'John Carter,' aka the Edgar Rice Burroughs 'A Princess of Mars' adaptation

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And...nobody cares, apparently. The conspiracy theories in the comments are hilarious.

I have a vague curiosity about this -- a friend is a massive fan of the original books, which she read and enjoyed when she was a teenager, and has been hoping for the best but I can't say I see it myself.

Ned Raggett, Thursday, 16 February 2012 22:45 (2 years ago) Permalink

Also, of course the Asylum already did their version of it. But that apparently was to cash in on Avatar.

Ned Raggett, Thursday, 16 February 2012 22:47 (2 years ago) Permalink

lol Traci Lords workin hard

max buzzword (Shakey Mo Collier), Thursday, 16 February 2012 22:49 (2 years ago) Permalink

i find it so weird that this exists. are they keeping the whole civil war context?

desperado, rough rider (thomp), Thursday, 16 February 2012 22:55 (2 years ago) Permalink

Yep

A Full Torgo Apparition (Phil D.), Thursday, 16 February 2012 22:55 (2 years ago) Permalink

it's not surprising this is not going to do well, it's not a set of stories that are all that popular anymore.

Critique of Pure Moods (goole), Thursday, 16 February 2012 22:58 (2 years ago) Permalink

from the director of wall-e and with a script by michael chabon! this is so weird

desperado, rough rider (thomp), Thursday, 16 February 2012 23:02 (2 years ago) Permalink

totally amazed this got made. I would be interested if it had any hope of being remotely good. which it does not (I hate Michael Chabon)

max buzzword (Shakey Mo Collier), Thursday, 16 February 2012 23:04 (2 years ago) Permalink

I dunno, I kind of think this could be great! Have no opinion on its forecasted box office performance, the whole inside baseball way that everyone talks about forthcoming movies now is so weird and gross to me.

Axolotl with an Atlatl (Jon Lewis), Thursday, 16 February 2012 23:06 (2 years ago) Permalink

Some clips here if anyone wants a deeper look than the trailers. That second clip bugs the ever loving shit out of me because Phobos does not look like that from the surface of Mars. It orbits faster than the planet rotates, less than 4,000 miles from the surface, so it moves west-to-east across the sky twice a day.

A Full Torgo Apparition (Phil D.), Thursday, 16 February 2012 23:15 (2 years ago) Permalink

the ads look cool, but I have zero faith in this adaptation-by-committee/summer blockbuster bullshit. they're never any good.

max buzzword (Shakey Mo Collier), Thursday, 16 February 2012 23:16 (2 years ago) Permalink

After so many years on the cusp of being made, gonna be really something how fast this vanishes from theaters.

Josh in Chicago, Thursday, 16 February 2012 23:20 (2 years ago) Permalink

The New Yorker article about this made it seem pretty promising to me. We'll see I guess.

Axolotl with an Atlatl (Jon Lewis), Thursday, 16 February 2012 23:21 (2 years ago) Permalink

shakey what is it you hate about chabon again?

akm, Thursday, 16 February 2012 23:23 (2 years ago) Permalink

the one book I read of his lol

max buzzword (Shakey Mo Collier), Thursday, 16 February 2012 23:32 (2 years ago) Permalink

there's a thread about it iirc

max buzzword (Shakey Mo Collier), Thursday, 16 February 2012 23:32 (2 years ago) Permalink

I want it to be good. I reread the books a year or so ago and they're still a boat load of fun. By far the best E. R. Burroughs (though I have a soft spot for the Venus rehashes).

EZ Snappin, Thursday, 16 February 2012 23:34 (2 years ago) Permalink

chabon has been working out a fascination with genre fiction for a long time now, so his name is one i'm okay seeing attached to a project like this

otoh there were copies of wonder boys for £1 when you bought something in the bookstore the other day and i still didn't buy a copy

desperado, rough rider (thomp), Thursday, 16 February 2012 23:48 (2 years ago) Permalink

The Adventures Of Kavalier and Clay is great IMO

The Invisible Superstars (dog latin), Thursday, 16 February 2012 23:54 (2 years ago) Permalink

Loved these books as a kid so - yes - looking forward to it.

Lawanda Pageboy (Capitaine Jay Vee), Friday, 17 February 2012 00:31 (2 years ago) Permalink

I liked the ERB Mars books as a kid, but to me it's all about the Frank Frazetta illustrations:

Brad C., Friday, 17 February 2012 00:51 (2 years ago) Permalink

The title of the movie is terrible, but most titles that are just a person's name are terrible.

WARS OF ARMAGEDDON (Karaoke Version) (Sparkle Motion), Friday, 17 February 2012 01:10 (2 years ago) Permalink

Have been half looking forward to it as a friend is working on the CGI, he was hoping for good things from Stanton's first live action picture. I don't see why the fact that the stories aren't well known should be a strike against it, but either way I'll reserve judgement till the reviews, trailers looked so-so but what can you really tell from a trailer eh.

ledge, Friday, 17 February 2012 12:25 (2 years ago) Permalink

spending $250 million on a century-old property w/ no contemporary life.... man oh man.

Nice nipples though.

Literal Facepalms (Dr Morbius), Friday, 17 February 2012 12:35 (2 years ago) Permalink

haha really that much? huh

I don't see why the fact that the stories aren't well known should be a strike against it

it's partly that calling it 'john carter' is a strike against it in that case - like, unless you already mentally complete that "... of MARS!" that's totally meaningless to you

desperado, rough rider (thomp), Friday, 17 February 2012 12:47 (2 years ago) Permalink

obv these budget $$$ are always hearsay (and inflated by rivals) but it doesn't look cheap.

At least they didn't call it Jack Carter; everyone wd've thought it was a bio of the old Vegas comedian.

Literal Facepalms (Dr Morbius), Friday, 17 February 2012 12:52 (2 years ago) Permalink

havent read the original stories, but isnt john carter meant to be bloodthirsty, oversexed and immortal? this version seems highly genericized

RudolfHitlerFtw (Hungry4Ass), Friday, 17 February 2012 12:58 (2 years ago) Permalink

not as of the first book, no

desperado, rough rider (thomp), Friday, 17 February 2012 13:03 (2 years ago) Permalink

think Hungr4Ass is confusing John Carter with John Norman

Ward Fowler, Friday, 17 February 2012 13:21 (2 years ago) Permalink

lol

RudolfHitlerFtw (Hungry4Ass), Friday, 17 February 2012 13:23 (2 years ago) Permalink

iirc a big part of the charm of the first book is Carter being this bizarre theosophist-Highlander figure who has a long and mysterious history as an immortal warrior on Earth prior to transmigrating to Mars during a fight with Apaches ... he narrates the batshit-insane events of A Princess of Mars in a mannerly, military-memoir style ERB imagines appropriate to such a figure. This stoic first-person voice is key to the book's hallucinatory effect. I like Chabon, but I don't see how any of this translates into a screenplay.

The book is on Gutenberg btw.

Brad C., Friday, 17 February 2012 13:29 (2 years ago) Permalink

lol i remember literally none of that

desperado, rough rider (thomp), Friday, 17 February 2012 13:59 (2 years ago) Permalink

They should have just called the movie "Carter."

Josh in Chicago, Friday, 17 February 2012 14:03 (2 years ago) Permalink

"Carter: 3-D"

Josh in Chicago, Friday, 17 February 2012 14:03 (2 years ago) Permalink

Get Carter of Mars

Brad C., Friday, 17 February 2012 14:08 (2 years ago) Permalink

Mars, Attacked

Critique of Pure Moods (goole), Friday, 17 February 2012 15:23 (2 years ago) Permalink

Both "Mars" and "Attacked" are better names than "John Carter."

Josh in Chicago, Friday, 17 February 2012 15:25 (2 years ago) Permalink

The Civil War (on Mars) (But At The Same Time, Pretty Much)

Critique of Pure Moods (goole), Friday, 17 February 2012 15:25 (2 years ago) Permalink

they really should have gotten Noah Wylie to star in this

(thinks and smiles) (DJP), Friday, 17 February 2012 15:26 (2 years ago) Permalink

you say that about every movie!!

Critique of Pure Moods (goole), Friday, 17 February 2012 15:27 (2 years ago) Permalink

yes, but they could have started another "Predator ship"-style fanboy debate with this between "A Princess of Mars" and "ER"

(thinks and smiles) (DJP), Friday, 17 February 2012 15:36 (2 years ago) Permalink

"John Carter, MD, of Mars."

Josh in Chicago, Friday, 17 February 2012 15:42 (2 years ago) Permalink

John Carter the Unstoppable Mars Machine.

ledge, Friday, 17 February 2012 15:43 (2 years ago) Permalink

haha

Critique of Pure Moods (goole), Friday, 17 February 2012 15:43 (2 years ago) Permalink

How the fuck do you rename something "John Carter" that has the already-awesome name "Princess of Mars".

getting good with gulags (beachville), Friday, 17 February 2012 15:57 (2 years ago) Permalink

apparently the reasoning was that boys dont like princesses, so they made it john carter of mars. and girls dont like planets, so they made it just john carter

RudolfHitlerFtw (Hungry4Ass), Friday, 17 February 2012 15:58 (2 years ago) Permalink

they wanted to avoid the taint of mars

Cruller, Cobbler, Poffert, Pie (latebloomer), Saturday, 18 February 2012 04:03 (2 years ago) Permalink

Martian taint is true. The New Yorker article said it was because that Mars Needs Moms movie was such a bomb.

EZ Snappin, Saturday, 18 February 2012 04:16 (2 years ago) Permalink

I saw the trailer yesterday and among all the problems I have the aliums all look like Phantom Menace/Jar-Jar animation and it's really, really skeeving me out.

Tim Riggins of Mars! Is what the movie should be called.

Janet Snakehole (VegemiteGrrl), Saturday, 18 February 2012 04:22 (2 years ago) Permalink

The title of the movie is terrible, but most titles that are just a person's name are terrible.

― WARS OF ARMAGEDDON (Karaoke Version) (Sparkle Motion), Thursday, February 16, 2012 8:10 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

this is otm, why did they take out the MARS part?? what are they thinking??

the jazz zinger (s1ocki), Saturday, 18 February 2012 04:46 (2 years ago) Permalink

see the Mars Needs Moms tidbit.

Simon H., Saturday, 18 February 2012 04:49 (2 years ago) Permalink

Mars Needs Moms was shit because it was a piece of overmade garbage that took a perfectly good Berkeley Breathed story and made it into something stupid. The involvement of mars was the least of it's problems!! God studio execs are such MORONS (#955,000)

Janet Snakehole (VegemiteGrrl), Saturday, 18 February 2012 04:52 (2 years ago) Permalink

its

Janet Snakehole (VegemiteGrrl), Saturday, 18 February 2012 04:52 (2 years ago) Permalink

didn't realize people had such strong feelings about mars needs moms.

the jazz zinger (s1ocki), Saturday, 18 February 2012 04:56 (2 years ago) Permalink

people = me

I just really liked that Berkeley Breathed book. :(

Janet Snakehole (VegemiteGrrl), Saturday, 18 February 2012 05:05 (2 years ago) Permalink

Mars Needs Vegemite

Ned Raggett, Saturday, 18 February 2012 05:09 (2 years ago) Permalink

I should just stay on the IA thread...

Janet Snakehole (VegemiteGrrl), Saturday, 18 February 2012 05:10 (2 years ago) Permalink

( <3 Ned )

Janet Snakehole (VegemiteGrrl), Saturday, 18 February 2012 05:11 (2 years ago) Permalink

Martian taint is true. The New Yorker article said it was because that Mars Needs Moms movie was such a bomb.

― EZ Snappin, Saturday, 18 February 2012 04:16 (1 hour ago) Permalink

that's nuts. people really think an unrelated kid movie's flopping would affect this one?

Cruller, Cobbler, Poffert, Pie (latebloomer), Saturday, 18 February 2012 05:27 (2 years ago) Permalink

I only know the books tangentially (League of Extraordinary Gentlemen) but this looks GREAT.

Sick Mouthy (Scik Mouthy), Saturday, 18 February 2012 08:27 (2 years ago) Permalink

Maybe I'm the only one, but I'm genuinely looking forward to this and thoroughly expect to enjoy it. I re-read Princess Of Mars the other day to prepare and damn, it's great.

Aunt Acid and the Gaviscons (aldo), Saturday, 18 February 2012 10:00 (2 years ago) Permalink

Other than the alien animation, the rest of it does look pretty fantastic.

getting good with gulags (beachville), Saturday, 18 February 2012 13:16 (2 years ago) Permalink

all i ever notice of the commercials for this are a sandy vista and a scruffy warrior guy, which makes me go "is this prince of persia? didn't that already come out?"

ban opinions (reddening), Saturday, 18 February 2012 14:14 (2 years ago) Permalink

this should have been called JOHN CARTER PRINCESS OF MARS imho

the jazz zinger (s1ocki), Saturday, 18 February 2012 15:31 (2 years ago) Permalink

JOHN CARTER OF MARS: A PRINCESS OF MARS: THE LEGEND OF JOHN CARTER (OF MARS)

ban opinions (reddening), Saturday, 18 February 2012 15:51 (2 years ago) Permalink

PRINCESS JOHN CARTER OF MARS

Janet Snakehole (VegemiteGrrl), Saturday, 18 February 2012 17:31 (2 years ago) Permalink

JOHN CARTER: TURN OFF THE MARS

A Full Torgo Apparition (Phil D.), Saturday, 18 February 2012 18:57 (2 years ago) Permalink

Y'ALL READY FOR MARS?

Janet Snakehole (VegemiteGrrl), Saturday, 18 February 2012 19:00 (2 years ago) Permalink

A MARS A DAY HELPS YOU WORK, REST AND SLAY

Aunt Acid and the Gaviscons (aldo), Saturday, 18 February 2012 19:06 (2 years ago) Permalink

ahaha

Janet Snakehole (VegemiteGrrl), Saturday, 18 February 2012 19:12 (2 years ago) Permalink

ha

the jazz zinger (s1ocki), Saturday, 18 February 2012 19:14 (2 years ago) Permalink

Josh in Chicago, Saturday, 18 February 2012 19:21 (2 years ago) Permalink

buzzkill

Janet Snakehole (VegemiteGrrl), Saturday, 18 February 2012 19:26 (2 years ago) Permalink

And the knives really start coming out:

http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2012/02/21/john-carter-disney-s-quarter-billion-dollar-movie-fiasco.html

Ned Raggett, Tuesday, 21 February 2012 15:37 (2 years ago) Permalink

3 pages of industry insider gossip about kerfuffle among the money men? Will hold out for the reviews. Still, $400 million is a heckuvalot.

watercooler challenge (ledge), Tuesday, 21 February 2012 15:43 (2 years ago) Permalink

Martian taint is true.

one for the out of context thread

(thinks and smiles) (DJP), Tuesday, 21 February 2012 15:46 (2 years ago) Permalink

Hey, they said "Titanic" would flop! They said "Avatar" would flop! Don't ever count out Cameron!

