OPO, so what was the worst film you ever saw?

Hmm, thinking of this, thanks to the Movie 43 thread..

My sister came in one-time with a movie she said was a Mel Brooks, only found out when I went back to the rental store it was described as "Mel Brooks Style Comedy", which is not the same thing.

It was called "The Directors", although I believe it got issued, originally, under a different title.

Basically, the plot involved staging a 'nudie' musical. The first 20 mins were 'sort-of' OK, but then it got boring... We packed in around the 40 min mark.

Down periscope or, funnily enough, the producers remake

Only counting stuff seen at the cinema, 'Rancid Aluminium' wins this hands down. I walked out after 30 mins and looked on in amazement as I left at the 2 other people in the screening who weren't walking out.

Tara Fitzgerald's Russian(?) accent, Dani Behr getting sexed up in a lift,Steven Berkoff.....

Sounds p hot tbph

There are interesting distinctions to be made. The Room is clearly awful, but it's so fascinating to someone who as witnessed human interaction without seemingly ever having participated in it make a movie that I do quite enjoy watching it. The truly terrible for me are the kind of boringly shit films that make me want to scrape my eyes out.

So Sex Lives of the Potato Men, Stealth, Yes, 4x2, Twilight New Moon, the second Transformers film, a slew of PWS Andersons...

I think Dumb and Dumberer actually induced a hangover.

closer

One of these:

500 Days of Summer
Unbreakable
Drive
Human Traffic

Definitely Paul Haggis' "Crash", followed by "The Dark Knight Rises" and "Requiem For A Dream"

all of Ed Wood's too entertaining, obv.

This one still holds a special place in my bowels:

http://www.slantmagazine.com/film/review/tony-n-tinas-wedding/3256

Worst I ever paid to see was "Howard The Duck". (Cousin #2 and I wanted to see Rodney's "Back To School" but Cousin #3 prevailed. He may have held the comic in high esteem.)

Off the top of my head, Quiet Days in Hollywood is bizarrely wretched. I don't think it ever had a US theatrical release. Filmed in Germany with a pre-Boys Don't Cry Hilary Swank in a small role, and packaged for video post-stardom with her name prominently displayed.

I feel like the proper answer has to be a film which not only sucked, but also pernicious and which I truly despise with a red-hot heat.

Therefore, Fight Club

http://www.zone-sf.com/images/8mm.jpg

this is prob the worst film i've paid money to see at the cinema:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Exposed_%281983_film%29

a film which not only sucked, but also pernicious and which I truly despise with a red-hot heat

using this rubric i'd probably've voted for The Dark Knight but i'll grant it some entertainment value

This is a solid contender:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5GQTkfWB7fQ

there must be a lot of stuff i saw on VHS in the 80s that wd place here

Forgot Exposed existed. Totally awful, agreed!

I've watched and enjoyed some movies that I would call objectively terrible, like the Halle Berry Catwoman movie

Sylvester Stallone's porno was really, really terrible though

8mm otm

Johnny Mnemonic.

Dog Latin's choices are nutso.

Howard the Duck's a good choice -- I think that would have to be mine as well.

I seem to remember enjoying Howard The Duck the one time I watched it, but I was about 15 and stoned, as I recall.

Vulgar. for sure.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0120467/

oh god you've talked about this movie before

lolling at "From the producers of Clerks and Dogma!"

So Sex Lives of the Potato Men, Stealth, Yes, 4x2, Twilight New Moon, the second Transformers film, a slew of PWS Andersons...

― Gukbe, Wednesday, January 30, 2013 11:34 AM (1 hour ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Stealth? Are you high?

it is the only film listed under imdb keywords "clown rape" so that should count for something i think xp

Clerks 2 and it's not even close

Exposed has a good Delerue score, so not a total POS

ppl at work tell me that Noobz is in the running:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TB1zJU08IiA

I definitely think that truly farcical disasters have the capacity to transcend into glory. Though not all do, by a long shot.

Off the top of my head, Titanic was even worse than I was expecting it to be (and I was expecting it to be pretty awful). Catwoman looked perplexingly bad when I caught it on TV but I turned it off too quickly to really be able to tell if it's the absolute worst. I'm kind of convinced I've seen worse than either of those, but I'm a bit stumped at the moment.

mulholland drive or avatar

You really haven't seen enough bad movies dog latin if those are the worst you can think of. Drive? WTF?

I'd say shitty J-Lo thriller Enough but I'm sure I've seen stuff that lacks even basic competence.

I can see why people wouldn't like Mulholland Drive, but to say its the worst film you've ever seen is reaching for challops.

Avatar, though, fuck that useless cheesy pointless shit.

citizen kane

I'd have to say the 4th Terminator movie. We saw it at a drive-in and it was just so stupid and generic and dull that when it ended and they said "Up next, romantic comedy 'Ghost of Girlfriends Past'" we actually sat through that to cleanse the palette and get some well-needed LOLz.

Shark Attack or Shark Attack 2 I can't decide.

i dunno, avatar sucks but at least in the theater the 3D shit was cool to look at and kept my attention just as a magic trick type thing which i more than i can say about a lot of movies

off the top of my head, Titanic was even worse than I was expecting it to be (and I was expecting it to be pretty awful)

yes i was gonna nom Titanic, too - for some reason i can't 'fathom' now, i went with my two best friends to see it on the opening weekend in Leicester Square, only to find ourselves sitting through this shit sat in the dress circle of a vast, sold out West End cinema, SURROUNDED by weeping couples, families, men, women, children, everywhere we looked. it was only my liberal guilt at being so alienated from the tastes and feeling of the mass audience that made me refrain from nomming it here.

I will agree that Catwoman was one of those odd movies that you expect to be really bad but it winds up even worse than that, to the point where the badness was almost mesmerizing. Ultraviolet was another such movie, not as bad as a whole but one of those movies where the plot and dialogue made almost no sense whatsoever. I remember someone saying "take a coherent script and remove every other line, and that's what Ultraviolet is like".

I think I saw most of the worst movies I've ever seen while I was in high school, usually at the theater. Like Congo and Spawn and Tank Girl and Hellraiser 4. Haggis' Crash is definitely up there.

dunno, avatar sucks but at least in the theater the 3D shit was cool to look at and kept my attention just as a magic trick type thing which i more than i can say about a lot of movies

exactly - if you ignore everything that happens in the movie it's quite a spectacle. i'm a little suspicious of those who say they weren't impressed with the visuals in the least.

I think it has to be Huge, some AWFUL AWFUL AWFUL British comedy. I cannot express how depressingly awful this film is:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1457726/

When this question comes up it's interesting how often people reach for big, successful, Oscar-nominated stuff - Crash, Avatar, Titanic, Forrest Gump, whatever - instead of inept dreck like Rancid Aluminium. I just don't see how on any level you could say Avatar was the worst movie you'd seen unless you'd spent the rest of your movie-watching life working through the Sight & Sound list. Are these movies "worse" because they've had some acclaim?

No, it might actually be Kaboom. Yeah, Kaboom is probably the worst thing I've ever sat through. It actually caused me and my housemate physical pain.

I've only walked out of two movies, Field Of Dreams and Marquis. I can't handle irredeemable treacle or puppet sodomy.

There might be a bit of that, yeah. Also because you're more likely to have seen them at some point - most of the shit I've seen has been stuff that's been on TV a lot and I've decided to give it a go in a moment of boredom. I'm pretty choosy about what I go to the cinema for.

xpost - Marquis is AWESOME, dude, you're crazy.

Oh God, "Crash". A professor showed like the first 10 minutes of that movie in a class once and everyone was like DO YOU SEE??? I took a note to never see the full movie, otherwise i'm sure it would be my worst.

I like plenty of questionable crap but Marquis was boring questionable crap.

IMO this should be a list of worst movies and not "so bad they are good/entertaining" movies. A badly-made film that is compelling in its badness still has value.

EZ, how can you find a film with an animated talking penis boring? I do not understand your brain.

I had to sit through the Upside of Anger once (my dad and his gf wanted to go)

which was awful in its utter banality and unnecessariness - it wasn't horrible on a formal/visual level but it was just such a waste of everyone's time

Cops & Robbersons and In the Army Now, same summer at the cheapie theaters

Before most airlines got on-demand systems installed, in-flight movies were a treasure trove of movie badness. Even so, I can't defend my decision to watch Maid in Manhattan.

I should have liked Marquis, but I felt it tried to hard, didn't succeed, and wasn't well done. Left after about 45 minutes.

xpost to em.

