Link to official caption contest page
I have an idea, and like the best evil plans, it can be repeated on a weekly basis until victory is achieved.
Each week, we (or let's be real, probably just me, bumping the thread into silence) post the most recent New Yorker caption contest. Usually there is a period of about 8-9 days between the time it the cartoon is posted and the deadline. During that time, we post it here and gather as many suggested captions as possible. At that point, in a better world, everyone would enter their captions and eventually one of us would win. But after instigating dozens of failed schemes to take over the internet, I know that such a display of collective willpower and enthusiasm is pretty much inconceivable. Instead, then, maybe we can take each week's suggestions and put them in a 1 day poll to determine the best candidate, and then enter that caption into the contest.
Read this. Learn this. LIVE this: Slate: How To Win the New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest
Here is this week's contest, with entries due by Sunday, June 14th.
― ya'll are the ones who don't know things (Z S), Saturday, 6 June 2009 15:43 (3 years ago) Permalink
"Commodities? In this economy? You're DOOMED, mice!"
― If Snotboogie always stole the money, why'd you let him play? (Dr. Superman), Saturday, 6 June 2009 15:51 (3 years ago) Permalink
"I know their clipboards are proportional, but it makes it really hard to read their notes."
― EZ Snappin, Saturday, 6 June 2009 15:54 (3 years ago) Permalink
Humor and victory are different matters entirely. To understand what makes the perfect caption, you must start with the readership. Paging through The New Yorker is a lonesome withdrawal, not a group activity. The reader is isolated and introspective, probably on the train commuting to work. He suffers from urban ennui. He does not make eye contact. Laughing out loud is, in this context, an unseemly act sure to draw unwanted attention. To avoid this, your caption should elicit, at best, a mild chuckle. The first filter for your caption should be: Is it too funny? Will it make anyone laugh out loud? If so, throw it out and work on a less funny one.
― ya'll are the ones who don't know things (Z S), Saturday, 6 June 2009 16:05 (3 years ago) Permalink
"How cute, they're imitating us.""How cute, they're imitating us."
― StanM, Saturday, 6 June 2009 16:18 (3 years ago) Permalink
Mice: "Let's grow massive ears on their backs, and see how they like it"
― Orin Boyd (jel --), Saturday, 6 June 2009 16:19 (3 years ago) Permalink
heh, this is a good idea. with the above in mind:
"PETA be damned, Jenkins; I'm drawing the line at the water cooler."
"I think it's meant to be the one on the right's retirement party."
"Once they can write their own grant applications, _then_ you've got something."
― This Ace of Base is driving me crazy (forksclovetofu), Saturday, 6 June 2009 16:30 (3 years ago) Permalink
"Let's see how they react when the funding dries up."
― ya'll are the ones who don't know things (Z S), Saturday, 6 June 2009 16:36 (3 years ago) Permalink
yeah, i think the winner's got to be about grants or funding or some such dumb shit.
― This Ace of Base is driving me crazy (forksclovetofu), Saturday, 6 June 2009 16:36 (3 years ago) Permalink
that's what good new yorker readers like to hear about. money woes.
― This Ace of Base is driving me crazy (forksclovetofu), Saturday, 6 June 2009 16:37 (3 years ago) Permalink
I keep trying to think of a way the scientists can make a comment about how depressing and mundane life is for the mice, but it keeps coming across as a comment about science in general, which isn't the point. I wish you could caption a whole paragraph and have hints that the (human) scientists' marriages are on the rocks, etc.
― ya'll are the ones who don't know things (Z S), Saturday, 6 June 2009 16:39 (3 years ago) Permalink
"I'm afraid splicing in our own DNA may not be yielding the best results."
― EZ Snappin, Saturday, 6 June 2009 16:41 (3 years ago) Permalink
Holy shit, the caption bank of attempted winners for past cartoons is a goldmine!
* What I really want to do is direct. * "All of the really good drugs already had a star before I made it." * And that's how I knew he was a politician. * That is when I ran back to get my purse and ...my gun. * "I can't imagine why you asked me if I ever worked for FOX News." * "Loved the sequel. Loved the prequel. Hated the movie." * Decided to throw my hat out of the ring... * When you said you lived in a studio, I had no idea! * My research synthesizes the seemingly disparate studies of quantum physics and biofuel production. * I just want to add, I love the bars on the inside of the windows. It gives it more of a prison feel. * And the ledge was only this wide. * We're on commercial break. Now, we can just pretend to talk. * And when they let me out, I'm gonna work for world peace. * Thanks so much for appearing on my reality show! * Twitter, twitter, twitter. Text , text. e-mail, blog, blog, blog, blog. * "OMG! U are so much cuter in person...and funnier too! LOL..." * " I think it's spelled C-A-T. Why do you ask? " * You want me to do what??? * You know, I typically turn the show off after the monologue * "Can I still say that I'm f---ing glad to be here ?" * "Nobody can chew up that scenery. Hey, did I miss Pacino in the green room"? * "Now, I'll be able to watch myself get interviewed at 10:00 and at 11:30!" * What do you mean "put out" if I want to "Get out"? * And then I went to Oxford on a Rhodes scholarship * It was when I was working as a lap dancer to pay the tuition at MIT that my formula proving the Big Bang theory just popped up out of nowhere! * You know your green room is lined with newspaper, right? * "In keeping with our public transparency, your viewers should know I've changed the locks and my attorney is in the green room." * I so old that I remember when going on the Tonight Show meant something. * Seriously, Jack? You asked me to wear this dress so you could pretend to be a late night host? This is your idea of a conjugal visit? * I never thought a tall long legged blonde from Los Angeles, whose father was a TV producer, make it in Hollywood. * And when they told me YOU would be interviewing me, I readily agreed to tell everything.....even the details of our clandestine affair in detail.... knowing this was your dream...... the ultimate reality show!! * I just love what you've done to the living room! * Okay, so I'm not really a blonde. Now, I suppose your going to ask me if I think marriage is between a man and a woman. * Vice-president Clinton? Er, I'd say she's dling a fine job. * In my profession I never get laid off. * "Then I suddenly realized that the media imprisons us all" * Enough about me, what do you think about me? * Thank for having me on! What an honor to be the last uninterviewed person in America. * I have a new book coming out soon called, "100 Ways To Stay Beautiful Even During Bad Economical Times!" Its phenomenon and easy! A hooker could do it. * I have found this prison delightful. The men are very cute and Entertainment Tonight comes on an hour earlier than at home. * Well, Jay, this book tour for my autobiography is to protest the unwarranted intrusion of the media into my private life. * "So, I just says to myself, 'He was a man, take him for all in all, I shall not look upon his like again.'" * Leno, Letterman, Conan,Kimmel, Fallon, Ferguson...I can't talk about this crappy movie anymore...and who the hell are YOU? * Well, honestly, the only thing that worries me about heading the Republican ticket in 013 is that I may be, you know, too much of a thinker. * Well, my hair color comes from native, organic southwestern desert plants, my dress is 100% bamboo, and my shoes are from free range alligators that died of old age. * But Barbara thought my hair was too big for "The View" * I had no idea that this white collar prison had its own talk show, Bernie! * It's like that Romeo and Juliet movie, but set during the Elizabethan era. * I don't want to give too much away, but in my next film I play Spock's fetus. * Why yes, of course, I have a complete grasp of the down turn in the world economy. And, I am not telling you. * I know how we could raise your ratings way up! * It was this long, really. * "the audience must know too many window washers have fallen thru gawking and the bars are necessary to protect me" * ...and then I met your producer; what a lovely man...and now I'm here! * Well, I did some quick calculations and it turns out I get as much publicity for two years in jail as I would for the lifetime that comes with that whole baby thing. * Who needs a problem, whan you can have a crisis? * ... and that's just the confidential part ... * "It's a period piece where I play a call girl who runs a Ponzi scheme on the side." * Yes, it's true - I want to have Nouriel Roubini's love child. * My husband thinks that I am at the beauty shop, but he never watches your show Mr. Leno! * I can't wait to get into the city to do a little shopping. * "It was crazy, it was insane! I don,t even know what to do with myself?" "How does that make you feel?" * Are you kidding? How could I ever, ever, ever get tired of talking about ME??? * so i said you need to lowa the interest rate and flow in $700 billion dollas and and they said, "you ah wondahful - problahm solved!" * It's a good look, but will it really keep the swine out? * "Bernie and I are loving it here." * "I know! A solvent bank! You don't have the name of a solvent bank back there, do you?" * "I have security issues, so..." * "That's right! I'm against gay marriage, and I'm against any efforts to move the capital of California to a city other than Los Angeles, and I'm against everything else! Wow, this bra is tight; I can hardly breathe!" * Just because I didn't tell the truth on Oprah doesn't mean I am NOT telling the truth now. * "In our last love making scene, Jack and I finished what we started but they cut it out of the picture." * Your 6 inch spacing on the window treatment shows a certain restraint * 1)No Tim, MY Ponzi scheme is a totally DIFFERENT kind of Ponzi scheme. 2)Oh, and I have a blog everybody!...Wait, I forgot what my publicist told me what my blog was called. * Regressing to infantile phantasies while remaining oblivious to my attractiveness and its power over others works best for me. * I never knew that off-Broadway prison talk shows even existed! * "So he pulls out this humongous 'Can I say Wang on this show?'" * "In this last movie I had two fully frontal nude scenes. It was easy. Here, let me show you." * In addition to throat warbling, I can play "Chopsticks" on the piano. * My cheating boyfriend is in prison, Jerry. You can't bring him here. * "Love what you've done with the window treatments!" * sure it hurt, but I've always wanted to be on a reality show, so when they said eat it, I just dug right in. * "Just great here in L.A. How are you in New York?" * So please tell us how you make the Matzoh Ball soup. * My book sales soared the last time I exposed my thighs on your show. * "I'm so honored to be your first guest here on Rehab-TV". * "Yeah,I'm really a very private person, and like I told Jay, Dave,Phil, Bill, and Oprah, I hate gossip!" * "In order to prepare for the role, I had my posse treat me like I was average." * Thanks Larry. I've always wanted to be on, "Late Night in Leavenworth." * It's, like, so sweet you fixed up the set to look just like my room at rehab. * I REALIZE THIS IS AN EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW, BUT DO YOU NEED THE BARS? * Could you ask that in the form of a tweet? * "I've worked security bars." * "Hi-Yo!" is cool again. * To be honest, I never thought I'd be invited back. * Thanks Jack. I've always wanted to be on, "Today in San Quentin." * "I just love your new set. It's so 'prisony'." * Enough about me, what did you think of my performance? * "I'm greater than a star, I'm a constellatiom." * So before these were on here, did you have escaping guests er something?! Heh heh... heh. Your not laughing..... * This is my first job interview for a talk show guest position. * Spa treatments, hair salon, gym, tanning salon, photo sessions ...life can be hell. * Let's talk about you. Have you seen my new movie? * It's not really sex, it's just porn! * New York is the city so nice they caged it in twice. * LET'S START IT OFF WITH A BRIEF REVIEW OF YOUR LOCAL MIDLIFE CRISIS. WE'LL THEN DISCUSS THE GLOBAL FINANCIAL CRISIS. * This is fancy role-playing for a conjugate visit! * "I just love what you have done with your new studio...How long is my segement?" * Better safe than sorry! * . . . and I just love your celebrity prison decor. * I see the FOX News studio has prepared for the Democratic onslaught! * We like, opened the box and saw the bomb and I like, remembered, "cut the red and we're all dead or cut the white and we're alright" and like, here we are today. * "Profuse and free flowing, are you referring to my hair or my speech?" * I don't know why, but I allways feel safe on your show! * It just makes me break out in a smile, it does, it really does, to wake up every morning and discover I'm alive in a world so full of peace, love and understanding! * "So how do you like it here at Club Fed?" * "Well, of course I'm an environmentalist, silly! My new plane's big enough to carry my Prius!" * Hey, Blah is my first language too * "With a body like that, no wonder we're in a recession." * "Are the bars on the windows to keep you or your guests from jumping?" * "And my first vaginal orgasm was at age 9 blah, blah, blah...." * Yeah, I'm in for twenty but looking at least 18... * "Wow! Ask me another question. You're the best blind date I've ever had." * "Do those cameras make me look fat?" * For letting us put on this show, we need to thank our Asylum * So I said to myself, "You're miserable, Wanda - go ahead an kill 'em!" * This is the toughest JOB interview I’ve ever had! * Why does your apartment look like a TV studio? * "I knew Johnny Carson and you're no Johnny Carson." "Maybe, but I know Bette Midler and believe me you're no Bette Midler." * "Hey, I hear ya -- whenever Spiderman is fighting his dark side, I feel a