Josh in Chicago, Tuesday, 21 February 2012 15:50 (2 years ago) Permalink

Oh, wait, this isn't Cameron?!

Josh in Chicago, Tuesday, 21 February 2012 15:50 (2 years ago) Permalink

In that case, consider it a tax write-off, Disney.

Josh in Chicago, Tuesday, 21 February 2012 15:50 (2 years ago) Permalink

since it's an old book they should cut it into four parts and run it on masterpiece theater

Critique of Pure Moods (goole), Tuesday, 21 February 2012 17:04 (2 years ago) Permalink

HE DIDNT GET OUT OF THE COCKADOODIE CAR

Janet Snakehole (VegemiteGrrl), Tuesday, 21 February 2012 17:16 (2 years ago) Permalink

finally watched the trailer for this:
-disney seems to only have one look for their heroes-Carter looks just like Prince of Persia
-looks like it'll be a whole movie of that gladiator arena scene from Attack of the clones.
-doesn't look fun

WARS OF ARMAGEDDON (Karaoke Version) (Sparkle Motion), Tuesday, 21 February 2012 20:51 (2 years ago) Permalink

mars needs momus

I GUESS THAT CINNABON GETTIN EATEN (Edward III), Tuesday, 21 February 2012 20:57 (2 years ago) Permalink

also how come the sky isn't all red and martiany looking

where are the communiony-looking aliens

i mean

Janet Snakehole (VegemiteGrrl), Tuesday, 21 February 2012 21:00 (2 years ago) Permalink

I dunno, at least it's rated properly

I see all these R-rated movies like immortals and the conan reboot and wonder how much money is left on the table, they would be catnip for 12/13 yo boys

if the clash of the titans reboot did good money, can't see why this wouldn't, unless it's absolutely interminable, trailer looks cool

I GUESS THAT CINNABON GETTIN EATEN (Edward III), Tuesday, 21 February 2012 21:01 (2 years ago) Permalink

plus my 10 yo is raring to see it so

I GUESS THAT CINNABON GETTIN EATEN (Edward III), Tuesday, 21 February 2012 21:01 (2 years ago) Permalink

Stanton: 'You just gotta trust us.'

Ned Raggett, Thursday, 23 February 2012 19:30 (2 years ago) Permalink

Kitsch admitted that it took him some time to understand the terminology of Barsoom — which is what Martians call their home world.

“I had a white chalkboard in my house in Austin, and I was like, ‘OK, Helium .. .Zodanga … Dejah … Woola,’” Kitsch said at a low-key party after the screening. “It’s insane. It took me three-plus times to really embrace and understand what was going on. But if I don’t buy into it, neither do you.”

I can imagine Kitsch wandering around repeating those words to himself for hours on end.

Ned Raggett, Thursday, 23 February 2012 19:32 (2 years ago) Permalink

Still disappointed they didn't decide to be like the books and have everyone naked all the time

Not only dermatologists hate her (James Morrison), Thursday, 23 February 2012 23:06 (2 years ago) Permalink

What in the shit

Ned Raggett, Wednesday, 29 February 2012 06:37 (2 years ago) Permalink

does his nose have its own separate face?

anatomically illustrated treatise (reddening), Wednesday, 29 February 2012 06:45 (2 years ago) Permalink

Jabba is that you?

Peppermint Patty Hearst (VegemiteGrrl), Wednesday, 29 February 2012 07:23 (2 years ago) Permalink

Woola! I love Woola. Best pet companion ever.

EZ Snappin, Wednesday, 29 February 2012 13:35 (2 years ago) Permalink

anyone see the fan trailer for this?

http://geekout.blogs.cnn.com/2012/02/27/fans-create-their-own-trailer-for-john-carter/?hpt=hp_bn8

(it's linked in the article). Makes the film look about 100x more interesting. Studio may have really boffed it with the dumb trailers they've been running.

akm, Wednesday, 29 February 2012 15:31 (2 years ago) Permalink

Latest ep of the Nerdist podcast has Willem Dafoe promoting this. Worth a listen, just for its pure Dafoe-ness, even if it's frustratingly short.

Spleen of Hearts (kingfish), Wednesday, 29 February 2012 15:54 (2 years ago) Permalink

Wow, that fan trailer is a heroic effort.

Brad C., Wednesday, 29 February 2012 16:16 (2 years ago) Permalink

Saw it this morning. Liked it. Dug the odder aspects of the premise, but I can't imagine audiences reponding with too much enthusiasm.

Simon H., Wednesday, 29 February 2012 18:29 (2 years ago) Permalink

That dog monster looks like a walking ass.

Josh in Chicago, Wednesday, 29 February 2012 19:18 (2 years ago) Permalink

You look like a walking ass.

Sick Mouthy (Scik Mouthy), Thursday, 1 March 2012 06:58 (2 years ago) Permalink

(Sorry; hard to resist.)

Sick Mouthy (Scik Mouthy), Thursday, 1 March 2012 06:59 (2 years ago) Permalink

fan trailer is excellent and makes me weep for Hollywood marketing machine in 2012

FPocalypto! (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 1 March 2012 08:35 (2 years ago) Permalink

I can't imagine the director, given his pedigree, would release anything sub-par, bar studio meddling, but it sounds like the studio gave him free reign. Except when it comes to promotion, I guess.

Josh in Chicago, Thursday, 1 March 2012 22:16 (2 years ago) Permalink

Saw it yesterday, not familiar with the books but I really, really enjoyed it, up until about 2/3 way through where it starts to drag a little/feel overly familiar (and I really wish I hadn't seen the one trailer I did). The sets are lovely. I spent most of the time drinking in the feel of Flash Gordon, Star Wars, even Neverending Story and wondering how they decided on the tone they did (classic, good amount of cheese, nothing too modern-feeling) and wondering how the kids would take to it.
The two leads are ok. Talyor Kiscth took down those ape things hardcore.

Hope it does well, feel like the promotion has been shit but I don't watch TV so maybe that's where it all is.

kinder, Saturday, 3 March 2012 22:13 (2 years ago) Permalink

tim riggins is in this movie

horseshoe, Saturday, 3 March 2012 22:27 (2 years ago) Permalink

the trailer on tv seems terrible, but every time i see it i think, hmm there is tim riggins, maybe i should see this?

horseshoe, Saturday, 3 March 2012 22:28 (2 years ago) Permalink

I have the same problem

Peppermint Patty Hearst (VegemiteGrrl), Sunday, 4 March 2012 00:31 (2 years ago) Permalink

Bummed that dafoe is more just a voiceover than dafoe with four arms.

WARS OF ARMAGEDDON (Karaoke Version) (Sparkle Motion), Sunday, 4 March 2012 17:53 (2 years ago) Permalink

caption to beat

http://www.slantmagazine.com/film/review/john-carter/6091

Literal Facepalms (Dr Morbius), Wednesday, 7 March 2012 03:22 (2 years ago) Permalink

The trailer running on TV for this here is a MESS, I have no idea whatsoever what is going on, its just a series of badly cut together load of cgi smash bash crash jumping around in the desert.

Having seen that fan trailer now Im like OH, there is a WHOLE PLOT that looks actually p interesting and now I kind of want to see this.

Medical Dance Crab With Lesson (Trayce), Wednesday, 7 March 2012 03:36 (2 years ago) Permalink

fuck u jaime N. christley for slant magazine. you are the one who, in a nutshell, is a flimsy paper plate laden precariously with human feces.

meticulously showcased in a stunning fart presentation (contenderizer), Wednesday, 7 March 2012 03:49 (2 years ago) Permalink

that was an incredibly hacky review, not that im looking forward to this or anything. funny caption though

these pretzels are makeing me horney (Hungry4Ass), Wednesday, 7 March 2012 12:30 (2 years ago) Permalink

WOW A FAT JOKE THAT'S TOTES HILARS!!!!

Is Jeff Wells moonlighting as a caption writer for Slant?

the Hilary Clinton of Ghostface Killahs (Phil D.), Wednesday, 7 March 2012 13:09 (2 years ago) Permalink

Caption is great.

Eric H., Wednesday, 7 March 2012 13:12 (2 years ago) Permalink

Also, comparing any sci-fi fish-out-of-water/outsider-goes-native story to Avatar in 2012 = hack hackity hack hack hack. Couldn't he at least have gone with "Dances With Martians" or something?

the Hilary Clinton of Ghostface Killahs (Phil D.), Wednesday, 7 March 2012 13:13 (2 years ago) Permalink

i didnt think it was a fat joke!

these pretzels are makeing me horney (Hungry4Ass), Wednesday, 7 March 2012 13:15 (2 years ago) Permalink

More of a homely overactor joke.

Eric H., Wednesday, 7 March 2012 13:16 (2 years ago) Permalink

not authorised to see this status

Number None, Wednesday, 7 March 2012 13:23 (2 years ago) Permalink

Oh, I guess he protects his tweets, but it was kind of a wan joke on Bryan Cranston's cameo.

Eric H., Wednesday, 7 March 2012 13:27 (2 years ago) Permalink

sounds like a pip

these pretzels are makeing me horney (Hungry4Ass), Wednesday, 7 March 2012 13:42 (2 years ago) Permalink

unprotect wan jokes NOW

A Little Princess btw (s1ocki), Wednesday, 7 March 2012 13:45 (2 years ago) Permalink

Still amazed that every trailer I have seen about this has failed to imply the movie is about anything

There are some aliens he bonds with in some way and he's John Carter... of Earth... and there are big battles and a dog thing. That's all I've got so far!

I feel like the trailer needs to either tease the conflict in the plot and make me want to see how it plays out, or at least introduce me to the main character and then throw him on Mars.

valleys of your mind (mh), Wednesday, 7 March 2012 14:40 (2 years ago) Permalink

BAR....SOOM

kinder, Wednesday, 7 March 2012 18:28 (2 years ago) Permalink

i think this is the first time i've seen people agree so comprehensively a trailer just doesn't give away enough of the plot

desperado, rough rider (thomp), Wednesday, 7 March 2012 19:31 (2 years ago) Permalink

doesn't indicate the movie has one, tbh

valleys of your mind (mh), Wednesday, 7 March 2012 19:50 (2 years ago) Permalink

really enjoyed it, up until about 2/3 way through where it starts to drag a little/feel overly familiar

The case with every decent genre movie I've seen in the last umpteen years. The front half is ALWAYS twice as good as the back half. Screenwriterly ppl need to forget everything they think is necessary about 'third acts' IMO.

Axolotl with an Atlatl (Jon Lewis), Wednesday, 7 March 2012 19:59 (2 years ago) Permalink

That said, still super psyched to see this.

Axolotl with an Atlatl (Jon Lewis), Wednesday, 7 March 2012 19:59 (2 years ago) Permalink

i think a lot of that is that its just plain easier to introduce a good concept than it is to follow through on it

these pretzels are makeing me horney (Hungry4Ass), Wednesday, 7 March 2012 20:05 (2 years ago) Permalink

tim riggins is in this movie

lol shirtless tim riggins is like... i am clicking on a thread about this movie

peebutt fartbottom (Lamp), Wednesday, 7 March 2012 20:09 (2 years ago) Permalink

exactly

Peppermint Patty Hearst (VegemiteGrrl), Wednesday, 7 March 2012 21:53 (2 years ago) Permalink

who tf is tim riggins? sounds like a ship's boy in a dickens novel.

meticulously showcased in a stunning fart presentation (contenderizer), Wednesday, 7 March 2012 22:05 (2 years ago) Permalink

Friday Night Lights

u better recognize

Peppermint Patty Hearst (VegemiteGrrl), Wednesday, 7 March 2012 22:06 (2 years ago) Permalink

doesn't indicate the movie has one, tbh

there's a guy called john carter, he is on mars, there are fights, what else do you need to know

i don't know. i mean, partly there's the problem that the novel opens basically "so one day after we'd lost the civil war to those damn northerners i had a nap and then i was on mars", i think the first part of that is a tough sell for a trailer

desperado, rough rider (thomp), Wednesday, 7 March 2012 22:20 (2 years ago) Permalink

the trailers do nothing to convey that hes on mars

these pretzels are makeing me horney (Hungry4Ass), Wednesday, 7 March 2012 22:21 (2 years ago) Permalink

Not really! I think they could conveniently not mention his allegiance in the Civil War in the trailer, but there's no indication in the press materials that this is a "guy from 1800s gets transported to Mars" flick.

valleys of your mind (mh), Wednesday, 7 March 2012 22:23 (2 years ago) Permalink

they do nothing to convey:
- the year
- the setting
- that he had a life before being shirtless in what appears to be New Mexico with a bunch of green people

valleys of your mind (mh), Wednesday, 7 March 2012 22:23 (2 years ago) Permalink

i don't know, maybe it's hard to get past the fact that i already know the plot of the novel, but the superbowl trailer seems to clearly express: this guy is from earth. he winds up on an alien planet via mysterious means. he ends up in some military-hero role for alien dudes.

my main problem with it is that every line spoken suggests people talk like absolute goobers throughout the movie, tbh? but i'm not sure what else you'd go for with the source material, playing it straight sort of requires that you end up with something incredibly easy to make fun of in that line

re: time: the long-form trailer has a bunch of shots in, well, it looks more like victorian england? but that's another problem, and has people going 'whatever happened to john carter we really don't know', then cut to shirtless new mexico

desperado, rough rider (thomp), Wednesday, 7 March 2012 22:31 (2 years ago) Permalink

there's no indication that theres any kind of story at all. you can get away with a suggestive teaser trailer that doesn't tell you anything, if it's intriguing or eyecatching in some way, but eventually you do need a trailer that at least gives you a basic 'what is this about' kind of gist. disney obviously has zero confidence in the movie and thinks they have to ambush people with the mars element and the period element, but all that leaves you with is shirtless white guy jumping high (i dont know anything about friday night lights but this taylor kitsch guy looks like a black hole of charisma)

these pretzels are makeing me horney (Hungry4Ass), Wednesday, 7 March 2012 22:32 (2 years ago) Permalink

watch what u say abt Tim Riggins

Peppermint Patty Hearst (VegemiteGrrl), Wednesday, 7 March 2012 22:34 (2 years ago) Permalink

FUCK TIM RIGGINS!!!!

these pretzels are makeing me horney (Hungry4Ass), Wednesday, 7 March 2012 22:35 (2 years ago) Permalink

i think "transported to mars" is a tough sell too, because lol mars he's clearly running around with no shirt on and yelling and doing fine -- the long-running 'let us totally ignore everything we actually know about mars!' SF conceit having not been established in film afaik

and yeah the dramatic 'he jumps really high! like really really high!' is pretty woeful

idk i don't really think this qualifies as 'a good trailer' but having heard eight million times the complaint that blockbuster trailers always just give you the whole plot i think it's odd that this becomes the site of complaint for this

(in the academy this is going to be the most pointlessly overdiscussed mediocre film since basic instinct 2)

desperado, rough rider (thomp), Wednesday, 7 March 2012 22:35 (2 years ago) Permalink

i... im sorry...

these pretzels are makeing me horney (Hungry4Ass), Wednesday, 7 March 2012 22:35 (2 years ago) Permalink

wait, dominic west is in this?

desperado, rough rider (thomp), Wednesday, 7 March 2012 22:39 (2 years ago) Permalink

We're all in this.