I saw Avatar first on the back of a headrest while flying to New York - the 3D didn't really come across...

emil.y - I might like it more now, but I was 18 and couldn't stand it. And with such a virulent reaction I've never thought to revisit.

Actually, this weird little black and white short thing someone made me watch called The Jetty or something. It's just fucking photos. The plot makes no sense. It seemed cheap as fuck. The narrator sounded bored. At least it was over quickly.

@ DL for me, it's not a direct result of "AND it was critically acclaimed!" so much as a) there was a moment of cultural inescapability around those three movies, b) I saw all three in the theatre, c) lots of money+effort+time poured into all three, and d), most importantly, at their heart, neither of my three movies I named necessarily suffer from a bad script, edit, score or performances, but they all are afflicted with a sickness of existence, like they never should've even festered on past a brainstorming process, and that every well-executed shot, every million dollars made, ever award bestowed, ever poster put on a kid's wall just goes to reinforce and make these dark offerings stronger. "Howard the Duck" makes me feel like George Lucas is a bad filmmaker. "Crash" makes me wish for human existinction

Ha

Xp

*extinction, but "existinction" is interesting too

I would think the worst film would have to be really amateur but then you'd excuse amateurishness for effort or enthusiasm (as re-created in Ed Wood, I haven't seen one by the guy). A Hollywood film would perhaps never fail a meeting of basic film-making standards: Catwoman or Titanic don't, as bad as both might be (sat through bits of either on TV and couldn't finish but not because it was failing a competency test).

I think a film that would qualify would be something utterly dishonest in intent by most concerned, or one where no one was trying in anyway make something 'good', something really utterly cynical (and I'm cynical myself albeit retain mild optimism).

All of which is to say I can't think of anything right now.

"Howard the Duck" gets so much crap. I remember loving it as a kid and then later as an intoxicated adult.

cute, Scik M

loooool @ SM

xp Ha. That's kind of what I suspected. So I present to you The Boondock Saints - fundamental incompetence AND sickness of existence.

Leaving Las Vegas

or Crash

I remember being seriously weirded out by Howard the Duck on telly. I must have been around 9 or 10 and it was too much for my tiny mind. Really want to revisit it now.

i guess you haven't seen Boondock Saints 2

It's in my Netflix queue, obvs

I have a beautiful new username thanks to this thread.

I loved Howard the Duck as a kid.

The part in Howard the Duck where the dude starts morphing into an alien in the car and everyone is just losing their shit is hilarious and insane and actually pretty terrifying.

Hudson Hawke probably

Actually I probably hated "Howard" more than necessary because I was basically forced to see it instead of "Back To School", as I hinted upthread.

"Titanic" I still enjoy as a disaster-movie (if only Maureen McGovern sang the Celine song)

Avatar was awesome, I don't want to argue through it again but just fyi there is an ilxor (me) who holds this opinion, kthxbye

Beware the Blob is really quite unbelievable

america's sweethearts
sorority boys
mister lonely
bruno
revenge of the nerds

I would think the worst film would have to be really amateur

Oh heavens no! People who don't know what they're doing or who have nothing to lose often make some fascinating stuff. It's the people with money/comfort/connections/reputations who often half-ass their way through a creative endeavor that has no reason to exist.

Lost in Space

xpost you mean Beware! The Blob

Honestly guys most movies mentioned on this thread are at worst just really mediocre. Try harder.

super dumb challops itt

Oh heavens no! People who don't know what they're doing or who have nothing to lose often make some fascinating stuff.

As I said amateurs basically get an E, for effort.

I don't agree with the rest of your statement. Nothing cultural needs a 'reason to exist'.

'howard' is extra-reprehensible because i can totally imagine a great film being made from the original comic book and now it'll never happen.

Spawn

If remake-happy Hollywood had some truly daring minds, they'd do remakes of BAD films and try to improve them

Hmmm i might have to change my vote to If Lucy Fell.

I feel like I need to adhere to some sort of formula to figure out my actual worst movie. Like "inept - amateurish - (unintentionally) entertaining + insulting + rage inducing". Crash is definitely the winner there. The prestige is just gravy. Utterly baffling gravy.

I liked Hudson Hawke just for Sandra Bernhard singing "I've got the power" while surrounded by her young board of directors

If remake-happy Hollywood had some truly daring minds, they'd do remakes of BAD films and try to improve them

Doesn't this just seem like the biggest no-brainer ever? I think the same thing every time I hear a cover song that pales in comparison to the vastly superior original. Why bother?

I'd say shitty J-Lo thriller Enough ...

This is my go-to answer for this question.

Hudson Hawk is awesome

In high school i got in that phase of "Let's watch a terrible movie! So bad it's GOOD lmfao" that most onion a/v club commenters apparantly never grew out of

Anyway, I watched 'Bio-Dome' and it was just UNCOMFORTABLE with the things it thought were "jokes." It was just depressing,

For me it has to be a made-for-a-tv-movie. I remember a friend buying a bundle of 20 or so DVDs for £10 I think. I love the idea that he thought that was a bargain. The Shark Attack trilogy was included but I only saw the first two films.

Mutant/Forbidden Planet is mind-bogglingly bad but I also really enjoyed it

bio-dome is awesome

some of my worsts:

Crash ('05)
The Dark Knight
Forrest Gump
Mrs Doubtfire

dave kehr made a case for 'gump' being sadder and more complex than its reputation, but i've never really felt like revisiting it.

Stephen King's Thinner is a perfect storm of grotesque racism, horrifying misogyny and sheer, unbridled incompetence.

it's sad alright

'fatal attraction' is right down there with the worst for me -- misogynistic shit.

oh god, remember Disclosure?

In high school i got in that phase of "Let's watch a terrible movie! So bad it's GOOD lmfao" that most onion a/v club commenters apparantly never grew out of

the only mainstream comedy that this really works for is Zoolander

lol Disclosure

I actually saw Disclosure in a dollar theater with my friend. I don't remember any of it.

there was definitely a weird trend for a while of movies about glum, well-meaning guys getting their lives ruined by evil sex-crazy harpies.

most of which starred Michael Douglas.

super dumb challops itt

― katz itt (cozen), Wednesday, January 30, 2013 2:29 PM (35 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Most of the ops on display aren't chall enough imo

was hoping The Dark Knight would be

entirely too many things for me to list, but the most recent film I paid money to see in a theater that I should have walked out on was Cosmopolis

The Help was grotesque.

okay lol

the thirteenth warrior. just how do you screw up a "vikings" film?
face / off. nnnnng. 2 prize hams robbed of their cheesiness by po faced direction.
into the wild. dull film about a whingeing self indulgent tosspot who doesn't even phone his sister with edie flipin vedder doin his macho-pirate-folk-music "hurrr". who could resist?
dark city. brainless drivel city.

i don't think anybody's being v. challopy, and i swear we've had this conversation 50 times before, but for most peeps "worst" isn't going to mean "most technically inept" but more like "quite technically ept but featuring elements that made me despair of humanity and the film-making process and outraged and hurt that i'd just spent 2 hours waiting for this POS to pay off in the worst conceivable way"

are we actually listing genuinely terrible movies or mostly competent middlebrow fare that we have axes to grind against, because if the latter is the case I could happily rant about Magnolia, Eyes Wide Shut and The Hours but I am actually aware enough to know that there are so many things out there that are so much worse

you forget the terrible on every level movies, but you remember the things that passed themselves off as legitimate mainstream entertainment only to turn out to be a sack of shit to the face

Oh shit. I know what mine actually is. Island Girl. I have an abiding love of shonky amateurishness and unintentional comedy, sometimes from a "so bad it's good lol" perspective, sometimes just because people can accidentally create something beautiful out of getting-it-wrong. So sitting down to watch this gem from Poundland I was expecting it to be at least somewhat amusingly bad. It was horrible, unfunny, glaringly racist, boring, contemptible in every way. It's kind of funny to talk about it now, but the actual experience was awful, and we couldn't make it all the way through. Really the worst.

Magnolia, Eyes Wide Shut and The Hours -- superb candidates for shit-thrown-in-face movies.

mr and mrs smith

just crystallizes banal hollywood for me

yugh

I have only seen MST3K versions but I very vividly remember Eegah!, Overdrawn at the Memory Bank, The Wild World of Batwoman, The Girl with the Golden Boots and The Final Sacrifice. Also, I attempted to watch I Accidentally Domed Your Son, which is in fact the most embarrassing, inept thing I have ever tried to watch, to the point where I was feeling physical discomfort trying to make myself watch it.