little insecure too." * I'm so excited. Rush Limbaugh just endorsed me. * Shall we talk about my new movie or our sordid personal lives? * MY NAME IS JOE THE PLUMBER * "My book is all about revenge, remorse, redemption, and royalties." * I'm on Face Book and Twitter - now TV - How quaint ! * It's a reality show about my fantasies! * "Watch me land on my feet." * I didn't have enough capital either, so my boy friend bailed me out. * Since I've been locked up in here, my embonpoint has given way to svelte . * "Goodness, I'm on my fifth marriage, we don't bother with vows anymore." * It was my parole board's idea . . ! * So how many NYSE personel made a quick exit before before you put up the bars? * Omg Jay, It was so great of you to start doing your 10pm show from LA COUNTY JAIL, when are you going to have my cell mate Lindsay on? * I'm pro choice and I can't see Russia from here * Pardon the cliche, but it really is a zoo out there. * ... and I´m a big supporter of world piece! * "WAS YOUR LAST GUEST A CLIENT OF BERNIE MADOFF'S?" * "Goodness, I think same sex marriages are so depressing -- I mean, the same old thing year after year" * So this is the same set that Jerry Springer uses during the day? * The biggest difference, Bob, is that y'all are so much richer in the city. Why, po' folks back in my holler could never afford sich fancy bars on their windows. * Then I gave him a big hug and said 'You're the best correctional officer ever!' * I love these Martha Stuart window treatments! * No, that's the size of the trout I caught on our honeymoon!" * Because I'm famous, people call me eccentric. But I'm crazy -- crazy as a loon! * Can we take a commercial break, Honey? I have to check on the roast. * And then I said, "I want to trade YOUR MOM's derivatives!" * I didn't think he had what it took, so I took what he had. * And then I dismembered the body! Steve, I've never felt more free. * Thanks for having me on to talk about our Window Washer Crime Prevention campaign. * Gosh I didn't know the people on this show were real. * Are you going to edit out all the smart things and keep the dumb ones? * So that's how I learned I could fit an entire watermelon inside of me! * So, I said to him, "I'm thinking, so I must be me." * "If I didn't have a brain, I'd still be here!" * "Forget that I used to be Wolf Blitzer, when I lost the beard and went blonde, Fox tripled my salary! * On the other hand, if I abstain from abstinence, I'm supporting it and can still have fun at the same time. * After Harvard Business School the really tough choice was Go to Wall Street or Become a famous Bimbo? * "Officer, I appreciate the format, but I still want my lawyer." * "Interviews on the inside retrain us for acting careers on the outside." * "And now for the giant monkey who loves to escape." * And then HE said " We don't torture" and I said " Like, I don't believe you." * "And then I said, 'Well Mr. President...that's what she said.'" * "Phil! Hey buddy! Lake Placid is a city, not a personality!" * "Oh, and did I mention the swine flu?" * "And thanks for making me feel right at home after my 4th DUI." * I love your new set - sorta Martha Stewart Minimal Security! * I hope you don't mind me bringing my own cameras—I'm doing a reality show about our relationship. * I must say, Conan is funnier than you. * OK, since you promise this is just between you and I, I am the starlet who had an affair with the Governor. * And after a few drinks this guy in the bar just turned to me and asked "How would you like to be the Chief Financial Officer of one of the largest banks in the country?" * Sure, I have a new movie coming out this week. But, I'd rather talk about my addictions, arrests and dysfunctional relationships. * Don't you just love these intimate chats? * "Is it my old nose?" * Now that we are outside the odd shaped box, it really looks like a zoo in there. * Our divorce was on hold so I could do "Desperate Housewives," and now we're on "Trading Spouses" and about to shoot "Nanny 911." * Can one be animated and (italics) animated? As you can see, I (italics) am. * “Hand me the microphone and I’ll explain how you, too, can have hair like this.” * Is your audience captive too? * Sometimes I think you're the only one in this town who is not threatened by an intelligent woman. * I just love being here....is it The Late Evenig, or The Early Late Night, or The Late, late Night Show? * Yes, I can stay around after the break. * I'm telling you, I have never seen so many silicone boobies in one place. * Please, Ms. Colter, take a moment to breathe between sentences... * "I woke up this morning, walked to the kitchen and made a pot of coffee!" * "These legs were made for talking." * no this isn't MY evening gown i tied up a pedestrian on the way to your studio and robbed her blind. * Look at me for example: I no longer have a desk. * "What have I been doing? Well, yesterday I auditioned to replace you. You knew about that, right?" * "Eventually I want to direct and produce films and resurrect my body after I die." * No, this little sweetie is very tame and friendly. * It's a remake of Anna Karenina, but instead of throwing herself in front of a train she gets her life together. * You see, my pseudocelebrity status needs late night talk show exposure to gain credibility * It's so much more fun being Arlene than Arnold. * I love what you've done with your apartment. * "I just remember thinking to myself, what would Angelina do?" * So I said, 'Is it existential angst or is it magic?' * "And for how long did you broadcast from San Quentin ? " * You see, it's a lot softer than those other brands. * Wait! Does High Definition Television mean people at home are seeing me naked? * Where's the teleprompter? * So its to bad you will have to cancel your trip to England * So the doctor misheard me and put these breast implants under my chin. What I said was 'I want boobs up to here' * I'm actually here to promote an appearance on a talk show with a better time slot. * "...yes, it's nice to be here. And about last night, I wouldn't worry if I were you. It often happens to men who keep stressful jobs". * I'm so excited to be here. Changing from a woman to a man and back to a woman was the only way I figured I'd ever get on your show. * You said that you were interviewing celebrities, not criminals. * I passed the governments stress test so you can ask me any question you want! * So then the little boys says, 'Rats. Big, effing rats with dicks this long.' * "What a silly question. Of course I can type." * I have no idea what this clip is we are about to see, but I'll tell you about it anyway ... * So I told my agent that I wouldn't do the reality show unless they gave me more lines. * I just love your new ground-floor studio! * Late night with Jimmy Felon. * Ever since his recent head injury, Warden Westfall has been going for a more Hollywood-vibe when it comes time for the prisoners conjugal visit interviews. * I'd heard of minimum security jails, but one with its own talk show? I thought 'Amazing, I can off my boyfriend and not have it ruin career!' * Has this approach worked for you in the past? * A few years ago, my friend said "There's nothing you can do about the attention of your fans, you've just got to get used to being bothered." But, ever since I started waving my arms around all the time, people leave me alone. * Yes, my new movie is titled "The Stimulus Package." I play a hoojer. * ...and then I adopted a child from Africa, and then I gave birth to eight babies, and then I got a million followers on Twitter, and then I got my own reality show, and then I won on "Dancing with the Stars"... * Okay, if you don't have cue cards, can I at least have a caption? * Archival Cartoon, Stardate 2009, Earth: Note the female of the species is relegated to the chair and not the late night interviewer's desk in all 109,768,942 hours of late-night television we have discovered on the remains of the planet thus far. * "They said, 'Get thee to a nunnery,' and I said, 'Let them eat cake.'" * "Is your next guest an escape artist?" * Thank you for making me feel right at home after my recent incarceration. * Now Jim, I don't want you to repeat this to anyone! * "It's a real cute scene. I leap into the ring as the Masked Amazon, tag the Vampire Valkyrie, jump on the Bandit Beeyach and pull her hair. Then she's tagged by Warrior Woman, and it's off to the races." * "My PhD in tribal art didn't really pay off until I made the winning feather boa on Survivor: Key West." * Do you ever feel becoming a celebrity has turned you into a prisoner? * I have to admit, David, my role in the remake of King Kong really freaked me out. * "Are the bars to keep us in or keep them out" * um, well, it was, like, um, really amazing, really, heh heh * Did I hear you say (no one is listening?) * I've always wanted to meet someone like you. * Yes! Yes! and Yes! * Will anything I say be held against me? * "And to think, I haven't been here for two husbands!" * "So then, does it bother you that you're broadcasting from the plains of West Texas?" * I guess, then, Governor, you would consider her a toxic asset? * This? Oh, thank you, it's my "Michelle Look". * "Golly, George. You can't believe how good it is to meet someone else with no chin" * "Sometimes I do feel like a prisoner of my own success." * Oh .. Why thank you so much! ya' know, That impression of the Governor is one of my favorites. * "Ball and Chain" curtains send it out of the park. * No, this is the play based on the SEQUEL to the remake of the original movie. * "That's a great question. Hold on a second while I tweet it to my subscribers." * Oh, no. I'm just waiting for my investment banker. * Funny enough, I always wanted to be a janitor * "No, it's actually a new thing dreamed up by Maurice, my stylist. He calls it, 'A poodle in flight.' * I didn't know Armani made an orange sportscoat. * My friend Martha says you're quite the host! * "My manager didn't want me to do 'Good Morning Bellvue', but I told him I'd be nuts not to do it." * Now I know what it's like to always look out at the world. * Let me guess--the guy who installed the bars was dyslexic? * SO, HAVE YOU TOLD YOUR WIFE YOU'RE PLANNING TO LEAVE HER FOR ME? * And that's how John Edwards and I met. * Ever feel like you're being watched? * "I just ADORE your grillwork. It reminds me of my days in rehab." * After eating the porridge that was JUST RIGHT, he found me asleep on the bed that was JUST RIGHT; I didn't know he was married til the cubs woke us * So..... I liked Dallas so well, they started calling me Debbie! * Well thank _you_ for inviting me to the the Late Nite Post-Apocalypse show! * Latest "it" girl? Oh no, I'm just an audience member who got lost coming back from the bathroom. * Reverse mortgages may not seem like much, but I look forward to being 62. * But, hatemongering isn't ever going out of style, Mike. * Late Night with Bernie Madoff * "I tink I woulda got better roles if I weren't so tall." * "Who's to say what's method and what's madness?" * If it weren't for the bars on the windows, you'd never guess this was a detention center, would you? * So how did you convince the warden to let you host a talk show from your cell? * " ... and Detroit has given us such wonderful tax credits to film here." * "No, no, not windows! Its cakes I love to jump out of!" * and so I said,"Take a little more from the chin", and that's what got me here today * And when I get out Jerry, I hope to intern on the Martha Stewart Show. * "In what sport in college did you letter, David?" * "Gee, I thought I'd seen all the bars in New York!" * "Certainly not, no oral sex with a goat unless it's esential to the integrity of the script." * "I play the young, pre-political Eleanor Roosevelt." * Bernie I so glad you are back in Business. * "Well Bob, starring in The Real Housewives of San Quentin has really shortened my sentence". * “I just love these prison interviews!” * "Business has been ok, but it hasn't been quite the same since Governor Spitzer stopped calling". * I'm just thrilled to be here, Dr. Bob. Your celebrity rehab program is the best!" * Well I thought a reality show to pick the next Supreme Court Justice was crazy too, but here I am! * I understand that for years your guests tended to jump out a window. * "...what I'm really looking for is a break out role". * So I told my agent: "I don't care what he did to those poor people"...Get me on his show! * "So, you see, your face isn't the only thing that can get stuck that way." * "And then I said, 'Do you see those monkeys in their cage?' " * "No way dude, I never passed 8th grade, but I recently wrote a book and it's out next week!" * "In my next reality show, I'm going to have people compete to get on other reality shows." * I just love your set. Is your designer Martha Stewart? * Really? Four break-ins just last month? * I'm, like, so totally suited for Shakespeare, but, you know, porno, like, pays the bills. * I'm ecstatic about this new asylum talk show! But you really should take the bars off the windows. * ... and that's all I know about sub-prime derivatives. * "My agent told me it would be like reality TV, but with fewer lines to memorize." * ok ok but the real question is do you want to go to dinner later * Johnny, it's about time that I sat behind the desk. * Dontcha just LOVE being in a stupid cartoon drawing? * Actually, my vocation is being a model and my avocation is being a bigot! * "...and reporting from a secure location, an exclusive interview with Governor Palin about her bid for the Presidency." * I'd just like to thank you Governor, and the Warden for having me on your show! * Let me just say you've done wonders under house arrest! * This little guy downstairs at the deli keeps asking me, "Will it float?" * "We were lifelong best friends until I found this opportunity to exploit her misery for profit." * First, I'd like to dispel the rumor that it's easy on the inside. * Live!! From Hollywood Rehab... * Can I park my gum on your desk? * "Why don't you tell everybody the story of the time you tried to escape from the show." * Honestly, to all the Girls, we don't have to give up because of a silly little thing like Quarantine. * Let's