Rolling Worst Music of 2017

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XMb4TGFEVYw

"Today we share a new song to inspire the weary-disappointed hearts of so many crest-fallen citizens. We just started working on a new album, but “Smoke ‘em Out” begged to be turned loose on the world now, as a means of participation during these turbulent yet invigorating times. Joined on guest vocals by our fellow Future Feminist ANOHNI, “Smoke ‘em Out” welcomes the new character who will be occupying the White House with a mob of women and children armed with forks and knives. In the wake of this unnatural disaster, we feel a call to rise, shout, and burn the house down. The future is female.
peace, Bianca & Sierra Casady"

"begged to be turned loose"

also, i got blocked from Anohni's FB page when I dared to bring up CocoRosie's Kill Whitey parties when she posted a link to the song lmao

fault in our stars actor & lowkey EDM festival DJ attempts to breaks out as a budding pop star with hilariously atrocious results:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U4gsAS8h3p0

Watching the Beta Boys video from the previous year's thread led me down a Youtube recommend alley to the work of their sole female member, "Fellatia Geisha". It's, um, interesting. Not exactly good interesting.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7OvXyrySKtU

Oh wow, she has a new one this week, and um...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YLha5zlBQMc

Lots of things going on here, but I can't help zeroing in on the use of an FCUK t-shirt to apparently signify rebellion against "intersectional feminism"

Was just coming here to post the Ansel track.

abysmal real name of 2017 and hard to see how that track & video will be beaten either

the second one is kinda like beat poetry on a Thursday night at Borders circa 1999

I don't hate this ansel elgort thing as much as I should

I guess I'll tolerate anything* if it's over a decent synthesizer

* except, like, nazi shit, no one post that buzzfeed article, I've read it

i didn't think it was bad either

um

there was an "exposé" a few months about a "burgeoning" "subgenre" of fascist/neo-nazi themed songs over giorgio moroder ripoffs

So far nothing in this thread is truly awful.

best/worst thing about the ansel elgort song is his overenunciation of every single word

i think he learned it phonetically

as a person who has actually liked a fair number of FJM/J. Tillman things, his decision to double down on po-faced "political" lyrics has resulted in, I believe, some dizzying new lows worthy of this thread

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BT2-0y1542I

That Elgort video is pretty good on mute, cause you know, cute mostly-naked boy + Cocaine Noir visuals.

I hope his acting is better than his singing, otherwise he might ruin the upcoming Edgar Wright movie that he's starring in.

The Elgort song is mostly guilty of trying too hard. It reminds me a bit of that Kiefer Sutherland country track from last year in that regard (although that was way funnier).

Those Fellatia Geisha tracks are just straight up appalling, through. Like Kitty (Pryde) performing lyrics written by Milo Yiannopoulos.

haha that ansel elgort song is hilariously bad, thread delivers

fjm is annoyingly bad ;_;

apparently there's a 13-minute song kicking around but I don't feel up to torturing y'all on that level

This is from 2014, but I was just sent it because he's touring:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yXYgLPBfF_w

At long last, the lead single of a certain animated group's upcoming 4th album. No, not that one:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z7A6-WllOSQ

This Prozzak song isn't good, but they were probably one of the very last turn-of-the-millennium bands that I would have expected to still be around in 2017, so that's something.

Well their upcoming album, due in March, is called "Forever 1999".

wow 2017 shaping up to be worse than last year

wonder if that arthur brown shit is to poor for tom waits to sue

alternate titles: "Sia Continues To Not Do Subtext"; "I Didn't Expect Melanie Martinez To Be Where Katy Perry Is Being Positioned, Huh"; "If You Told Me Katy Perry Was Doing 'Pleasantville' I Would Have Expected Pinup Shit"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8gsGhdZDC-0

"stumbling around like a wasted zombie" is a great description of whatever the chorus is trying to do

there's something so awkward about how capitalism/mainstream pop absorbed counterculture in the way it's expressed here - it's like when Dr. Evil does the "i'm hip" routine

worst indeed

the thing is, it isn't really counterculture at all. it's Sia writing a Sia song that is essentially "Chandelier"

I only meant to suggest that criticizing popular culture within a pop framework is awkward when the content of the critique is so banal/superficial/"without any subtext"

it isn't really counterculture - but doesn't it rely on misconstrued countercultural aesthetics?

imo a song that tells people they are zombies and have to find real purpose in such vague terms is virtually insidistinguishable from telling people to get real jobs and stop watching reality tv

30 years ago
http://www.rollingstone.com/tv/lists/35-incredible-things-that-mtv-gave-us-w431175/the-words-promo-w431566

Fuck, Sia has really dropped off in quality since We are Born - not sure if it's related to her sobering up and doing music 24/7 or the money. Happy for her health-wise I guess.

xp promo otm and a self-indictment

am I horrible if I say sia's best bits were zero 7 vocals

Nope.