Ned Raggett, Wednesday, 7 March 2012 22:40 (2 years ago) Permalink

I'm Woola.

Ned Raggett, Wednesday, 7 March 2012 22:40 (2 years ago) Permalink

;_;

Peppermint Patty Hearst (VegemiteGrrl), Wednesday, 7 March 2012 22:42 (2 years ago) Permalink

basic instinct 2 had some merit

valleys of your mind (mh), Thursday, 8 March 2012 01:03 (2 years ago) Permalink

Lotta dead John Carters huh.

ledge, Friday, 9 March 2012 00:07 (2 years ago) Permalink

John Carter of Iowa
John Carter of North Dakota

owenf, Friday, 9 March 2012 00:26 (2 years ago) Permalink

tim riggins is a charisma supernova fyi

horseshoe, Friday, 9 March 2012 00:27 (2 years ago) Permalink

otm

Peppermint Patty Hearst (VegemiteGrrl), Friday, 9 March 2012 00:32 (2 years ago) Permalink

calling actors by their TV names is annoying, esp when he's got a great name like Kitsch

Literal Facepalms (Dr Morbius), Friday, 9 March 2012 01:06 (2 years ago) Permalink

I'm gonna go out on a limb and say Tim Riggins will be the highpoint of his career

Number None, Friday, 9 March 2012 01:07 (2 years ago) Permalink

Okay thank you for clearing that up, I was wondering who this Tim Riggins guy was when everyone seemed to be talking about Kitsch...

Ned Raggett, Friday, 9 March 2012 01:09 (2 years ago) Permalink

I'm gonna go out on a limb and say Tim Riggins will be the highpoint of his career

idk he wore a swimsuit p well in 'the covenant' but probably

Lamp, Friday, 9 March 2012 01:33 (2 years ago) Permalink

it's less depressing to call him Tim Riggins, that way I can pretend Battleship and X Men never happened

Peppermint Patty Hearst (VegemiteGrrl), Friday, 9 March 2012 02:34 (2 years ago) Permalink

Anyway, looks like I will be seeing this thing tomorrow with some friends who are Edgar Rice Burroughs fiends and have been hoping like hell it succeeds. So...we'll see.

Ned Raggett, Friday, 9 March 2012 02:42 (2 years ago) Permalink

Keen to find out your thoughts, Ned. fyi you're gonna be my weathervane on this thing

Peppermint Patty Hearst (VegemiteGrrl), Friday, 9 March 2012 02:48 (2 years ago) Permalink

"It was all about Woola's buttface! Oh yeah some dude in a loincloth."

Ned Raggett, Friday, 9 March 2012 02:49 (2 years ago) Permalink

and then there was this crazy pod race in the middle...

Peppermint Patty Hearst (VegemiteGrrl), Friday, 9 March 2012 02:52 (2 years ago) Permalink

"Use your light saber John...oh my!"

Ned Raggett, Friday, 9 March 2012 02:56 (2 years ago) Permalink

looool

Peppermint Patty Hearst (VegemiteGrrl), Friday, 9 March 2012 03:01 (2 years ago) Permalink

Rich Juzwiak ‏ @RichJuz: My favorite thing about John Carter is that its first line is "Mars!" (in voice over).

Respectfully, Tyrese Gibson (Nicole), Friday, 9 March 2012 17:56 (2 years ago) Permalink

:D

Peppermint Patty Hearst (VegemiteGrrl), Friday, 9 March 2012 17:57 (2 years ago) Permalink

i want to see this badly because i love the "planetary romance" genre (SPACE: 1889!) and the guardian review gives me some much-needed hope for the film

the late great, Friday, 9 March 2012 18:35 (2 years ago) Permalink

baloney 2012 (am0n), Friday, 9 March 2012 18:37 (2 years ago) Permalink

i am also vajazzled for this, though i refuse to specifically endorse "planetary romance" on the grounds that it sounds suspiciously like something that twirly moustache steampunk ppl would fancy.

Fozzy Osbourne (contenderizer), Friday, 9 March 2012 18:39 (2 years ago) Permalink

buckaroo bonzai now and forever

Fozzy Osbourne (contenderizer), Friday, 9 March 2012 18:39 (2 years ago) Permalink

block that metaphor:

I felt as if someone had dragged me into the kitchen of my local Greggs, and was baking my head into the centre of a colossal cube of white bread.

Fozzy Osbourne (contenderizer), Friday, 9 March 2012 18:48 (2 years ago) Permalink

^ a feeling i think we all know well

Fozzy Osbourne (contenderizer), Friday, 9 March 2012 18:48 (2 years ago) Permalink

wtf

Peppermint Patty Hearst (VegemiteGrrl), Friday, 9 March 2012 18:56 (2 years ago) Permalink

reviewer took too many mushrooms in prep

Fozzy Osbourne (contenderizer), Friday, 9 March 2012 18:57 (2 years ago) Permalink

reviewer baked his head in too many ovens

EZ Snappin, Friday, 9 March 2012 18:58 (2 years ago) Permalink

when metaphors fail

Peppermint Patty Hearst (VegemiteGrrl), Friday, 9 March 2012 19:03 (2 years ago) Permalink

i am also vajazzled for this, though i refuse to specifically endorse "planetary romance" on the grounds that it sounds suspiciously like something that twirly moustache steampunk ppl would fancy.

Aw c'mon man! Leigh Brackett! C.L. Moore! JACK FUCKING VANCE! It's a genre with pedigree.

Axolotl with an Atlatl (Jon Lewis), Friday, 9 March 2012 19:03 (2 years ago) Permalink

no ledge, this one that ned posted upthread: http://www.guardian.co.uk/film/filmblog/2012/mar/01/john-carter-week-geek?CMP=twt_fd

the "planetary romance" genre is basically like the originary text for steampunk!

the late great, Friday, 9 March 2012 19:03 (2 years ago) Permalink

the late great, Friday, 9 March 2012 19:04 (2 years ago) Permalink

grew up on this nonsense

the late great, Friday, 9 March 2012 19:05 (2 years ago) Permalink

I guess what it comes down to is that my very favorite shit (Jack Vance, James P Blaylock) happens to be foundational for steampunk, yet I abhor steampunk.

Axolotl with an Atlatl (Jon Lewis), Friday, 9 March 2012 19:08 (2 years ago) Permalink

So it was pretty ridiculous and entertaining! Yeah, go see it.

Ned Raggett, Saturday, 10 March 2012 05:22 (2 years ago) Permalink

There's a huge feeling of "Wow, I can't believe they got away with spending that much money on this" but however formulaic it was always going to be, it wasn't dull. And yeah, Riggins or Kitsch or whatever you want to call him did pretty good and yes is mostly stripped down to not much throughout.

Ned Raggett, Saturday, 10 March 2012 05:26 (2 years ago) Permalink

It's also the kind of film where I missed some dialogue here and there and thought "Ah, it won't matter." And it didn't, and I expected as much, so.

Ned Raggett, Saturday, 10 March 2012 05:27 (2 years ago) Permalink

TIM RIGGINS OF MARS

yay

Peppermint Patty Hearst (VegemiteGrrl), Saturday, 10 March 2012 05:29 (2 years ago) Permalink

Thanks for the report Ned! Glad to hear it was fun.

EZ Snappin, Saturday, 10 March 2012 05:32 (2 years ago) Permalink

Fun is important. I feel better about seeing this

Peppermint Patty Hearst (VegemiteGrrl), Saturday, 10 March 2012 05:33 (2 years ago) Permalink

There's one scene that is pure pulp one-dude-vs-the-alien-horde and gotta say that was pretty amazingly done. Frazetta come to life, that.

Ned Raggett, Saturday, 10 March 2012 05:49 (2 years ago) Permalink

from Boxoffice:

John Carter is off to an underwhelming start. The sci-fi flick grabbed only $9.818 million on Friday. If family audiences decide to show up, then Carter could manage a better multiplier this weekend and possibly pass the $30 million mark. Either way, there's no way this debut will be seen as anything but a disappointment. Carter will have very little time to rebound considering that The Hunger Games hits on March 23. A 73% approval rating from around 15,600 Flixster users indicates that word-of-mouth is mixed.

http://www.boxoffice.com/statistics/bo_numbers/early_estimate/2012-03-10

Literal Facepalms (Dr Morbius), Saturday, 10 March 2012 21:39 (2 years ago) Permalink

"Industry Hacks Poison Well Before Release, Then Bemoan Poor Box Office."

Even with a shitty marketing strategy, I mean, come on.

the Hilary Clinton of Ghostface Killahs (Phil D.), Saturday, 10 March 2012 23:04 (2 years ago) Permalink

My local (NYC) megaplex is showing it in only one of its, like, 14 theatres and that's with just 3 showings per day. I think the "Heaven's Gate"-ish advanced fusillade has mortally wounded this one. FWIW, I'm gonna try and catch this on the big screen at one of those screenings tomorrow.

Lawanda Pageboy (Capitaine Jay Vee), Saturday, 10 March 2012 23:30 (2 years ago) Permalink

this was surprisingly breezy for a 2+ hour flick! i enjoyed it for what it was. manages to be pretty light in tone without being campy. worth seeing if you like this sort of thing.

enjoy your fleetfoxesocracy sheeple (latebloomer), Sunday, 11 March 2012 05:41 (2 years ago) Permalink

i think I am a person who likes this sort of thing. Buoyed by positive ilxor reviews itt

Peppermint Patty Hearst (VegemiteGrrl), Sunday, 11 March 2012 05:57 (2 years ago) Permalink

Underwhelming performance?! After the great pains they took to keep the public from confusing it with Mars Needs Moms!? Surely people were all like, "John Carter? I don't know who he is but he sure sounds interesting! I have to spend $15 to find out more!"

Alan Hale's Corn Casserole Recipe (Family Circle, June 1976) (Deric W. Haircare), Sunday, 11 March 2012 06:19 (2 years ago) Permalink

Mark Kermode went on an unholy rant about this, not that that means absolutely anything at all qualitywise, but it made me more aware of just how much the knives were out due to its production cost. I think I'm going to see it this week just to spite that, but my local multiplex is only showing it twice a day in 2D and I can't be fucked with anymore retro-fitted 3D nonsense, unless any of you ILXors think it worth the extra dosh.

stay in school if you want to kiw (Gukbe), Sunday, 11 March 2012 06:21 (2 years ago) Permalink

Nah, 2D will be fine.

Ned Raggett, Sunday, 11 March 2012 06:24 (2 years ago) Permalink

yeah there's no reason to see this in 3D.

enjoy your fleetfoxesocracy sheeple (latebloomer), Sunday, 11 March 2012 06:27 (2 years ago) Permalink

Great story!

valleys of your mind (mh), Sunday, 11 March 2012 14:49 (2 years ago) Permalink

wow. stop what you're doing and read that article.

the late great, Sunday, 11 March 2012 17:51 (2 years ago) Permalink

ILXors voting with their dollars to fight the burying of $250 M films

Literal Facepalms (Dr Morbius), Sunday, 11 March 2012 17:55 (2 years ago) Permalink

Nice.

Spleen of Hearts (kingfish), Sunday, 11 March 2012 17:57 (2 years ago) Permalink

That article is A+++

that mustardless plate (Bill A), Sunday, 11 March 2012 18:01 (2 years ago) Permalink

thanks for linking that ryman piece, latebloomer. great great great

Fozzy Osbourne (contenderizer), Sunday, 11 March 2012 18:50 (2 years ago) Permalink

Mark Kermode went on an unholy rant about this, not that that means absolutely anything at all qualitywise, but it made me more aware of just how much the knives were out due to its production cost.

How did I ever not find Kermode completely awful? He's just insufferable now.

Pheeel, Sunday, 11 March 2012 21:06 (2 years ago) Permalink

That short story !!!! so good! SO good. Thanks for linking, lb

Peppermint Patty Hearst (VegemiteGrrl), Sunday, 11 March 2012 21:08 (2 years ago) Permalink

alt-history science fiction we can get behind

valleys of your mind (mh), Sunday, 11 March 2012 23:45 (2 years ago) Permalink

Carter looks to have made about 30 million. Finke is probably gonna get out her autopsy gear, and I'm gonna puke.

stay in school if you want to kiw (Gukbe), Sunday, 11 March 2012 23:55 (2 years ago) Permalink

Saw a short NYTimes headline: "'Ishtar' Lands on Mars."

Josh in Chicago, Monday, 12 March 2012 12:50 (2 years ago) Permalink

I'm going to see this this weekend, assuming they don't pull it hard with a vengeance, but the biggest red flag was not all the bad promotion or the bad advance word, but ironically something that's been trotted out in the film's favor: the fact that the source material has been minded dozens of prominent times over the decades. We've see this before.

Admittedly, that doesn't explain why every other POS people have seen before gets seen these days, from sequels to franchise kickstarts. And even on the higher end of things, I have no idea why people in America would take a shot at "Tintin" (however modest) but not this.

Josh in Chicago, Monday, 12 March 2012 12:55 (2 years ago) Permalink

Ladies and gentlemen, future fall guy Rich Ross, former TV exec and chariman of Disney:

Josh in Chicago, Monday, 12 March 2012 13:01 (2 years ago) Permalink

It would have been funnier if it was Rick Ross.

Respectfully, Tyrese Gibson (Nicole), Monday, 12 March 2012 13:18 (2 years ago) Permalink

+ =

the Hilary Clinton of Ghostface Killahs (Phil D.), Monday, 12 March 2012 13:26 (2 years ago) Permalink

I seem to remember reading that all blockbuster films – at least from the last 20 years – have at least recouped their costs over time.