eat in the dining room tonight. * Yes, Bob, the economic downturn has forced me to sell my summer home in Marseilles. It's truly a global crisis. * (applause) Live from Flint, it's the Tonight Show with Justin Time!! * Yes, Swine Flu is the beginning of the coming storm against gay marriage. * "I dreamed the dream..." * I tell you 12 kids just isn't enough, after screwing up the first few it just gets easier and easier. * We roll in 5 seconds * "Your new barred windows give the decor in here such a realistic, homey feel!" * "It's, like, an amazing 3D extravaganza with something for everyone: a glamorous wedding, a sassy superhero, lots of heart---oh, and this, like, adorable, mischevious puppy who knows how to Twitter!" * "So Paris, What do think of the Swine Flu?" "Oh!, I never eat pork." * Are the window bars to keep me on the set or keep my ex off? * Thank God she's not wearing underwear. * Let's do a quickie during the commercial. * Well enough about you, let's talk about me. * "Being in prison has done more for my career that any movie I ever made!" * I promise there all natural. * I know you have a reputation as a tough interviewer but what's the worst that can happen, I asked myself. * O K my tubes have been tied. When do we start that blue movie? * I've got a really fresh, new face to offer the Supreme Court. * And I think you should be able to eat turkey-yaki if you want to. * So, was the affair worth the effort? * “Stage, screen and TV gigs were merely stepping stones to fulfilling my dream of appearing in a caption contest cartoon.” * I feel SO safe, even if pigs can fly! * And then I realized, "I can wear a unitard on late-night television. I'm famous. I can do whatever I want." * "ME, ME, ME, ME, ME, ME, ME!" * "Let me see if I can set this clip up. I'm in a bikini and being chased through the woods by a homicidal maniac..." * Honestly, I enjoy talking about myself more than anything. * "It's so cool being on your show, and I just loved the 'Your place or mine' on the invitation!" * "Absolutely! Adult themes, adult language - in fact, it's an adult movie." * No, I've never played a part where I didn't draw on my feelings of self-importance or self-worth. After all it is called LEADING lady. * I’m so excited to actually be on the Bernie Madoff show. * Last time I was on your show I was considered a bitch, now I’m someone else’s bitch. * "And he's really hot. Yes, it's true - I'm starting a Michelle Obama perfume line. In the scene we'll see, I'm playing Mother Theresa when she has to decide between the convent and Brad Pitt. Can I uncross my legs now, my foot has fallen asleep?" * "So, staff turnover is nil? Bravo!" * Oh please don't grab the shackles, I won't run! * then Monica said to me " ......and it ened up just being cake batter!" and we both laugh untill we fell over. * "I don't know from TMI." * I crossed my legs so you can't look up my dress, Mr. Late-Night-Show-Peeping-Tom. * I love the bigness of starhood * "And then my partial would fly out of my mouth whenever I said #&%!" * Oh, Ted, it's not so much a starring role as it is a colossal exercise in self-delusion. * That fleeting expletive was this big! * I'm hoping it will be a breakout role for me. * "Allow me to share another secret with you" * Hey, congratulations, Jack, it really looks as if you're a prisoner of your own success. * Despite my ardent post-structuralist feminist views, I view gender in the terms of Freudian and Lacanian psychoanalysis, as part of the deconstruction of existing relations of power, and as a great way to get men to buy me pretty things. * "Blah,blah, blah, blah, blah,blah....." * We'll have to Twitter this or nobody's going to know. * Well it was simple, David, i just did 'spirit fingers' and i won "britain's got talent" * Leno vs. Law and Order . . . now that's a smackdown that I'm dying to see!!! * THEY DIDNT REALLY MEAN THAT THEY WANTED YOUR HEAD ON A PLATTER. * The economy?...so basically...I'm like...y'know...like...yeah, whatever!... * I feel so secure on a set with two cameras. * I've been so worried about the swine flu that I'm not returning Kevin Bacon's calls * "How many of me does it take to screw in a lightbulb?" * I love a captive audience! * I beat people from here to China when I won the New Yorker's Cartoon Caption Contest! * "When I was convicted I never thought I would be on a talk show again." * And this is how far apart your hands should be if you want to demoralize a man. * Everyone in this audience knows that I used to be your son. * "So I said to my agent ... sure, I'd love to be on 'Good Morning Rikers Island.'" * I didn't even know that New York had a "Green Zone." * I was held prisoner in this filthy jail and subjected to such indignities I simply can't describe so don't ask. Now you want me to show you the scars. When do you want to start? * " Of course ! Women lie about their age....I have been doing that for the last 30 years !...since I was fifteen !" * "I am thinking of calling the book "Single Moms, You Can Have It All With The Right Nanny." * Oh yes! I really can fly! * “Did my agent tell you that I was no longer taking medication?” * " Oh Yes, Absolutely !I'm so glad you asked me that ! I couldn't agree more !! Uh, Uh ...What was the question again /" * "These fake window bars give me a wonderful false sense of security. I must have your set designer's name." * yes,yes it is true .i have slept with only one man. * Now that I'm rich and famous, I plan on adopting 10 poor children from a third world country. * Will I get to watch this live tomorrow? * I would say that the majority of my clients were bigshots. * Jackie Rabbit talks about her twin sister's fame and beauty on the Tonight Show. * I still hope to find one this big. * ....and that's why I feel strongly that gravity is a property of spacetime, not a force. * I don't think the network is going to let you go! * I'm sorry. I can't conjugate conjugal. * And then "Whoa, whoa, whoa!" I said. "You mean to tell me I was dating THAT Drew?" * "As we'll see, Inmate 34A7591 has done some amazing work with throw pillows." * It's going to be SO hard to decide who gets the final rose! I've developed feelings for both Bernie and OJ! * ...and you'll never guess what Ahmadinejad was wearing. * "Mr. Madoff: 3 square meals a day, conjugal visits, and you still get to keep your penthouse....Who needs a Ponzi scheme?" * No silly, its simply the ordinary operation of two coactive perceptual nerves...but, let me get back to your question about Planck's Constant. * "Did you know I'm staying in Martha Stewart's old cell. You should see what she did with the place." * Even the bars on the windows couldn't stop them from jumping...to conclusions. * Until now, I never thought I would be anything but part of a captive audience. * What do ya mean? I've never had to answer a serious question before. * Well, giving a lap dance is very much like pleasing a lobbiest. * I won't tell you how I got rid of her body. Everyone will be able to read that in detail when my book comes out. * I can't believe you're letting me talk, not cutting me off because you want to talk. * I thought this was supposed to be a talk show. Are you just going to sit there and look at my legs? * ... and all I could think about while I was having sex with the Senator was what to title my book and which dress I would wear on your show. * "The way I see it, a dumb blonde is not an oxymoron anyway." * Cheeeeese!!! * "I figure after the film, the scandal, my book about the scandal, the prison sentence, and my book about the prison sentence, then I'll slow down a bit." * "Oprah's better but I guess you'll do." * Since you ask, I always cross my legs in case I forgot my panties * Sexual harrassment just seems way more relevant, then, like, saving the rainforest. * My new film is a movie----based on a comic book --- if you can believe that! * Well Jay, My gal pals Lindsay, Britt & I went to Cancun last weekend. They made me kiss a pig. The Swine Flu is HOT! * I have an idea. When we get back from the break let's talk more about me. * Honey, we really don't want you to break in. It's a women only prison. * "I'm definitely for healthcare reform, especially when it brings down the cost of plastic surgery and implants." * I know why the caged bird sings! * "Is that background real?" * Living in the city makes me feel as free as a bird! * "It's not so much that I'm anti-gay as it is that I'm pro-somber." * "My next project is a baby from Malawi." * No offense to anybody out there, but I think that I believe that a conjugal visit should be between a man and a woman. * And then he said, "That was no woman, that was my wife!" * "You have five years left to serve on your prison sentence. How will you occupy your time if ratings drop and your show is canceled?" * "Putting solar panels on everything not just save energy, but also save lives." * " The bailout? Oh, yeh, that's what my ex-husband did when he caught me in bed with his best friend." * If you help pay for the surgery I could be the next Miss California. * So I says to him I says: Mr. Vice President, you sneezed and now the whole cabin is talking like blithering idiots! * .....and the third time was the charm for rehab! * Gordon and I don't like whats happening in the news, so we create our own. * I'd stay longer, but I'm pretty sure that fifteen minutes of fame thing will apply to me. * "I'd be more relevant if I was blonder." * Are you giving away free chicken, like they did on Oprah? * So correct me if I am wrong, the bars are to keep the investment bankers in? * And then Marge Simpson said to me, "You know, honey, I really don't care if it lasts longer than four hours." * And then it hit me. . . . I could be a celebrity too. * I tell them to hold their signs like this, so all the words can be read. You only have a few seconds to catch the readers attention and let them decide on if it's change or a bill. * I'm ready for my Exam, Doctor. * The Pettigrew's dinner conversation became so much more engaging once they sold the dining room table and brought in the fake tv cameras. * Day 3 of the new politically correct torture. Do they normally talk this much? * Who! The "Tonight Show" from prison, I yes just love it. * So, I love the new look, it's so big house-y. * "Yes, it is true Mr. Hannaty, I did major in Intelligent Design in college!" * Actually, the second law of thermodynamics is that the entropy of an isolated system which is not in equilibrium will tend to increase over time, approaching a maximum value at equilibrium. * . . . and that's when I figured out that the key to the Unified Theory of Physics is derived from General Entropy Law and Wave Dissipation Phenomenon. * "And that's why they call it soup!" * And to all the little people at home, I just want to say I'm so glad I'm not you. * "Your apartment is really weird." * "Let me tell you....my last first date with a guy I met on craigslist was even more weird than this..." * Oh of course! Don't worry about it! I'd love to share the details of my divorce with everyone. * You keep asking me dumb questions. * So you see, Glenn Beck, I felt it was my patriotic duty to either have a love child with John Edwards or risk the Democrats winning the election. * If no one laughs, do I get waterboarded? * and the worst part is, I've never been kissed * God forbid that the photographs would try to break in. * “Yes, my doctoral thesis is in quantum theory and its application to quasi stellar systems.” * "This is my first gig in Sing-Sing." * ...and in the last scene, my dress is all shredded and I'm banging on the doors and windows screaming, "Help, help, lemme outta here!" But, there's no way out! * "It's less stressful working in Hollywood these days knowing that if your career bombs there's always 'Dancing with the Stars.'" * I call the exhibit “Cities and Canes”. * " I can see Cuba from my jacuzzi " * As minimum security prisons go, this one isn't bad. * .....and I'm not wearing any panties...... * You can stop me if you've heard this before. * Are we still couch-casting, or is this the show? * "So the bars on the windows are to keep you from jumping during the economic report of the news cast?" * And then I tweeted on Facebook, and here I am." * At the next commercial we make a break for it. * "And just then, I was given this pretty pink slip and an opportunity for a very long unpaid vacation. Isn't that wonderful?" * Ray, I've found that the mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation. No wonder they're too busy to call. * So, I guess there is no escaping this interview right? * "Thanks for asking. I really have gotten over Madoff." * Every obese American should get their own nutritionists and personal chef! * So, ask me no questions, and I'll tell you no lies. * "Late Night" at the Penitentiary. * "And God's greatest gifts are life, religion and HDTV." * I´m in for First Degree Manslaughter, which coincidentally is the name of my new movie... * It is so great to finally meet someone who fantasizes about been a late night talk show host too. * But enough about you. * Do you think you'll move to primetime too? * Its so great that San Quentin allows talk shows now! * Susan Boyle and I go way back. * And I said NO! * No I don't have a book, a movie or a play. I thought this was the unemployment agency. * You know Ed, 50 is the new 30; and with a little luck and a lot of botox, in twenty years, 70 will be the new 40! * "Yes, a reality show about imaginary people in a make believe place!" * "My publicist said I really should add a few more words to his obituary. OK, I said. Put in, 'For sale, Porsche -- some body work needed.'" * I got the idea from Cosmo Kramer. * "First I have to say thank you, after spending the past five years behind bars for stock fraud you've made me feel so at home!" * I want to thank you and the network for the security since it's been confirmed I'm pregant with 9 babies. * "Rick, I just can't tell you how indicted I am to be here." * "You know, Carl, I feel so comfortable on your show -- I know I can get hysterical, without fear that I'll fling myself out a window!" * I don't know if you knew this, but I'm stupid. * I think this could be a break-out moment for both of us!