Otoh, "I'm watching porn in my hotel dressing gown" is v Rolling Worst Music 2002.

(picture of Trump in bathrobe)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WRhZFNHrT6c

Bryson Morris sings that song / so i don't even bother

I like that he has braces.

Dare I stick my head out and admit that I sort of like the Katy Perry song, just a bit put off by the rubbish lyrics and scansion

I cannot get past that Cocorosie/ANHONI song

The best thing that I will say about that Perry song is that, after hearing it maybe twice, it doesn't actively annoy me in any way. Other than that, I can't right now recall a single thing about it.

Filed under "Machine-gunning fish in a barrel":

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3hlSgENWCcU

http://vignette1.wikia.nocookie.net/dcmovies/images/b/ba/1966_Batsignal.jpg/revision/latest%3Fcb%3D20120909125345

Jessie Ware co-wrote this. I'm horrified

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EwzD8U4u76k

Go fuck yourself, Ed.

wow, fuck this guy so much

Gross

I know you're lonely
Please remember you're still free
To make the choice and leave
Don't call me up, you need to show me

another very strong contender indeed

"New Man" is bad but "Galway Girl" is jaw-droppingly awful - terrible lyrics, too many words for its melody, awful performance, patronising sentiment, kill it with fire

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gL-WVjvzu34

i think ed wants to fuck the new man tbh

I guess there had to be a first time that someone rhymed "asshole bleached" with "every single Ministry CD". The guy they're describing doesn't really sound like your average Ministry fan though.

blu ray
true say

So the Ed Sheeran album is definitely the worst album of the year? Or is Sun Kil Moon still the one to beat?

Some brief moments on the Koz record are at least legitimately funny. Then again, it's also 7,000 years long.

and he has yet to sully the good name of Jessie Ware

So the Ed Sheeran album is definitely the worst album of the year? Or is Sun Kil Moon still the one to beat?

― Frederik B, Tuesday, March 7, 2017 8:36 AM (seven hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Didn't you say the new SKM "is the most I've ever liked Mark Kozelek"?

That's a low bar, and I'd only made it through three tracks at that point...

But the sad truth is probably that I'd prefer abysmal failure to competent and boring... I also kinda like the first Sheeran single, am fascinated by the rest.

🤷 ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Highly insulting in regards to the first 3 SKM records! Though not sure if you've ever tried them.

youtube is currently having a spirited debate over a) whether there is in fact a bar on grafton street b) whether he meant a cross street c) whether there just USED to be a bar because omg it's about his parents omg so sweet d) whether it doesn't matter because ed's songwriting simply cannot be contained by such matters as facts

...the...song...title.

Just, no.

https://soundcloud.com/thehernies/padawan-of-your-love

Also the more I think about it, doesn't the song title basically mean the equivalent of "Hi, I'm the little kid you used to babysit and I'm all grown up now I think and I wanna do you. I hate sand."

The Stargate single features Sia and P!nk imitating Sia and is very insipid and leans towards the "self-parody" side of the predictability spectrum

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=08qA-Uy-hmk

I still have no idea how Sia is a pop star.

wow this is traaaash.

woooow

I don't mind Sia overall, but whoever first said "Sia doesn't do metaphor" ruined my ability to listen to her lyrics without giggling

also, what if this song is her attempt to do metaphor and... it's just one bad metaphor they keep repeating as a chorus

https://youtu.be/jjM4f-Er8W0

fuck that, need the full effect

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jjM4f-Er8W0

Fuck that Sia track is awful, it's been all downhill since "1000 Forms of Fear" (her last semi decent album)

atlas pain look like the house band for the house party i never want to be invited to

https://youtu.be/UuOMrutUlMM?t=15s

ahaha

If that Atlas Pain song had clean vocals instead of rote "extreme" vocals it would be halfway decent. But then it would be a power metal song, and those are outlawed in America.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LM6JaovnPsc

:o

that wouldn't have even flown in 2001 when it seemed like any idiot with a synthesizer and a dirty mouth could get a record deal

Of course, any time a white rapper takes a comedic approach to hip-hop (especially with racially charged lyrics), it's easy to see it as a white dude making fun of rap music—and potentially black culture in general.