Chewshabadoo, Monday, 12 March 2012 13:27 (2 years ago) Permalink

what, even Cutthroat Island?

Number None, Monday, 12 March 2012 13:29 (2 years ago) Permalink

-xpost -

However, just looking it up now that seems to be balls. Mars Needs Moms (which I'd not even heard of) seems likely to struggle.

Chewshabadoo, Monday, 12 March 2012 13:34 (2 years ago) Permalink

I still have never seen Cutthroat Island, and I probably should because I have an irrational love for The Long Kiss Goodnight. xp

Respectfully, Tyrese Gibson (Nicole), Monday, 12 March 2012 13:35 (2 years ago) Permalink

i thought it was more draggy than breezy, but yeah it was alright. i thought it got pretty deadly any time it asked you to care about the fate of barsoom or whatever, which is most of the 2nd half. movie would've been better with young kurt russell in the lead (or present day 60 y/o kurt russell), kitsch is OK but kinda bland

these pretzels are makeing me horney (Hungry4Ass), Monday, 12 March 2012 13:43 (2 years ago) Permalink

I am going to see John Carter tonight.

Sick Mouthy (Scik Mouthy), Monday, 12 March 2012 13:46 (2 years ago) Permalink

Man, Kurt Russell would have killed in this. And whenever it got a little slow I just enjoyed the backgrounds; the money spent shows onscreen.

Ned Raggett, Monday, 12 March 2012 13:50 (2 years ago) Permalink

That Times story says it needs to make $600 mil to make its money back. $100 mil down (total), $500 mil to go!

Josh in Chicago, Monday, 12 March 2012 13:56 (2 years ago) Permalink

Should be a jolly disparity as I read this over the week and then see it this weekend.

OWLS 3D (R Baez), Monday, 12 March 2012 17:26 (2 years ago) Permalink

Oh, and nsfw, obv.

OWLS 3D (R Baez), Monday, 12 March 2012 17:40 (2 years ago) Permalink

Ned OTM about the Frazetta moments. The art direction was in many ways the most worthwhile element. Loving and lovely.

Riggins' performance could best be described, I think, as "mostly shirtless."

all yoga attacks are fire based (rogermexico.), Monday, 12 March 2012 17:53 (2 years ago) Permalink

Oh like THAT'S going to keep VegemiteGrrl from seeing this.

Ned Raggett, Monday, 12 March 2012 17:56 (2 years ago) Permalink

:D

Peppermint Patty Hearst (VegemiteGrrl), Monday, 12 March 2012 17:58 (2 years ago) Permalink

I find my self suddenly ALL ABOUT THIS MOVIE

Peppermint Patty Hearst (VegemiteGrrl), Monday, 12 March 2012 17:58 (2 years ago) Permalink

It shouldn't! Perfectly legit reason to go IMO and very much in line with the Frazetta/Vallejo tradition.

Just, Kurt Russell nothin', Josh Holloway would have killed this if he'd had a prayer of pulling off the wardrobe.

all yoga attacks are fire based (rogermexico.), Monday, 12 March 2012 18:01 (2 years ago) Permalink

I would have been like one of those Twilight people camping out in line for this movie if Josh Holloway had been the lead.

Respectfully, Tyrese Gibson (Nicole), Monday, 12 March 2012 18:13 (2 years ago) Permalink

I am making a lot of embarrassing confession this week, sorry.

Respectfully, Tyrese Gibson (Nicole), Monday, 12 March 2012 18:13 (2 years ago) Permalink

right there with you, sister

Peppermint Patty Hearst (VegemiteGrrl), Monday, 12 March 2012 18:15 (2 years ago) Permalink

I thought this was great.

Sick Mouthy (Scik Mouthy), Monday, 12 March 2012 23:05 (2 years ago) Permalink

Me too. Pleasingly bonkers, straight-up pulpy comic book action, way better than any x-men or green lantern hornets or avatars.

Just listened to the Mark Kermode rant, fuck. I used to have a lot of time for the guy but that was excruciating. Ok so he found it boring, boredom is in the eye of the beholder I guess, it kept my attention for the full length. But incomprehensible? Christ, it wasn't rocket science. There were the green guys and the blue guys and the red guys, and the green guys were particularly easy to spot since they were actually green - oh and they had four arms and were 9 feet tall. The plot took a few diversions, but only into well familiar scenarios. And there were a few funny words, what a shame. Ok I had a few "did they just call him sadgrab or sarbag or sagbar?" moments but given there were barely half a dozen main players it was still hardly taxing.

ledge, Monday, 12 March 2012 23:59 (2 years ago) Permalink

I was convinced I was going to find it boring, partic as it's fairly long, but it was nicely paced, I thought. How tf is it 'incomprehensible'? I did get a little confused about who was on the red team and the blue team to start off with but ???

kinder, Tuesday, 13 March 2012 00:08 (2 years ago) Permalink

well like 75% of the film is people saying fake words, gives a little bit of a Dune vibe in terms of people talking about goofy stuff solemnly, i can see why that seriousness would scan as incomprehensible to someone who wasnt getting into the movie

these pretzels are makeing me horney (Hungry4Ass), Tuesday, 13 March 2012 00:15 (2 years ago) Permalink

Alternatively, any movie would be incomprehensible if you didn't give a shit and stopped paying attention. IOW it's a lazy criticism and totally misplaced for a story as straightfoward and well-worn as this.

ledge, Tuesday, 13 March 2012 00:20 (2 years ago) Permalink

i am refusing to believe the plot of this can be difficult to follow or incomprehensible, tbh. did the vulture thing about the trailer show up on this thread yet

bosomy English rose (thomp), Tuesday, 13 March 2012 01:21 (2 years ago) Permalink

also, i've seen the thing about them taking 'of mars' out of the title because mars needs moms was such a failure about a dozen times, it has only just occurred to me to wonder, what the fuck is mars needs moms

bosomy English rose (thomp), Tuesday, 13 March 2012 01:21 (2 years ago) Permalink

massive disney mocap bomb, their second about mars in the last year funnily enough

these pretzels are makeing me horney (Hungry4Ass), Tuesday, 13 March 2012 01:24 (2 years ago) Permalink

h4a should i go see this tomorrow i trust yr judgement

Lamp, Tuesday, 13 March 2012 01:28 (2 years ago) Permalink

christ, that rich ross pic is terrifying

Fozzy Osbourne (contenderizer), Tuesday, 13 March 2012 01:31 (2 years ago) Permalink

a movie about how kids need to learn to appreciate their parents. well that's got summer blockbuster written all over it

bosomy English rose (thomp), Tuesday, 13 March 2012 01:32 (2 years ago) Permalink

Dear ILX, I love you for making me really want to see this.

(And not just because of Tim Riggins)

Peppermint Patty Hearst (VegemiteGrrl), Tuesday, 13 March 2012 01:47 (2 years ago) Permalink

lamp - yeah why not. you'd probably find some things to dig about it, i dunno.

these pretzels are makeing me horney (Hungry4Ass), Tuesday, 13 March 2012 02:01 (2 years ago) Permalink

Dear ILX, I love you for making me really want to see this.

(And not just because of Tim Riggins)

― Peppermint Patty Hearst (VegemiteGrrl), Monday, March 12, 2012 8:47 PM (2 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

i was going to post p much the same thing

catbus otm (gbx), Tuesday, 13 March 2012 04:32 (2 years ago) Permalink

I enjoyed this! Some meh bits here and there but it worked pretty well, I thought. For those (of us) lamenting the state of big budget Hollywood, this was refreshingly solid.

Also, as a Rome fan, I enjoyed seeing Posca, and then it got even better with Marc Antony and Caesar fighting side by side.

stay in school if you want to kiw (Gukbe), Tuesday, 13 March 2012 05:20 (2 years ago) Permalink

And I just found out Atia was one of the green things!

stay in school if you want to kiw (Gukbe), Tuesday, 13 March 2012 05:29 (2 years ago) Permalink

Ooh Rome ppl :D

Peppermint Patty Hearst (VegemiteGrrl), Tuesday, 13 March 2012 05:34 (2 years ago) Permalink

So, what we conclude from behavioral analysis and available forensics is the following: The suspect is likely a white male in his late 20s to late 30s. He likely is not a college graduate, but feels nonetheless superior to those with advanced education, and he is likely employed in a bureaucratic entity, possibly civil service or quasi-public service from which he feels alienated. He has a problem with authority and a deep-seated resentment of those who he feels have impeded his progress professionally. …The suspect has trouble with lasting relationships and is possibly a high-functioning alcoholic.

...

all yoga attacks are fire based (rogermexico.), Tuesday, 13 March 2012 06:43 (2 years ago) Permalink

<3 <3

McNulty of Mars

Peppermint Patty Hearst (VegemiteGrrl), Tuesday, 13 March 2012 07:12 (2 years ago) Permalink

nice job, SM :D

Peppermint Patty Hearst (VegemiteGrrl), Tuesday, 13 March 2012 18:25 (2 years ago) Permalink

Just saw this and really liked it! Will probably become a cult fave like "Return To Oz" - another lush Disney production that was killed out the gate. Want to see this again on the big screen before it's gone (around 6 other people at my screening).

Lawanda Pageboy (Capitaine Jay Vee), Tuesday, 13 March 2012 20:10 (2 years ago) Permalink

I think we're seeing this on Sat. Tried to convince Mr Veg to go tonight to half-price Tuesday but no dice.

Peppermint Patty Hearst (VegemiteGrrl), Tuesday, 13 March 2012 20:11 (2 years ago) Permalink

There were 8 other people at mine, but it was 10:35pm on a Monday.

stay in school if you want to kiw (Gukbe), Tuesday, 13 March 2012 20:11 (2 years ago) Permalink

plz just post some Kitsch pec pix

Literal Facepalms (Dr Morbius), Tuesday, 13 March 2012 20:20 (2 years ago) Permalink

And Lyn Collins thigh pix!

Lawanda Pageboy (Capitaine Jay Vee), Tuesday, 13 March 2012 20:28 (2 years ago) Permalink

i don't have much desire to see this but it did make me want to read some ERB for the first time in about two decades.

(The Other) J.D. (J.D.), Tuesday, 13 March 2012 20:28 (2 years ago) Permalink

Peppermint Patty Hearst (VegemiteGrrl), Tuesday, 13 March 2012 20:34 (2 years ago) Permalink

Not sure if there are any other film score nerds on ILX but I just listened through the score album and it's Giacchino's high water mark to date, by some distance. Don't buy the Amazon MP3 album though-- it's badly encoded and sounds watery.

Axolotl with an Atlatl (Jon Lewis), Tuesday, 13 March 2012 22:44 (2 years ago) Permalink

Must have been nods to Jerry Goldsmith's Apes score.

stay in school if you want to kiw (Gukbe), Tuesday, 13 March 2012 22:53 (2 years ago) Permalink

Giacchino does the score? DEFINITELY I AM IN. Loved his Star Trek score.

Peppermint Patty Hearst (VegemiteGrrl), Tuesday, 13 March 2012 23:11 (2 years ago) Permalink

Just heard Stanton talking about filming where they filmed Apes, actually.

stay in school if you want to kiw (Gukbe), Tuesday, 13 March 2012 23:21 (2 years ago) Permalink

yeah i dont usually pay much attention to movie scores but this one seemed pretty good to me, gave it an epic filmmaking feel early in the movie

these pretzels are makeing me horney (Hungry4Ass), Tuesday, 13 March 2012 23:25 (2 years ago) Permalink

really enjoyed this! went tonight with ilxor herb albert. i think there were four other people in the audience. totally fun and entertaining. i laughed out loud! i cheered! felt like a kid.

scott seward, Wednesday, 14 March 2012 02:38 (2 years ago) Permalink

i was the only one laughing at it, but the big SMACK towards the climax was great.

stay in school if you want to kiw (Gukbe), Wednesday, 14 March 2012 02:39 (2 years ago) Permalink

i liked that i could actually see what was going on and follow the action. i get lost in cgi-land sometimes. and i really just loved the jumping thing! totally a kid's dream come true.

scott seward, Wednesday, 14 March 2012 02:41 (2 years ago) Permalink

Yeah, good call -- nothing ever got too distracting or off. And speaking of CGI-land, that really was some high quality stuff at points, even/especially the Tharks; it shows how quickly the field has grown and improved even over the last few years. Rah for Scott liking it!

i was the only one laughing at it, but the big SMACK towards the climax was great.

Haha if it's what I'm thinking of, yeah, that made our group laugh too.

Ned Raggett, Wednesday, 14 March 2012 04:57 (2 years ago) Permalink

xpost Is "Return to Oz" really some cult classic?

I'm totally seeing this and "21 Jump Street" this weekend. Please wait out the two weeks til Hunger Games, John Carter, just for me!

Josh in Chicago, Wednesday, 14 March 2012 12:55 (2 years ago) Permalink

Return to Oz is a total cult classic

Number None, Wednesday, 14 March 2012 13:11 (2 years ago) Permalink

Yeah, Return To Oz is v.v.cool.

Sick Mouthy (Scik Mouthy), Wednesday, 14 March 2012 13:19 (2 years ago) Permalink

one of the reasons it's fondly remembered is all the awesome puppetry etc. Not sure the cgi of John Carter will be looked back on in the same way

Number None, Wednesday, 14 March 2012 13:22 (2 years ago) Permalink

Main reason I fondly remember RtO is it's fucking shit scary.

Sick Mouthy (Scik Mouthy), Wednesday, 14 March 2012 13:37 (2 years ago) Permalink

and we all know cgi ain't scary

Number None, Wednesday, 14 March 2012 13:41 (2 years ago) Permalink

The arena scene was almost *too* close visually to the one in the 2nd Star Wars prequel but it was also 1000x more fun/exciting. And with had less monsters!

I also really loved the Tharks. Agree with Ned that the CGI was pretty well done.

Lawanda Pageboy (Capitaine Jay Vee), Wednesday, 14 March 2012 15:06 (2 years ago) Permalink

is the plot of this movie totally incomprehensible? a.o. scott compared it to "dune," which to my mind reads = visually beautiful and incomprehensible.

flesh, the devil, and a wolf (wolf) (amateurist), Wednesday, 14 March 2012 15:07 (2 years ago) Permalink

it is totally fucking by numbers good guys and bad guys and some other good guys. as i said upthread "incomprehensible" is being used as code for "i got bored and stopped paying attention".

ledge, Wednesday, 14 March 2012 15:08 (2 years ago) Permalink

(Xpost) * and with less monsters *

Lawanda Pageboy (Capitaine Jay Vee), Wednesday, 14 March 2012 15:09 (2 years ago) Permalink

some of the dialogue is incomprehensible because its just people babbling about imaginary names that you literally dont know the meaning of.

these pretzels are makeing me horney (Hungry4Ass), Wednesday, 14 March 2012 15:11 (2 years ago) Permalink

i followed the plot. and i'm not that swift.

scott seward, Wednesday, 14 March 2012 15:14 (2 years ago) Permalink

i mean its basically a kid's movie. in the best possible way.

scott seward, Wednesday, 14 March 2012 15:15 (2 years ago) Permalink

Xxpost As in most sci-fi. I mean - "Grand Moff Tarkin"? "Tusken Raiders"... It's all part of the tradition. Crits just wanted to pile on this one, I think.