― This Ace of Base is driving me crazy (forksclovetofu), Saturday, 6 June 2009 16:41 (3 years ago) Permalink
and that's only a small sample!
* And when they told me YOU would be interviewing me, I readily agreed to tell everything.....even the details of our clandestine affair in detail.... knowing this was your dream...... the ultimate reality show!!* And then Marge Simpson said to me, "You know, honey, I really don't care if it lasts longer than four hours."* After Harvard Business School the really tough choice was Go to Wall Street or Become a famous Bimbo?* Yes, my new movie is titled "The Stimulus Package." I play a hoojer.
― This Ace of Base is driving me crazy (forksclovetofu), Saturday, 6 June 2009 16:45 (3 years ago) Permalink
Hmmm...maybe if we recycle old caption entries for the new contest...
"I love a captive audience!""That's right! I'm against gay marriage, and I'm against any efforts to move the capital of California to a city other than Los Angeles, and I'm against everything else! Wow, this bra is tight; I can hardly breathe!""It's a reality show about my fantasies!"
― ya'll are the ones who don't know things (Z S), Saturday, 6 June 2009 16:50 (3 years ago) Permalink
― ya'll are the ones who don't know things (Z S), Saturday, 6 June 2009 17:59 (3 years ago) Permalink
"...gnnph, gnnph, gnnph, gnnph, gnnph..."
― ya'll are the ones who don't know things (Z S), Saturday, 6 June 2009 18:00 (3 years ago) Permalink
get that guy a website already
― This Ace of Base is driving me crazy (forksclovetofu), Saturday, 6 June 2009 18:08 (3 years ago) Permalink
har har har har har
;)
OK back to serious entries.
― ya'll are the ones who don't know things (Z S), Saturday, 6 June 2009 18:09 (3 years ago) Permalink
Haw I had this same thread idea but didn't start it; I'm not so much into "serious" entries though.
― congratulations (n/a), Saturday, 6 June 2009 18:19 (3 years ago) Permalink
As soon as I posted "back to serious entries" I felt like a giant tool, and then as I went back to throw a winky guy into the mix my internet connection died out.
So, belatedly,
― ya'll are the ones who don't know things (Z S), Saturday, 6 June 2009 18:41 (3 years ago) Permalink
"What I don't understand is why they're speaking German."
― If Snotboogie always stole the money, why'd you let him play? (Dr. Superman), Saturday, 6 June 2009 18:42 (3 years ago) Permalink
"What troubles me is that they're speaking German."
― If Snotboogie always stole the money, why'd you let him play? (Dr. Superman), Saturday, 6 June 2009 18:43 (3 years ago) Permalink
"Apparently, they think we're some sort of gods."
― If Snotboogie always stole the money, why'd you let him play? (Dr. Superman), Saturday, 6 June 2009 18:48 (3 years ago) Permalink
Wow. That note about the "not the funniest one" was really OTM - I just looked at the previous 25 contests' top results :-/(exception: the first two of this one were LOLworthy: http://contest.newyorker.com/CaptionContest.aspx?id=189 )
― StanM, Saturday, 6 June 2009 18:49 (3 years ago) Permalink
Christ, what an asshole.
― Telephone thing, Saturday, 6 June 2009 18:51 (3 years ago) Permalink
"What arouses me is that they're speaking German."
― ❉❉❉❉❉❉❉❉Plaxico❉❉❉❉❉❉❉❉❉ (I know, right?), Saturday, 6 June 2009 18:51 (3 years ago) Permalink
Any more entries? I figure we'll collect them until Thursday night, and then have a quick 2 day poll on Friday and Saturday to select the winner, and then I'll submit it on the Sunday deadline.
― ya'll are the ones who don't know things (Z S), Wednesday, 10 June 2009 17:36 (3 years ago) Permalink
"If you didn't spend all your time watching mice, I wouldn't have to be fucking your wife."
― Eazy, Wednesday, 10 June 2009 17:41 (3 years ago) Permalink
"This seems to answer the nature vs. nurture question pretty decisively."
― EZ Snappin, Wednesday, 10 June 2009 17:42 (3 years ago) Permalink
Wait wait"If you didn't spend all your time here, Williams, I wouldn't have to be fucking your wife."
― Eazy, Wednesday, 10 June 2009 17:45 (3 years ago) Permalink
(Larry Flynt needs to start a caption contest.)
― Eazy, Wednesday, 10 June 2009 17:46 (3 years ago) Permalink
"Flaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa"
― cool app (uh oh I'm having a fantasy), Wednesday, 10 June 2009 17:47 (3 years ago) Permalink
"They look more like her but they take after me."
― special guest appearance (Roberto Spiralli), Wednesday, 10 June 2009 17:54 (3 years ago) Permalink
^^^ grebt
would never win though
― Aimless, Wednesday, 10 June 2009 18:02 (3 years ago) Permalink
"I call the big one 'bitey'."
― I used to like dem burgers boy (forksclovetofu), Wednesday, 10 June 2009 18:17 (3 years ago) Permalink
I entered the PETA one on my own, so you can leave that one out.
My wife did one for this one:
"Ok...I'll put down "Claws". And what you describe as your greatest weakness?"
― schwantz, Wednesday, 10 June 2009 18:27 (3 years ago) Permalink
"I'll wring your neck if one of these bastards publishes before I do"
― 鬼の手 (Edward III), Wednesday, 10 June 2009 18:33 (3 years ago) Permalink
^^^hahaha xp
― autogucci cru (deej), Wednesday, 10 June 2009 18:34 (3 years ago) Permalink
lol!
xpost to "claws"
― collardio greenous (k3vin k.), Wednesday, 10 June 2009 18:36 (3 years ago) Permalink
schwantzs wifes one is hilarious
― rip dom passantino 3/5/09 never forget (max), Wednesday, 10 June 2009 18:40 (3 years ago) Permalink
― special guest appearance (Roberto Spiralli), Wednesday, June 10, 2009 1:54 PM (46 minutes ago)
this is genius and will get my vote
― collardio greenous (k3vin k.), Wednesday, 10 June 2009 18:42 (3 years ago) Permalink
^^^
― 1899 Horsey Horseless (HI DERE), Wednesday, 10 June 2009 18:46 (3 years ago) Permalink
also massive lolz at "claws"
(btw, I am very mad that "LET'S START IT OFF WITH A BRIEF REVIEW OF YOUR LOCAL MIDLIFE CRISIS. WE'LL THEN DISCUSS THE GLOBAL FINANCIAL CRISIS." is too long to be a screen name)
― 1899 Horsey Horseless (HI DERE), Wednesday, 10 June 2009 18:47 (3 years ago) Permalink
(anyway back to the picture)
"Okay, NOW they're just mocking us."
― 1899 Horsey Horseless (HI DERE), Wednesday, 10 June 2009 18:50 (3 years ago) Permalink
"And the best part is, we pay them in cheese."
― would you ask tom petty that? (tipsy mothra), Wednesday, 10 June 2009 18:53 (3 years ago) Permalink
"this acid is strong"
― 鬼の手 (Edward III), Wednesday, 10 June 2009 18:57 (3 years ago) Permalink
^ works for 99% of all new yorker cartoons
― 鬼の手 (Edward III), Wednesday, 10 June 2009 18:58 (3 years ago) Permalink
"I'm not sure their hearts are really in this better-mousetrap project."
― would you ask tom petty that? (tipsy mothra), Wednesday, 10 June 2009 21:13 (3 years ago) Permalink
"I know they have a grant, but do we really need more ways to skin a cat?"
"I was expecting Soulja Boy to have a different effect on them."
― 1899 Horsey Horseless (HI DERE), Wednesday, 10 June 2009 21:16 (3 years ago) Permalink
I always wondered how many people entered. Sometimes the finalists are so weak I assumed like, 6 people entered. My god some of those submissions are not funny.
I mean the ones copied above, not the ones currently being submitted by ILXors. Those are all comedy gold.
― dan selzer, Wednesday, 10 June 2009 21:17 (3 years ago) Permalink
I like fork's "I think it's meant to be the one on the right's retirement party."
― Eazy, Wednesday, 10 June 2009 21:17 (3 years ago) Permalink
"The one in glasses is not 'the cute one'."
― 1899 Horsey Horseless (HI DERE), Wednesday, 10 June 2009 21:21 (3 years ago) Permalink
"auto-tune is dead"
― 鬼の手 (Edward III), Wednesday, 10 June 2009 21:22 (3 years ago) Permalink
I wonder how many times we'll have to do this until we get an ILX winner?My money is over five, under twenty.
― I used to like dem burgers boy (forksclovetofu), Wednesday, 10 June 2009 21:45 (3 years ago) Permalink
We should enter as Isaac L. Xevious
― I used to like dem burgers boy (forksclovetofu), Wednesday, 10 June 2009 21:47 (3 years ago) Permalink
"I see your mice have little clothes."
