate it more than you know, next time I'm in London the pints're on me

J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Sunday, 15 June 2003 20:28 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

93. assuming you're in London I mean

J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Sunday, 15 June 2003 20:28 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

94. yes i am.

Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Sunday, 15 June 2003 20:29 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

95. the shameful video & the rejected-by-Chicago-radio business & his sudden unwanted transition from known-but-not-huge pop star to universally-known-and-laregly-shunned tabloid coverboy, he's pushing that all to the side and taking aim

J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Sunday, 15 June 2003 20:30 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

96. and where is his aim

J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Sunday, 15 June 2003 20:30 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

97. well let me just answer that question

J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Sunday, 15 June 2003 20:31 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

98. with a question:

J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Sunday, 15 June 2003 20:31 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

99. "Where the party at?"

J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Sunday, 15 June 2003 20:31 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

100. Thank you, good night

J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Sunday, 15 June 2003 20:31 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

good night.

Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Sunday, 15 June 2003 20:32 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

101) then after the show its the aaaafter paaaarty / and after the party its the hotel lobbbbby

trife (simon_tr), Sunday, 15 June 2003 20:37 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

'i will gorgeously re-sing an element of my previous hit fiesta to show you how this new song is astonishingly superior to that previous high water mark'

trife (simon_tr), Sunday, 15 June 2003 20:39 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

previous previous previous, shamefully i didnt even like r til fiesta remix now i adore him

trife (simon_tr), Sunday, 15 June 2003 20:39 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

and it felt sort of shameful since jay was on it and stuff, im happy this new song is converting so many people now by being a perfect example of what he does best and without a rap even!!!

trife (simon_tr), Sunday, 15 June 2003 20:40 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

102) We can get this far without mentioning 'it's like murder she wrote'.

Cozen (Cozen), Sunday, 15 June 2003 20:43 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

103) if the ilx massive takes this thread up to 200 reasons then world domination cannot be far off

J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Sunday, 15 June 2003 20:47 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

104) and you're right Cozen the "it's like murder she wrote" line is genius

J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Sunday, 15 June 2003 20:47 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

105) and totally incongruous.

Cozen (Cozen), Sunday, 15 June 2003 20:57 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

106) well yeah hence the genius

J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Sunday, 15 June 2003 21:04 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

106) aye

Cozen (Cozen), Sunday, 15 June 2003 21:05 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

107) How is it that a man who can make a song as horrible as "I Believe I Can Fly" also create something as perfect and sublime as "Ignition (Remix)"? Somehow the fact that he has made some truly awful songs in his career makes this song even better.

Matthew Perpetua (Matthew Perpetua), Sunday, 15 June 2003 22:27 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

"then I'll take it to your room and--- (beat rat a tats) ---somebody."

Tim Finney (Tim Finney), Sunday, 15 June 2003 23:14 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

108)After the "peeing on a 14 year-old" thing broke, R. was a shamed, sorry human being, looking for a hug. Then he realized he could still sell records, and now it's like he revels in being sexy in a kinda lectcherous way. This is his rebirth.

Colin McElligatt, Sunday, 15 June 2003 23:39 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

109. It doesn't sound very reggae or Prince to me, but Philly soul. It's really got the same sort of smoothness.

Colin Beckett (Colin Beckett), Sunday, 15 June 2003 23:42 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

I NEED TO HEAR THIS SONG SO MUTHERFUCKIN' BAD!

Goddamnit! Why I have I not heard this yet. Who DENIES me?

Anthony Miccio (Anthony Miccio), Sunday, 15 June 2003 23:46 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

110. That even though I've thought about it for months now, I still can't figure out what the closing metaphor ("You must be a football coach/The way you got me playin’ the field") means but I still smile everytime I hear it. Someone wanna try to parse that rhyme down?

Yanc3y (ystrickler), Monday, 16 June 2003 00:25 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

"If there's grass on the field..."

Kris (aqueduct), Monday, 16 June 2003 00:28 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

What do you guys think of "Snake"?

Colin Beckett (Colin Beckett), Monday, 16 June 2003 00:28 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

Cuz who's the football coach? And if it's another woman, why would she be pleased to hear that she's inspired RK to fuck around? Is RK fucking a HIPPIE?!?!?

Yanc3y (ystrickler), Monday, 16 June 2003 00:31 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

Can someone explain what Murder She Wrote has to do with the lyrics? I am totally fucking baffled by that reference.

In context:

now its like Murder She Wrote
once I get you out them clothes
privacy is on the door
still they can hear you screamin' more
girl im feelin what you feelin
no more hopin' and wishin'
I'm 'bout to take my key and
stick it in the ignition

I......can't.....stop.....listening.....to......it.

Matthew Perpetua (Matthew Perpetua), Monday, 16 June 2003 01:12 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

About the football reference - you know, she's making him work hard to get her (he's "playing the field" = out to get girls). So he's playing the field, like football. She's, um, like his football coach. Or something. It barely works, but I get it.

111) What does this song have in common with the original "Ignition" besides some lyrical similarities, chiefly the really awful "stick my key in the ignition" vagina/woman = car thing? How is a completely different song on every level a remix?

Matthew Perpetua (Matthew Perpetua), Monday, 16 June 2003 01:17 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

murder she wrote = screaming overheard from behind closed doors?

minna (minna), Monday, 16 June 2003 01:30 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

well, it's based on the same drum pattern/sound as "Ignition", although it adds in some hi-hats and stuff, and expands on the famed "bounce bounce bounce bounce".

also, I think "Murder She Wrote" is being employed with the same meaning as "that's all she wrote". that is, it's ovah.

Al (sitcom), Monday, 16 June 2003 01:50 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

I don't know. I think of a band like the Ramones who used the same drum pattern/sound all the time, and repeated lyrics too, and yet it is easy to accept those all as being different songs. It's just funny to think of a song which sounds very, very different from another with shared elements being considered an alternate version.

Matthew Perpetua (Matthew Perpetua), Monday, 16 June 2003 01:55 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

also, I think "Murder She Wrote" is being employed with the same meaning as "that's all she wrote". that is, it's ovah.

Exactly what I was thinking.

Jody Beth Rosen (Jody Beth Rosen), Monday, 16 June 2003 02:06 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

I guess that makes sense, I'll go with it.

But "murder" and "that's all" have the same number of syllables! Why sing "murder" instead?

So weird! But I like it.

Matthew Perpetua (Matthew Perpetua), Monday, 16 June 2003 02:09 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

What does this song have in common with the original "Ignition" besides some lyrical similarities, chiefly the really awful "stick my key in the ignition" vagina/woman = car thing? How is a completely different song on every level a remix?

You have to hear the two side by side on the album for it to really click.

Colin Beckett (Colin Beckett), Monday, 16 June 2003 02:11 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

Are there any other similarly great songs on Chocolate Factory?

The only R Kelly album which I own is the record with Jay-Z, which has some fantastic stuff on it, "Honey" and "Shake Yo Body" in particular.

Matthew Perpetua (Matthew Perpetua), Monday, 16 June 2003 02:34 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

"Murder She Wrote" = Chaka Demus & Pliers dancehall hit from early '90s. There's your reggae link John D.

There's also the whole "I'm-a murder that coochie" vibe there that is mighty distasteful if you think about it much but who's thinking? To think is not TO DO. And that's ALL he wants to do.

Neudonym, Monday, 16 June 2003 03:25 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

Are there any other similarly great songs on Chocolate Factory?

The title track and "Snake" are pretty great, but the album, on the whole, is unremarkable.

Colin Beckett (Colin Beckett), Monday, 16 June 2003 03:36 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

Does anyone here remember "You Remind Me of My Jeep" from like three or so R Kelly records ago? Similar idea to "let me stick my key in the ignition" but far more ridiculous.

sammy, Monday, 16 June 2003 04:28 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

112) He starts with an apology: "I'm not tryin' to be rude..."