Lawanda Pageboy (Capitaine Jay Vee), Wednesday, 14 March 2012 15:17 (2 years ago) Permalink

most film critics suck so bad. best to avoid them entirely.

scott seward, Wednesday, 14 March 2012 15:19 (2 years ago) Permalink

Btw I and off topic: that "Battleship" trailer? Ouch.

Lawanda Pageboy (Capitaine Jay Vee), Wednesday, 14 March 2012 15:21 (2 years ago) Permalink

At the risk of repeating myself, I wrote about why people are piling on to criticse - http://sickmouthy.com/2012/03/13/why-do-people-hate-john-carter-of-mars/

Sick Mouthy (Scik Mouthy), Wednesday, 14 March 2012 15:37 (2 years ago) Permalink

at risk of typing this sentence

(he did what!) (Austerity Ponies), Wednesday, 14 March 2012 15:44 (2 years ago) Permalink

for real tho I liked your post on the movie. looking forward to seeing it this weekend if it's still in theatres

(he did what!) (Austerity Ponies), Wednesday, 14 March 2012 15:44 (2 years ago) Permalink

all the trailers i saw before this looked so chaotic and ugly. except for new ridley scott. i definitely wanna see that. die hard on a space station looked okay i guess. though the trailer kinda sucked. i mean i would watch it on netflix. will pretty much watch any die hard on a something movie.

scott seward, Wednesday, 14 March 2012 15:51 (2 years ago) Permalink

what die hard on a space station movie would that be? also, you got the prometheus trailer? jealous.

ledge, Wednesday, 14 March 2012 15:57 (2 years ago) Permalink

oh that prometheus trailer looks v exciting even though I have no idea what's happening except something that looks like a space rollercoaster

Peppermint Patty Hearst (VegemiteGrrl), Wednesday, 14 March 2012 16:15 (2 years ago) Permalink

prometheus is a moon of saturn, no?

the late great, Wednesday, 14 March 2012 16:22 (2 years ago) Permalink

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prometheus_%28moon%29

wind storm in trailer -> actually the moon hitting the rings of saturn?

lol bad science

mh, Wednesday, 14 March 2012 16:25 (2 years ago) Permalink

yeah, but I don't think that's where they are.

stay in school if you want to kiw (Gukbe), Wednesday, 14 March 2012 16:25 (2 years ago) Permalink

I'd imagine the title is more to do with stealing fire from the gods

Number None, Wednesday, 14 March 2012 16:32 (2 years ago) Permalink

Prometheus is going to be some sort of prequel to Alien -- same universe but different/earlier setting, apparently. Yeah we got that one as well, looked great in 3D. Also enjoyed the ParaNorman and Brave trailers; Battleship can of course fuck off.

Ned Raggett, Wednesday, 14 March 2012 16:32 (2 years ago) Permalink

i didn't even know john carter was also 3D. not an option where i am. was glad it wasn't. not a big fan of nu-3D or 3D in general. i'm always fiddling with the glasses.

scott seward, Wednesday, 14 March 2012 16:34 (2 years ago) Permalink

I think that's gotta be LV-426 in the Prometheus trailer. I mean that's totally the derelict ship. xpost

It was retro-fitted, so I skipped the 3D.

stay in school if you want to kiw (Gukbe), Wednesday, 14 March 2012 16:35 (2 years ago) Permalink

this film was kinda long but it was the exact opposite of my tin tin experience. couldn't wait for that to end. could have watched john carter movie for another half hour.

scott seward, Wednesday, 14 March 2012 16:35 (2 years ago) Permalink

is there a reference to prometheus in alien?

the late great, Wednesday, 14 March 2012 16:36 (2 years ago) Permalink

No, but in the viral fake-TED video, Weyland tells the story of Prometheus stealing fire from the gods and talks about his desire to lead the human race into a new era etc etc...

I loved Tin Tin xpost

stay in school if you want to kiw (Gukbe), Wednesday, 14 March 2012 16:37 (2 years ago) Permalink

yeah, i did not love tin tin. but i was also kinda tired and cranky and it felt endless. end of a long day and all that...

scott seward, Wednesday, 14 March 2012 16:38 (2 years ago) Permalink

Prometheus also created man from clay in some myths. The safe bet is we're going to get a look at the creators of the Aliens. Space Jockeys and all that

Number None, Wednesday, 14 March 2012 16:39 (2 years ago) Permalink

viral fake Ted talk?

weyland of weyland-yutani?

this needs it's own thread of nerdery

the late great, Wednesday, 14 March 2012 16:49 (2 years ago) Permalink

it's an its not an it's

the late great, Wednesday, 14 March 2012 16:50 (2 years ago) Permalink

iPhone auto correcting "its" as a rule is a sign of a civilization in decay, i think

the late great, Wednesday, 14 March 2012 16:51 (2 years ago) Permalink

That thread already exists: They're Remaking 'Alien' -- the 'Prometheus' thread

stay in school if you want to kiw (Gukbe), Wednesday, 14 March 2012 16:51 (2 years ago) Permalink

Yeah I loved "Tin Tin" as well except for the interminable, unnecessary and totally un-Herge'ish battle on the docks.

Lawanda Pageboy (Capitaine Jay Vee), Wednesday, 14 March 2012 17:01 (2 years ago) Permalink

The battle was out of place; pretty much everything else was a treat. Fun score from John Williams too.

Ned Raggett, Wednesday, 14 March 2012 17:30 (2 years ago) Permalink

Why was John Carter retrofitted? It seems like they would have shot that one in 3-D from the get-go.

Josh in Chicago, Wednesday, 14 March 2012 17:33 (2 years ago) Permalink

well up above it said that the director didn't want to do 3D so i guess he didn't film it in 3D.

scott seward, Wednesday, 14 March 2012 17:37 (2 years ago) Permalink

Fun score from John Williams too.

It was neat, though heavily reminiscent of his even better music for Catch Me If You Can.

Axolotl with an Atlatl (Jon Lewis), Wednesday, 14 March 2012 17:37 (2 years ago) Permalink

(which movie I've never seen; I probz only see maybe 10% of the films whose scores I listen to)

Axolotl with an Atlatl (Jon Lewis), Wednesday, 14 March 2012 17:45 (2 years ago) Permalink

that's true. it was in production for a very long time, though.

flesh, the devil, and a wolf (wolf) (amateurist), Wednesday, 14 March 2012 17:56 (2 years ago) Permalink

xpost

wow jon williams has really upped the ante since he left ILX

flesh, the devil, and a wolf (wolf) (amateurist), Wednesday, 14 March 2012 17:57 (2 years ago) Permalink

'left'

Axolotl with an Atlatl (Jon Lewis), Wednesday, 14 March 2012 18:10 (2 years ago) Permalink

I understand VegemiteGrrl has now seen and believed.

Ned Raggett, Sunday, 18 March 2012 22:45 (2 years ago) Permalink

I have waited about 30 years for this and it delivered everything I wanted it to. It seemed like kind of a pointless merging of books to bring the Therns into this one and I didn't get where they were going with the White Apes at all (my belief was always that ERB was trying to write the same idea as the gorilla in Murders In The Rue Morgue) but that's nitpicking. Great stuff.

Aunt Acid and the Gaviscons (aldo), Sunday, 18 March 2012 22:55 (2 years ago) Permalink

YOU GUYS!!!

THIS WAS SO GREAT!

so fun, had a very old-timey feel, even with the cgi. I haven't read the book but it seemed like it was faithful, just from the look & tone.

And holy shirtless Tim Riggins batman. horseshoe, no joke: you NEED to see this.

Peppermint Patty Hearst (VegemiteGrrl), Sunday, 18 March 2012 22:57 (2 years ago) Permalink

yay aldo liked it too! that's a damn good sign imo

Peppermint Patty Hearst (VegemiteGrrl), Sunday, 18 March 2012 22:58 (2 years ago) Permalink

You're too kind.

My 14yo didn't think it was so hot - he thought the John/Deja romance was hackneyed and he'd seen too much of the rest of it before (like the single flight scenes below Zodanga being reminiscent of RotJ) but then I pointed out to him the book was published 95 years ago and he was just baffled.

I think my favourite bit, although not authentic, was when John returned to the cave and was crusted solid. The funniest sequence was probably John learning about Martian gravity, which is more or less how it happens in the bbook.

Aunt Acid and the Gaviscons (aldo), Sunday, 18 March 2012 23:05 (2 years ago) Permalink

I liked the Cranston scenes too

Peppermint Patty Hearst (VegemiteGrrl), Sunday, 18 March 2012 23:08 (2 years ago) Permalink

Def want to read the books now

Peppermint Patty Hearst (VegemiteGrrl), Sunday, 18 March 2012 23:09 (2 years ago) Permalink

loved this

adam, Sunday, 18 March 2012 23:39 (2 years ago) Permalink

Wanted to see this today, but there was only one time, a 4pm show, to see it in 2-D.

Josh in Chicago, Monday, 19 March 2012 00:20 (2 years ago) Permalink

see it in 2D

3D is not necessary

Peppermint Patty Hearst (VegemiteGrrl), Monday, 19 March 2012 00:21 (2 years ago) Permalink

unless they've 3D'd Tim Riggins' chest and the Princess's boobs in which case, go for it.

Peppermint Patty Hearst (VegemiteGrrl), Monday, 19 March 2012 00:22 (2 years ago) Permalink

Gonna try to go tomorrow after work. Hopefully it's still at the theater on 23rd in Chelsea.

Axolotl with an Atlatl (Jon Lewis), Monday, 19 March 2012 00:23 (2 years ago) Permalink

Hated this. Worst film I've seen so far this year.

Wooden acting, boring plot.

Bob Six, Monday, 19 March 2012 00:28 (2 years ago) Permalink

SEIZE HIM

Peppermint Patty Hearst (VegemiteGrrl), Monday, 19 March 2012 00:30 (2 years ago) Permalink

Just got back, I had a good time. 2D looked great to me.

Bonus points for evil Martian McNulty and Caesar and Marc Antony from Rome as Martian good guys.

Brad C., Monday, 19 March 2012 00:39 (2 years ago) Permalink

And Walter White! :D

Peppermint Patty Hearst (VegemiteGrrl), Monday, 19 March 2012 00:58 (2 years ago) Permalink

xpost What I meant was that of the five or so screenings at the local theater per day, only one - the 4pm - is in 2D, not 3D. I don't want to see or pay for this in 3D, but damn if 4pm is not the all around worst, least convenient time to see a movie.

Josh in Chicago, Monday, 19 March 2012 02:54 (2 years ago) Permalink

Ah, well I agree with that

Peppermint Patty Hearst (VegemiteGrrl), Monday, 19 March 2012 02:54 (2 years ago) Permalink

Tell your boss you have uncontrollable diarrhea at 3:30 imo

mh, Monday, 19 March 2012 03:02 (2 years ago) Permalink

Enjoyed 2D Tim Riggins vs McNulty in space. Ladyfriend & I kept laughing at unintentionally funny moments, including seriousface deep eyegazing "sweeeeze" lines. Totally decent ride. Lovely anti-gravity movie.

Reviews calling it incomprehensible were overblown. "Curious sort of blur" seems about right, though. Liked it, but already forgetting it.

(he did what!) (Austerity Ponies), Monday, 19 March 2012 14:18 (2 years ago) Permalink

I smirked uncontrollably whenever the good guys’ city was mentioned- “we must save Helium!”, “now I must return to the city of my fathers, noble Helium” etc. etc. All they did, they did for Helium. The CGI and 3D was well realised, though, and it was pretty good fun.

good luck in your pyramid (Neil S), Monday, 19 March 2012 14:23 (2 years ago) Permalink

encouraged by ILX love, i went to see this (in breathtaking 2D) this afternoon. i can't say it's great, exactly, but i had a hell of a good time with it. solid performances, appealing actors, GREAT MONSTERS, wonderful martian ruins and spooky magic/tech stuff. plus a nicely expansive, resolutely old-fashioned epic science-fantasy adventure story. lots of unexpected twists, revelations and changes of fortune. felt like prime late 70s/early 80s spielberg and lucas all mixed together, much more satisfyingly so than super 8 or the recent star wars and indiana jones outings.

a few drawbacks though. took a little while to get its footing. the opening with sab than getting the magic bracelet was necessary, i suppose, but fairly dull. the floating warships, voodoo tech and martian scenery rarely looked substantial, which made the intro feel a bit cheesy. the following scenes back on earth with JC, however, were fantastic, some of my favorite moments in the film. great ramp-up to his eventual leap across the solar system. once on mars, the "learning to bounce" sequence was more foolish than enjoyably silly, but after that, i was fully on board. still, certain moments and story threads felt underdeveloped. the romance angle was perfunctory, and JC's sudden rise to king of the tharks was worse, completely undeserved. i mean, i'm glad that the film took its time warming up, and that it was so willing to pause for scenery, but it began to feel very rushed towards the end.

nevertheless, i loved it to death and feel crushed by its failure at the box office. it needs a sequel! i need a sequel!

.

Fozzy Osbourne (contenderizer), Tuesday, 20 March 2012 02:26 (2 years ago) Permalink

There are a dozen books for you to enjoy.

EZ Snappin, Tuesday, 20 March 2012 02:28 (2 years ago) Permalink

bursting out of monster covered in goo = win

Peppermint Patty Hearst (VegemiteGrrl), Tuesday, 20 March 2012 02:31 (2 years ago) Permalink

There are a dozen books for you to enjoy.

yeah, read the first few as a kid. may revisit, may not. tbh, i think i preferred this. i don't remember ERB's john carter being a particularly sympathetic or interesting hero, but i do remember the race-as-destiny stuff being laid on a little thick. then again, it's been ages, and my tastes have changed a lot.

Fozzy Osbourne (contenderizer), Tuesday, 20 March 2012 02:52 (2 years ago) Permalink

plus love woola! so zippy that one! and slobbery.