― cant go with u too many alfbrees (Abbott), Wednesday, 10 June 2009 22:49 (3 years ago) Permalink
"These mice are different from the mice behind us; these mice have facial features."
― cant go with u too many alfbrees (Abbott), Wednesday, 10 June 2009 22:50 (3 years ago) Permalink
"Are mice very much like people?"
― cant go with u too many alfbrees (Abbott), Wednesday, 10 June 2009 22:51 (3 years ago) Permalink
"I am mildly disconcerted; apparently, I am carrying a water bottle."
― cant go with u too many alfbrees (Abbott), Wednesday, 10 June 2009 22:52 (3 years ago) Permalink
"Did you know? I can spit the words 'PAUL NOTH' across the room."
"I am looking at mice. You are looking at mice. They are also looking at mice."
― cant go with u too many alfbrees (Abbott), Wednesday, 10 June 2009 22:54 (3 years ago) Permalink
"Hmm, I'm not sure -- she's a little mousier than the last woman I dated."
― autogucci cru (deej), Wednesday, 10 June 2009 22:55 (3 years ago) Permalink
lolling at the paul noth one for some reason.
― I used to like dem burgers boy (forksclovetofu), Wednesday, 10 June 2009 22:57 (3 years ago) Permalink
also "it's a reality show about my fantasies" has win potential
― I used to like dem burgers boy (forksclovetofu), Wednesday, 10 June 2009 23:00 (3 years ago) Permalink
'NERDS!'
― Philip Nunez, Wednesday, 10 June 2009 23:01 (3 years ago) Permalink
schwantz's wife made me laugh harder than I've ever laughed at new yorker cartoon
― iatee, Wednesday, 10 June 2009 23:09 (3 years ago) Permalink
"Have the Chinese one removed for questioning."
― Philip Nunez, Wednesday, 10 June 2009 23:15 (3 years ago) Permalink
From that long list of candidates above:no this isn't MY evening gown i tied up a pedestrian on the way to your studio and robbed her blind.
― Eazy, Wednesday, 10 June 2009 23:26 (3 years ago) Permalink
"The leader of the mice appears to have rounded up all the intellectuals in a gulag""Ha, Communism sounds great on paper - it just doesn't work in lab conditions!"
― special guest appearance (Roberto Spiralli), Wednesday, 10 June 2009 23:30 (3 years ago) Permalink
12 more hours to go, and then I'll make a poll at about 11 pm (US Eastern) tonight.
― ya'll are the ones who don't know things (Z S), Thursday, 11 June 2009 15:02 (3 years ago) Permalink
And.....the new caption has appeared. Have at it!
― ya'll are the ones who don't know things (Z S), Monday, 15 June 2009 20:01 (3 years ago) Permalink
― rip dom passantino 3/5/09 never forget (max), Monday, 15 June 2009 20:03 (3 years ago) Permalink
btw for anyone who may care, the winners of last week's ILX poll were:
1) Roberto Spiralli (10 votes)2) Hi Dere (4 votes)3) EZ Snappin and Dr Superman(tie) (3 votes)
― ya'll are the ones who don't know things (Z S), Monday, 15 June 2009 20:03 (3 years ago) Permalink
"Sweden? It was MOSTLY uneventful..."
― sorry i poisoned u with nachos :( (HI DERE), Monday, 15 June 2009 20:04 (3 years ago) Permalink
(also where was the poll? I totally missed it)
"I call her Ladybird, because she's my lady."
― Philip Nunez, Monday, 15 June 2009 20:07 (3 years ago) Permalink
"Milk, toilet roll, wrapping paper. Got it."
― farcottonloco, Monday, 15 June 2009 20:07 (3 years ago) Permalink
The "Let's Win the New Yorker Caption Contest" Poll: Week 1
D'oh!
Well to sum it up, Roberto Spiralli won, but in typical ILX fashion, there were concerns about bestiality. That made your caption the choice for entry. But then, I'm pretty sure no one ever entered it, because I stupidly assumed that you had seen the poll.
― ya'll are the ones who don't know things (Z S), Monday, 15 June 2009 20:08 (3 years ago) Permalink
lol after seeing the controversy over emphasized words in a caption I have to rethink
― sorry i poisoned u with nachos :( (HI DERE), Monday, 15 June 2009 20:10 (3 years ago) Permalink
There really wasn't any controversy, it was just me worrying over nothing, as usual. Although I still do think that an entry with no emphasized words, all else equal, will probably do better.
― ya'll are the ones who don't know things (Z S), Monday, 15 June 2009 20:11 (3 years ago) Permalink
"I'm going to take off now; we will never speak of this weekend again."
― sorry i poisoned u with nachos :( (HI DERE), Monday, 15 June 2009 20:12 (3 years ago) Permalink
"is this some kind of fucking joke, Steve? i could've been killed. you useless fucking cunt."
― special guest appearance (Roberto Spiralli), Monday, 15 June 2009 20:12 (3 years ago) Permalink
"your...wife?"
― special guest appearance (Roberto Spiralli), Monday, 15 June 2009 20:13 (3 years ago) Permalink
btw, Sweden one already strong candidate imo
hey does anyone know who is talking in this comic: the pilot or the flag guy?
― Philip Nunez, Monday, 15 June 2009 20:14 (3 years ago) Permalink
something about fly-me pumps
― W i l l, Monday, 15 June 2009 20:15 (3 years ago) Permalink
theres gotta be a good dont ask dont tell joke in there
― rip dom passantino 3/5/09 never forget (max), Monday, 15 June 2009 20:15 (3 years ago) Permalink
"I just want to feel pretty! Is that so wrong?"
― sorry i poisoned u with nachos :( (HI DERE), Monday, 15 June 2009 20:15 (3 years ago) Permalink
"she was a bitch to land today"
― special guest appearance (Roberto Spiralli), Monday, 15 June 2009 20:16 (3 years ago) Permalink
looooooooooooooooooool
― sorry i poisoned u with nachos :( (HI DERE), Monday, 15 June 2009 20:17 (3 years ago) Permalink
that's where I was going, best I could come up with was "I believe the policy clearly states 'Don't ask'."
― 鬼の手 (Edward III), Monday, 15 June 2009 20:17 (3 years ago) Permalink
"I just want to feel pretty! Is that so wrong?"jesus christ is that the plane talking?
"she was a bitch to land today"YES SUBMIT THIS NOW
― Philip Nunez, Monday, 15 June 2009 20:17 (3 years ago) Permalink
"Yes they're Blahniks. God."
― goole, Monday, 15 June 2009 20:18 (3 years ago) Permalink
"If comfort were a concern I'd take the train."
― W i l l, Monday, 15 June 2009 20:18 (3 years ago) Permalink
jesus christ is that the plane talking?
uh... no
― sorry i poisoned u with nachos :( (HI DERE), Monday, 15 June 2009 20:19 (3 years ago) Permalink
W i l l also comes correct, loooooooooool
e3 i dig that, better than anything i had
― rip dom passantino 3/5/09 never forget (max), Monday, 15 June 2009 20:20 (3 years ago) Permalink
"seemed to be something of a problem with drag today"
― special guest appearance (Roberto Spiralli), Monday, 15 June 2009 20:20 (3 years ago) Permalink
a+
― rip dom passantino 3/5/09 never forget (max), Monday, 15 June 2009 20:21 (3 years ago) Permalink
omg Spiralli is killin it
― sorry i poisoned u with nachos :( (HI DERE), Monday, 15 June 2009 20:21 (3 years ago) Permalink
yoga flame
― cool app (uh oh I'm having a fantasy), Monday, 15 June 2009 20:21 (3 years ago) Permalink
"Jeez Carl, when you said you enjoyed Transformers I wasn't expecting this"
― cool app (uh oh I'm having a fantasy), Monday, 15 June 2009 20:23 (3 years ago) Permalink
"How was your trip Mr. Blahnik?""It makes the wings look great but it's MURDER on the struts.""Do you have anything in a size 7?"
― (pronounced /ˈfɑrv/sklOf/tO/fewˈ/) (forksclovetofu), Monday, 15 June 2009 20:23 (3 years ago) Permalink
"honestly, this is not what I expected when you said it was a transatlantic flight"
― 鬼の手 (Edward III), Monday, 15 June 2009 20:24 (3 years ago) Permalink
"Don't ever ask Koslowski to fix your flats."
― Pleasant Plains, Monday, 15 June 2009 20:24 (3 years ago) Permalink
ah, somebody already there with the blahnik joke.She was a bitch to land would be great for playboy, would never get into the new yorker. Good caption tho.
― (pronounced /ˈfɑrv/sklOf/tO/fewˈ/) (forksclovetofu), Monday, 15 June 2009 20:24 (3 years ago) Permalink
lol e3
― cool app (uh oh I'm having a fantasy), Monday, 15 June 2009 20:24 (3 years ago) Permalink
several strong candidates already, I smell victory.
― ya'll are the ones who don't know things (Z S), Monday, 15 June 2009 20:25 (3 years ago) Permalink
"I can't use the cobblestone runway today."
― sorry i poisoned u with nachos :( (HI DERE), Monday, 15 June 2009 20:26 (3 years ago) Permalink
I just hope that people coming back to this thread will realize there's a new caption now.
― ya'll are the ones who don't know things (Z S), Monday, 15 June 2009 20:26 (3 years ago) Permalink
"I said high WHEELS, goddamnit!"
― 鬼の手 (Edward III), Monday, 15 June 2009 20:27 (3 years ago) Permalink
can u say goddamnit in new yorker?
prob not
"Would've been here earlier, but there was a sale at Saks."
― Bianca Jagger (jaymc), Monday, 15 June 2009 20:28 (3 years ago) Permalink
― 鬼の手 (Edward III), Monday, June 15, 2009 4:27 PM (2 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink
^^ dad jokers choice
― rip dom passantino 3/5/09 never forget (max), Monday, 15 June 2009 20:30 (3 years ago) Permalink
"I hate French planes."
― sorry i poisoned u with nachos :( (HI DERE), Monday, 15 June 2009 20:31 (3 years ago) Permalink
I'm feeling the "drag" gag as a winner.
― (pronounced /ˈfɑrv/sklOf/tO/fewˈ/) (forksclovetofu), Monday, 15 June 2009 20:33 (3 years ago) Permalink
I'd almost bet that was the original caption!
― sorry i poisoned u with nachos :( (HI DERE), Monday, 15 June 2009 20:34 (3 years ago) Permalink
feel like the drag pun will occur to other people, so would need to be worded better to stand a chance. if people want to take a crack at smartening it up be my guest.
― special guest appearance (Roberto Spiralli), Monday, 15 June 2009 20:35 (3 years ago) Permalink
I'll mash yours up with one of mine (not because it's better but because I'm an egomaniac):
"French planes always have a problem with drag."
― sorry i poisoned u with nachos :( (HI DERE), Monday, 15 June 2009 20:36 (3 years ago) Permalink
"Don't worry, it changes into tennis shoes on the way to the hangar."
― Bianca Jagger (jaymc), Monday, 15 June 2009 20:37 (3 years ago) Permalink
"No, I said we needed to ADDRESS the drag!"
― (pronounced /ˈfɑrv/sklOf/tO/fewˈ/) (forksclovetofu), Monday, 15 June 2009 20:37 (3 years ago) Permalink
"It's night and day with the gel pads."
― W i l l, Monday, 15 June 2009 20:38 (3 years ago) Permalink
dad jokers choice
not just a member I'm the president etc
― 鬼の手 (Edward III), Monday, 15 June 2009 20:39 (3 years ago) Permalink
"dude, you will never believe this. I just got back from visiting Dave at the lab and he has been fucking a mouse. he had these mice children in a cage in little outfits. it was FUCKED UP."