If I had to list the real, honest to goodness, most-inept-on-every-conceivable-level movie I've ever seen and can remember, it would be Birdemic.

http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/51kRRsUxl5L._SX500_.jpg

the worst i can recall having paid to see

oh god, I really enjoyed that movie

Yeah, the true worst are the movies that are technically good enough to bring their aesthetic failures to full life. The last in this category that comes to mind is Curse of the Golden Flower.

Well the problem is that most people's aesthetic preferences are objectively wrong. It's.not Hudson Hawk's fault if someone doesn't like it. We have a responsibility to appreciate masterpieces and we are morally bankrupt if we dismiss them.

otherwise, almost certainly manos: the hands of fate

also really enjoyed The Saint, which shockingly does not hold up at all to repeat viewings aside from the 90 second scene of the car zooming around Moscow blasting "Pearl's Girl"

Just saw Birdemic for the first time a couple of weeks ago and it was GREAT. I love being boggled.

Were you hangin' out with the family, havin' yourselves a party?

Forgot about this fest-only monstrosity I saw a couple years back. And yes, that is Jodorowsky.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x6Q7T5ix9TM

I believe I was having some sensual work time.

xp

I was going to list Manos too but bailed at the last minute because all I really remember is a bunch of women dazedly dancing in their nightgowns, which isn't that bad a memory

fair

well actually I remember Torgo, so I should have listed it

i have certainly seen some jess franco films that boldly redefined our notions of what constitutes 'good' filmmaking

really there's nothing worse than a laughless, smileless comedy.

anything that is a "biting satire about HOLLYWOOD".
(a) shooting fish in a barrel
(b) fuck off

I'd love to pretend that Jess Franco is always interesting even when the films are objectively bad, but it's not quite true. That's the peril of making a film every four weeks for fifty years i suppose.

saw a biopic of Nostradamus in 1994 directed by the guy who went onto direct Battlefield Earth that might be the worst thing i've ever seen in a cinema, wd have walked out but was supposed to review it.

oh and i've just remembered Garfield 2 and Horrid Henry, guess we shd rule out kids films

'battlefield earth' is the second-worst book i've ever finished

last movie i can remember making me alternately furious, grievously embarrassed and bored was Take This Waltz (check the the sarah polley thread if you give a rip)

other than that, a few years ago i tried to revisit Bugsy Malone, which i know TOTALLY ENRAPTURED me as a little kid (though i may have only been going off previews??). it was seriously unsettling on a deep level and i couldn't get more than a half hour into it. not just on a pedo-zone reaction but like an unheimlich Why Was This Done kind of a feeling

Tell you what, I was warned that "Gonks go Beat" was pretty bad.

It is, but occasionally it does some pretty good scenes..

Bugsy Malone is great

Apollo 18 is on Sky right now, it is wretched.

anything that is a "biting satire about HOLLYWOOD".

Hollywood Blvd?

oh man, I remember even at the time that a good portion of my fascination with Bugsy Malone was driven by the cognitive dissonance of the movie being entirely populated by kids doing essentially a straightforward gangster movie

have we done a "super creepy kids movies" thread, because even though it would be dominated by Willy Wonka it could be fun

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Liquid_Sky

rented this in high schoool, pretty much thought it was ridiculous. i had no idea it was divisive at the time.

I used to get Bugsy Malone and Johnny Dangerously confused. Awkward.

donkey's years since i saw hollywood blvd. would have to watch again. thinking more of "the player" or "state & main" or smug wank like that

o shit i saw liquid sky in lol college

BMalone was too much 'aimed at my age' and my mother loved it, so...

Now, it's ok by me, but the dubbed in singing voice is wrong.

mein gott, ja.
"curse of the golden flower"
shit you couldn't care less about in a million expensive costumes

i think this was my favorite movie circa age 8?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Baby:_Secret_of_the_Lost_Legend

Production
The dinosaur-effects are all animatronic, since this was before the widespread use of CGI in motion pictures.

Reception
Baby: Secret of the Lost Legend received generally negative reviews; the film currently holds a 10% 'rotten' rating on review aggregate website Rotten Tomatoes.[2]

tim burton's "alice in wonder(how/why?)land"

Jurassic Park & Jumanji, hate you

Ooh that's a good choice, I hate that movie so much. xp

Tell you what, I was warned that "Gonks go Beat" was pretty bad.

It is, but occasionally it does some pretty good scenes..

― Mark G, Wednesday, January 30, 2013 8:45 PM (16 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

It's a mostly boring film with, as you say, some good scenes. Wouldn't put it on a list like this, definitely not.

Mike Myers' Cat In The Hat may almost match Alice in horrible kids' movie dept.

I was mostly agnostic re: Burton's "Alice In Wonderland" until he decided to not follow the story to its creepy logical conclusion and show that the true evil wasn't the Red Queen but that Red and White were out of balance and turning power over to the White Queen would make things just as awful/fucked up and when the goddamned Futterwacken started

It's not the worst, but the first film that came to mind was Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever

Didn't see it in the theater, so I don't know if it counts, but I'm going with Southland Tales

haha Ecks vs Sever was the movie that made me realize I don't actually love any old dumb action movie (see also: War starring Jet Li and Jason Statham)

someone upthread listed 500 days of summer

as bad as any

Liquid Sky is great just for the opening scene in the club. and the sdtk

Djp, true to form, you have used ilx to remind me of something I had done a damn good job of forgetting. Thanks for the Futterwacken, I guess.

So Long, And Thanks For All The Futterwacken

how could anyone say a film with this scene in it is "worst ever" come on now

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wv0PYG1g_iY

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Comin'_at_Ya!

Saw this when it came out, I was probably 14. My whole family walked out. Horrible, horrible 3D film with no plot to speak of.

also Liquid Sky rules and the OST LP is great.

Love Actually

As "inept" films go, I Accidentally Domed Your Son was tougher to sit through than any piece of shit I've ever seen.

LOL didn't even notice it was mentioned upthread

Americas sweethearts and face off are great

The avengers is incredibly bad, good shout

I've seen a lot of mediocrities, but as for truly wretchedly horrible films, I stop watching as soon as I can see that is the case, usually within 15-20 minutes.

The film that came to mind when I let my mind scan back was something called The Story of Us, I think. I endured this film because my wife's friend thought it would somehow help us get through a bad patch in our marriage. We got through it, but this film cannot claim a shred of credit for that.

I kinda want to watch I Accidentally Domed Your Son now hmmmmmm

I would read the beginning of this thread first: John Justen and Fluffy Bear will watch it.

Bad Boys 2 was hot, loud garbage. Almost walked out on that one.

haha I loved that one too

Oh yeah bad boys 2, appalling
Hot tub time machine

How about Life is Beautiful?

I Accidentally Sonned Your Dome, Wite Kid

Battlefield Earth

The avengers is incredibly bad, good shout

i'd vote the Avengers for "worst movie that got almost universally good reviews"

Or maybe Crystal Skull. No, wait, Battlefield Earth was definitely worse.

oh shit, i think i still stick with vulgar, but i did forget about terry gilliams tideland.

i accidentally domed your son is one of my favorite movie watching experiences but we were all so so incredibly drunk

vulgar is def. up there.

i went to see the "car 54, where are you?" movie (1994, starring buster poindexter and john c. mcginley) with my dad and sister and we were the only ones there and my dad and sister walked out about half an hour in but i stayed and watched the whole thing.

other actors who star in car 54 where are you, apparently:
fran drescher
rosie o'donnell
al lewis
nipsey russell

Daniel Baldwin as Don Motti
Jeremy Piven as Herbert Hortz
Tone Loc as Handsome cab driver
The Ramones as themselves

100 Girls, probably

Star Trek V is pretty dire. My friend's Dad fell asleep and we all agreed he had the best time at the theater.

Wish I could say nolan s batman but joke s on me because I saw all three of them. fuck that guy.

Amateur and silly is cool so I go for black hawk down: gross, barbaric and so deafeningly loud.

Lol at placing eyes wide shut in company of the hours and magnolia

yeah i can't say TDKR is the worst ever cause it was just oppressively boring but nolan is my least favorite director

Honestly if The Dark Knight or Magnolia or The Avengers or The Player or any of those is anything even close to honestly "the worst film you ever saw," even going by H'wood studio standards, you have led a charmed fuckin' life.

you're right, the worst film i ever saw was some high schooler's camcorder noir where everyone wore fedoras, let's talk about that

Context is important, as covered. Except for the avengers.

Matrix three, obv.