This has happened with Riff Raff, Lil Dicky, and others. As Miller’s profile grows, skepticism is being thrown in his direction as well.

As soon as I bring up the topic, his voice takes on a serious tone.

“I fuckin' love rap music,” Miller responds. “All kinds, all sorts. It's not my intention to make fun of rap music. Some songs are lighthearted parodies of today's rap culture, for sure. But I don't want people to make the mistake thinking that I'm hostile or aggressively making a fool out of rap culture. It's just a light parody."

wtf

"a light parody"
light...
light?

ahhh, white

how does this shit get 15 million views

normie shitheads eat what they're given

some men just want to watch the world burn

that guy should be eaten IMO

preferably by several lions

wait until you hear 'gays 4 donald'

Frank said on twitter that this song isn’t meant to be a political statement, rather just a filthy ballad about wanting to have sex with Donald Trump.

But of course that could just be Frank being facetious.

(frank = pink guy's mastermind. check out who his #1 genius scholar is)

finding out about this guy depressed me

nuke this guy's house, come back for a second run just to be sure

think this might belong here

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=efPWrIvzGgc

it's like someone played him 'radioactive' and he said 'i can make this song even better'

Yeah it feels like summer to me
And she was a lover to me

also i just opened the pink guy video and immediately realised how in fact he has 15 million views it is schmucks like me we are all schmucks we are all normie shitheads

youtube, the democratizing grassroots platform that leads to a wellspring of content

*actually looks at the content*

oh god what have we done

remember when youtube was just grainy footage of people at the mall falling down the stairs

better times

Holy shit, Darke Complex, the nü-metal band I wrote about for Stereogum (and posted in last year's thread), have turned the Stereogum headline into a T-shirt:

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/C7xjIwfVMAAtQkc.jpg

Sort of weird that the shirt says Stereogum on it instead of their own band name. It could have said DARKE COMPLEX up top (they could keep the little logo for laffs), maybe with an attribution to Stereogum under the quote at the bottom.

that looks a bit like a joke gift from a manager; not a lot of thought going on with layout in general when somebody's assistant is having shirts printed

I emailed their publicist to see if she can get me one.

ok I watched a little of their video and the music kind of has a korn vibe too?

the sports jersey rapping guy is really something

this is low hanging fruit but

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zqVbjZutWGM

lol at "blattitude"

Can you hear the knockin'
Do you know it's rockin'?
There's a party on the other side
Cause it's your daddy on the other side

They're like an earnest Lonely Island.

this song is SIX MINUTES LONG

north dakota's finest

I made it through the first violin solo but then I had to take a break

who are his two black hype men, they don't even get microphones

uh oh third violin solo!

at least they die at the end

lots of gif potential from this

If you know about the love and peace
he's been showin' you
blowin' you
kisses

I would like for this to knock Ed Sheeran off the top of the charts.

the rap is like Mike Shinoda if he had suffered a recent stroke

I actually kinda like this. Not in a way that I would listen to it ever, but I don't think it's the worst. I'm happy for these people and their midwestern blend of Christianity, hip-hop, and triple-threat fiddle.

also why is this pencildick decked out like a mafioso at the beginning?

is he a Cartel for Christ?

there's another video of them at a Tedx talk

I don't care if you like the jazz or the violins, the rap automatically elevates it to like worst thing of all time

did we really need another Carman?

I'm debating whether to put the Zeal & Ardor song I heard on here. It actually isn't a poorly-done song and works pretty well for what it is, but the story behind the dude's music and the choices he made in putting together makes "Devil Is Fine" the most viscerally-repellent thing I've heard so far this year that wasn't by Drake.

Yeah, this interview is kinda mind-blowing, especially when the interviewer (who posts on ILM very, very, very occasionally) says, "Wait, did I hear that right?"