― special guest appearance (Roberto Spiralli), Monday, 15 June 2009 20:40 (3 years ago) Permalink
"Lockheed-Martin should never have bought out Easy Spirit."
― sorry i poisoned u with nachos :( (HI DERE), Monday, 15 June 2009 20:41 (3 years ago) Permalink
"I named him Turtle, to remember."
― Philip Nunez, Monday, 15 June 2009 20:41 (3 years ago) Permalink
"i kind of want to fuck this airplane"
― Mr. Que, Monday, 15 June 2009 20:42 (3 years ago) Permalink
"FLOTUS One is a go"
― (pronounced /ˈfɑrv/sklOf/tO/fewˈ/) (forksclovetofu), Monday, 15 June 2009 20:43 (3 years ago) Permalink
haha i love the simplicity
― Maria, Monday, 15 June 2009 20:44 (3 years ago) Permalink
"it's no good, frank. I tried a bombing run and almost broke my neck."
― 鬼の手 (Edward III), Monday, 15 June 2009 20:44 (3 years ago) Permalink
"I thought I was landing on a runway"
― Philip Nunez, Monday, 15 June 2009 20:44 (3 years ago) Permalink
yeah what happened? i am confused etc where is the new pic and what was the actual published caption for the last one?
― my god, it's full of straws! (k3vin k.), Monday, 15 June 2009 20:44 (3 years ago) Permalink
ZS, I think multiple threads and links therein are probably called for.u got this?
― (pronounced /ˈfɑrv/sklOf/tO/fewˈ/) (forksclovetofu), Monday, 15 June 2009 20:45 (3 years ago) Permalink
― 鬼の手 (Edward III), Monday, 15 June 2009 20:45 (3 years ago) Permalink
"and get this - ziggy's complaint is that he wishes he was taller!"
― Lamp, Monday, 15 June 2009 20:45 (3 years ago) Permalink
if they published 'my wifes a slut' surely they have no problem with 'bitch to land'
― Philip Nunez, Monday, 15 June 2009 20:46 (3 years ago) Permalink
I'm up for it, but is that what we want to do? I'm honestly sure which is more confusing - to have one main thread that may confuse newcomers, or to have two new threads per week (one for nominations, one for the poll).
― ya'll are the ones who don't know things (Z S), Monday, 15 June 2009 20:50 (3 years ago) Permalink
looks like thread is falling victim to
Disappearing Posts?
― 鬼の手 (Edward III), Monday, 15 June 2009 20:50 (3 years ago) Permalink
wait why cant u just post the new pic?
xpost
― my god, it's full of straws! (k3vin k.), Monday, 15 June 2009 20:51 (3 years ago) Permalink
Yeah, I noticed that. I scrolled up to check out the plane in heels and it was just gone.
― ya'll are the ones who don't know things (Z S), Monday, 15 June 2009 20:51 (3 years ago) Permalink
I did, k3vin, it's posted above (although it may have temporarily disappeared).
― ya'll are the ones who don't know things (Z S), Monday, 15 June 2009 20:52 (3 years ago) Permalink
is the poll necessary without a Ishmael Lorenzo Xevious NYer account to post the winner under?
― Philip Nunez, Monday, 15 June 2009 20:52 (3 years ago) Permalink
ah ok my bad xp
― my god, it's full of straws! (k3vin k.), Monday, 15 June 2009 20:53 (3 years ago) Permalink
But I'll post it again just for giggles
― ya'll are the ones who don't know things (Z S), Monday, 15 June 2009 20:53 (3 years ago) Permalink
RE: Disappearing posts
Does it have something to do with bookmarks? If I hit F5 and reload the page, some posts are missing, but if I click on the bookmark, and then on "show all messages", it DOES appear.
― ya'll are the ones who don't know things (Z S), Monday, 15 June 2009 20:54 (3 years ago) Permalink
...
It's an optimization for loading long threads; the first 50 posts and the last 50 posts are shown with a link in the middle to load the hidden ones in order to decrease the the amt of data requested from the web server. It's been there since this iteration of the ILX code went live.
― sorry i poisoned u with nachos :( (HI DERE), Monday, 15 June 2009 20:56 (3 years ago) Permalink
Tbh, we probably need a separate board for this.
― Bianca Jagger (jaymc), Monday, 15 June 2009 20:57 (3 years ago) Permalink
dan, the problem is that the midthread "load all messages" link isn't showing
― 鬼の手 (Edward III), Monday, 15 June 2009 20:57 (3 years ago) Permalink
???
I can see it!
― sorry i poisoned u with nachos :( (HI DERE), Monday, 15 June 2009 20:58 (3 years ago) Permalink
― special guest appearance (Roberto Spiralli), Monday, June 15, 2009 4:16 PM (37 minutes ago)
yesssss
― my god, it's full of straws! (k3vin k.), Monday, 15 June 2009 20:59 (3 years ago) Permalink
it's back!
― 鬼の手 (Edward III), Monday, 15 June 2009 21:00 (3 years ago) Permalink
both the pic ZS posted at first and now this second one are showing; twenty minutes ago the first wasnt there
― my god, it's full of straws! (k3vin k.), Monday, 15 June 2009 21:00 (3 years ago) Permalink
weird
it was in "load them all" limbo
― 鬼の手 (Edward III), Monday, 15 June 2009 21:01 (3 years ago) Permalink
Yep. Every once in a while, the "show all messages" link doesn't show, either at the very top or in the middle, and it just skips from a message 5 days ago to one about 50 minutes ago.
― ya'll are the ones who don't know things (Z S), Monday, 15 June 2009 21:02 (3 years ago) Permalink
"Tbh, we probably need a separate board for this."
Take it here! http://www.ilxor.com/ILX/NewAnswersControllerServlet?boardid=56108700It even fits the board mission statement!
― (pronounced /ˈfɑrv/sklOf/tO/fewˈ/) (forksclovetofu), Monday, 15 June 2009 21:02 (3 years ago) Permalink
New poll for week 2, ya'll:
The "Let's Dominate the New Yorker Caption Contest" Poll: Week TWO
― ya'll are the ones who don't know things (Z S), Saturday, 20 June 2009 03:13 (3 years ago) Permalink
OK, the 3 official nominees for the first caption have been chosen by the NYer.
New Yorker's selections:
"O.K., let's slowly lower in the grant money.”Submitted by Todd BearsonArlington, Mass.
“Relax, for them it's publish and perish.”Submitted by David BurnsNeedham, Mass.
“The research is conclusive—mice are even cuter when you dress them up in little coats.”Submitted by Brad HodgesDungannon, Ontario
ILX selections:
"They look more like her but they take after me." Submitted by Roberto Spiralli10 votes
"Okay, NOW they're just mocking us." 4Submitted by Hi Dere4 votes
"I know their clipboards are proportional, but it makes it really hard to read their notes."Submitted by EZ Snappin3 votes
"What troubles me is that they're speaking German." Submitted by Dr Superman3 votes
― ya'll are the ones who don't know things (Z S), Monday, 22 June 2009 15:14 (3 years ago) Permalink
Meanwhile...
WEEK THREE CONTEST/NOMINATIONS BEGIN HERE
NOMINATIONS DUE BY WEDNESDAY, JUNE 24TH, WITH THE POLL RUNNING FROM THE NIGHT OF THE 24TH TO THE NIGHT OF THE 27TH.
― ya'll are the ones who don't know things (Z S), Monday, 22 June 2009 15:18 (3 years ago) Permalink
oh come on, there's only one caption/theme for that one:
"Aren't you forgetting something?"/"I thought you had him!"/etc etc
― HIS VAGINA IS MAKING HIM CRAVE SALAD. (HI DERE), Monday, 22 June 2009 15:23 (3 years ago) Permalink
"That's right, avert your eyes! You don't want to end up like Henry, do you?"
― HIS VAGINA IS MAKING HIM CRAVE SALAD. (HI DERE), Monday, 22 June 2009 15:24 (3 years ago) Permalink
i told him, if he says "are we nearly there yet?" one more time...
― joe, Monday, 22 June 2009 15:26 (3 years ago) Permalink
"so you're certain that this 'life-sized subbuteo' game is legal?"
― joe, Monday, 22 June 2009 15:29 (3 years ago) Permalink
"Do you think these frappucinos are making me irritable?"
― HIS VAGINA IS MAKING HIM CRAVE SALAD. (HI DERE), Monday, 22 June 2009 15:30 (3 years ago) Permalink
"just pull over slowly and let me do the talking"
― 鬼の手 (Edward III), Monday, 22 June 2009 15:30 (3 years ago) Permalink
"'WARNING: LOW BRIDGE AHE-' Oh look, cows!"
― HIS VAGINA IS MAKING HIM CRAVE SALAD. (HI DERE), Monday, 22 June 2009 15:33 (3 years ago) Permalink
grant money one seems likely to win.
― probably gets busy with larper chicks or somefin' (forksclovetofu), Monday, 22 June 2009 15:37 (3 years ago) Permalink
"So, this week's theme is National Lampoon's Vacation?"
― EZ Snappin, Monday, 22 June 2009 16:15 (3 years ago) Permalink
"yes but *I* didn't forget my drink on roof of the car"
― giovanni & ribsy (elmo argonaut), Monday, 22 June 2009 16:23 (3 years ago) Permalink
"personally, i would have opened with pawn to king's 4"
― giovanni & ribsy (elmo argonaut), Monday, 22 June 2009 16:32 (3 years ago) Permalink
"for the last time, i'm not spending my per diem to rent an SUV"
― giovanni & ribsy (elmo argonaut), Monday, 22 June 2009 16:39 (3 years ago) Permalink
'Idiot Blaine Ruins Gumball 3000'
― Hard House SugBanton (blueski), Monday, 22 June 2009 16:39 (3 years ago) Permalink
"you wouldn't be hungry if you got something at the drive-thru, mr. i-hate-trans-fats"
― giovanni & ribsy (elmo argonaut), Monday, 22 June 2009 16:49 (3 years ago) Permalink
I'm trying to think of some combined Odysseus/cop caper gag, but not getting very far. Best I can come up as of yet:
"Are you sure this is the best way to avoid the sirens?"
Not great.
― emil.y, Monday, 22 June 2009 16:54 (3 years ago) Permalink
"i still say the extortion industry shouldn't have to advertise."
― joe, Monday, 22 June 2009 16:56 (3 years ago) Permalink
"well, I'm not explaining why we had to drop him off 'somewhere more scenic'"
― giovanni & ribsy (elmo argonaut), Monday, 22 June 2009 16:56 (3 years ago) Permalink
"No, the drivethrough girl did not seem weird to me."
― goole, Monday, 22 June 2009 16:58 (3 years ago) Permalink
"if you didn't want jackass 3 on your resume you shouldn't have taken the job."
― 鬼の手 (Edward III), Monday, 22 June 2009 16:58 (3 years ago) Permalink
ugh who knew being drily urbane was so challenging
― giovanni & ribsy (elmo argonaut), Monday, 22 June 2009 17:00 (3 years ago) Permalink
a variation on elmo's:
"don't tell me you forgot your drink on the roof again"
― 鬼の手 (Edward III), Monday, 22 June 2009 17:01 (3 years ago) Permalink
short sweet and stupid is most likely on this one."I thought he was with you!""Well it's not like he WALKED away..."
― probably gets busy with larper chicks or somefin' (forksclovetofu), Monday, 22 June 2009 17:01 (3 years ago) Permalink
"Nothing back there but a coffee cup, boss."