113) How slow is this damn song? You can't mix it with anything. The party slows down like bullet time when the man walks in.

114) Said party is suspiciously like a gender-segregated seventh grade dance: fellas on the left, honeys on the right. The ringmaster's job is to bring them together.

115) Stretch Navigator...yes, a simple Navigator isn't enough to contain this party; however, all overt bling (Cristal, Nav) is strictly throwaway in the verses. The important stuff is in the chorus. Toot toot.

116) *Freakin'?* Who says freakin'? It's like he just finished watching Goodfellas and Casino on broadcast television before he wrote the chorus.

r. geary (rgeary), Monday, 16 June 2003 04:34 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

I got so hooked. I think I listened to this song 100 times today.

s1utsky (slutsky), Monday, 16 June 2003 05:19 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

that chorus is like crack

s1utsky (slutsky), Monday, 16 June 2003 05:20 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

i like his fat mate doing the bouncy hand gestures behind him in the bit with the shelf of bottles - why he there ?

the nerdy clothing jewellery mix, the crouchy dance, that video is great.

he doesn't have a fro in the vid = it's all about the wanting/ the dreaming, ever been at a cool party but thought damn..if only (x) would happen this would be a McCutchian perfect moment.

s.r.w. (s.r.w.), Monday, 16 June 2003 06:37 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

117. It has saved ILM!

Tico Tico (Tico Tico), Monday, 16 June 2003 07:00 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

118. The way the chorus sounds totally wistful for an as-yet-happening present ('the weekend' is here!)

119. As noted by Tim F, the fronthanded backhandedness of the bawdy insinuation of those kick drums.

Cozen (Cozen), Monday, 16 June 2003 11:22 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

113) How slow is this damn song? You can't mix it with anything. The party slows down like bullet time when the man walks in

There was a spot on the Saturday Show at the weekend where one of Blazing Squad was dj-ing, mixing it with garage. Sounded great.

David (David), Monday, 16 June 2003 11:39 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

There's a much faster garagey mix doing the rounds, I hear it a lot in shops. I don't like it, though.

Tico Tico (Tico Tico), Monday, 16 June 2003 11:45 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

The Blazing Squad guy was just mixing a garage record over the R. Kelly at what sounded pretty much like its original speed. Not sure what the bpm of the R. Kelly is but it's very slow so it might well be an almost exact half of a typical garage tempo, say 140->70.

David (David), Monday, 16 June 2003 11:55 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

120. OK, this far in, and STILL no one has mentioned the best part of the song - the sing-song back-and-forth at the very end of the song, in which R. Kelly trades lines with, um, R. Kelly.

121. Also, I have to reiterate: "And after the show, it's the afterparty/And after the party it's the hotel lobby/'Round about 4 you gotta clear the lobby/And take it to your room and ___ somebody."

NA. (Nick A.), Monday, 16 June 2003 12:30 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

This song is seriously one of the worst things on the radio right now. Worse than A Simple Plan. Worse than the new Live single. Worse than the enervated, uninvolving Black Eyed Peas/JT single. It has absolutely no redeeming qualities whatsoever and every time it comes on the radio I always want to beat R Kelly about the head and shoulders with a bat for the intervening seconds it takes for me to lunge across the room and switch the station.

The beat is horrible. There's no meat or presence to it whatsoever. It doesn't even try to work a mellow groove; it just sits there and farts along like a senile gassy grandmother. R Kelly's singing cadence is HELLA ANNOYING in this song; it's like he's doing a Wierd Al parody of himself with every vestige of humor carefully excised with surgical precision. The song itself is dumb even by R. Kelly standards; the robo-delivery highlights this in the worst possible way.

AND FOR GOD'S SAKE IT HAS THE WORST CHORUS ON THE RADIO. Even Eminem's deeply-embarassing yelping in "Sing For The Moment" is better than this shit. Also, for such an allegedly-catchy song I'm having a really difficult time remembering how it goes.

Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 16 June 2003 12:43 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

dan perry read the instructions!

minna (minna), Monday, 16 June 2003 13:06 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

i made a thread POX: r kelly

minna (minna), Monday, 16 June 2003 13:10 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

I resisted this thread as long as I could but in the end I had to say something.

Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 16 June 2003 13:12 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

no you didn't

J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Monday, 16 June 2003 13:21 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

yeah, i am fucking sick of that shit

jess (dubplatestyle), Monday, 16 June 2003 13:25 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

at least ned hasn't heard the song so we don't have to sit through another of one of his hilarious timberlake-eminem style "jokes"

jess (dubplatestyle), Monday, 16 June 2003 13:25 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

bit on the emo side today are we jess

(kidding kidding please don't yell at me)

J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Monday, 16 June 2003 13:31 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

I sense bitterness.

Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 16 June 2003 13:33 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

I had to say something

no you didn't

There's no law against him intruding into 'your' thread. I like it when people ignore the petty strictures of thread makers. You can always edit out his comment when/if you revise your web page if you think it spoils the 'momentum' (oh and because his post didn't have a number, let's not forget that).

David (David), Monday, 16 June 2003 13:33 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

bit on the emo side today are we David

(not actually kidding, my response to Dan was in the spirit fun, not the fun-free dour game yer bringin' - also, this stopped being my thread at #100 if not before, and I uploaded last night)

(ps please number your contributions, thanks)

J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Monday, 16 June 2003 13:37 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

I said if you update it. Some of the numbered posts above 100 are a lot better than some of the earlier ones.

David (David), Monday, 16 June 2003 13:40 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

Once I saw the thread had gone up on the website I felt much less guilt about saying something. Then I thought to myself, "Why the hell should I feel guilt about expressing my feelings on this song?"

In the spirit of the thread I'll say one positive thing:

122. The song doesn't go on for 20 minutes.

Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 16 June 2003 13:45 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

123) The "check it out!" - we're having fun in the verses, but here comes that chorus again!

Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Monday, 16 June 2003 13:46 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

The song doesn't go on for 20 minutes.

124) but the version I just finished putting together in AcidPro does and is winging its way toward your inbox even as we speak

J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Monday, 16 June 2003 13:48 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

125) just kidding

J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Monday, 16 June 2003 13:49 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

126. The song inspires much Darn1elle comedy at my expense.

Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 16 June 2003 13:51 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

127) music makes the people come together

jess (dubplatestyle), Monday, 16 June 2003 13:52 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

128) Dan you know I love you & besides anything I ever say against you is only 'cause I'm jealous that you've got a harvard.edu address

J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Monday, 16 June 2003 13:55 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

129) not actually being sarcastic there, neither

J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Monday, 16 June 2003 13:55 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

Time for the '100 Reasons the '100 Reasons' Thread Is So Damned Great' thread --

*Jess beats Ned down*

Ned Raggett (Ned), Monday, 16 June 2003 13:56 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

128. I mean, freakin weekend? finally. Like so what I'm drunk. I just had some shitty time, around tuesday, there was like one thousand plus people outside the courthouse and I thought, oh um, damn, and how can I get outta this, am I getting outta this. Wednesday afternoon a fed ex came, fed-exed, saw a copy of the videotape, why did I make that goddamn videotape, and it was hot, but, you know. why. and thursday met with lawyers, whole team of them bleedin me dry, goddamn, they bleedin me dry, and will get me off, will get me off. and friday the deposition did not go well DID NOT GO WELL, so I came home and ironed creases into my jeans and popped in a 5 carat stone into my ear ($50,000), and hit the ride, and hit the poolside, and hit the coke and rum, and hit the bitches (remind me of my Lexus), and hit the bar, and now here I am in the lobby, and oh yeah like so what I'm drunk.

scott m (mcd), Monday, 16 June 2003 14:13 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

130) that drum, that drum, dear god that drum. Everything dance music has to teach (soul) about quickening the pulse, in one second.

Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Monday, 16 June 2003 14:16 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

131. What drum? THERE IS NO DRUM; this is one of my main gripes with the song.

Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 16 June 2003 14:18 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

132) Scott that was so, so good, God bless you

J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Monday, 16 June 2003 14:20 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

133) "we just thuggin this out", as blatantly false a statement as you are likely to find this year.

Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Monday, 16 June 2003 14:22 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

134) and where, exactly, are we just thuggin' this out? oh yeah: "on the reeeeemix"

J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Monday, 16 June 2003 14:26 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

Also, for such an allegedly-catchy song I'm having a really difficult time remembering how it goes.

134. I haven't heard this song in a few weeks (I want to listen to it now!) but reading through this thread brings the whole beautiful thing back. (Also, as someone who's only recently started listening to Top 40 radio again, that's how I knew it was a good song: after I heard it once, it was in my head all the damn time.)

135. I was just singing it a few minutes ago with a 21-year-old African-American girl I work with. She sang most of it; I did some bass harmony on "after party" and "hotel lobby."

jaymc (jaymc), Monday, 16 June 2003 14:26 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

...this thread IS meant as a sarcastic joke, isn't it...? Isn't it?

Sheesh - the wit, wonder and wisdom of R Kelly?

Please..........

russ t, Monday, 16 June 2003 14:28 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

137) "we just thuggin this out" is 2003's "dancin, yeah, real hardcore" from the dodger's "rewind"...hardman sentiments pressed into the service of the soppiest mid-tempo fluff of the year, crooned in ultra-sucrose swingbeat style

jess (dubplatestyle), Monday, 16 June 2003 14:28 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

What drum?

138. (oh alright then). Dan he means (I think) those periodic beefy snare rolls that, as well as giving an exciting lift at various points, also serve to fill in the gap between 'and' and 'somebody' on the last line of the last verse).

David (David), Monday, 16 June 2003 14:30 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

139) the same subtle dancehall inflection informs both kelly's vocal on this track and c david's on "rewind"...coincidence?

jess (dubplatestyle), Monday, 16 June 2003 14:32 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

140) also, "rewind" had the benefit of being one of the first "out front" singles of a New! Now! genre...kelly's single is a total genre-exercise (on the surface, anyway) making his victory that much sweeter, since he's not got the subtly-avant-garde/underground angle to work

jess (dubplatestyle), Monday, 16 June 2003 14:35 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

I'd be delighted if this format were adopted for other great singles, you know.

Tico Tico (Tico Tico), Monday, 16 June 2003 14:37 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

141) also the drum repeat (not snares) in the murder she wrote verse. The first lines have no drums, so the next two are doubled.

Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Monday, 16 June 2003 14:38 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

142) plus: craig david never pissed on any 14 year old girls. that i know of.

jess (dubplatestyle), Monday, 16 June 2003 14:40 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

143) it would certainly make him more interesting since he's basically got the personality of a boiled cabbage.

jess (dubplatestyle), Monday, 16 June 2003 14:42 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

144) it's pretty clear that we're living in the end times of a crumbling, decadent empire, and i can't imagine smokey robinson peeing on 14 yr old girls anymore than i can imagine him naming himself after a shoe brandname. but, if we ARE living in the end times of a crumbling, decadent empire, we could do a lot worse for a house songwriter - from a sheer technical proficiency standpoint - than r kelly.

jess (dubplatestyle), Monday, 16 June 2003 14:44 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

you people are all barking mad, you really are.... you truly ARE discussing the supposed merits of R Kelly.

Oh dear......

russ t, Monday, 16 June 2003 14:49 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

145. better than discussing the merits of indie assholes like morrissey.

Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Monday, 16 June 2003 14:55 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

Have you heard the track, Russ? I too had a heart full of hate for r. kelly, but this is really genuinely fanstatic.

Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Monday, 16 June 2003 14:55 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

146. Morrissey of late (where by "of late" I mean "for the vast majority of his solo career") is as much of a worthless throwaway as this R. Kelly song is.

Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 16 June 2003 14:56 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

147. Julio "Everyday Is Like Sunday" is the perfect indie companion to this song (there are two days in a freakin' weekend after all)

Tico Tico (Tico Tico), Monday, 16 June 2003 14:58 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

148. dan perry in being completely wrong again shockah!

Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Monday, 16 June 2003 14:59 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

149. Tico that could be true in yr universe.

Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Monday, 16 June 2003 15:01 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

150. Solo Morrissey has produced exactly as many good songs as R. Kelly (ie, three).

Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 16 June 2003 15:11 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

151. I have heard v little by either. the 'score' is: r kelly 1 really great song (+video), morrissey solo 0 (haven't seen any videos).

Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Monday, 16 June 2003 15:17 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

152. Dan that "Morrissey solo has only got three good songs" is mentalism of a very high order

J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Monday, 16 June 2003 15:30 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

Dan Perry, it is very unfortunate that you don't like the song. I'm sorry. You're totally missing out. But do you have to try to wreck this thread with your whining and weak attempts at critique and humor? This is about LOVING the song. Start another 100 Reasons thread about why you hate it if you've got to, but leave this be.

Matthew Perpetua (Matthew Perpetua), Monday, 16 June 2003 15:32 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

153. It is my sole mission in life to wreck this thread for Matthew Perpetua.

Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Monday, 16 June 2003 15:34 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

Dan's critiques are at least actual critiques based on listening to the song, unlike comedy bogglement that anyone could even be discussing it or one-line dismissals.

Tico Tico (Tico Tico), Monday, 16 June 2003 15:36 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

yes on ILM there have been these kind of threads ('reasons to hate/love song/artist x) on ILM before and there are ppl who do put in the opposite view (I did that when there was some similar thing on reasons people hate the doors but that was a long time ago) and that's fine.

Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Monday, 16 June 2003 15:58 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

154. This thread has now gone to 154 reasons.

Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Monday, 16 June 2003 16:00 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

155. and 154 is the name of a wire record.

Julio Desouza (jdesouza), Monday, 16 June 2003 16:01 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

156. 57 more balloons than Nena had.

Dom Passantino (Dom Passantino), Monday, 16 June 2003 16:02 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

157. this thread made me download a whole bunch of R Kelley songs. the best part of all of them is in "I Wish" when he's talking about this guy who'll "always be his nigga" and he goes "radio don't take the 'nigga' out this song'

JasonD (JasonD), Monday, 16 June 2003 17:47 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

I've been defending this song for about two months now. Thanks.

btw: The "murder she wrote" line requires reference to the dancehall original. Chaka Demus and Pliers sing 'bout hot gal wit di angel face and di devil heart. Dem gal act "flirty flirty" when dem "character dutty."

I think this is the kind of chick Mr. Kelly is talkin' about.

Oh, and that lazy fall into the chorus. Heavenly.

I don't, however, really feel the dancehall here...it's WAY too slow and lazy. It's got more of that Club Med reggae vibe. If it was over something like the diwali (see Wayne Marshall's "No Letting Go"), I might be willing to agree. Even then, dancehall deejays are anything but lazy and that's the charm of this tune.

cybele (cybele), Monday, 16 June 2003 18:52 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

158. Man JasonD that version of "I Wish" is so goddamn beautiful I can hardly take it

J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Monday, 16 June 2003 18:57 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

159. Dave Chapelle did a parody of this song on his Comedy Central show. It is so much better than the original:
http://comedycentral.com/tv_shows/chappellesshow/showclips.jhtml
lemme get a poop poop

Brian Bruxvoort, Monday, 16 June 2003 19:31 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

160. Based on the fact that you are talking about the Chapelle Show, which blows, and that last phrase, I can say, without having seen said clip, that you are WRONG WRONG WRONG!