Second half of prometheus

The Maltese Brony. Xp

Like in a year where the studios released shitty horror movie after shitty horror movie, plus an attempt to make Tyler Perry of all people into an action hero, plus another shitty Gerard Butler romcom, and a shitty version of The Lorax. . . You're gonna go with the Batman movie? GTFO.

Prometheus was not by a long shot the worst movie I ever saw, but it may have been the biggest letdown.

It's pretty easy. The Lorax and the rest are easy targets. A far worse aesthetic failure is an ambitious movie made with intelligence and craft in which everything goes wrong.

like The Dark Knight

friends of mine when i was a kid said this was the worst movie they ever saw:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Bear_%281988_film%29

haven't seen it though, guess it was well received!

Anthony Newley's 1969 Fellini-pastiche musical, "Can Heironymus Merkin Ever Forget Mercy Humppe and Find True Happiness?", is actually even more excruciating to watch than the title would suggest--against my better judgment, I saw it several years ago with a Media Studies friend who was a little too open to camp esoterica. Harlan Veidt's 1940 anti-Semitic melodrama, "Jud Süß," which I saw in the context of a course on German film history, is competently constructed from a formal point of view, but completely sickening ethically and politically.

why beat up maimed children when bludgeoning malevolent adults is more satisfying?

fwiw I said "The Dark Knight Rises", I thought "The Dark Knight" was OK

Second half of it, come on!

The actual worst movie i've ever seen was called kingdom of the spiders starring w shatner i didnt know who w shatner was but i was aware it was a terrible movie even at age nine, it ends with shatner sorry

SPOILER

it ends with shatner looking at more spiders than he had counted on and he says MY GOD in what i now know to be a v shatneresque way

xxxpost sounds like it would make a fine double bill with The Yin and the Yang of Mr. Go

The actual worst movie i've ever seen was called kingdom of the spiders starring w shatner i didnt know who w shatner was but i was aware it was a terrible movie even at age nine, it ends with shatner sorry

is this the one where in the last scene the camera captures the small town....ENSHROUDED IN A GIANT WEB

friends of mine when i was a kid said this was the worst movie they ever saw:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Bear_%281988_film%29

haven't seen it though, guess it was well received!

wtf, the Bear is great!

V likely alfred, v likely

star trek V did have one of shatner's finest moments:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WYW_lPlekiQ

sukiyaki western django

star trek v and baby secret of the lol legend cannot be on this thread because they both spawned awesome Jerry Goldsmith soundtracks.

the Bear is Jean-Jacques Annaud so I can easily believe it is either a) amazing or b) the worst fucking garbage

The Bear! Holy shit, that film has stayed with me since I was really really little, solely for this MIND-BLOWING scene:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=ZUGXYzyoI9Q

Couldn't even begin to figure out the true right answer. But when I thought about the question in terms of the worst movie I ever saw where I went in hoping for something good, Gangs of New York came to mind before anything else. I truly hated that, and the bits and parts I'll come across on TV haven't aged any better.

_The avengers is incredibly bad, good shout_

i'd vote the Avengers for "worst movie that got almost universally good reviews"

I am about 99% certain that no one gave this movie a good review

Yeah i think ppl are confusing it with avengers assemble which is awes

The fact that Late Night Shopping hasn't been mentioned yet makes me think that no-one here has seen Late Night Shopping

that one clip from the bear is amazing!

with the avengers it was more that i *like* uma and rafe and connery and tongue-in-cheeky spy stuff but ugh

the worst film i have ever seen is ted

You know what, I forgot The Smurfs. So horrible in every way.

i think a movie has to have some regard and canonization / be a reflection of a big lie for me to really hate it. in that spirit it's gotta be the searchers. like inhaling mold spores.

i keep seeing this trailer for a movie about a white british family on holiday in [unspecified brown country] when the tsunami hits. that looks pretty terrible.

The last film I saw where I had to keep pausing it and willing myself to go on and finish was Woody Allen's Scoop, which must win the all-time prize for the most tragic fall from greatness. I mean you don't expect much from Jess Franco, but this was from the Annie Hall guy? 30 years is a long time I guess, but I just can't imagine how it even got made. I think of Woody and the editor trying not to meet each other's eyes in the editing suite, occasionally doing so and looking away in an embarrassed manner.

I forgot tim burton, so wonka, apes, todd all get him a special mention

LITTLE MAN

the non-cronenberg crash is definitely up there though

I've never seen Patch Adams, but I hear rotten things about it.

A conflicted answer: a date invited me over to her place to watch a film she had been assigned to view: Julien Donkey-Boy. Prior to putting it on, however, we had struggled to find something to chat about; afterward, we immediately bonded over how much we disliked it and subsequently made out. So I have a secret affection for it solely for that reason.

Scoop was fluff but I thought it was pleasant and amusing fluff. (Admittedly, I saw it on a plane and didn't have to pay for it.) Seriously, have you seen Enough?

pay it forward is the worst film i have ever seen on a plane. and i saw k-pax and that deniro coba gooding diving suit thing on planes, so theres some competition there

cobra gooding jr

i didnt want to hurt his feelings if he was googling himself

good man

tbh i much preferred 'scoop' to 'match point' which i thought was pretty boring. the worst allen i've seen is easily 'hollywood ending,' the one where his character goes blind while directing a movie.

I saw Scoop on a plane too, I think it was distributed mainly to that market.

I saw Scoop on a plane too, I think it was distributed created mainly to for that market.

i am tired of these motherfucking http://ia.media-imdb.com/images/M/MV5BMTI1MjU3MTI2MF5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTcwMDgxNTE4MQ@@._V1._SY314_CR0,0,214,314_.jpg

that deniro coba gooding diving suit thing

i have an inexplicable affection for this movie and i don't know if i've even seen all of it

we have talked about this! u r crazy fyi

i still possess deep hatred for '3000 miles to graceland' but it's probably not the worst i've seen.

The only thing I remember about Baby: Secret of the Lost Legend (aside from dinosaur) was obligatory '80s nudeboob in a PG movie that couldn't have possibly been intended for anyone but children.

Battlefield Earth, probably.It's ugly to look at, badly acted, based on Scientology, etc.

Cuba Gooding has done some bad 'uns. Like "Boat Trip."

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/7/71/Boat_Trip_movie.jpg/220px-Boat_Trip_movie.jpg

didn't know al leong was in boat trip

Scoop ain't that bad.

Liquid Sky is a blast.

Worst movie I've ever seen is Date Movie, which I still cannot even believe that I've seen. America's Sweethearts would be close though; I cannot remember the last big studio film that I've seen that was that poorly made.

Cuba Gooding has done some bad 'uns.

Has he done a good 'un since he won his Oscar (will out myself as somewhat of a fan of As Good As It Gets)?

oh yeah i've seen all the friedberg-seltzer movies, still not as bad as 100 Girls

I don't think I can properly contribute to this thread because I don't actually force myself to sit through much of anything that I find truly wretched. Life's too short.

I'm sorry, but Date Movie is amazing.

omg

Freidberg and Seltzer announced that they are making a new movie that will spoof The Hunger Games, called The Starving Games.

The thought that there could be a film worse than a Friedberg-Selzer one (DM is the only one ive seen, but I'm sure theyre interchangable) is terrifying me almost to the point of curiosity. Do I dare watch 100 Girls? (also, what is 100 Girls?)

Did anyone ever see Kangaroo Jack? That has to be horrible.

Has he done a good 'un since he won his Oscar (will out myself as somewhat of a fan of As Good As It Gets)?

interesting verb considering his part in AGAIG.

zp date movie doesn't even come close to the surrealism of disaster movie, which was one of the strangest theater experiences i've ever had

100 Girls is the ultimate movie about a college guy ok can't get any further i hate that movie so much it makes me sick

easily woody allen's whatever works

Though it gets a couple points for having digital underground in it.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0102558/

lol *xp ? i don't know

the actual only way to describe 100 Girls is "it is every brony's fantasy"

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/5/50/100_Girls_movie_poster.jpg

oh i just scrolled up i kinda liked scoop! i mean i remember nothing about it but a lazy joke about trollope and scarjo's bathing suit but yknow. whatever works was pure evil. i mean this really literally.

like the stuff ralph richardson says not to touch at the end of time bandits.

Endless Love

I hated Drive. Jesus, will people shut up and let me hate Drive. It was shit.

yeah it's fucking awful isn't it, i really really hated it.

i will also add that the worst movie i ever saw in a theater was TRANSFORMERS and has completely turned me off any movie that has a bigger budget than Looper

This reminds me that a bunch of you assholes were supposed to like FaceTime or google hangout with me while we watched Dracula 3000 and that shit hasn't happened yet

yeah sorry i got drunk and stayed drunk

don't be sorry

i've never really been sorry for anything

it's just a thing society makes me feel like i have to say

<3

Amen brother

I had and may still have a rapping kangaroo jack doll.

my bf and i humbly submit 88 minutes, which we actually went to see in the theater.