Fozzy Osbourne (contenderizer), Tuesday, 20 March 2012 03:40 (2 years ago) Permalink

i want a woola

Peppermint Patty Hearst (VegemiteGrrl), Tuesday, 20 March 2012 03:51 (2 years ago) Permalink

Yeah - I as well am bummed a sequel will prob. never happen. Meanwhile, "21 Jump Street 2" is a-comin'.

Lawanda Pageboy (Capitaine Jay Vee), Tuesday, 20 March 2012 04:06 (2 years ago) Permalink

"Walt Disney has said it expects to lose $200m (£126m) on its movie John Carter, making it one of the biggest flops in cinema history."
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-17442200

good luck in your pyramid (Neil S), Tuesday, 20 March 2012 13:48 (2 years ago) Permalink

21 Jump Street 2: 42 Jump Street

xp

butvi wouls (Phil D.), Tuesday, 20 March 2012 13:52 (2 years ago) Permalink

"Walt Disney has said it expects to lose $200m (£126m) on its movie John Carter, making it one of the biggest flops in cinema history."

gah, this is so wrong and so colossally stupid. i can see why the film might have underperformed no matter what, as it's a bit silly and old-fashioned overall, but the promotion was criminally bad. first of all, it should have been called JOHN CARTER OF MARS. just plain old "john carter" is meaningless. it doesn't even suggest anything interesting. and the television ad campaign was horrible. i tried to get my gf's dad, who's usually up for anything in the line of old school high adventure, to go. he refused, saying it looked "like that 300 movie". and he was right, sort of. all you got from the ads was jumping and fighting in a desert, with some monsters and flying machines thrown in for color. no hint of story, character or setting. maybe the dumbest, most self-destructive ad campaign i've ever seen for a film of this type. it should have been promoted as a successor to avatar, ffs! swashbuckling hero, period setting, epic scope, interplanetary adventure & romance! would at least have sold a few more tickets than who-the-fuck-is "john carter" jumping around in a desert somewhere, chopping up the hordes.

Fozzy Osbourne (contenderizer), Tuesday, 20 March 2012 15:13 (2 years ago) Permalink

I think 3D puts people off too, which is totally understandable- having to wear some stupid glasses for some pretty redundant 3D effects, and pay more for the privilege, is really annoying.

good luck in your pyramid (Neil S), Tuesday, 20 March 2012 15:23 (2 years ago) Permalink

what's so wrong is it cost $250 M before promotion.

Literal Facepalms (Dr Morbius), Tuesday, 20 March 2012 15:25 (2 years ago) Permalink

none of that money was spent on acting lessons either.

good luck in your pyramid (Neil S), Tuesday, 20 March 2012 15:28 (2 years ago) Permalink

Taylor Kitsch already knows how to take his shirt off and make puppy faces, so acting lessons are redundant. All Dominic West needed was a jug with xxx on it. Lynn Colins is apparently a shakesperian actor & Juliard grad?

(he did what!) (Austerity Ponies), Tuesday, 20 March 2012 15:55 (2 years ago) Permalink

they should have just called it WARLORD OF MARS

and the poster should have just had frazetta riggins stance where he's coming down on the horde screaming and the tag-line - STAY FLY...

and they should have had a cool rap theme song for the commercial.

scott seward, Tuesday, 20 March 2012 16:11 (2 years ago) Permalink

it ain't brain surgery.

scott seward, Tuesday, 20 March 2012 16:11 (2 years ago) Permalink

WARLORD OF MARS: 2 HIGH 2 DIE

scott seward, Tuesday, 20 March 2012 16:12 (2 years ago) Permalink

they should just use that siren sound from inception with a slowly strobing zoom in on Lynn Collons's breasts

(he did what!) (Austerity Ponies), Tuesday, 20 March 2012 16:19 (2 years ago) Permalink

and then splice to gether a couple scenes to make it look like Dominic West is drunkenly crashing his ship and making his shenanigans face

(he did what!) (Austerity Ponies), Tuesday, 20 March 2012 16:19 (2 years ago) Permalink

I think 3D puts people off too, which is totally understandable- having to wear some stupid glasses for some pretty redundant 3D effects, and pay more for the privilege, is really annoying.

uh, maybe, but i don't see any reason to think this was a factor. 3D has often been a box office booster. i mean, maybe the bubble's burst, but if so, this is first i'm hearing of it.

Fozzy Osbourne (contenderizer), Tuesday, 20 March 2012 16:33 (2 years ago) Permalink

I think maybe people are getting wise to the fact that there's no reason to see e.g. A Very Harold & Kumar Xmas in 3D? Just my perception, admittedly.

good luck in your pyramid (Neil S), Tuesday, 20 March 2012 16:35 (2 years ago) Permalink

That's exactly the kind of movie you should see in 3D. At least they know it's a stupid gimmick

Number None, Tuesday, 20 March 2012 16:38 (2 years ago) Permalink

3D's been collapsing in terms of box office for 18 months.

Sick Mouthy (Scik Mouthy), Tuesday, 20 March 2012 16:41 (2 years ago) Permalink

what's so wrong is it cost $250 M before promotion.

yeah, this is sadly true. it shouldn't have cost anywhere near that much.

Fozzy Osbourne (contenderizer), Tuesday, 20 March 2012 16:43 (2 years ago) Permalink

3D's been collapsing in terms of box office for 18 months.

have heard this, but haven't seen the stats. any links you know of?

Fozzy Osbourne (contenderizer), Tuesday, 20 March 2012 16:43 (2 years ago) Permalink

70% of Avatar's sales come from 3D; 40% of Harry Potter 7.2 came from 3D. Not a bubble as much as cyclical, I think.

aka vanilla bean (remy bean), Tuesday, 20 March 2012 16:45 (2 years ago) Permalink

Not 18 months - 9.

Sick Mouthy (Scik Mouthy), Tuesday, 20 March 2012 16:50 (2 years ago) Permalink

i almost feel bad when i'm completely blasé about these incredibly expense visual effects they spend hundreds of millions of dollars to put on the screen. like, they're trying so hard, good for them, but i can't remember the last time i looked at CGI in a live action movie and felt like the money spent was remotely worth it.

some dude, Tuesday, 20 March 2012 16:53 (2 years ago) Permalink

everybody's sick of artificially inflated spectacle, i think. it ain't a barnum and bailey world any more; throwing vast fantastical expanses and computerized pyrotechnics and digital establishing matte shots at the screen just leads to fatigue.

aka vanilla bean (remy bean), Tuesday, 20 March 2012 16:56 (2 years ago) Permalink

what's astounding to me is the that CGI at one point was considered a way to bring costs down, no? virtual worlds costing pennies on the dollar compared to models etc

catbus otm (gbx), Tuesday, 20 March 2012 16:57 (2 years ago) Permalink

watching buck rogers episodes on netflix with the kids and still totally enjoyable even though they spent five bucks an episode. 3 of that went to guest stars like jack palance and roddy mcdowell and one dollar for spandex and one dollar for fx.

scott seward, Tuesday, 20 March 2012 16:59 (2 years ago) Permalink

I can't remember the last time i was intrigued or impressed by the CGI-exaggerated scope/scale of a world. Maybe 'How to Train Your Dragon'? It's a sad state, when the basically limitless possibilities of world-building and fantasy representation afforded by new techology elicits, like, a jaded shrug.

aka vanilla bean (remy bean), Tuesday, 20 March 2012 17:00 (2 years ago) Permalink

It's a failure of imagination and creativity, i.e., "Ooh, we can put basically anything on screen. So let's do a regressive sword and sandals epic but make the monsters bigger and uglier."

aka vanilla bean (remy bean), Tuesday, 20 March 2012 17:02 (2 years ago) Permalink

longstanding lament of mine:

When Is Someone Gonna Make A Sci-Fi Show Or Movie Without Any People In Them?

scott seward, Tuesday, 20 March 2012 17:21 (2 years ago) Permalink

ss: i have referenced that thread in real life conversations. the asesthetic of fantasy and sci-fi movies/tv seems to be locked in a '70s airbrushed van art groove, but lamer.

aka vanilla bean (remy bean), Tuesday, 20 March 2012 17:24 (2 years ago) Permalink

It's a failure of imagination and creativity, i.e., "Ooh, we can put basically anything on screen. So let's do a regressive sword and sandals epic but make the monsters bigger and uglier."

yeah, this is a fair point. imagine that a lot of that CGI money went to generating boring, barren martian landscapes (which looked pointedly dull in comparison to the gorgeous and obviously real shots of the ride down the river iss) and unimpressively "grand" interiors. there were some nice ruins here and there, but they were briefly glimpsed, unexplored. sort of wondered why they didn't have carter travel way, way back in time as well as across the solar system, even if that meant deviating from ERB. would have allowed for a more visually interesting mars.

and it's not like it's impossible to create interesting world-visions w CGI. i recently watched this super shitty french sci-fi flick called renaissance, which managed to create an intriguing (if clearly blade runner-derived) world on what was probably less than a 10th of john carter's budget.

Fozzy Osbourne (contenderizer), Tuesday, 20 March 2012 17:55 (2 years ago) Permalink

Slate has had several good death of 3D pieces. This may be the best, and it's two years old:

http://www.slate.com/articles/arts/culturebox/2010/08/is_3d_dead_in_the_water.html

Josh in Chicago, Tuesday, 20 March 2012 18:00 (2 years ago) Permalink

I can't remember the last time i was intrigued or impressed by the CGI-exaggerated scope/scale of a world.

Zodiac.

Josh in Chicago, Tuesday, 20 March 2012 18:01 (2 years ago) Permalink

Josh in Chicago, Tuesday, 20 March 2012 18:02 (2 years ago) Permalink

was not at all impressed by the very obvious CGI in zodiac. took me completely out of the movie. everything seemed weird and fake, most gratingly the overhead shot of the cab ride.

Fozzy Osbourne (contenderizer), Tuesday, 20 March 2012 18:03 (2 years ago) Permalink

Seriously? So you saw all the scenes above and knew it was all CGI at the time? Or did you go into the movie knowing it was CGI? Because I had no idea.

Josh in Chicago, Tuesday, 20 March 2012 18:04 (2 years ago) Permalink

Seriously? haha xp

butvi wouls (Phil D.), Tuesday, 20 March 2012 18:04 (2 years ago) Permalink

Were you actually like, "Fuck this bullshit, I can no longer enjoy this gripping crime thriller because they CGI'ed a cab instead of rebuilding 1969 San Francisco and renting a helicopter!!!"

butvi wouls (Phil D.), Tuesday, 20 March 2012 18:05 (2 years ago) Permalink

Zodiac cgi was fantastic.

Peppermint Patty Hearst (VegemiteGrrl), Tuesday, 20 March 2012 18:06 (2 years ago) Permalink

nah, i mean, i probably missed a lot of the more "ordinary" looking stuff, but the cab ride scene really threw me and after that i was looking for (and finding, no suprise) fakeyness everywhere.

Fozzy Osbourne (contenderizer), Tuesday, 20 March 2012 18:11 (2 years ago) Permalink

plus i just didn't dig the movie, overall. been meaning to rewatch it for quite some time because i seem to be in the minority on this, love downey and loved the social network.

Fozzy Osbourne (contenderizer), Tuesday, 20 March 2012 18:12 (2 years ago) Permalink

contenderizer contending

mh, Tuesday, 20 March 2012 18:14 (2 years ago) Permalink

Robert Downey Jr. was an entirely CGI creation. You didn't know that?

Josh in Chicago, Tuesday, 20 March 2012 18:17 (2 years ago) Permalink

Rango was all right as a world, but the visual style was hardly new or exciting.

aka vanilla bean (remy bean), Tuesday, 20 March 2012 18:18 (2 years ago) Permalink

whoa i had no idea there was cgi in zodiac, that video just blew my entire mind

BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Tuesday, 20 March 2012 19:01 (2 years ago) Permalink

it has that effect on people

Number None, Tuesday, 20 March 2012 19:04 (2 years ago) Permalink

See? Awesome. I rest my case.

Peppermint Patty Hearst (VegemiteGrrl), Tuesday, 20 March 2012 19:12 (2 years ago) Permalink

the cgi in zodiac is great, but sometimes i wonder why they can't just find a two lane highway at night.

stay in school if you want to kiw (Gukbe), Tuesday, 20 March 2012 19:51 (2 years ago) Permalink

bcz david fincher

BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Tuesday, 20 March 2012 20:04 (2 years ago) Permalink

they should have cgi-extravagandapted c.s. lewis' out of the silent planet.

the "intenterface" (difficult listening hour), Tuesday, 20 March 2012 20:14 (2 years ago) Permalink

or as it no doubt would have been called, out of.

the "intenterface" (difficult listening hour), Tuesday, 20 March 2012 20:15 (2 years ago) Permalink

in case of potential confusion with Disney flop Treasure Planet

Number None, Tuesday, 20 March 2012 20:16 (2 years ago) Permalink

i keep hearing that's good.

the "intenterface" (difficult listening hour), Tuesday, 20 March 2012 20:18 (2 years ago) Permalink

Treasure Planet? No, it was really by the numbers.

Respectfully, Tyrese Gibson (Nicole), Tuesday, 20 March 2012 20:23 (2 years ago) Permalink

lol a friend of mine did some of the CGI shots for Zodiac (specifically the Transamerica pyramid going up + the aerial shot that goes over the ferry building) - easily the best thing he was ever involved in, nice to see that work get some love

the sir edmund hillary of sitting through pauly shore films (Shakey Mo Collier), Tuesday, 20 March 2012 20:29 (2 years ago) Permalink

actually i guess out of the silent planet would have been called ELWIN RANSOM, which sounds like an ealing heist.

the "intenterface" (difficult listening hour), Tuesday, 20 March 2012 20:31 (2 years ago) Permalink

Shakey - Mr Veg lived in SF for abt 15 years through college etc, late 80's-late 90's, and he STILL talks about the Transamerica sequence and the aerial shots in Zodiac. I think those sequences were almost 100% of why he loved the movie! Well, those and the SF TV station/Melvyn Belli footage, he said it looked exactly the way he remembered it. Pretty sure your friend contributed to the adoring nostalgia of a lot of 40-something & older San Franciscans :)

Peppermint Patty Hearst (VegemiteGrrl), Tuesday, 20 March 2012 20:44 (2 years ago) Permalink

david denby review in the new yorker is ugh. he is so ugh. he says that nobody could possibly understand what is going on in the movie. actually, i'll quote the line cuz i can't find the whole thing online:

"I wouldn't trust the sanity of any critic who claimed to understand what goes on in this movie."

i also think this line is actually racist somehow:

"The Therns, the Tharks, Dejah Thoris? You can't speak the names aloud without sounding like Daffy Duck."