NA. (Nick A.), Monday, 16 June 2003 19:35 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

161. John Darnielle's big-upping of this song is due to him appearing in the video as the white dancer </slander>

Andrew Farrell (afarrell), Monday, 16 June 2003 19:38 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

I like Dave Chappelle and all, but his show is so hit and miss. That parody only has one thing going for it: "Poo poo, pee pee." It's pretty bad otherwise.

162. But the song holds up despite the bad parody.

Vinnie (vprabhu), Monday, 16 June 2003 20:51 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

163. No matter how loud you turn the song up, it still sounds somehow muted, low and subtle and chilled-out. It managed to keep me sane through a day of innumerable hot, sticky and crowded tube journeys.

cis (cis), Monday, 16 June 2003 21:31 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

161. John Darnielle's big-upping of this song is due to him appearing in the video as the white dancer

164. Ain't/no/half/steppin'

J0hn Darn1elle (J0hn Darn1elle), Monday, 16 June 2003 21:51 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

165. the fact that 'R' stands for Rob

JasonD (JasonD), Wednesday, 18 June 2003 07:13 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

Jess is absolutely right about the "Re-Rewind" parallels

Mike Ouderkirk (Mike Ouderkirk), Wednesday, 18 June 2003 07:44 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

166. Unsurprisingly, I hate "Re-Rewind", too.

Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Wednesday, 18 June 2003 11:13 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

two months pass...
167-354 -- that's 1point for every second of this video

JasonD (JasonD), Saturday, 23 August 2003 04:41 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

btw, if you don't like stupid college kids wasting time in the dorms, please don't watch this video and complain to me later.

JasonD (JasonD), Saturday, 23 August 2003 04:50 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

two months pass...
355. I just heard this for the first time last week and I'm still recovering. Also, this is the greatest thread ever.

M Matos (M Matos), Thursday, 13 November 2003 06:11 (thirteen years ago) Permalink

eight months pass...
I just heard this song for the first time this evening, on my way home from work, and on my way to a party at my house. Total unbridled enthusiasm

fizzcaraldo (Justin M), Wednesday, 11 August 2004 07:58 (twelve years ago) Permalink

The whole melody is The Jackson 5... brilliant

Jimmy Mod, Man About Towne (ModJ), Wednesday, 11 August 2004 09:45 (twelve years ago) Permalink

eleven months pass...
358. it is STILL GREAT TO THIS DAY and probably forever

jeremy jordan (cruisy), Monday, 8 August 2005 13:31 (eleven years ago) Permalink

I'll admit, Ignition V2.0 is far better than the original 747 mix. That high pitched bass note on the offbeat and the delayed intro are extremely powerful!

Wait, we are talking about Dynamix II, right?

PappaWheelie (PappaWheelie), Monday, 8 August 2005 14:55 (eleven years ago) Permalink

11) What does this song have in common with the original "Ignition" besides some lyrical similarities, chiefly the really awful "stick my key in the ignition" vagina/woman = car thing? How is a completely different song on every level a remix?

same chords/bassline

noodle food, Monday, 8 August 2005 15:48 (eleven years ago) Permalink

six months pass...
check out my R. Kelly spoof on http://www.fullmoon316.com/
and give me your honest opinions.

One Love.

Wolfe, Bryan D., Sunday, 26 February 2006 22:21 (eleven years ago) Permalink

PICK ANOTHER F*CKING ANIMAL ALREADY!

team jaxon (jaxon), Sunday, 26 February 2006 23:04 (eleven years ago) Permalink

R. Kelly spoof

----this is the sound of me backing out the thread slowly.

deej.. (deej..), Monday, 27 February 2006 02:43 (eleven years ago) Permalink

one year passes...

still great

teeny, Sunday, 14 October 2007 22:22 (nine years ago) Permalink

359. this is the only song i listened to the year i graduated from high school and is inextricably tied up in my mind with weeks on end being drunk with high school friends and having the best time of my entire life smoking metric tons of weed in my garage

max, Sunday, 14 October 2007 22:44 (nine years ago) Permalink

bump.i was just watching music videos on youtube and was reminded of this ,easily my favourite ever thread about music

robin l, Monday, 22 October 2007 10:28 (nine years ago) Permalink

This thread makes up for any Egyptian Lover-related beardiness twice over.

The Reverend, Monday, 22 October 2007 14:21 (nine years ago) Permalink

A few years ago, on his blog, the white folk rocker John Darnielle declared his admiration for R. Kelly’s new R. & B. single “Ignition.” Thirty years ago, Darnielle might have attempted to imitate R. Kelly’s perverse and feather-light soul. Now he’s just a fan.

da croupier, Monday, 22 October 2007 14:29 (nine years ago) Permalink

^^^was gonna make this zing when i saw thread had been bumped

Dom Passantino, Monday, 22 October 2007 14:30 (nine years ago) Permalink

six months pass...

Probably has the best example in music of rhyming a word with itself, specifically "lobby".

Dom Passantino, Tuesday, 6 May 2008 11:59 (nine years ago) Permalink

This is gonna be a highlight of future VH1 'I Love the 00's!' shows in the future

baaderonixx, Tuesday, 6 May 2008 12:16 (nine years ago) Permalink

bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce

forksclovetofu, Tuesday, 6 May 2008 13:27 (nine years ago) Permalink

one year passes...

still the ultimate weekend song

Fetchboy, Saturday, 9 May 2009 17:23 (eight years ago) Permalink

This is my favorite ILM thread.

magna cum lord (The Reverend), Saturday, 9 May 2009 19:00 (eight years ago) Permalink

28. The good grammar: "Food everywhere / as if the party was catered"

― amateurist (amateurist)

Good grammar would be "food everywhere/as if the party were catered".

lil waynes babymama (musically), Saturday, 9 May 2009 19:05 (eight years ago) Permalink

like "hey ya" or "crazy" this is another song that i love but really don't want to hear ever again

triple-hater protection (J0rdan S.), Saturday, 9 May 2009 19:07 (eight years ago) Permalink

also ruined by the amount of non-rap/r&b listeners who're all OMFG GREATEST SONG EVER R. KELLY LOVE THIS but don't want to dance to say.... "step in the name of love" - yeah it's an awesome song but let's move on

triple-hater protection (J0rdan S.), Saturday, 9 May 2009 19:09 (eight years ago) Permalink

let's step on

s1ocki, Saturday, 9 May 2009 19:25 (eight years ago) Permalink

seriously tho this is a music snob thing that always kind of annoys me... why so mad at crossover hits and the people who like them? not being a rap/r&b listener isn't a character flaw, isn't it good that people who like other kinds of music have also get exposed to r&b through songs like this?

s1ocki, Saturday, 9 May 2009 19:27 (eight years ago) Permalink

it's a delicate balance between admitting that the strength of the crossover hit is that it just happens to be awesome & hating people who won't get down to the I Wish remix

but I didn't see a lotta ppl reppin for "You Saved Me" which was also awesome, so there are numerous circles of frontin to be unpacked

worm? lol (J0hn D.), Saturday, 9 May 2009 19:30 (eight years ago) Permalink

...

numerous circle of frontin (The Reverend), Saturday, 9 May 2009 19:32 (eight years ago) Permalink

lol forgot the "s"

numerous circles of frontin (The Reverend), Saturday, 9 May 2009 19:33 (eight years ago) Permalink

jordan s4rgent, weren't you just a year and a half ago all like "I like r&b singles but never would think to listen albums"

numerous circles of frontin (The Reverend), Saturday, 9 May 2009 20:18 (eight years ago) Permalink

genuine lol & genuine pride in having inspired this new screenname

worm? lol (J0hn D.), Saturday, 9 May 2009 20:22 (eight years ago) Permalink

one month passes...