― Eazy, Monday, 22 June 2009 17:02 (3 years ago) Permalink
"what are those idiots beeping at?"
― 鬼の手 (Edward III), Monday, 22 June 2009 17:03 (3 years ago) Permalink
That's the cruelest depiction of distress I've seen in a NYer cartoon maybe ever. Look at that dude's eyes.
also"That's the cruelest depiction of distress I've seen in a NYer cartoon maybe ever. Look at that dude's eyes"
― Philip Nunez, Monday, 22 June 2009 17:04 (3 years ago) Permalink
"thanks for stopping, a slurpee always brings out the kid in me"
― 鬼の手 (Edward III), Monday, 22 June 2009 17:09 (3 years ago) Permalink
"look, paul, I'm trying to be supportive here but there are better ways of getting on reality TV"
― 鬼の手 (Edward III), Monday, 22 June 2009 17:10 (3 years ago) Permalink
"Thank god THAT'S taken care of."
― probably gets busy with larper chicks or somefin' (forksclovetofu), Monday, 22 June 2009 17:11 (3 years ago) Permalink
haha I was going to do a "Jackass" one but chickened out
― get money fuck witches (HI DERE), Monday, 22 June 2009 17:11 (3 years ago) Permalink
"It's like, he's going in the drink, but this drink is going in me. Makes you think, you know?"
― goole, Monday, 22 June 2009 17:14 (3 years ago) Permalink
"Are you or have you ever been a representative or member of a terrorist organization or a member of a group which endorses terrorist activity?"
― special guest appearance (Roberto Spiralli), Monday, 22 June 2009 17:20 (3 years ago) Permalink
"these car rental people don't know the meaning of the word 'legroom' do they?"
― 鬼の手 (Edward III), Monday, 22 June 2009 17:24 (3 years ago) Permalink
"these harsh interrogation techniques are torture on your highway milage"
― giovanni & ribsy (elmo argonaut), Monday, 22 June 2009 17:25 (3 years ago) Permalink
"I'm not exactly sure how they took the news but they said they'd give us 'a sign'"
― special guest appearance (Roberto Spiralli), Monday, 22 June 2009 17:27 (3 years ago) Permalink
"maybe it's in my other pants"
― special guest appearance (Roberto Spiralli), Monday, 22 June 2009 17:28 (3 years ago) Permalink
"I've always hated Rush Week."
― get money fuck witches (HI DERE), Monday, 22 June 2009 17:29 (3 years ago) Permalink
"back in my day, we didn't have to travel to a sustainable fishery"
― giovanni & ribsy (elmo argonaut), Monday, 22 June 2009 17:29 (3 years ago) Permalink
lotsa mileage in the torture angle npi
― 鬼の手 (Edward III), Monday, 22 June 2009 17:30 (3 years ago) Permalink
"Don't get me wrong, I love these family reunions - I just wish Mitt wouldn't act like he's better than the rest of us."
― iatee, Monday, 22 June 2009 17:30 (3 years ago) Permalink
"I dunno...did you leave the gas on maybe?"
― special guest appearance (Roberto Spiralli), Monday, 22 June 2009 17:31 (3 years ago) Permalink
"Hey Mario, you know what I hate? When the picture for a caption competition is fucking lame. Also - Jews."
― special guest appearance (Roberto Spiralli), Monday, 22 June 2009 17:32 (3 years ago) Permalink
"I spy with my little eye something that rhymes with 'shoe left the hostage on the roof, idiot'."
― get money fuck witches (HI DERE), Monday, 22 June 2009 17:33 (3 years ago) Permalink
"Porco Dio! Che disgraziata!"
― Philip Nunez, Monday, 22 June 2009 17:36 (3 years ago) Permalink
"after the administration banned waterboarding we weren't left with many options"
― 鬼の手 (Edward III), Monday, 22 June 2009 17:36 (3 years ago) Permalink
Thinking of some "give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day" gag but I can't place it
― giovanni & ribsy (elmo argonaut), Monday, 22 June 2009 17:37 (3 years ago) Permalink
"i think it qualifies as a 'stress position,' yes"
― giovanni & ribsy (elmo argonaut), Monday, 22 June 2009 17:39 (3 years ago) Permalink
"You wanna know where he is? Hit the brakes and I'll tell you..."
― Philip Nunez, Monday, 22 June 2009 17:40 (3 years ago) Permalink
"I got the idea from Mitt Romney"
― nabisco, Monday, 22 June 2009 17:40 (3 years ago) Permalink
(Alternately: "Hey, if it was good enough for Mitt Romney's dog...")
― nabisco, Monday, 22 June 2009 17:41 (3 years ago) Permalink
"I'm not sure if this is what the boss meant by 'thinking outside the box'"
― 鬼の手 (Edward III), Monday, 22 June 2009 17:44 (3 years ago) Permalink
hahahaaaaaaaaaaaaa I had forgotten about Mittens and his dog adventures
― get money fuck witches (HI DERE), Monday, 22 June 2009 17:44 (3 years ago) Permalink
"Now we just look for an overpass" would also work
― nabisco, Monday, 22 June 2009 17:47 (3 years ago) Permalink
"Look Tony, it's not that I don't like it, but I live in a 3rd floor studio - where am I going to put it?"
― special guest appearance (Roberto Spiralli), Monday, 22 June 2009 17:47 (3 years ago) Permalink
"This was a lot easier before they transferred us to Utah"
― nabisco, Monday, 22 June 2009 17:49 (3 years ago) Permalink
^^ wait, substitute a dry state that does not have a gigantic well-known lake
Arizona
― get money fuck witches (HI DERE), Monday, 22 June 2009 17:49 (3 years ago) Permalink
lake havasu, bro
― goole, Monday, 22 June 2009 17:50 (3 years ago) Permalink
why did i even post that
― goole, Monday, 22 June 2009 17:51 (3 years ago) Permalink
"I'm all for offering them a final meal, but next time NO BURRITOS"
― nabisco, Monday, 22 June 2009 17:53 (3 years ago) Permalink
"So much for 'what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas'."
― get money fuck witches (HI DERE), Monday, 22 June 2009 17:53 (3 years ago) Permalink
"Do you think this will count as 'something borrowed' or 'something blue'?"
― get money fuck witches (HI DERE), Monday, 22 June 2009 17:55 (3 years ago) Permalink
"in the trunk, complain, in the backseat, complain. I try to be reasonable but I've had it with this guy."
― 鬼の手 (Edward III), Monday, 22 June 2009 17:55 (3 years ago) Permalink
"She lies and says she's in love with him; can't find a betterman..."
― Philip Nunez, Monday, 22 June 2009 17:56 (3 years ago) Permalink
"At least we still have our dignity."
― ya'll are the ones who don't know things (Z S), Monday, 22 June 2009 18:02 (3 years ago) Permalink
"don't worry, kid. it happened on my first time, too. you keep hearing the screams for a while afterwards, but eventually you get over it. here, have some slurpee."
― 鬼の手 (Edward III), Monday, 22 June 2009 18:03 (3 years ago) Permalink
― 鬼の手 (Edward III), Monday, 22 June 2009 18:04 (3 years ago) Permalink
"now that you mention it, the whistling sound *is* kind of irritating"
― 鬼の手 (Edward III), Monday, 22 June 2009 18:11 (3 years ago) Permalink
"The third film was by some margin the darkest of the Weekend at Bernie's trilogy."
― special guest appearance (Roberto Spiralli), Monday, 22 June 2009 18:12 (3 years ago) Permalink
the burrito joke is supported by the fact that if you look at the drawing, there ARE sort of fart lines
― nabisco, Monday, 22 June 2009 18:13 (3 years ago) Permalink
"he is soaking his feet in epsom salts"
― giovanni & ribsy (elmo argonaut), Monday, 22 June 2009 18:14 (3 years ago) Permalink
"Forget about the past, Malone, and start thinking about the approaching overpass."
― ya'll are the ones who don't know things (Z S), Monday, 22 June 2009 18:14 (3 years ago) Permalink
"I'm sorry, but I'm getting really tired of people telling me how great the wire is"
― 鬼の手 (Edward III), Monday, 22 June 2009 18:15 (3 years ago) Permalink
okay, feeling that one.
― probably gets busy with larper chicks or somefin' (forksclovetofu), Monday, 22 June 2009 18:16 (3 years ago) Permalink
"Christ, I'm going not going to be able to close my eyes tonight without seeing a twitching bushy tail."
― W i l l, Monday, 22 June 2009 18:16 (3 years ago) Permalink
was gonna add "besides, I'm more of a sopranos guy" but thought it would be overkill
xp
― 鬼の手 (Edward III), Monday, 22 June 2009 18:18 (3 years ago) Permalink
"The Sopranos is SO much better than the Wire" would be a good contender if the voting audience consisted entirely of 20- and 30-something transplanted Brooklynites
― nabisco, Monday, 22 June 2009 18:20 (3 years ago) Permalink
"i'll admit the look on his face is priceless, but i still wonder if we shouldn't have just hired a stripper"
― special guest appearance (Roberto Spiralli), Monday, 22 June 2009 18:22 (3 years ago) Permalink
"i'm actually an electrician by trade, i just do this for fun"
― giovanni & ribsy (elmo argonaut), Monday, 22 June 2009 18:22 (3 years ago) Permalink
― W i l l, Monday, June 22, 2009 1:16 PM (1 hour ago) Bookmark Suggest
haha
― autogucci cru (deej), Monday, 22 June 2009 20:17 (3 years ago) Permalink
forks & goole had good ones too
Burrito and live in a studio/what am I gonna do with it are my favorites so far.
― Eazy, Monday, 22 June 2009 20:28 (3 years ago) Permalink
Playing off the driver's petulant expression:
"Not that you even asked, but I _don't_ think he'll go with the sofa." "I didn't say I didn't like it! I said that, for a hood ornament, it's a bit ostentatious."
― probably gets busy with larper chicks or somefin' (forksclovetofu), Monday, 22 June 2009 20:36 (3 years ago) Permalink
ah, just saw the studio one, that works better than mine.
― probably gets busy with larper chicks or somefin' (forksclovetofu), Monday, 22 June 2009 20:37 (3 years ago) Permalink
"No, that was too loud for something a pigeon might have dropped"
― Mark G, Tuesday, 23 June 2009 02:02 (3 years ago) Permalink
"They always shit themselves after ya get the shoes on 'em."
― ian, Tuesday, 23 June 2009 02:23 (3 years ago) Permalink
Week Three poll is up!
The "Let's Obliterate the New Yorker Caption Contest" Poll: Week THREE
― ya'll are the ones who don't know things (Z S), Thursday, 25 June 2009 19:23 (3 years ago) Permalink
Week Four!
Same format as always, submit captions until Wednesday-ish, poll on Thursday-Saturday, and winners should submit their nominations to the NYer by Sunday, July 5th.
― ya'll are the ones who don't know things (Z S), Monday, 29 June 2009 14:25 (3 years ago) Permalink
".. and then he nicked my submarine!"
― Mark G, Monday, 29 June 2009 14:54 (3 years ago) Permalink
"Flight risk, you said. My conscience is clear."
― W i l l, Monday, 29 June 2009 14:57 (3 years ago) Permalink
I'm having trouble figuring out what is going on in this one. Why is he standing out in front of the two lawyers? Is he being sentenced? But don't defendants stand back with their lawyers when the sentence comes down? And is one of the bailiffs supposed to be the one speaking?
I feel like my mom watching ANY movie in the theater. "Who is that? Why is everyone so angry with each other now?"
― ya'll are the ones who don't know things (Z S), Monday, 29 June 2009 14:59 (3 years ago) Permalink
"This isn't the pool?"