Going through some of my IMDb and Criticker rankings now that I'm home and while Date Movie is still the worst thing I've ever seen, these would probably round out my bottom five:

America's Sweethearts
The Cannonball Run
The Spirit
Sweet Home Alabama

Lawnmower Man 2: Job's War was impossible for me to sit through. Actual tape-out-of-VCR-before-completion-of-viewing-experience stuff.

(Parenthetically, my Mom caught a bit of Lawnmower Man 1 and sneered, "Eh, it's no TRON." TOO BLUDDEE RITE, MOM! Bless her heart.)

When The Abyss came out there was a spate of cash-in underwater sci-fi/horror movies that all uniformly sucked, they either had Priscilla Barnes or Richard Crenna in them, but the biggest turd of the lot was DeepStar Six, and I thought my pop was starting to lose his marbles because how could he rent another one of these wristslitters from our video store, and I gave it a shot and I thought "hey Miguel Ferrer, Twin Peaks, cool" and, no, I kind of stopped watching movies with my pop after that

Garden state

My dad rented a Michael Keaton film called The Squeeze about three times, always forgetting he'd rented it before, and I don't think any of us ever stayed awake for the whole thing any of the times.

But "Crazy things our parents rented when we were kids" is prob it's own thread.

The worst film I ever saw was Nigel Tomm's Waiting for Godot, which is not an adaptation of the Samuel Beckett classic. Instead, it's 72 minutes and five seconds of pure green screen.

Ha, that's conceptual art, though. I would wager Tomm doesn't actually expect you to sit in front of it for 72 minutes. Unless you're incredibly stoned.

Igby Goes Down actually made me angry, so that

I'm sure I've seen a lot of terrible movies, but I really hold a grudge against The Departed. Like what Matt P says upthread about "i think a movie has to have some regard and canonization / be a reflection of a big lie for me to really hate it.". That's the one time that I've truly felt that emperor's new clothes kind of rage that I think a lot of people get from more artsy stuff.

oh god, I forgot about "little man" - I watched all kinds of forgettable-to-horrible 2006-7 movies at my parents' place with my dad while he was doped up on oxy and dying of cancer :(

Fuck cancer (and "Little Man")

The Contrabulous Fabtraption of Professor Horatio Hufnagel was pretty hard going...

if half the movies mentioned here are seriously the worst you've ever seen then you've probably only seen like 60 movies in your entire life.

Spectrist, I totally watched "Deepstar Six" a few months ago. it was truly terrible.

some noms:

- Spiderhole (2010) (like Saw or any of those movies, but also a diatribe against squatting, squatters, young poor people, etc)
- Marley & Me
- Crash (the story behind this one is that i saw it with a load of friends, and afterwards i was the only one who absolutely hated it, and then we went and got drunk and somewhat fucked on drugs and i ended up punching someone in the face about it when they accused me of being a racist shit for hating it. only made me hate it more).
- Fast Five (luckily i was so drunk that whatever, FAST CARS)

you're right i've only seen 47 thanks billstevejim

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SYOpgizcVG0

and i ended up punching someone in the face about it when they accused me of being a racist shit for hating it.

Crash is the kind of movie that seems constructed to snag good reviews and word of mouth on the basis of liberal guilt and to saddle its critics with the onus of racial insensitivity. Having to defend oneself against accusations of racism in the face of criticizing a morally facile, narratively trite, and baldly manipulative piece of cinematic garbage is all the more reason to despise the stupid thing. I hated it largely because of its insulting 'third grade term paper' treatment of race.

RACISM IS BAD. I DO NOT LIKE RACISM AND IT SHOULD NOT EXIST. IF SANDRA BULLOCK REALIZED THAT HER MAID IS ACTUALLY HER BEST FRIEND THEN MAYBE RACISM WOULD BE OVER. THE END.

sandra bullock and george of the jungle made a cute couple tho

Mike Myers' Cat In The Hat may almost match Alice in horrible kids' movie dept.

― Nataly Dawn's echoey swamp sound (Dan Peterson), Wednesday, January 30, 2013 4:05 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

I had forgotten about Cat in the Hat. Truly a disturbing movie. You could say "So bad it's good" but really you do not want to sit through this at any rate. The jokes are horrible. Some of them are just bizarrely tasteless for a kid's movie. The makeup is really weird. If "Alice" was Depp doing the Fudderwacken for two hours straight, changing costumes every 20 seconds, then you could begin to compare the two.

The more I hear/see people utter variants of, "No, no. You don't understand. The Cat In The Hat is next-level bad. Like, watching it will make you feel bad," the more perversely interested I am in seeing it.

When The Abyss came out there was a spate of cash-in underwater sci-fi/horror movies that all uniformly sucked, they either had Priscilla Barnes or Richard Crenna in them,
I have seen all of these, I do not regret it.

The first one I thought of was Sliver but I thought I must have the spelling wrong, maybe it's just too early in th emorning

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0108162/?ref_=sr_6
anyway, sat around waiting for the film to actually start until the end credits rolled.

I thought i saw it had been critically rediscovered recently, but maybe it was just its presence on Film 4 or something.

i mean, Deepsix or whatever that one Spectrist mentioned is pretty bad, but it is bad in a pretty harmless way.

have any of you sat through The Outlaw of Gor?

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0098048/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1

I did, and it suUUuuuUuucked

oh that's one of those ones that i've always been like, "wtf is that thing, it looks awful, NEXT." glad i did.

I would be lying if I said that The Outlaw of Gor was the worst movie I've ever seen, but it's the worst one the name of which I can remember.

Cocaine Cowboys 2 and Tremors 5 are veritable masterpieces in comparison

oh god cat in the hat.

almost worth seeing not because it's so-bad-it's-good, because that implies some kind of jocular pleasure the movie will not provide, but because it's like the entertainment of some alien species with whom we're in a total war for survival. which we probably are.

Coyote Ugly. I came close to walking out, and I was watching it on a plane. (Actually, I had to watch it twice to make sure it was quite as bad as I thought it was.)

The Wedding Date, if only for Dermot Mulroney - I've never seen a more moribund, wooden performance by a leading man, just mind-blowingly bad, and as charismatic as a refuse collection crew hard at work outside yr bedroom window at 6am (and with less jokes).

For an article on the state of the romcom a couple of years ago I had to watch Valentine's Day, which was so grotesquely smug, lazy and insulting that it made Love Actually look like Shakespeare's sonnets.

"The Scarlet Letter" with Demi Moore

Maybe he's just not that into you, while we're listing them

watched New Years Eve a couple nights ago, felt like it was 3+ hours long

The dullest movie I had to watch in the last few years was Pretty Bird, the Billy Crudup jet pack movie.

Oh yeah, Little Man is a good candidate. That was one of those movies that has a really stupid, unbelievable premise, but doubles down on it by having every character act in a manner that is completely illogical and contrary to what an actual person would do. Come to think of it Wild Hogs was the same way. Juwanna Mann too. I don't know why I watch all these movies.

By the way, in Little Man, THE CHARACTER WHO IS SUPPOSED TO BE A BABY HAS A TATTOO.

dancer in the dark. annoying shaky camerawork and mumbled dialog (as i recall) combined with nails-on-chalkboard musical sequences. everyone i went with loved it.

but obv i've seen worse movies on tv/video.

It's not the worst, but Dancer In The Dark is the second movie (after Requiem For A Dream) listed in this thread that I bought sight unseen in that pre-Netflix era because they never came to any of my small town theaters and they seemed like films I would enjoy. DITD I watched once, R4AD I unfortunately watched many times over a weekend as one friend after another came over and wanted to see it. Never had a lick of desire to see either again.

i forget pre-netflix, were people unable to lend videos to friends in those days

geez, where are Jjjjjjusten and Austerity Ponies in this thread? I feel like so many of you just haven't seen really really really bad movies.

Hated Dancer in the Dark so much that I didn't see another Von Trier movie until the (surprisingly excellent) Melancholia.

xp most of us know better than to pay to see third-rate movies?

there's nothing in this thread stipulating that you paid to see the awful movie in question.

i dunno - it's something akin to the dollar bin record buying instinct, where you hope to find some obscure woefully underrated gem - if you do not have this instinct then ...

yeah every one I mentioned outside of Clerks 2 has been on TV

hollow man the worst film i've ever seen -- but only b/c i watched BOTH alien vs. predators films and a stupidly large amount of Uwe Boll joints.