360. this coming on shuffle when you haven't heard it in a year, and you're just walking to a bar on a summer evening

caek, Thursday, 18 June 2009 05:12 (seven years ago) Permalink

157. this thread made me download a whole bunch of R Kelley songs. the best part of all of them is in "I Wish" when he's talking about this guy who'll "always be his nigga" and he goes "radio don't take the 'nigga' out this song'

― JasonD (JasonD), Monday, June 16, 2003 1:47 PM (6 years ago)

dat nigga kelmar (k3vin k.), Thursday, 18 June 2009 05:22 (seven years ago) Permalink

this thread made me put the 4 hours of R. Kelly shit in my iTunes library on shuffle and it's really putting me in a good mood

from 'your house' to 'your pussy.' (some dude), Thursday, 18 June 2009 05:34 (seven years ago) Permalink

four weeks pass...

159.

Dan Majerle and the Wailers (Whitey on the Moon), Friday, 17 July 2009 04:07 (seven years ago) Permalink

160. &

trill ent. dudes get wiped down, totally (The Reverend), Friday, 17 July 2009 04:12 (seven years ago) Permalink

(I think that's worth at least two spots on this list)

trill ent. dudes get wiped down, totally (The Reverend), Friday, 17 July 2009 04:12 (seven years ago) Permalink

I don't understand why the video of me dancing to Ignition - Remix in the backseat is not a youtube hit

save your lover! (Z S), Friday, 17 July 2009 04:15 (seven years ago) Permalink

haha so dope

king kongro (J0rdan S.), Friday, 17 July 2009 04:18 (seven years ago) Permalink

one month passes...

161. It's an Al Green tribute without the slightest hint of reverence.

horribly jaded internet person who takes nothing too seriously (The Reverend), Friday, 28 August 2009 09:38 (seven years ago) Permalink

162. The way the original single of "Ignition" (not the remix) segued into "Now usually I don't do this, but...uh...go on head and break em off with a little previews of the remix" and played the whole first verse of the remix before fading out during the chorus.

horribly jaded internet person who takes nothing too seriously (The Reverend), Friday, 28 August 2009 09:50 (seven years ago) Permalink

like so:

horribly jaded internet person who takes nothing too seriously (The Reverend), Friday, 28 August 2009 09:52 (seven years ago) Permalink

I had never heard this song until earlier this week. It's pretty good!

claws of jungle red (Stevie D), Friday, 28 August 2009 14:30 (seven years ago) Permalink

this is the best thread

Ømår Littel (Jordan), Friday, 28 August 2009 14:44 (seven years ago) Permalink

162. The way the original single of "Ignition" (not the remix) segued into "Now usually I don't do this, but...uh...go on head and break em off with a little previews of the remix" and played the whole first verse of the remix before fading out during the chorus.

― horribly jaded internet person who takes nothing too seriously (The Reverend), Friday, August 28, 2009 9:50 AM (4 hours ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

^ this is awesome!

thomp, Friday, 28 August 2009 14:56 (seven years ago) Permalink

Yeah...IIRC the original was out for like 3 months before the remix, so it was like, you know it's coming, what does the rest of it sound like, etc.

Mad Men on the BBS (some dude), Friday, 28 August 2009 15:07 (seven years ago) Permalink

^^^this

horribly jaded internet person who takes nothing too seriously (The Reverend), Friday, 28 August 2009 21:41 (seven years ago) Permalink

OK guys so I'm OBSESSED with this song and realized I'm completely unacquainted with the R&B canon. Where should I start if I'm really into this (major-key harmonies, soulful falsetto, etc)?

An adult loves to win awards (Stevie D), Saturday, 29 August 2009 16:46 (seven years ago) Permalink

to be honest i have no idea how to recommend something to you, because knowledge of this song is like a venn diagram overlap of every single human i know, so its kinda hard to know what R&B you actually know.

I recommend starting with an early 'rhythm and blues' compilation from the mid-20th century

butthurt (deej), Sunday, 30 August 2009 03:11 (seven years ago) Permalink

woah i had never heard the "original" ignition before and i love it. remix is better but like, not even by that much. besides that "wiik wok wiik wok" guitar line during the chorus and the "bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce" i wouldn't have even thought the two songs were related. would've just assumed they were commonly reoccuring r kelly motifs.

samosa gibreel, Sunday, 30 August 2009 03:54 (seven years ago) Permalink

OMG, I listened to this a few times in the past couple days, having been inspired to by this thread & it is like SUPERGLUE ON MY BRAIN - the chorus just keeps cycling over & over and then bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce..

Damn fine song, though, and deserving of all the recent praise.

Pullman/Paxton Revolving Bills (Pillbox), Sunday, 30 August 2009 07:08 (seven years ago) Permalink

listening to Suga Free's Doe Doe and Skunk and it feels related. (great lil' slick song) (i looked for a Suga Free thread, but don't think it exists)

Ludo, Sunday, 30 August 2009 08:53 (seven years ago) Permalink

toot toot / beep beep = ultimate payoff

ABSOLUTELY NO SCRUBS WHATSOEVER, Monday, 31 August 2009 00:20 (seven years ago) Permalink

one month passes...

ahhhh I listened to it with headphones for the first time and at the end of every line he layers his voice and it echoes and I can't even wax eloquent about it right now because I'm busy furiously clicking the repeat button

Andrew Kornfan, Friday, 9 October 2009 06:31 (seven years ago) Permalink

163 by the way. wowza

Andrew Kornfan, Friday, 9 October 2009 06:35 (seven years ago) Permalink

Such a great thread.

Bill A, Friday, 9 October 2009 08:03 (seven years ago) Permalink

Single of the decade.

Sickamous (Scik Mouthy), Friday, 9 October 2009 08:13 (seven years ago) Permalink

three months pass...

164. It mixes over "Love Story" by Layo and Bushwacka surprisingly well, as long as you (sadly) take out the awesome hanging chord/extra beat leading into the chorus.

(Love this song, not my usual style but I love it.)

dog latin, Friday, 22 January 2010 14:10 (seven years ago) Permalink

clearly one of my favorite songs of the decade.
one of the only that made me go "wow" the first time I heard it properly.
a kind of "love at first sight" thing !

AlXTC from Paris, Friday, 22 January 2010 14:17 (seven years ago) Permalink

Single of the decade.

― Sickamous (Scik Mouthy),

Clever.

Blue Fucks Like Ben Nelson (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Friday, 22 January 2010 14:19 (seven years ago) Permalink

Haha

brain thoughts (Scik Mouthy), Friday, 22 January 2010 14:21 (seven years ago) Permalink

I guess I must have dismissed it completely when it first came out (not a big R Kelly/r'n'b stan in general) but you can't mess with this.

dog latin, Friday, 22 January 2010 15:01 (seven years ago) Permalink

GAH OMG totally just noticed the amazing piano bits in this song. It is so laid-back and wonderful and accentuates everything so perfectly. Shit this song just got like three times better.

26 Mixes Focaccia (Stevie D), Monday, 1 February 2010 07:33 (seven years ago) Permalink

what the hell is going on in the MJ videos?

forksclovetofu, Monday, 1 February 2010 07:37 (seven years ago) Permalink

Ignition (Remix) is possibly my favourite song of all time. Wrote a piece about it/trapped in the closet for my university's magazine. S#pretty good:

R KELLY – MISUNDERSTOOD GENIUS

We all have topics of conversation that repeatedly come up after a few drinks. Mine include Motown (“Oh God, music will never get better than this!”), the work of Shane Meadows (“He just seems really down to earth, top bloke, having a pint with him would be rad!”) and, predominately, trying to persuade people that R. Kelly is a genius rather than a slightly grubby R’n’B star.