Yeah.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B1-pKWOt2yM

not sure this strictly qualifies for this thread but I feel like I need to put it somewhere

shape of you certainly needed to be here

ILM's 2017 Rolling Worse Music Thread Spotify Playlist

this came out last year but unfortunately it is still terrorizing the airwaves and actually starting to cross over somewhat (from alternative to adult pop radio). unfortunately i've had to hear it a million times b/c some ppl i work w/ for whatever reason actually enjoy the sad state of today's alternative radio.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eZXU3vzAmhE

completely abominable.

this is old but i really wanted to share
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tETx284RYFk

i can't
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qIOaU7Sm-ZE

opened this thread expecting to see katy perry's new single

bon appétit, dyl!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MH9ilfAZHOs&t=159s

I was personally expecting the new Fall Out Boy single.

yeah i'm waiting for that to make an appearance here (i like it)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=13CdKgFiiXQ

i was scared i was actually going to like it but nope it's trash

just gonna leave this here
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z-wUFRa_hZA

That Frankie Grande inspires more pity than hatred, tbh.

guess who's back

https://youtu.be/vQJwNETuUIM

(it's the karmin chick. she's rebranded.)

the creators of the new Imagine Dragons single should be brought before The Hague.

xpost - Garg.

As for Imagine Dragons, they already seem so...ancient.

I thought I could avoid Imagine Dragons, but that Beliver song keeps popping up in random things like the finale to Riverdale or the Murder on The Orient Express trailer.

yikes at nu-karmin

My main reaction is "I guess if someone has to take Iggy Azalea's spot, it might as well be this"

the trump/pence/ryan succession problem

ed sheeran
jax jones
rag n bone man
little mix

I have never been as anti-Karmin as most of the rest of the board (aside from joining in the general "wtf" at "Acapella" and a lot of their pre-fame covers; their hit is tolerable IMO) and, while I don't especially enjoy this song, the technical skill needed to keep up that flow without falling off of the beat or tripping over words is impressive. I'm probably not going to play it again though.

I never minded "I Want It All." There – I said it.

I only remember that "cheerio" song, which can fuck right off.

no talkin bad 'bout little mix

this arcade fire album is gonna be baaad.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UymXRxJPOQo

the abominable playlist has been fully updated for the half year mark.

ILM's Rolling Worst Music Thread 2017 Spotify Playlist

i never knew this prizewinner existed until i read a few news stories about him being a shitty neighbor in L.A. but here you go

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hSlb1ezRqfA

With something this amateurish, I genuinely feel too sorry for it to fully hate it, but no, this guy and his crew can fuck right off.

what the fuck was that

he's a youtube star

70m views

utter shite

good thread addition

It's good that someone's making rap for 80s teen movie villains now.

top that

lol

omg Brad

isis is going to kill us all because of that video

http://uproxx.com/music/jake-paul-worst-songs-of-2017/3/

so that's what happened to the "i like turtles" kid. sad!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N9phCHjI6cI

this one's worse

he has such a deeply stupid face: the deeply inset blank eyes, the slack mouth
he's basically moose from the archie comics

this is the worst thing i've heard all year and i'm pretty sure it won't be beaten

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VlBIeZi3Ko4

it's no khalid

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bh87aqB-0KU

lol

I've had headphones recently and have been shielded from the garbage output of the criminals in shopping centres and on buses but they are broken. Today there was some mournful dirge in Greggs, it just said "i'm ready" 100 times in a row. I didn't want to complain too much as the sign said freshly baked with pride and i know they do their best but it was just too much

yo jake paul has a message for all of you on this thread

https://youtu.be/jC0BbeFd2zA

oh dear

he's going to wind up in prison sooner rather than later

right? oh i forgot he's a rich white dude

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v212/etienne_saint/Screen%20Shot%202017-08-08%20at%209.44.09%20AM_zpsoj7ueqec.png

yeah, that one kinda leapt off the screen didn't it

he's a complete fucking sociopath

guys just like him are partying in 9-bedroom mcmansions in the hamptons right now, phonebook thrown in the pool, peanut butter smeared on the wall, the quiet hum of undocumented cleaning crews picking up after them come sunday afternoon

but where were you when he documented meeting a kid with cancer?

I love chris isaak but this shit is fucked up
https://open.spotify.com/track/1bH8yq5PlCTlzPypoFof7p

Did he even have anything to do with this, or is this a case of metadata shenanigans? He doesn't seem to be promoting it anywhere.

Anyway, here's the singer in question: https://www.instagram.com/davidsbaumanis/

(I also like that someone on his FB page posted a note to Agent Desmond.)