NOT the worst film i've ever seen, i meant to say.

bad movie watching is v v similar to the crate digging motivation, but if you had to listen to all the copies of whipped cream and other delights before you found the white cover fahey jammed in the back imo

that is meant in a totally positive sense fyi

^^ gets it. Dozens of Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers, and only one The Freakmaker

i accidentally domed your son is also pretty bad, and not in an enjoyable way.

amazing amazing title though

Easy answer: Fear dot com

there is a heroic quality to it - like

"If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,"

except instead of pitch-and-toss, it's committing to an hour and a half of Night Train to Terror

i feel like i have to watch at least the first ten minutes of i accidentally domed your son.

they will be the longest ten minutes of your life

oh, you know what was pretty bad? the second harold and kumar movie. what the hell happened there?

they will be the longest ten minutes of your life

^^^

and i blame YOUS, DJP and jjjusten, for mentioning i accidentally domed your son on ILX which led to my renting it.

XD

Is there a thread for amazing movies that are awful? I assume there must be. I bought one of those 10-for-$10 horror movie packs which is mostly straight garbage but which more than justified its price by introducing me to Pieces, Cathy's Curse, and God Told Me To. Which are all, on many levels, really terrible and hugely inept...but also dementedly brilliant and thoroughly entertaining?

Like, I would pay a sizable chunk of change to see that triple bill in a theater. Huge fun.

God Told Me To has a great rep among Larry Cohen/ 70s horror fans.

Is there a thread for amazing movies that are awful? I assume there must be.

STATHAM

xp Cathy's Curse is great!

xxpost

Oh, yeah, I have a huge place in my heart for Larry Cohen, as bad as he is. It's Alive 3: Island of the Alive is another favorite that holds absolutely no water as a Good Film.

I LOVE Cathy's Curse. Ed Wood's films seem like the paragon of forethought and intentionality in comparison.

My first thought was Stealth, and I see someone likes it up thread? But then I remember the 20 minutes of my life I would like back from the time I tried to watch Sucker Punch.

my crowning example of why watching purportedly bad movies is a good and healthy endeavor basically comes down to "i had to watch attack of the 4d witch to find my way to spider baby"

ps spider baby unironically totally fucking rules

Attack of the 4d witch has that amazing theme song though!

psyched by the 4d witch cliff notes version featuring theme song now posted in the jj and fb will watch it thread fyi

it doesn't hold a candle to Spider Baby, true, but Psyched by the 4d witch is nowhere near screaping the bottom of the barrel

http://www.overstock.com/Books-Movies-Music-Games/Chilling-Classics-50-Movie-Pack-DVD/1653183/product.html?cid=202290&kid=9553000357392&track=pspla&ef_id=fdVP84iDDQgAAFK0:20130201011513:s

This is the box set that I saw Cathy's Curse on. There are a lot of gems on it, including Bucket of Blood.

the first five minutes of happy gilmore before i turned it way the fuck off

totally ruined 'tuesday's gone' too you fuckers

other'n'that...idk, swordfish? nil by mouth? sin city? oh wait FUCK it's sin city. it's sin city. it has to be.

Happy Gilmore's pretty good.

nil by mouth srsly?

Wow, either I'm incredibly easy to please or you're all bizarre snobs. Some of the choices here are baffling. Some of em are among my FAVE films (Mulholland drive, RFAD).

For a literal "visceral horror such that I almost walked out and I never EVER want to see this again" version of bad, I'm voting for Passolini's "Salo".

And from the "how is it possible this film is as lacking in sense and any acting skill" POV it has to be the Room - but that makes it good!

nil by mouth, as said elsewhere, is a well-made, well-acted movie that acted as vicious and abominable propaganda against the part of the world I live in and I'm from - it was a personal reaction - the movie simply depressed and enraged me as a well-dressed moral and spiritual antagonist would

nowhere near as morally fucking atrocious, as emptily brutal as sin city, but few movies are

have you seen Farewell Uncle Tom?

no...

you probably don't want to

yeah i don't think that film reflects on south london so much as a very miserable area thereof in which might as well have been a hundred other places except that oldman grew up in that one

in which

probably that pet shop boys film "it couldn't happen here". if it had a plot it completely went over my head

let's not forget about kate bush's the line, the cross and the curve.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Line,_the_Cross_and_the_Curve

seconding the, um, second harold and kumar movie. don't know why i went to see it as it's not really my bag but it really wasn't good. i told the guy at the ticket desk afterward and he offered to give me a refund which surprised me. has anyone got a refund on a seen-movie?

(i wasn't complaining, just mentioned the movie was bad and making a joke of it. i didn't take the money.)

fair enough nilmar - i just saw it as a rather pointed logical-extension of the saddest excesses and hyperbolisms of british kitchen-sink misery, with a shiv to the guts of se london and its drunken goodfornothing proles into the bargain

make no mistake though - the real enemy is sin city

my contenders are:

american beauty - I was in a rage for days after seeing that POS
jury duty - ah youth. my friend and I loved Pauly Shore, we thought it would be fun. *fart.wav*
Vampires (John Carpenter) - Escape from LA wasn't enough to convince me. I had to go BACK to the theater to see James Woods drag women into the sun and laugh as they burst into flames. That was when Carpenter and I broke up and I threw his clothes onto the street, and when James Woods and I could no longer be friends.
500 days of summer - i felt like I was being marketed to, it was gross. and so many people saying 'oh YOU will LOVE it' which left me wondering why they thought I was THAT fucking idiot.
The Help - good christ what a steaming pile of garbage

I think the winner is American Beauty. I still get annoyed when I think about it.

dancer in the dark. annoying shaky camerawork and mumbled dialog (as i recall) combined with nails-on-chalkboard musical sequences.

http://farm2.staticflickr.com/1347/1068403934_4155ef2df0.jpg

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cy5W0UZdrAg

http://www.modernalternativemama.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/ATG_cover.png

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B-pdvYxsAM8

http://cdn.ticketfly.com/i/00/00/33/51/09-atlg.jpg

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nauLgZISozs

Let it not be said that I don't appreciate abstract film in general, nor that I don't appreciate Brakhage's films specifically. A cursory glace at my list of favorite films will quickly dispel such notions. However, I have to be blunt about this: Dog Star man is mind-numbingly boring! It takes far, far too long and reveals only material that is either sub-par or plain ugly. It is both his most ambitious film and his least accomplished one. That smells like pretentiousness.

oh ee the lads

Probably the most overrated movie of all time. I'm usually a fan of classics and cherished films such as these. My reasons for hating this movie are all legitimate. I don't hate this movie because of its age, or lack of color or whatever other immature crap I'm forgetting

I'm not someone who's easily bored when it comes to movies - I love The Godfather, 2001: A Space Odyssey, Scarface, Goodfellas; all very long movies that many consider to be boring, but I consider them all to be entertaining.

I love The Godfather, 2001: A Space Odyssey, Scarface, Goodfellas; all very long movies that many consider to be boring

what's the character limit for DNs again?

also i can't believe people are saying that shitty big budget movies are worse than things filmed by an epileptic goat here. get some perspective, haters!

no way is 100 MILLION POUND BUDGET CHILDREN'S NAZI CARTOON MOVIE worse than some 50 quid low quality arthouse film i watched once

This is ultra-weird pretentious crap. Some would have you believe that in fact it's so bad that by some exotic philosophical logic it becomes really good again. Don't believe the rumors though: crap = crap. Some might even argue that it's a self-parody and that therefore it's actually a success. Don't believe that either: Plan 9 wouldn't all of a sudden become a good film if it were revealed that it was in fact a self-parody: to be sure, such a revelation might up the score a little bit but it could never score a sufficient mark, because the film is just intrinsically bad, no matter what the intentions of it's makers were.

tbh i would watch a movie filmed by an epileptic goat

NO. OBVIOUSLY BAD FILMS ARE WORSE THAN COOL FILMS, GET REAL

SOME OF YOU PEOPLE HAVE OBVIOUSLY ONLY SEEN 3 FILMS IF YOU HATE EMO ADVENTURES OF SAD MAN

kinda the cinematic equivalent of 50 quid man

dinna dinna dinna dinna dinna dinna dinna dinna 50 QUID MAN

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jW58FWDzdUg

Kirsten Dunst clearly now thinking she can bare her breasts in a Von Trier film because of course its 'tastefully done' - Im sorry but if I put some Mozart over a porno I could make the same case. The only thing that makes people think this type of nudity in film is any different is because its 'artsy' but the truth is its just long, montages of scenery & imagery with classical music complementing it and replacing what might have made a decent screenplay.