Earlier in the decade Kelly was accused to recording himself having sex with an underage girl. Not just regular sex though, oh no. The video allegedly showed him urinating on her. This is possibly why my argument rarely wins people over. Even though he was found guilty on all 14 charges it is hard to erase the case from the memory. And of course we must remember that back in 1994 he married the sadly deceased singer Aaliyah. When she was fifteen. And R had known her since she was twelve. However, I feel that as hard as it can be to do so, we have to separate the personal life from the material the artist produces. People still love Annie Hall and Chinatown regardless of the directors predilections, right?

Whatever you think about his music, it’s impossible to deny the fact that Robert Sylvester Kelly is one of the most fascinating characters in music today. He has managed to ride the waves of controversy that have dogged his career and still remains one of the biggest selling artists in America today. One of the most interesting things about him professionally is his willingness to reveal so much about himself. I remember reading an interview with him in Q magazine a few years back when he discussed the trouble he has in living with the R. Kelly persona that he has created. He said that sometimes he didn’t want to be this sex-loving, club-hopping star bur wanted to ‘just be Robert, the God loving family man (Kelly has three children from his marriage which dissolved at the start of the year). His songs mainly come in two flavours: the upfront sex fueled club banger and the introspective, almost embarrassingly open quiet ones. It’s the former category that appeals to me; if we take it that 95% of all pop music is, and always has been, about sex, then R. is the undisputed king of pop (as we live in the post-Jackson age someone has to take the title). No one writes about sex like he does. This is a man who has songs called ‘Sex Planet’, ‘Good Sex’ and ‘Bangin’ the Headboard;’, a man who sings lines like ‘Girl, I got you so wet it’s like a rainforest/Like Jurassic Park except I’m your sex-a-saurus baby’. You sense that this is a man who does not find sex shameful in any way; rather he is someone who embraces and celebrates everything about his own sexuality. I can’t think of another singer who would holler the line ‘We’re like two gorillas in the jungle baby makin’ love’ in such a matter of fact, un-ironic way.

When I raise the Kelly topic I’m often accused of having an ‘ironic’ liking of him. This is a concept that I don’t fully understand as I don’t subscribe to the notion of guilty pleasures. Irony, in this sense, is something that we use to create a sense of distance between something that we like but feel like we shouldn’t. We feel above the subject, as if our liking of it validates it somehow. There is nothing ‘ironic’ about my love of what is Kelly’s undoubted masterpiece, Ignition (Remix). The song, like so many others in his vast back catalogue, is about going out, having fun and, eventually, having sex. It is, and I have to admit at this point that I’m prone to hyperbole, one of the most joyful three minutes of music ever made. Ignition sounds like every good memory you have of nights out with friends condensed into one blissful sequence that doesn’t end with a hangover. From the moment Kelly intones that he ‘doesn’t usually do this…’ to the moment the vocal drops out and an almost celestial synth line waltzes in and out of the mix, it is a paean to joy. It’s also the last great song to hit the number one spot in the charts (though, in fairness, Yeah! By Usher comes close). Ignition (Remix) cemented Kelly’s position as master of the intro. His other great intro comes from the 1994 smash Bump n’ Grind, when he tells the girl he’s wooing that whilst his ‘mind is telling him no’ his body, his body ‘is telling me yes!’. The conviction in his delivery is almost frightening.

If I haven’t converted the person listening to me by droning on and on about Ignition (Remix) then I play the trump card: Trapped in the Closet, his 22 part hip-hopera. Trapped can easily be viewed as an absurd, pointless, repetitive mess that cannot sustain its narrative for long enough to make it watchable. This is, frankly, a load of rubbish. Trapped in the Closet is one of the defining pop-culture artifacts of the decade. It is in fact a lovingly crafted piece of drama that manages to be incredibly amusing whilst being knowingly silly. It is to Kelly’s credit that this knowingness does not become irritating at any point.

The plot is far too labyrinthine to be turned into a pithy synopsis, but essentially it deals with issues of fidelity, homosexuality, identity and masculinity. Set it in Spain, swap Kelly for Javier Bardem and you’ve got a Pedro Almdovar film. Incidentally, Trapped… shares Almodovar’s fetishization of the telephone. The characters sing-talk their way through a series of hilariously convulted and bizarre situations that involve gay couples, wife swapping and midget strippers. It’s the sheer oddness of the piece that makes it such compulsive vieiwing. Admittedly, some moments when seen in isolation, such as the infamous moment where it’s revealed that there is a man in the cupboard and that man is a midget, which seem laughably bad, but when viewed in order these moments of utter strangeness become oddly plausible.

At several points R. Kelly, who plays the central character Sylvester and several others (including an old drunk and ‘Pimp Lucious’ whose name tells you all you need to know about the character) interjects and comments on the events. This breaking of the fourth wall is obviously a reference to dramatist Bertolt Brecht’s alienation techniques as well as Austrian director Michael Haneke’s classic 1997 film Funny Games. These interjections exemplify the blurring of fiction and reality within the piece that make it so great. The characters are constantly trying to ascertain what exactly has happened to the other characters and work out possible outcomes. There’s even an utterly abstract commentary section wherein R Kelly is sat in a chair pretending to watch the episodes whilst he talks about them as if they were real. He goes on to claim that people often ask him if it’s based on his own experiences and he says that whilst it isn’t it ‘takes a few chapters from real life,’ a statement that makes me realize how mundane my own life is.

Homosexuality is a theme not often explored in the world of ‘urban’ music and it is admirable that Kelly makes two gay characters, Rufus (a pastor) and Chuck (a deacon) two of his main characters. They are not presented as camp but as two ‘normal’ men who fell in love with each other but have to keep this love secret because society would not, they feel, accept it. The fact that both men work for the church adds an interesting frisson to the relationship.

Ok, enough theorizing. The main reason why I love Trapped in the Closet so much is because it’s laugh out loud funny. There are too many good moments to mention but personal highlights include: Sylvester stopping his wife from having sex with because he’s got a cramp in his leg, the rhyming of ‘Rufus and Chuck’ with ‘what the fuck’ (I should mention that the swearing in the piece is absolutely exquisite; every ‘fuck’ and ‘motherfucker’ is a work of art) and the midget literally crapping himself in terror.

Trapped in the Closet is the work of a man who, seemingly, does not care what people think of him. It is an irresistible hour and a half that confirms R. Kelly’s place as one of the most important pop-culture figures working today. Just try not to think about I Believe I Can Fly.

JOSH BAINES

Dwight Yorke, Monday, 1 February 2010 10:55 (seven years ago) Permalink

'Even though he was found guilty on all 14 charges it is hard to erase the case from the memory'
^unfortunate typo

Popture, Monday, 1 February 2010 11:12 (seven years ago) Permalink

oops!

Dwight Yorke, Monday, 1 February 2010 11:17 (seven years ago) Permalink

just me or is there a touch of autotune on "mama, ROLLIN that body"

sorta wish it wasn't there but eh whatcha gon do

Tracer Hand, Monday, 1 February 2010 11:38 (seven years ago) Permalink

Nice article Dwight Yorke!

dog latin, Monday, 1 February 2010 11:54 (seven years ago) Permalink

ecuador_with_a_c, Monday, 1 February 2010 16:13 (seven years ago) Permalink

that was a lot better than a university

LRN, which helps companies build ethical cultures (bernard snowy), Monday, 1 February 2010 16:45 (seven years ago) Permalink

er fuck, my finger slipped

post should say: "that was a lot better than a university magazine article entitled 'R.Kelly: Misunderstood Genius' has any right to be"

LRN, which helps companies build ethical cultures (bernard snowy), Monday, 1 February 2010 16:46 (seven years ago) Permalink

i can never hear the hanging chord in this btw

plaxico (I know, right?), Monday, 1 February 2010 18:06 (seven years ago) Permalink

it's just an extra measure - it comes right before the chorus - you sorta think the chorus should kick in sooner than it actually does and it leaves you hangin for a second

Tracer Hand, Monday, 1 February 2010 18:09 (seven years ago) Permalink

Thanks, LRN. I think?