Some lad called Ron Jelly or something like that. The sooner I get these headphones fixed the better

Bastille - Basket Case

6 Music keep playing this for some reason.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VhAIzVw9_VQ&list=PLU9Xdwsq_bJaiB2bgVq0lg5ujv7_-gG1o&index=4

Try again...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VhAIzVw9_VQ

reason : mercury prize entrant

has Castle on the Hill been mentioned? Ed Sheeran never fails to horrify:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Qp5vcuMIlk

his voice, the production, it's all so terrible - but the lyrics are even worse! absolutely dreadful

That song played dozens of times at the place i worked at over the summer - i hated it so goddamn much and i'm so glad I don't have to be around that office radio anymore. Yeah, we get it ed, your friends in high school were burnouts. that doesn't make you any less of a cheeseball.

harry styles - sign of the times

i fully expect "castle on the hill" to be nominated for song of the year grammy

"Castle On The Hill" is not nearly the worst thing Sheeran's released this year

yeah it's going to get record/song of the year noms for sure unless the grammys just give up and give every song that hit number one in its nomination period (which ended yesterday) a nod

that list, btw, would be (in reverse chronological order)

bodak yellow
look what you made me do
despacito
i'm the one
that's what i like
humble
shape of you
bad and boujee
black beatles
starboy (woof) and
closer (WOOOFFFF)

despacito owned the charts huh

Last call to get some nominations in here for the worst song of 2017.
I'll likely run a poll in late December.

Is that one where Ed Sheeran keeps saying "I'm in love with your body" on here?

If not, that.

did Meghan Trainor sit this year out or something

crypto, reposting this for you

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B1-pKWOt2yM

meghan trainor is on a talent show panel with diddy and dj khaled

she also put out a dumb smurfs tie-in song

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XyL3YKK_1BI

Eminem - Walk On Water

That American Soul song U2 did on SNL this week should be in the mix.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=efi4SCY0TA0

"refujesus"

that smurfette track is very bad

lol, i forgot that trainor's debut album was 'title'

it's useful at least as a marker for showing why kelly clarkson's 'whole lotta woman' and kesha's 'woman' are really quite good

https://themuse.jezebel.com/the-worst-songs-of-the-year-2017-when-pop-nearly-kille-1821231799

Katy Perry ft. Migos, “Bon Appetít”
Maroon 5 f. SZA, “What Lovers Do”
Look What You Made Me Do, Taylor Swift
Ed Sheeran, “New Man”
Louis Tomlinson, “Miss You”
Katy Perry, “Swish Swish”
Miley Cyrus, “Malibu”
Portugal. The Man, “Feel It Still”
Branchez & Big Wet, “Turn Up on the Weekend”
Chainsmokers f. Florida Georgia Line, “Last Day Alive”

why would they include Malibu tho?

also, I know they had to pick a token Sheeran track, but I think they should have clarified in the blurb that every Ed Sheeran track is the worst

is this the shortest a worst-of-the-year thread has ever been, in 2017 of all years

too much horrible shit to mind in all other corners of life imo

i was pretty impressed by how awful that branches & big wet song is

swish swish is a bad song but it really requires the video to move over into terrible

I don't know what a JMSN is, but this is some garbage:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OrWVngO2gu8

That’s the only worst-songs-of-the-year list from a major publication this year? Come on, ILM writers, you can do better than that! Where’s Whiney?

EW’s five worst songs of the year:
5. Katy Perry, “Into Me You See”
4. Post Malone feat. 21 Savage, “Rockstar”
3. The Chainsmokers, “Break Up Every Night”
2. DJ Khaled feat. Chance the Rapper, “I Love You So Much”
1. Bhad Bhabie, “These Heaux”

Five worst albums:
5. Prophets of Rage
4. Lil Yachty, Teenage Emotions
3. The Chainsmokers, Memories... Do Not Open
2. Kid Rock, Sweet Southern Sugar
1. Chris Brown, Heartbreak on a Full Moon

kind of a layup there tbh

time puts post malone at #1:

http://time.com/5048308/top-10-worst-songs-2017/

esquire brings in taylor swift’s powerpoint presentation

http://www.esquire.com/entertainment/music/g14470314/worst-songs-of-2017/

not linking uproxx’s because it was poorly written trash

young & menace is kind of amazing

it is! easy to hate though

"bhad bhabie" isn't really any worse that a dozen other people doing similar work; picking on her seems unimaginative

if you want to be galaxy brain cynical you will likely not piss off any advertisers by shitting on bhad bhabie

anyone who didn’t have qveen herby on their list didn’t plumb the depths enough

I know 2017 is over, but I'm still plowing through 2017 year-end playlists and just came across this ghastly thing:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VtVFTuIZFYU