POPPYCOCK! WHAT A 'ORRIBLE FILM!

tsk girls

so glad about the kicking 500 D*ys *f S*mm*r is getting.

YEAH, BUN DEM ROMANTIC COMEDY

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NARjr3fMMvY

Absolute bollocks with no redeeming features whatsoever. It's not even bad in a good way, it's just pure unadulterated shite. If it wasn't for JB (in his worst role ever) it never would have seen the light of day. The script is so poor, I wouldn't even lower myself to wipe my arse on a copy of it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b0Nu9oK6SXI

nv are u having a stroke or a tantrum

Babel. Big pile of absolute worthless scum sucking pretentious codswallop of the highest order.

xp i bloody love me some Rom Coms too; Notting Hill type stuff that loadsa people think are garbage etc so it must have been REALLY fuckin bad.
i honestly thought that dance-down-the-street sequence was a pisstake.

little from column a, little from column b, little from column death to our friends

I really wanted to like this, but it was thoroughly disappointing. I picked it as a special-occasion night out and spent the rest of the evening regretting my decision.

Directors get overrated for various reasons. The most common ones are:

1) Political Orientation; when the director is a Marxist/left-winger and makes films of that nature (if he is politically active, as well, the chances of him/her being overrated soar)

2) Geography; when he is European (hence regarded as something special and "exotic" by American film-critics and nerdy film-buffy audiences)

3) Pretentious Baloney; when a director makes a lot of "allegorical" dramas; generally speaking, the number of dramas a film-maker creates is directly proportional to the chances that he gets overrated; sexual deviousness/perversion and bizarre/metaphysical imagery greatly help too in raising his status to ridiculous heights

Suffice it to recall recent trends in the visual arts: gone are the days of simple statues or framed paintings—what we see now are the frames themselves without paintings, dead cows and their excrement, videos of the inside of the human body (gastroscopy and colonoscopy), the inclusion of odors in the exhibition, and so on and so forth. Here, again, as in the domain of sexuality, perversion is no longer subversive: the shocking excesses are part of the system itself, what the system feeds on in order to reproduce itself. Perhaps this gives us one possible definition of postmodern art as opposed to modernist art: in postmodernism, the transgressive excess loses its shock value and is fully integrated into the established art market.

The movie I reviewed is overrated garbage. I wanted a Batman film, not the corny or realistic dull filler types. A Batman film that represents the character, the adventure from comics or a new one, and the fictional legend. It must be grim, dark, brutal, brooding, serious (not like TDK which is still better than TDKR), amazing, stylized not dull, action packed while not UFC-based like in TDKR, mysterious like Batman stories SHOUL BE, and fun. Fun, not boring.

Actually you guys need to see some p risible Aus films, I didnt even think to include those. Fat Pizza and the Craic come to mind. Fucking hell the Craic was shite.

The movie I reviewed is overrated garbage. I wanted a Batman film, not the corny or realistic dull filler types. A Batman film that represents the character, the adventure from comics or a new one, and the fictional legend. It must be grim, dark, brutal, brooding, serious (not like TDK which is still better than TDKR), amazing, stylized not dull, action packed while not UFC-based like in TDKR, mysterious like Batman stories SHOUL BE, and fun. Fun, not boring. Also, tits.

Trayce, have you seen BMX Bandits?

Yeah, years ago. I dont recall it being dreadful, just kind of like a long kids TV show tbh. But I could be misremembering and confusing it with ... er well, there was a TV show of it, I think.

I’m going to say it…I think the Hangover is also overrated. Sure, I pissed my pants at least half a dozen times watching it…the first time. But, the second time I watched it…I laughed, but not nearly as hard as I did the first time. I’m looking forward to seeing Hangover 2. I’ll probably laugh, but I still hold that Spaceballs, Airplane, and Major League are better comedies because they stand the test of time.

lol

bmx bandits was cute.

ha I watched bmx bandits last year afrer not seeing it for years

fking bike chases go on a bit

uggh and Nilmar otm re Babel
bad bad bad

donnie darko is my #1

Now let’s get one thing straight. I’m a barbarian. I like things to be straightforward and have a clear meaning. Movies should have good and interesting plots – otherwise they’re pretentious crap. Those who praise “Artistic” movies that rely on “style” and “technical accomplishment” should, in my opinion keep their views to themselves. And for good reasons. There are a class of people (I’m sure you’ve met them) who need to feel superior, and when they’re told that such and such a thing is “classic”, will harp on about it even if it bores them to death – perhaps because it bores them to death.

yeah Donnie Darko.. jesus christ.

what we need are some stalin show trials for ppl who praise 'artistic' movies that rely on 'style' and 'technical accomplishment.' these are films that mock the ppl and those that praise them are upholding the old ways and feudalism

I was once told I’m far to much of a yuppie to really be able to appreciate great art and I have no business whatsoever going to films.

i only like to watch films that show a worker participating in the glorious labor under the sun, an honest day's work, he gives back to the people and takes what he needs, he does not follow the old ways, he sacrifices for the state, he is a man of honor who inspires us all

it'd be ace if you cd run a business based on going to films

i havent seen donnie darko & I celebrate my ignorance of it

i'd watch Garfield 2 for money

i mean i'd probably bunk off but it wdn't be any different to any other job

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/f/f3/LeiFeng.poster.jpg

i like donnie darko fine it's the director's cut where they thought that what made people like it was all the stoner bullshit time-travel details AND WERE PROBABLY RIGHT that's atrocity-level

pls nb i am a stoner

DIRECTOR'S CUT

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i1fOZjiDaw4

oh you're a stoner, maybe i was one too i'd also enjoy donnie darko

This isn't a film - it's a completely unwatchable ordeal. I've never had a root canal, but I'm pretty sure it would be preferable to Godard's pretentious naval-gazing.

yeah xp you should take a look at the weed politics thread don't be intimidated

i haven't smoked weed since the 90s and I thought Donnie Darko was entertaining

'Donnie Darko' is, quite simply, a masterpiece. Complex, inventive, gripping, strange, and in the end deeply moving, it has more ideas in it than Hollywood has produced in the entire last decade.

and a rabbit

ok guys you've convinced me i'm going to watch some lei feng biopics - the pinnacle of cinematic achievement

Women are like the film Donnie Darko. They convince you that you're not clever enough to understand them, but it turns out that they simply don't make any sense.

looool

xp especially them big bottom birds, eh m8?

beppdude (beppdude) wrote,
2004-11-21 16:07:00

Us men are assholes.

Seriously we are all assholes. look at the shit that we put girls through. labor, double standards, we always rape them. My buddy colin opened my eyes. He said to me "Ya know what makes me unhappy? When brothers make babies And leave a young mother ta be a pappy And since we all came from a woman Got our name from a woman And out game from a woman I wonder why we take from our women Why we rape our women Do we hate our women ? I think it's time ta kill for our women Time ta heal our women Be real to our women" He really got me thinking. Thanks colin for opening my eyes to a world that i never knew existed.

ohanmiester
November 23 2004, 18:14:25 UTC

women

women are like the movie pearl harbor, you think your gonna experience something phat and you just end being let down.

like donnie darko fine it's the director's cut where they thought that what made people like it was all the stoner bullshit time-travel details AND WERE PROBABLY RIGHT that's atrocity-level

― a permanent mental health break (difficult listening hour), Friday, 1 February 2013 03:59 (7 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

OTM. That Director's Cut was the worst.

Dr casino and al leong broadly otm

the only redeeming bit about Babel was it had a good soundtrack.

i will also add that the worst movie i ever saw in a theater was TRANSFORMERS and has completely turned me off any movie that has a bigger budget than Looper

― Whiney G. Weingarten, Wednesday, January 30, 2013 9:59 PM (2 days ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

funny that transformers was the movie that also did this for me

i'd forgotten what a POS that last Terminator movie was

dude even if you hated Donnie Darko you have to admit the Patrick Swayze scenes were really good, who the hell are you people

'Those' scenes werent actually shown iirc

ghost rider was pretty awful. but i did laugh throughout and had a great time. it does stand out as terrible tho.

transformers was really really boring. the action scenes were just noisy, nothing more.

http://ia.media-imdb.com/images/M/MV5BMTcyODk1ODYwMl5BMl5BanBnXkFtZTYwNjYxNDQ2._V1._SX450_SY295_.jpg

Rifftrax made my Transformers viewing v entertaining. I can't even conceive of trying to watch that thing without those guys though. Yeesh.