David Denby is an interplanetary racist. There, I said it.

scott seward, Tuesday, 20 March 2012 22:27 (2 years ago) Permalink

they're all color-coded!

stay in school if you want to kiw (Gukbe), Tuesday, 20 March 2012 22:39 (2 years ago) Permalink

yeah the civil war parallels are REALLY hard to pick up on. wtf.

Peppermint Patty Hearst (VegemiteGrrl), Tuesday, 20 March 2012 22:42 (2 years ago) Permalink

i hope he never has to review a bollywood movie. those CRAZY character names! how do they come up with them? american movie critic in stupid-ass stupid face shocker.

(sorry i hate that guy. not like i wish him harm or anything many blessings to him and his just his writing and his thoughts. and his stupid-ass stupid faceness.)

scott seward, Tuesday, 20 March 2012 22:47 (2 years ago) Permalink

no, no, it's good. denby's sole purpose at the new yorker afaict is to make all the other writers look good by comparison. he's like the dero of movie writers.

all yoga attacks are fire based (rogermexico.), Tuesday, 20 March 2012 22:51 (2 years ago) Permalink

I would fight denby tbh

all yoga attacks are fire based (rogermexico.), Tuesday, 20 March 2012 22:54 (2 years ago) Permalink

he's like the derpy of movie writers

Fozzy Osbourne (contenderizer), Tuesday, 20 March 2012 23:05 (2 years ago) Permalink

this movie was very easy to understand, btw

Fozzy Osbourne (contenderizer), Tuesday, 20 March 2012 23:06 (2 years ago) Permalink

There's CGI in Zodiac? Must watch it again.

Sick Mouthy (Scik Mouthy), Tuesday, 20 March 2012 23:42 (2 years ago) Permalink

Once again, tried to see John Carter tonight, and the showtimes were totally inhospitable. Like, 6:20 or 9:40. Fuck that noise. It's almost like they're trying to bury this cat turd. Oh well. Saw "21 Jump Street" instead. Was funny.

Josh in Chicago, Wednesday, 21 March 2012 02:45 (2 years ago) Permalink

There's CGI in Zodiac? Must watch it again.

― Sick Mouthy (Scik Mouthy), Tuesday, March 20, 2012 6:42 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

every shot in fincher's recent movies is like a composite of several takes, using CGI. it's insane.

flesh, the devil, and a wolf (wolf) (amateurist), Wednesday, 21 March 2012 09:59 (2 years ago) Permalink

AV Club loved it, though they point out that a fully faithful version would have to be made by Paul Verhoeven and unreleasable in the US.

Vulture has an interesting story about how it was massively mishandled partly because the director made Finding Nemo and Wall-E and was basically made of gold to Disney.

Also read somewhere that Disney's films department is now making a loss for the fourth year in a row after betting bad on Mars Needs Moms, The Sorceror's Apprentice, and Prince of Persia.

Andrew Farrell, Wednesday, 21 March 2012 11:06 (2 years ago) Permalink

Also what's really really weird is that the 'logo' for the film has a very visible J C and M - it looks like they took 'of Mars' recently - except that it's been called John Carter for as long as I've been aware of it.

Andrew Farrell, Wednesday, 21 March 2012 11:08 (2 years ago) Permalink

A lot riding on The Avengers then

Number None, Wednesday, 21 March 2012 11:15 (2 years ago) Permalink

I'm finally seeing this today! 11am, y'all! Set expectations on ... low.

Josh in Chicago, Wednesday, 21 March 2012 12:59 (2 years ago) Permalink

he's like the derpy of movie writers

How dare you insult derpy like that, at least she is funny and cute.

Respectfully, Tyrese Gibson (Nicole), Wednesday, 21 March 2012 14:14 (2 years ago) Permalink

In comparison to denby, anyway.

Respectfully, Tyrese Gibson (Nicole), Wednesday, 21 March 2012 14:15 (2 years ago) Permalink

Mars Needs Moms, The Sorceror's Apprentice, and Prince of Persia
man I can't believe they lost money on these.
National Treasure 3, The Search For Revenue set for release Summer 2013.

WARS OF ARMAGEDDON (Karaoke Version) (Sparkle Motion), Wednesday, 21 March 2012 17:08 (2 years ago) Permalink

I tried to watch Sorceror's. First 15 minutes were too painful to bear. Seemed like some committee's idea of what kids want to watch.

Axolotl with an Atlatl (Jon Lewis), Wednesday, 21 March 2012 17:12 (2 years ago) Permalink

Maybe it was just the version I saw but the very end had JOHN CARTER OF MARS before the credits. (Just 'JOHN CARTER' at the start)

kinder, Wednesday, 21 March 2012 17:31 (2 years ago) Permalink

"wait a minute, that was all taking place on Mars?"

Number None, Wednesday, 21 March 2012 17:39 (2 years ago) Permalink

haha

kinder, Wednesday, 21 March 2012 17:40 (2 years ago) Permalink

Put that at the end of Jerry Maguire and see how it plays...

Axolotl with an Atlatl (Jon Lewis), Wednesday, 21 March 2012 17:43 (2 years ago) Permalink

Mildred Pierce OF MARS

Axolotl with an Atlatl (Jon Lewis), Wednesday, 21 March 2012 17:43 (2 years ago) Permalink

Michael Clayton OF MARS

bring back the dream of buzz bin (Phil D.), Wednesday, 21 March 2012 17:44 (2 years ago) Permalink

Nixon OF MARS

wait that might make more sense

Peppermint Patty Hearst (VegemiteGrrl), Wednesday, 21 March 2012 17:58 (2 years ago) Permalink

Carter's of mars, Nixon's of Venus

Axolotl with an Atlatl (Jon Lewis), Wednesday, 21 March 2012 18:03 (2 years ago) Permalink

John, Carter of Mars

the sir edmund hillary of sitting through pauly shore films (Shakey Mo Collier), Wednesday, 21 March 2012 18:07 (2 years ago) Permalink

Of Mice and Men of Mars

Fozzy Osbourne (contenderizer), Wednesday, 21 March 2012 18:08 (2 years ago) Permalink

Anne of Green Gables of Mars

Fozzy Osbourne (contenderizer), Wednesday, 21 March 2012 18:09 (2 years ago) Permalink

Mars Needs Moms of Mars

Number None, Wednesday, 21 March 2012 18:13 (2 years ago) Permalink

The Rise of the Planet (Mars) of the Apes

Axolotl with an Atlatl (Jon Lewis), Wednesday, 21 March 2012 18:14 (2 years ago) Permalink

Disney Needs Money of Mars

the sir edmund hillary of sitting through pauly shore films (Shakey Mo Collier), Wednesday, 21 March 2012 18:16 (2 years ago) Permalink

I Don't Know How She Does It On Mars

Peppermint Patty Hearst (VegemiteGrrl), Wednesday, 21 March 2012 18:18 (2 years ago) Permalink

Sex and The City On Mars

Peppermint Patty Hearst (VegemiteGrrl), Wednesday, 21 March 2012 18:18 (2 years ago) Permalink

Mars Attacks On Mars

kinder, Wednesday, 21 March 2012 18:39 (2 years ago) Permalink

John Carpenter's Ghosts Of Mars On Mars

Aunt Acid and the Gaviscons (aldo), Wednesday, 21 March 2012 18:40 (2 years ago) Permalink

Mask of Mars

goole, Wednesday, 21 March 2012 18:41 (2 years ago) Permalink

Star Wars Of Mars

Peppermint Patty Hearst (VegemiteGrrl), Wednesday, 21 March 2012 18:44 (2 years ago) Permalink

Delta of Venus of Mars

bring back the dream of buzz bin (Phil D.), Wednesday, 21 March 2012 18:45 (2 years ago) Permalink

To Live and Die in L.A. of Mars

Fozzy Osbourne (contenderizer), Wednesday, 21 March 2012 18:49 (2 years ago) Permalink

Freddy vs. Jason of Mars

Fozzy Osbourne (contenderizer), Wednesday, 21 March 2012 18:50 (2 years ago) Permalink

The Passion of the Christ of Mars

Fozzy Osbourne (contenderizer), Wednesday, 21 March 2012 18:51 (2 years ago) Permalink

Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil of Mars

BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Wednesday, 21 March 2012 18:58 (2 years ago) Permalink

Holes of Mars

goole, Wednesday, 21 March 2012 19:03 (2 years ago) Permalink

A Trip to the Moon of Mars

bring back the dream of buzz bin (Phil D.), Wednesday, 21 March 2012 19:04 (2 years ago) Permalink

Schindler's List of Mars

scott seward, Wednesday, 21 March 2012 19:05 (2 years ago) Permalink

Just got back. This movie was perfectly fine! I will say, however, that the stuff that doesn't work about it largely falls at Stanton's feet: his misbegotten promotion ideas, his inability to find a rhythm (talk talk talk ACTION talk talk ACTION talk), his lack of experience dealing with in-the-flesh actors and occasional tough time simply putting a movie of this scope together (weird framing and mismatched scenes abounded). Bummer we won't get a sequel, because obviously the foundation is there. How did fucking Clash of the Titans get a sequel? Was that a blockbuster? How did Battleship get made at all?

This movie did leave me wanting a six-legged butt-dog of my own, though. And a Lynn Collins.

Josh in Chicago, Wednesday, 21 March 2012 19:07 (2 years ago) Permalink

I have a butt-dog but alas, she only got 4 legs.

Axolotl with an Atlatl (Jon Lewis), Wednesday, 21 March 2012 19:36 (2 years ago) Permalink

his inability to find a rhythm (talk talk talk ACTION talk talk ACTION talk),

i think this is a big problem yeah. i still think any scene where characters are gravely spewing 30 different goofy alien names at you is just dead-on-arrival. i also didnt care for how JC felt like a cardboard Reluctant Modern Movie Hero - right down to the phoned-in hero refusing the call moments. most of the stuff about his backstory was unnecessary, especially all the stuff where he keeps telling people he's done with fighting other peoples wars or whatever - it doesnt resonate, and it drags the movie down. you never believe him as a southern gentleman from virginia either

How did fucking Clash of the Titans get a sequel? Was that a blockbuster?

a big one!

How did Battleship get made at all?

thats kind of a funny story actually. universal was desperate for franchises a few years ago and hasbro had just switched to an aggressive firm looking to make some deals, so universal bought the rights to a bunch of hasbro properties, with penalty clauses if they didnt get projects off the ground within a certain amount of time. so to avoid a 7 figure penalty, they commit to a $200 million Battleship picture because it was the best choice out of a bad lot. i think their deal recently went in the toilet so there probably won't be any more boardgame movies in the near future.

these pretzels are makeing me horney (Hungry4Ass), Wednesday, 21 March 2012 20:56 (2 years ago) Permalink

you mean we're not going to get Ridley Scott's Monopoly?

Number None, Wednesday, 21 March 2012 20:57 (2 years ago) Permalink

I want to see that list

(he did what!) (Austerity Ponies), Wednesday, 21 March 2012 20:59 (2 years ago) Permalink

The Cluening

the sir edmund hillary of sitting through pauly shore films (Shakey Mo Collier), Wednesday, 21 March 2012 20:59 (2 years ago) Permalink

it was Battleship, Candy Land, Clue, Magic: The Gathering, Monopoly, Ouija, and Stretch Armstrong

these pretzels are makeing me horney (Hungry4Ass), Wednesday, 21 March 2012 21:01 (2 years ago) Permalink

how on earth is battlefield the best of those? lol this industry

goole, Wednesday, 21 March 2012 21:03 (2 years ago) Permalink

do you think any of the others are clearly 'better'

these pretzels are makeing me horney (Hungry4Ass), Wednesday, 21 March 2012 21:05 (2 years ago) Permalink

tim burton's candy land

the "intenterface" (difficult listening hour), Wednesday, 21 March 2012 21:06 (2 years ago) Permalink

^ what we're all thinking

goole, Wednesday, 21 March 2012 21:06 (2 years ago) Permalink

tho that would suck hard

goole, Wednesday, 21 March 2012 21:06 (2 years ago) Permalink

Monopoly could be great. Candy Land also if done similarly to Mr. Show's take on the Kroffts.

Axolotl with an Atlatl (Jon Lewis), Wednesday, 21 March 2012 21:06 (2 years ago) Permalink

xxxpost

Axolotl with an Atlatl (Jon Lewis), Wednesday, 21 March 2012 21:07 (2 years ago) Permalink

i can in my mind's eye imagine good movies of all of them but battleship but maybe i'm being contrarian at this point

goole, Wednesday, 21 March 2012 21:08 (2 years ago) Permalink

they should have bought risk and made a four-hour the longest day kinda thing that just cross-cuts between 500000 a-list names shooting each other in ten different locations. AROUND THE WORLD.

the "intenterface" (difficult listening hour), Wednesday, 21 March 2012 21:09 (2 years ago) Permalink

...in a teal & orange steampunk napoleonic cgi style? please?

goole, Wednesday, 21 March 2012 21:10 (2 years ago) Permalink

soundtrack is just fake gregorian chants and a couple songs from smash

the "intenterface" (difficult listening hour), Wednesday, 21 March 2012 21:17 (2 years ago) Permalink

i can in my mind's eye imagine good movies of all of them but battleship but maybe i'm being contrarian at this point

― goole, Wednesday, March 21, 2012 5:08 PM (11 minutes ago) Bookmark

well i mean their concern wasnt what will be good, it was what can they sell. and it's easy to sell a big budget transformers knockoff

these pretzels are makeing me horney (Hungry4Ass), Wednesday, 21 March 2012 21:20 (2 years ago) Permalink

LIFE: people getting born, growing up, going to college, making out, getting married, raising kids, getting jobs, starting businesses - all from inside their cars. kind of like taste of cherry, but more cheerful. shot entirely in pink and blue.

Fozzy Osbourne (contenderizer), Wednesday, 21 March 2012 21:21 (2 years ago) Permalink

it was Battleship, Candy Land, Clue, Magic: The Gathering, Monopoly, Ouija, and Stretch Armstrong

read: CGI action movie, CGI kids film, thriller, CGI fantasy, adult drama, supernatural thriller/horror, CGI action comedy

pretty obvious why they chose the one they did - biggest potential ROI

the sir edmund hillary of sitting through pauly shore films (Shakey Mo Collier), Wednesday, 21 March 2012 21:24 (2 years ago) Permalink

Ouiji could be a genuinely neat movie. Think: supernatural comedy/romance

aka vanilla bean (remy bean), Wednesday, 21 March 2012 21:25 (2 years ago) Permalink

Didn't you see Witchboard back in the 80s?