Dwight Yorke, Monday, 1 February 2010 19:41 (seven years ago) Permalink

xxp I can't hear it either!!

26 Mixes Focaccia (Stevie D), Monday, 1 February 2010 19:49 (seven years ago) Permalink

Yeah, it's not really a hanging chord. As Tracer says it's that little bit before the chorus where you hear R say "yeah, c'mon". It delays the chorus coming in slightly, making for false anticipation and breaking from the 4/4 tradition. It's very clever actually, and was what drew me to the song in the first place.

dog latin, Monday, 1 February 2010 19:55 (seven years ago) Permalink

Are you talking about when he says "that's why they say it on the radio" bit? the extra measure?

26 Mixes Focaccia (Stevie D), Monday, 1 February 2010 20:01 (seven years ago) Permalink

At several points R. Kelly, who plays the central character Sylvester and several others (including an old drunk and ‘Pimp Lucious’ whose name tells you all you need to know about the character) interjects and comments on the events. This breaking of the fourth wall is obviously a reference to dramatist Bertolt Brecht’s alienation techniques as well as Austrian director Michael Haneke’s classic 1997 film Funny Games

I would wager money that R. Kelly has no idea that Brecht and Haneke exist.

PIES! PIES! PIES! PIES! PIES! (HI DERE), Monday, 1 February 2010 20:03 (seven years ago) Permalink

Or I guess it's half a measure depending on how you count the BPM

26 Mixes Focaccia (Stevie D), Monday, 1 February 2010 20:03 (seven years ago) Permalink

ignition (single, not remix):

┌∩┐(◕_◕)┌∩┐ (Steve Shasta), Monday, 1 February 2010 20:10 (seven years ago) Permalink

Pies Pies Pies: I was trying to be funny. I liked the idea of Kells watching Funny Games. S'not meant to be a wholly serious piece.

Dwight Yorke, Monday, 1 February 2010 22:33 (seven years ago) Permalink

haha okay that does make me feel better because that section, esp. in the context of the rest of the piece, was really making me go o_O

PIES! PIES! PIES! PIES! PIES! (HI DERE), Monday, 1 February 2010 22:45 (seven years ago) Permalink

two weeks pass...

why are ignition and ignition remix on different sides on the vinyl version?

plaxico (I know, right?), Sunday, 21 February 2010 10:54 (seven years ago) Permalink

of the album or the single?

OMG Thanx Jeezy (some dude), Sunday, 21 February 2010 11:28 (seven years ago) Permalink

album

plaxico (I know, right?), Sunday, 21 February 2010 11:41 (seven years ago) Permalink

any threads on "Sex me" and its remix? cuz that shiz is badarse.

Ballistic, Sunday, 21 February 2010 16:33 (seven years ago) Permalink

Guys, I should listen to R. Kelly more. What album should I get first?

You know, I could use this. It's very beautiful. And I love the color (Stevie D), Sunday, 21 February 2010 19:40 (seven years ago) Permalink

TP-2.com or chocolate factory?

plaxico (I know, right?), Sunday, 21 February 2010 19:44 (seven years ago) Permalink

from the 00s era, def choc factory & happy people/u saved me

/b/ OK (J0rdan S.), Sunday, 21 February 2010 19:46 (seven years ago) Permalink

the muddy waters of donk (Display Name), Monday, 22 February 2010 00:47 (seven years ago) Permalink

RUNNIN HER HANDS THROUGH MY FRO
BOUNCIN ON 24S
WHILE THEY SAY ON THE RADIO

im on the moon btw (The Reverend), Tuesday, 2 March 2010 08:34 (seven years ago) Permalink

RUNNIN HER HANDS THROUGH MY FRO
BOUNCIN ON 24S

this is indisputably one of the best rhymes ever

waka flocka pedia (J0rdan S.), Tuesday, 2 March 2010 08:34 (seven years ago) Permalink

I'M LIKE SO WHAT I'M DRUNK

im on the moon btw (The Reverend), Tuesday, 2 March 2010 08:35 (seven years ago) Permalink

367. How the outro serves as a summarizing conclusion to the rest of the song.

im on the moon btw (The Reverend), Tuesday, 2 March 2010 08:39 (seven years ago) Permalink

http://open.spotify.com/album/1f0S7pJCiCC6reYPB7Ypzo

SMOOTH JAZZ COVERS OF KELLS' GREATEST HITS!

Dwight Yorke, Tuesday, 2 March 2010 16:00 (seven years ago) Permalink

it's unbelievable to me that a human being actually wrote this song -- it's such an accepted and perfect american monument that it's easy to forget that it had to be formulated in r. kelly's head and worked on and perfect and honed and all that. at this point it just exists as something that... represents us that it's almost like it was here before we all were. it's like the statue of liberty or something.

hitler runoff (J0rdan S.), Thursday, 11 March 2010 19:26 (seven years ago) Permalink

anyway

368. how guttural yet clear and pristine he sings "mama roooollin that body" -- he hits such a perfect balance that it's the only line i refuse to sing along to because he just sings it too perfectly that i don't want to deny myself the opportunity of hearing it again

hitler runoff (J0rdan S.), Thursday, 11 March 2010 19:27 (seven years ago) Permalink

it's unbelievable to me that a human being actually wrote this song -- it's such an accepted and perfect american monument that it's easy to forget that it had to be formulated in r. kelly's head and worked on and perfect and honed and all that. at this point it just exists as something that... represents us that it's almost like it was here before we all were. it's like the statue of liberty or something.

― hitler runoff (J0rdan S.), Thursday, March 11, 2010 2:26 PM (39 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

this is crazy talk, the whole song is so much more a natural extension of the artist's catalog/persona than it is a universal standard singular hit song

some dude, Thursday, 11 March 2010 20:09 (seven years ago) Permalink

i mean "I Believe I Can Fly" fits your description way more

some dude, Thursday, 11 March 2010 20:10 (seven years ago) Permalink

well... i think it's both a universal standard hit song & and an extension of kelly's catalog -- i wasn't trying to imply that it was an outlier or anything -- it's just so perfectly constructed to me that it's almost inhuman

hitler runoff (J0rdan S.), Thursday, 11 March 2010 20:15 (seven years ago) Permalink

uh oh – auteur theory at work!

The Magnificent Colin Firth (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Thursday, 11 March 2010 20:36 (seven years ago) Permalink

ha

guapism rules (The Reverend), Thursday, 11 March 2010 20:50 (seven years ago) Permalink

one month passes...

369. I've always felt like it sounded like a 70s soul song, but for seven years it escaped me exactly just which one. Then it hit me, it sounds like "Let's Do It Again" by the Staple Singers!

you might be a goon but what's a goon to a viking? (The Reverend), Wednesday, 5 May 2010 11:43 (seven years ago) Permalink

370. Who are from Chicago. Just like R. Kelly. And it was written and produced by Curtis Mayfield, also a Chicagoan. I was in Chicago for a week or two last summer, and both those songs feel exactly like Chicago during the summer.

you might be a goon but what's a goon to a viking? (The Reverend), Wednesday, 5 May 2010 11:44 (seven years ago) Permalink

371. Back to the dancehall inflection on "Mama ROLLIN that body". He really drives the point home with the even more affected "LISTEN NOW!" that follows in the background, as if to remove any ambiguity that he knows exactly what he's doing.

you might be a goon but what's a goon to a viking? (The Reverend), Wednesday, 5 May 2010 11:46 (seven years ago) Permalink

ten months pass...