Lady in the water, no contest

xp The amazing club scene in Babel, seen from the POV of the deaf girl, single-handedly saves it from "worst" territory for me.

haha I had forgotten what total horseshit the director's cut of Donnie Darko was

donnie darko was terrible generally. that did spring to mind last time i pondered the empty "add a post" box on this thread.

I like the Mexican wedding dancing in Babel. I mean, I know next-to-eff-all about Mexican weddings, but I liked the music and the Nortec stuff.

american beauty - I was in a rage for days after seeing that POS

that was the first thing that came to mind for this thread, i hated it so much! saw it in the theater and wound up with a terrible headache b/c it made me so angry

now i just walk out if that happens since it's really not worth getting angry over a movie. ie the watchmen - so terrible i had to leave

i recently rewatched donnie darko (not the LOL director's cut) ... it's fine, but it also hasn't aged well & i do feel a bit silly having to defend it (such as it is).

the echo and the bunnymen part is pretty good

Looking back, Hudson Hawke really is not a good answer for me. I'm not sure if I have seen any truly horrible films! I also hated Storytelling but oftentimes I think my enjoyment of films is contextual/situational and maybe (like music) it's about an optimal viewing (listening) situation/environment/mood/frame of mind.

I really quite like Donnie Darko. But I can see how the director's cut is a slap in the face, explaining all the shit that was fun to work out on one's own. Who needs that? (I havent seen the directors cut for this reason)

I still maintain that for me, horrible films are ones which you couldnt sit thru/couldnt stand to watch again, and Salo is up there for me.

Worst I've seen is probably some shit I rented as a kid. D3: The Mighty Ducks, maybe.

I couldn't finish watching Airplane!, so my vote is cast for Animal House, which I watched all of and is terrible.

(I don't find myself watching many things that are terrible but I watched all of Animal House and it wasn't good or funny or anything.)

http://www.reallusion.com/images/CrazytalkAnimator/cta_index_01_1.jpg

^^ would rather watch 90 minutes of shorts created with CrazyTalk 7 than watch Animal House again

silby you dont like Airplane, wtf? We call that film "flying high" here (nfi why the diff title) but cmon its an awesome visual jokefest trashy hilarity!

silby, yes! i despise airplane too which i watched because it placed (won maybe?) in the ilx comedy poll. what a fucking disappointment. just plain shit through and through.

The worst film I have seen is The Legend of 1900. It is from the director who made Cinema Paradiso and it is the zenith of tedium. Tim Roth is a dreadful actor who does a lot of crap and this is his lowest standard of acting allied to some terrible writing. The story is the worst .. an orphan child covertly brought up in the engine room of a steam liner and he is a musical savant who has never left the boat... aaarrgh Fuck Off!

Animal House is far, far from the worst movie I've ever seen, but yeah, it's way overrated and not very funny.

kinda in "so bad it's entertaining" territory: mae west's "sextette"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AoCRgcKqb8M

it's fine, but it also hasn't aged well

^politician

For me it's gotta be Juno. It is the nadir of the early to mid 00's quirky, post-Andersen, post-Amelie, "indie" whimsical serious comedy. It's consistently lazy. It has the most irritating use of trying-too-hard-to-be-cool self-conscious lingo in a film since, I dunno, Mallrats maybe. The entire first half of it is basically lazy musical montages. And it fundamentally betrays a mawkish sentimentality. It is as if it was made by the world's most annoying 14 year old inspired by the worst parts of Garden State and Knocked Up.

i thought about putting "Amelie" on this list, i strongly disliked it and was unable to keep my mouth shut about it at the time. which resulted in acquaintances @ study abroad program getting quite upset with me like "why are you such a jerk?" ugh. it's a magical fairy tale paris which is the cutest place on earth and coincidentally almost totally whitewashed and i didn't like it. i mean, we are right here, does it not bother you that this vision of ideal paris is no longer multicultural at all? why are YOU such a jerk?

Aliens

Ameliens

Bridesmaids. I only made it through about half of it though. Also terrible Travolta/Samuel L Jackson drama Basic, which made ABSOLUTELY NO SENSE.

Gummo

Celebrity

Either the Pest (Leguizamo comedy) or Haggard which is like Gummo meets Jackass. Featuring the Jackass crew.

Krull is pretty terrible too.

Oh god, Sextet! Keith Moon's acting was the best in the film!

LOL @ The Pest. My brothers memorized the opening song to that.

the two worst movies i have ever seen are :

• Finishing the Game: The Search for a New Bruce Lee, which attempts to be a retro mockumentary and is so joyless and offensivley unfunny
• Internet Dating which is double-painful when you consider that Katt Williams wants to "do movies instead of stand-up"

http://i.imgur.com/ZqliBgP.png

Does anyone remember 51st state with Robert Carlyle and Samuel L Jackson? Because that.

Oh god, Sextet! Keith Moon's acting was the best in the film!

― Mark G, Saturday, February 2, 2013 5:12 PM (36 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Been meaning to see it for that reason alone. Despite his reputation as a flailing madman, Moon had an incredible sense of comic timing and, surprisingly, restraint.

Daisy Diamond, 2007 dannish film. Saw it at a festival and it will never forget how terrible it was. Film is avaible on youtube.

Me and You and Everyone We Know taught me to loathe that whole whimsical vaguey 'meaningful' indie genre

i hated that film.

worst film i ever saw was a rom-com so entirely featureless that I forgot everything about it almost the second I walked out of the cinema. It had a curiously unattached feeling, as if it had just 'picked up' at the beginning and 'left off' at the end, so that it felt like a midweek doldrums soap episode. I should say I used to go and see rom-coms a LOT, so was perfectly prepared for the probable absence of any likable 'rom' and definitely prepared for the absence of any 'com'.

I'm kind of excluding films like Ocean's 13 and IJ and the Crystal Skull from this for being so execrably mystifyingly bad that they feel like something else, other than film, other even than bad film - a genre where the pained incredulous horror with which you view them is entirely the point of going to see them.

Cocktail. Tom Cruise is the shiny-toothed anus of the universe, and seeing him shrieking "Addicted To Love" is a nightmare that has stayed with me for years.

Been meaning to see it for that reason alone. Despite his reputation as a flailing madman, Moon had an incredible sense of comic timing and, surprisingly, restraint.

― Tarfumes The Escape Goat, Saturday, February 2, 2013 4:55 PM (Yesterday)

ya, he is the best part of the movie

I may be alone in having actually preferred the Director's Cut of Donnie Darko. Perhaps it's just because I saw it first (but I also think INXS works much better for that opening scene than Echo and the Bunnymen!). I used to love this movie but I'm not sure what I'd think now. Thinking back on it, it does seem like there were some untied loose ends.

I enjoyed director's cut as well. But i probably saw both versions once and that's it. Cool movie, don't need to think too much about it!

Crystal Skull at least has the part where Indy is looking at a mushroom cloud, which sort of justifies the entire rest of the film.

Until I saw he directors cut, I'd always assumed the use of "the killing moon" was intended as a joke (bunny men, get it!?), though the directors cut revealed that a lot of what was good about DD was accidental. Kelley's next two movies only proved it.

heh i loved southland tales but hated donnie darko

Southland Tales has its fans, which I guess I can sorta understand without at all being able to sympathize. I doubt The Box has many.

Bad Boys 2 >>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Southland Tales

It has to be "Very Bad Things" -- just a horrible splooge of self-satisfied cynicism and misogyny. Also maybe "Duplicity" -- not a truly terrible movie, but smugness of the freaking scale. Also recently that second Sherlock movie was just such an aggressive and wilful misunderstanding of the source material -- unforgivable.

Oooh I have to see "Very Bad Things" again. I loved "Southland Tales". Apparently "The Box" does have its defenders but they are in Europe and saw the movie with subtitles, presumably with an entirely new script and/or plot

Just Ctrl-F'd "Huckabees" and came up blank. Just me then.

this guy liked it

I watched it just recently & was impressed at how he managed to take such a simple richard matheson story and turn it into the matrix reloaded

xp

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/4/4a/Ballistic.jpg

lock thread

i am friendly w/ someone who had a hand in making that but have never seen it.

what makes it so much worse than your typical lazy action film?

i don't see many action films because i don't like them so that one sticks out in my head whenever i'm asked about the worst movie ever. tbh i remember nothing about it except that it was bad.

if it had a less terrible title you'd probably have forgotten it

SPOILER ALERT its ranked #1 here:

http://www.rottentomatoes.com/features/special/2007/wotw/