EZ Snappin, Wednesday, 21 March 2012 21:27 (2 years ago) Permalink

a Tawny Kitaen classic

EZ Snappin, Wednesday, 21 March 2012 21:27 (2 years ago) Permalink

It was more than just a matter of too much talk. It was that as soon as I'd get into the mythology a little bit, there'd be this rushed, chaotic action scene which really showed the limitations of the director's abilities, cool as what I could catch in all the commotion seemed to be. Also, they failed to illustrate the parameters of John Carter's Mars powers. Like, how many times was he chained up in this movie until he was just motivated enough to break his chains or something? And the movie really should have started with John Carter and earned him his Oz moment when he woke up on Mars, not with a great Mars aerial battle. Given how little the blue-eyed people stuff made sense to this neophyte, they really didn't need to show McNulty getting his magic blue electro arm thingy. Or rather, they could have easily slipped that in somewhere else, later, once the movie got its legs.

I did love all the stuff I recognized from numerous movies that have mined this material before. Did not love seeing that kid from "World's Greatest Dad," who once I realized it was him took me out of his bits

Josh in Chicago, Wednesday, 21 March 2012 21:40 (2 years ago) Permalink

I should stress that all these complaints have little to do with the material and more to do with how it was incorporated, or how the story was told. Which again, lays it at the feet of the director.

Josh in Chicago, Wednesday, 21 March 2012 21:41 (2 years ago) Permalink

And the movie really should have started with John Carter and earned him his Oz moment when he woke up on Mars, not with a great Mars aerial battle. Given how little the blue-eyed people stuff made sense to this neophyte, they really didn't need to show McNulty getting his magic blue electro arm thingy. Or rather, they could have easily slipped that in somewhere else, later, once the movie got its legs.

yeah, i objected to the same thing upthread. there was just no reason to start the movie with sab than getting the 9th ray armband thing. we could easily have found out later that the therns were guiding him to victory.

Fozzy Osbourne (contenderizer), Wednesday, 21 March 2012 21:56 (2 years ago) Permalink

I was a little worried by that intro, I was like..oh wait maybe it isn't that great? The Onion review was otm about that, it was pretty much everything everyone fears about scifi movies

Peppermint Patty Hearst (VegemiteGrrl), Wednesday, 21 March 2012 22:04 (2 years ago) Permalink

It felt like the start to a cable mini-series, not a feature film. Maybe they should have gone with a scroll? "A long time ago ..."

Josh in Chicago, Wednesday, 21 March 2012 22:24 (2 years ago) Permalink

I really liked the electro arm start! Just jumping straight in there.

kinder, Thursday, 22 March 2012 00:41 (2 years ago) Permalink

don't tell anyone this...but i totally just dissed d@viD D^nby in my emp thing i'm reading at nyu on friday. if you are morbz you shouldn't miss it...

scott seward, Thursday, 22 March 2012 03:19 (2 years ago) Permalink

i couldn't help myself...

scott seward, Thursday, 22 March 2012 03:19 (2 years ago) Permalink

and i make fun of old people but morbz should come anyway...

scott seward, Thursday, 22 March 2012 03:20 (2 years ago) Permalink

:D

Peppermint Patty Hearst (VegemiteGrrl), Thursday, 22 March 2012 03:20 (2 years ago) Permalink

I liked some of the design work and visual effects, but really this was a complete and utter mess. I have nitpicks by the ton, but overall it just failed to engage me. I was, at times, completely lost as to what was going on, which I put down to horrible writing. It was all muddled plot, no story.
The source material was written 100 years ago, and it felt like it. All the good ideas in this have been used in greatly better movies throughout the years, and now the well is dry.

DavidM, Friday, 23 March 2012 17:16 (2 years ago) Permalink

I loved it. Given the amount of utter shite that does well at the box office it is shocking that a film as entertaining as this did so badly.

The New Dirty Vicar, Tuesday, 27 March 2012 13:25 (2 years ago) Permalink

for people who don't follow ILM stuff, my Denby slam is here:

http://skotrok.blogspot.com/2012/03/2012-emp-pop-conference-paper.html

its in the last section. maria said she actually sensed some dismay from the crowd, but i didn't hear any from where i was. i didn't think anyone would care, but it is new york. maybe his mom was there.

scott seward, Tuesday, 27 March 2012 14:22 (2 years ago) Permalink

It was pretty beautiful, that moment.

Ned Raggett, Tuesday, 27 March 2012 14:28 (2 years ago) Permalink

Wow Scott! Can't wait to read this. You go on about some of my favorite records as a clubbing kid in the late 80s. Chep Nuñez was God.

Lawanda Pageboy (Capitaine Jay Vee), Tuesday, 27 March 2012 14:31 (2 years ago) Permalink

haha, yeah, that line is great and I had a very similar reaction to his review

stan this sick bunt (jon /via/ chi 2.0), Tuesday, 27 March 2012 14:31 (2 years ago) Permalink

Wow! Heady rush reading that Scott. Kudos and ashamed I missed seeing it in person.

EZ Snappin, Tuesday, 27 March 2012 14:37 (2 years ago) Permalink

was that a speech for a conference or something?

these pretzels are makeing me horney (Hungry4Ass), Tuesday, 27 March 2012 15:27 (2 years ago) Permalink

3 weeks pass...

My father, joking to some Disney suits after overhearing them talking about the failures of "John Carter": "John Carter from Mars? Who wants to see that?? 'Jimmy Carter From Georgia' would've made more money." They laughed.

Cunga, Monday, 23 April 2012 06:06 (2 years ago) Permalink

1 month passes...

how, how did this get made?

Number None, Friday, 25 May 2012 01:22 (2 years ago) Permalink

Dude from Pixar who's shat gold several times for Disney + his genuine (if obsessive) enthusiasm for John Carter + it is genuinely an Olde Venerable Property from the dude who who wrote Tarzan / Land That Time Forgot + a miscalculation as to the extent to which the geeks rule the world.

There's a good article on it here (admittedly back when it was expected to be ne of History's Greatest Mistakes) The Inside Story of How John Carter Was Doomed by Its First Trailer

Andrew Farrell, Friday, 25 May 2012 06:51 (2 years ago) Permalink

+ a miscalculation as to the extent to which geeks enjoy genuinely Olde Venerable Properties. This was fun silly, a horrific mistake. Geeks want emo Kinkade silly.

Jedmond, Friday, 25 May 2012 07:12 (2 years ago) Permalink

Well yeah, there's depth but not breadth of geek geeks and breadth but not depth of "I am a geek, I have seen Iron Man 10 times".

... Who is Kinkade? Not the painter, I assume?

Andrew Farrell, Friday, 25 May 2012 08:15 (2 years ago) Permalink

The design was very nice, the action scenes were quite good. I think it failed because a) there was never a real sense of threat, just a lot of vague 'I think something really bad is going to happen if I marry this guy' and b) both of the leads were really boring. The best characters were all animated, ergo Stanton is rubbish at directing actual people.

I wish to incorporate disco into my small business (chap), Friday, 25 May 2012 12:06 (2 years ago) Permalink

it did look really nice. Dialogue/romance was Star Wars prequels level to me though

Number None, Friday, 25 May 2012 12:18 (2 years ago) Permalink

It's not that stories with lots of made up words and names flying about can't be compelling and popular - look at Game of Thrones. This movie just didn't give us any particular reason to care about deciphering all the fantasy nonsense.

I wish to incorporate disco into my small business (chap), Friday, 25 May 2012 12:25 (2 years ago) Permalink

I usually love deciphering fantasy nonsense given the chance, but in John Carter I really couldn't be bothered.

I wish to incorporate disco into my small business (chap), Friday, 25 May 2012 12:29 (2 years ago) Permalink

But what exactly needed deciphering? Admittedly I had a few "what was that guy's name?"/"who are they talking about?" moments, but what was going on was never really obscure.

the fey monster (ledge), Friday, 25 May 2012 13:13 (2 years ago) Permalink

I found it pretty tiresome to keep up with what was what to be be honest. I did fall asleep for five minutes at one point though.

I wish to incorporate disco into my small business (chap), Friday, 25 May 2012 13:41 (2 years ago) Permalink

+ a miscalculation as to the extent to which geeks enjoy genuinely Olde Venerable Properties. This was fun silly, a horrific mistake. Geeks want emo Kinkade silly.

― Jedmond, Friday, May 25, 2012 3:12 AM (6 hours ago) Bookmark

cmon this is crap. people just want a good movie. this one sucked

Hungry4Ass, Friday, 25 May 2012 13:46 (2 years ago) Permalink

i don't think it sucked. it was probably better than a lot of these big would-be franchise movies, if not top rank.

flesh, the devil, and a wolf (wolf) (amateurist), Friday, 25 May 2012 13:52 (2 years ago) Permalink

in general people read too much into box office failures.

flesh, the devil, and a wolf (wolf) (amateurist), Friday, 25 May 2012 13:53 (2 years ago) Permalink

no it sucked

Ward Fowler, Friday, 25 May 2012 13:53 (2 years ago) Permalink

Nah, there are worse movies. On its face it makes far more sense than, say, making a "Battleship" movie, which also cost a buttload of money.

Josh in Chicago, Friday, 25 May 2012 13:54 (2 years ago) Permalink

Venerable sci-fi/fantasy property vs. venerable board game.

Josh in Chicago, Friday, 25 May 2012 13:55 (2 years ago) Permalink

It was John Carter of Blahs for me.

Ifanku.

Chewshabadoo, Friday, 25 May 2012 14:01 (2 years ago) Permalink

Bored game.

Josh in Chicago, Friday, 25 May 2012 14:05 (2 years ago) Permalink

honestly, judged on its own merits, battleship is a better movie (by a sliver). they're both not good though

But what exactly needed deciphering? Admittedly I had a few "what was that guy's name?"/"who are they talking about?" moments, but what was going on was never really obscure.

― the fey monster (ledge), Friday, May 25, 2012 9:13 AM (57 minutes ago) Bookmark

its not about being confused, its about crappy storytelling that just numbs you by denying you access to anything human

Hungry4Ass, Friday, 25 May 2012 14:24 (2 years ago) Permalink

FCH did a really good piece on why the movie was a failure creatively:

http://badassdigest.com/2012/04/08/film-crit-hulk-smash-hulk-vs-the-john-carter-script/

Hungry4Ass, Friday, 25 May 2012 14:25 (2 years ago) Permalink

xp What do you mean by that? Did Wall-E deny access to anything human? JC has human characters with human emotions, as well as scenes with recognisable human import regardless of the species of the protagonists.

Admittedly I haven't seen Battleship but in terms of original - and successful - visual design JC has to be a hundred times better.

the fey monster (ledge), Friday, 25 May 2012 14:28 (2 years ago) Permalink

sorry but that hulk crit is more tiresome and hard to follow than John Carter.

the fey monster (ledge), Friday, 25 May 2012 14:30 (2 years ago) Permalink

thats not what i meant by 'human' im talking about reacting to the humanity or lack of it in a work - the emotional content. FCH compares it to stanton's finding nemo, which is about fucking talking fish and is a million times more human than JC

Hungry4Ass, Friday, 25 May 2012 14:32 (2 years ago) Permalink

john carter was also pretty boring visually, imo

Hungry4Ass, Friday, 25 May 2012 14:33 (2 years ago) Permalink

yeah, thought the visual look of john carter was all p second-hand frazetta-isms, w/out any of frazetta's sensuality or grit

Ward Fowler, Friday, 25 May 2012 14:39 (2 years ago) Permalink

Really? I thought it looked amazing - a bit of a cliche but you could really see all the money up there on the screen, showing you stuff from ERB's imagination.

Andrew Farrell, Friday, 25 May 2012 14:46 (2 years ago) Permalink

give me gil kane and dave cockrum any day

Ward Fowler, Friday, 25 May 2012 14:54 (2 years ago) Permalink

i sorta dug how cartoony the tharks were, and that down-the-barrel shot of one of them aiming his funky homemade rifle reminded me of necron 99 from ralph bakshi's wizards - one of the film's few interesting images. the white apes were just like a million other CGI monsters, right down to the identikit movement set (the way these things move always only reminds you of other cgi monsters). i thought the whole thing was short on any genuine, memorable weirdness (or menace), everything felt stately and sanded down.

Hungry4Ass, Friday, 25 May 2012 15:26 (2 years ago) Permalink

I quite enjoyed the film, but I don't think you can put its failure down to its quality. It was a "flop" and a joke because of it well before it was released. Besides how often does quality really stop people from seeing a movie in droves? at least on the opening weekend.

Fas Ro Duh (Gukbe), Friday, 25 May 2012 16:16 (2 years ago) Permalink

well yeah, it's bad and it's difficult to market

Number None, Friday, 25 May 2012 16:18 (2 years ago) Permalink

The quality of the film doesn't matter to the marketing. The problem is probably the look (silly CGI cartoony monsters, guy flying around with sword wearing a loincloth).

Fas Ro Duh (Gukbe), Friday, 25 May 2012 16:24 (2 years ago) Permalink

"The quality of the film doesn't matter to the marketing"

disagree! i think its probably harder to market something that sucks ass than it is something thats good

that said the marketing was really incredibly bad on this one - as detailed in the article andrew links above, which also indicates that stanton may shoulder a lot of the blame for it

Hungry4Ass, Friday, 25 May 2012 18:20 (2 years ago) Permalink

As long as there are requisite elements (stuff blowing up, portentous looks, maybe a funny quip but that's not necessary), then you can throw together a trailer/ad spot. Marketing was particularly bad for this one, sure, but I don't think that has to do with the quality as much as it does the content.

Fas Ro Duh (Gukbe), Friday, 25 May 2012 18:23 (2 years ago) Permalink

I disagree about the quality of the film, but also I think that by the only yardstick that marketing cares about - will people go see it - it was a great film, the word of mouth despite the shitty campaign is what pulled it back into profit (not that any hollywood film is ever in profit etc etc)

Andrew Farrell, Friday, 25 May 2012 23:07 (2 years ago) Permalink

wait what

Fas Ro Duh (Gukbe), Friday, 25 May 2012 23:21 (2 years ago) Permalink

what a terrible 'movie'

lag∞n, Saturday, 26 May 2012 04:49 (2 years ago) Permalink

2 years pass...

this was fucking shit

local eire man (darraghmac), Friday, 12 December 2014 22:56 (1 week ago) Permalink

VG will have your scalp or something.

Ned Raggett, Friday, 12 December 2014 23:09 (1 week ago) Permalink

killfile

difficult-difficult lemon-difficult (VegemiteGrrl), Saturday, 13 December 2014 00:16 (1 week ago) Permalink

why is this still on my bookmarks??

Frobisher, Saturday, 13 December 2014 00:26 (1 week ago) Permalink


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