372

Ward Fowler, Friday, 11 March 2011 21:26 (six years ago) Permalink

one year passes...

^not one of them

40oz of tears (Jordan), Tuesday, 20 March 2012 20:45 (five years ago) Permalink

five months pass...

this is, i think, at least a little offensive to ppl that use ASL ("look at how they ~talk~") but g-d i lol'd ok

catbus otm (gbx), Tuesday, 11 September 2012 22:13 (four years ago) Permalink

four months pass...

Released 10 years ago today.

jaymc, Tuesday, 22 January 2013 18:35 (four years ago) Permalink

I can't even believe that. Am I just getting old, or has the entirety of post 2000 time blurred together into one big indigestible mass?

Dominique, Tuesday, 22 January 2013 18:39 (four years ago) Permalink

Yes.

Ned Raggett, Tuesday, 22 January 2013 18:46 (four years ago) Permalink

kids still love this song.

billstevejim, Tuesday, 22 January 2013 21:26 (four years ago) Permalink

also 2003 was fucking amazing, so expect a lot more of these "omg no wai 10 years ago" deals

billstevejim, Tuesday, 22 January 2013 21:28 (four years ago) Permalink

we get links

mookieproof, Wednesday, 23 January 2013 16:46 (four years ago) Permalink

There was no "Ignition" (orig mix), was there?

Mark G, Wednesday, 23 January 2013 17:06 (four years ago) Permalink

Crying 4 u

The Reverend, Wednesday, 23 January 2013 17:10 (four years ago) Permalink

it was a radio hit before the remix dropped. it's on The Chocolate Factory directly before the remix. it's a fucking awesome song, and I hate that the remix has so totally eclipsed it for most people.

xp

Doctor No Cassie (some dude), Wednesday, 23 January 2013 17:10 (four years ago) Permalink

I saw Will Oldham and Matt Sweeney cover the original "Ignition" in 2004.

jaymc, Wednesday, 23 January 2013 17:14 (four years ago) Permalink

It's not a bad song, but I've been disappointed when I've come across "Ignition" but not "Ignition (Remix)" in karaoke books.

jaymc, Wednesday, 23 January 2013 17:14 (four years ago) Permalink

Almost disappointed that there was an "original", it'd be a bit KLF if it didn't though.

Will have to hear it.

Mark G, Wednesday, 23 January 2013 17:17 (four years ago) Permalink

yeah I was DJ'ing for some kids one time early 2004 and I accidentally played the original version. they were like literally teenagers though so i think i cared more than they did.

billstevejim, Wednesday, 23 January 2013 17:20 (four years ago) Permalink

There was no "Sex In The Kitchen" (orig mix) though, was there?

( ͡° ͜ʖ͡°) (sic), Wednesday, 23 January 2013 21:07 (four years ago) Permalink

these songs are on platinum-selling albums guys, jeez

Doctor No Cassie (some dude), Wednesday, 23 January 2013 21:26 (four years ago) Permalink

this is like when kids think the Jerry Lewis voice was originated by The Animaniacs

Doctor No Cassie (some dude), Wednesday, 23 January 2013 21:26 (four years ago) Permalink

I feel sorry for anyone not familiar with the joys of "GIRL. I'M. READY. TO. TOSS. YOUR. SALAD." tbh

The Reverend, Wednesday, 23 January 2013 22:10 (four years ago) Permalink

just remembered this topped Stylus' best-of-decade list three years ago.

the little prince of inane false binary hype (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Wednesday, 23 January 2013 22:10 (four years ago) Permalink

haha i knew al was gonna flip at that post

k3vin k., Wednesday, 23 January 2013 22:40 (four years ago) Permalink

Okay, but there was no "Snake" (orig mix) though, was there?

( ͡° ͜ʖ͡°) (sic), Wednesday, 23 January 2013 22:48 (four years ago) Permalink

乒乓, Sunday, 27 January 2013 05:28 (four years ago) Permalink

one year passes...

times change :-(

caek, Saturday, 15 March 2014 23:22 (three years ago) Permalink

you can't play this at a wedding anymore, right?

caek, Saturday, 15 March 2014 23:22 (three years ago) Permalink

yeah the good old days when people were more willing to overlook that he had raped several girls...??

dyl, Saturday, 15 March 2014 23:59 (three years ago) Permalink

jesus christ if you had to vet the personal history of every musician before playing their song at a fucking party.

acluelessdic (some dude), Sunday, 16 March 2014 00:31 (three years ago) Permalink

Um a lot of ppl'd get off fine, this fuck wouldn't, boo fuckin hoo

sonic thedgehod (albvivertine), Sunday, 16 March 2014 01:32 (three years ago) Permalink

wow this brings it back omg no wai etc

into the aerosmith, over the sea (Hunt3r), Sunday, 16 March 2014 02:08 (three years ago) Permalink

sorry my post was a little harsh but that is the only difference between then and now that i can think of so i find it difficult to feel sad that i won't be hearing this at many weddings as a consequence

dyl, Sunday, 16 March 2014 05:13 (three years ago) Permalink

I'd gladly support the creation of a "100 Reasons Why 'You Remind Me of Something' Is So Damned Great" thread

Frontier Psychiatrist, Sunday, 16 March 2014 09:38 (three years ago) Permalink

two weeks pass...

I'd be amazed if you could come up with more than 2

Neanderthal, Thursday, 3 April 2014 21:48 (three years ago) Permalink

be amazed

1 pONO 3v3Ry+h1n G!!!1 (dog latin), Friday, 4 April 2014 10:41 (three years ago) Permalink

eleven months pass...

How is that not a Clickhole article?

MarkoP, Tuesday, 31 March 2015 21:50 (two years ago) Permalink

oh dear lord

DJP, Tuesday, 31 March 2015 21:51 (two years ago) Permalink

this is worse than when they wrote a whole article pointing out the 'lone pine mall' in back to the future

deej loaf (D-40), Tuesday, 31 March 2015 22:02 (two years ago) Permalink

Thought we had polled the original vs. the remix at one point

, Tuesday, 31 March 2015 22:03 (two years ago) Permalink

deej loaf (D-40), Tuesday, 31 March 2015 22:04 (two years ago) Permalink

so good

creaks, whines and trife (s.clover), Thursday, 2 April 2015 17:26 (two years ago) Permalink

nine months pass...
one month passes...

http://www.gq.com/story/r-kelly-confessions

Kelly then tells me a story about “Ignition (Remix)” that is so bizarre and counter-logical that I'll get him to repeat the whole thing tomorrow. It makes so little sense that I assume I have misunderstood. What he tells me is this: that he wrote the basis of “Ignition (Remix)”—including the lyric It's the remix to “Ignition” / hot and fresh out the kitchen…—five or so years before he wrote the song called “Ignition.” (It stayed on the shelf because, initially, he didn't think much of it.) That's really what he's saying: He wrote the remix of a song, with lyrics identifying it as a remixed version, five years before he wrote the “original.” In other words, the song called “Ignition”—which was presented to the world as the song that “Ignition (Remix)” was the remix of—was actually an R. Kelly-style remix of the song we know as “Ignition (Remix).” I talk this through with him, again and again, increasingly mystified, but he really does seem to mean this. “It's ass-backwards,” he admits contentedly.

Jersey Al (Albert R. Broccoli), Tuesday, 1 March 2016 18:25 (one year ago) Permalink


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