CONTROVERSIAL MOD EDIT: This entry should now be "This isn't the jury pool?"
― get money fuck witches (HI DERE), Monday, 29 June 2009 15:00 (3 years ago) Permalink
"Who is that? Why is everyone so angry with each other now?"
Is this an entry? Because I like it.
― emil.y, Monday, 29 June 2009 15:06 (3 years ago) Permalink
"Correct, Your Honor. Now, put your right hand out."
― get money fuck witches (HI DERE), Monday, 29 June 2009 15:07 (3 years ago) Permalink
Judge Williams always came down harshly on those found guilty of Diving Under the Influence.
― ledge, Monday, 29 June 2009 15:19 (3 years ago) Permalink
HI DERE on the right path, something about pooling the jury.
― Pleasant Plains, Monday, 29 June 2009 15:24 (3 years ago) Permalink
standard New Yorker entry: "Well, it's a funny story..."
― wacky out of context phrase is the worst look (forksclovetofu), Monday, 29 June 2009 15:34 (3 years ago) Permalink
If ILX is really going to win the New Yorker Caption Contest, we need to think more like the New Yorker. A lot of people's submitted captions are funny, but they're not constructed in the pithy, slightly groan-inducing style that the magazine favors. Ideally, we also need to write more captions that mildly satirize the ruling class and/or the contemporary work-a-day world.
― great gabbneb's ghost (jaymc), Monday, 29 June 2009 15:35 (3 years ago) Permalink
A kind of comment on contemporary mores?
― Alba, Monday, 29 June 2009 15:36 (3 years ago) Permalink
sorry i can only do embarrassing puns
"No your honour, they're Speedos! The 'S' fell off!"
― ledge, Monday, 29 June 2009 15:36 (3 years ago) Permalink
"I think I misunderstood the meaning of carpool."
― EZ Snappin, Monday, 29 June 2009 15:37 (3 years ago) Permalink
― W i l l
A+
― master of karate and friendship for everyone (musically), Monday, 29 June 2009 15:37 (3 years ago) Permalink
jaymc OTM
puns don't really do it
Alba, more of a comment on contemporary foibles of the upper-middle class I'd say
― Tracer Hand, Monday, 29 June 2009 15:37 (3 years ago) Permalink
Although this one may be an exception
Yeah, my comment was more of a general thing, not about this cartoon specifically.
― great gabbneb's ghost (jaymc), Monday, 29 June 2009 15:39 (3 years ago) Permalink
the dudes are wearing badges so I don't think they are lawyers fwiw
― giovanni & ribsy (elmo argonaut), Monday, 29 June 2009 15:39 (3 years ago) Permalink
"In my defence, Your Honor, even you have to admit the phrase "secretarial pool" can be misleading."
― get money fuck witches (HI DERE), Monday, 29 June 2009 15:40 (3 years ago) Permalink
"I've been dressing this way since my business went under."
― EZ Snappin, Monday, 29 June 2009 15:41 (3 years ago) Permalink
Hi DERE that's pretty good
― Tracer Hand, Monday, 29 June 2009 15:42 (3 years ago) Permalink
"How else are you supposed to dress for air travel these days?"
― goole, Monday, 29 June 2009 15:47 (3 years ago) Permalink
"In this economy??"
― zzz (deej), Monday, 29 June 2009 16:00 (3 years ago) Permalink
^^^doesnt actually make sense but i might submit it for every cartoon until it does
The new Law Degree from the Marine Institute just wasn't working out in practice.
― darraghmac@nebbmail.com (darraghmac), Monday, 29 June 2009 16:01 (3 years ago) Permalink
Whaddaya mean not dressed for the occasion? We're in FLORIDA
― darraghmac@nebbmail.com (darraghmac), Monday, 29 June 2009 16:03 (3 years ago) Permalink
"OK, I admit: I was paid to take a dive!"
― Mark G, Monday, 29 June 2009 16:09 (3 years ago) Permalink
(groany enuff for yiz?)
HI DERE why 'secretarial pool' rather than 'jury pool'?
― thomp, Monday, 29 June 2009 16:13 (3 years ago) Permalink
scroll up, I used that one already
― get money fuck witches (HI DERE), Monday, 29 June 2009 16:14 (3 years ago) Permalink
took me a long time to get that Speedo gag; we don't use "pedo" in america as slang
― wacky out of context phrase is the worst look (forksclovetofu), Monday, 29 June 2009 16:28 (3 years ago) Permalink
"I plead insanity. I went off the deep end."
― EZ Snappin, Monday, 29 June 2009 16:29 (3 years ago) Permalink
Because "secretarial pool" implies he was caught snorkeling in a tub of secretaries
― Tracer Hand, Monday, 29 June 2009 16:30 (3 years ago) Permalink
Because "secretarial pool" is actually the name of his dog.
― Pleasant Plains, Monday, 29 June 2009 16:56 (3 years ago) Permalink
"I was told the legal profession was full of 'sharks'. WOKKA WOKKA WOKKA!"
― Philip Nunez, Monday, 29 June 2009 18:12 (3 years ago) Permalink
"You watch your back, Jerry! This game of Marco Polo isn't over!"
― he is substituite by Crime Club (HI DERE), Monday, 29 June 2009 18:37 (3 years ago) Permalink
"I know you are but what am I?"
― Hadrian VIII, Monday, 29 June 2009 18:38 (3 years ago) Permalink
"Before you read the sentence, Your Honor, I want to say again that everything I did was dolphin-safe."
But HI DERE's is funnier (though "defense" should be spelled the American way for submission)
― Guayaquil (eephus!), Monday, 29 June 2009 18:43 (3 years ago) Permalink
I think Dan's idea is good but the phrasing needs to be more concise if possible, if you really want to maximize your chances.
― congratulations (n/a), Monday, 29 June 2009 18:46 (3 years ago) Permalink
picture Can't think of a caption but puts me in mind of the judge quote from Withnail and I.
― DJ Angoreinhardt (Billy Dods), Monday, 29 June 2009 18:47 (3 years ago) Permalink
This seems exactly the kind of thing jaymc was talking about.
― Pimp My Hearse (Noodle Vague), Monday, 29 June 2009 18:47 (3 years ago) Permalink
from "Holy shit, the caption bank of attempted winners for past cartoons is a goldmine!":
"If no one laughs, do I get waterboarded?"
― Philip Nunez, Monday, 29 June 2009 18:51 (3 years ago) Permalink
why the hell did I spell "defense" like that
― he is substituite by Crime Club (HI DERE), Monday, 29 June 2009 18:53 (3 years ago) Permalink
"As the sixth amendment plainly states your honor, 'In all criminal prosecutions, the accused shall enjoy the right to a speedo and public trial'"
― special guest appearance (Roberto Spiralli), Monday, 29 June 2009 18:59 (3 years ago) Permalink
think my reign of terror is probably over. am struggling with this week's.
i think not. that's some next level gentle punning.
― caek, Monday, 29 June 2009 19:00 (3 years ago) Permalink
i feel like these pictures aren't that funny to begin with
― goole, Monday, 29 June 2009 19:01 (3 years ago) Permalink
"In his defense, that was the biggest ladies'-room toilet I've ever seen."
― nabisco, Monday, 29 June 2009 19:02 (3 years ago) Permalink
yeah berto thats the best yet on this thread, kiu
― rip dom passantino 3/5/09 never forget (max), Monday, 29 June 2009 19:02 (3 years ago) Permalink
haha this is to obscure to be useful, but:
"So we promptly identified ourselves as Olice..."
― nabisco, Monday, 29 June 2009 19:03 (3 years ago) Permalink
"If the snorkel doesn't fit, you must acquit"
― congratulations (n/a), Monday, 29 June 2009 19:03 (3 years ago) Permalink
(sorry, s/b "olice officers")
― nabisco, Monday, 29 June 2009 19:04 (3 years ago) Permalink
"One day I WILL free Willy!"
― he is substituite by Crime Club (HI DERE), Monday, 29 June 2009 19:04 (3 years ago) Permalink
"Sustained!"
― cool app (uh oh I'm having a fantasy), Monday, 29 June 2009 19:08 (3 years ago) Permalink
You guys are being too funny though. Something that barely even registers, as amusing:
"Let's make this quick, I have a 2 o' clock."
― master of karate and friendship for everyone (musically), Monday, 29 June 2009 19:09 (3 years ago) Permalink
― congratulations (n/a), Monday, June 29, 2009 2:03 PM (6 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink
hahaha
― zzz (deej), Monday, 29 June 2009 19:10 (3 years ago) Permalink
"Your honor, I have to say this trial is going swimmingly."
― EZ Snappin, Monday, 29 June 2009 19:25 (3 years ago) Permalink
"Drowned her? I can't even swim!"
― wacky out of context phrase is the worst look (forksclovetofu), Monday, 29 June 2009 19:28 (3 years ago) Permalink
"Is it so wrong to love Virginia Woolf on as many levels as I do?"
― baleen, the krill queen (Abbott), Monday, 29 June 2009 19:30 (3 years ago) Permalink
"Oh, so if you're Michael Phelps it's okay?"
― wacky out of context phrase is the worst look (forksclovetofu), Monday, 29 June 2009 19:30 (3 years ago) Permalink
Posting week 4 pic again, it's hidden in 'load them all'land:
― baleen, the krill queen (Abbott), Monday, 29 June 2009 19:32 (3 years ago) Permalink
"But it's true: Mars DOES need women!"
― wacky out of context phrase is the worst look (forksclovetofu), Monday, 29 June 2009 19:33 (3 years ago) Permalink
"Madoff's son is involved? Your honor, c'mon, just look at him!"
― Gerard (Le Bateau Ivre), Monday, 29 June 2009 19:36 (3 years ago) Permalink
"No, YOU'RE in contempt!"
― Philip Nunez, Monday, 29 June 2009 19:36 (3 years ago) Permalink
i feel like there's a workable marco polo gag here somewhere.
― wacky out of context phrase is the worst look (forksclovetofu), Monday, 29 June 2009 19:37 (3 years ago) Permalink
Lionel Hutz: Now, Mrs. Simpson, tell the court in your own words what happened after you and your husband were ejected out of the restaurant. Marge: Well, we pretty much went straight home. Lionel Hutz: Mrs. Simpson, remember that you are under oath. Marge: We drove around until three in the morning looking for another open all-you-can-eat seafood restaurant. Lionel Hutz: And when you couldn't find one? Marge: We... went... fishing. Lionel Hutz: Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, do these sound like the actions of a man whose had ALL he could eat?
― special guest appearance (Roberto Spiralli), Monday, 29 June 2009 19:56 (3 years ago) Permalink
"All my financial problems can be traced back to the fact that I don't float."
― EZ Snappin, Monday, 29 June 2009 20:01 (3 years ago) Permalink
"I congratulate your on your diligence in keeping out illegal immigrants, gentlemen, but I think we can let Mr. Smith go."
― special guest appearance (Roberto Spiralli), Monday, 29 June 2009 20:02 (3 years ago) Permalink
;_;
― he is substituite by Crime Club (HI DERE), Monday, 29 June 2009 20:03 (3 years ago) Permalink
oh did you do one already? did it work?
― wacky out of context phrase is the worst look (forksclovetofu), Monday, 29 June 2009 20:04 (3 years ago) Permalink
I wld say: not really, sorry Dan.
― baleen, the krill queen (Abbott), Monday, 29 June 2009 20:05 (3 years ago) Permalink
;_; ;_;
― he is substituite by Crime Club (HI DERE), Monday, 29 June 2009 20:06 (3 years ago) Permalink
"Get ahold of yourself, Bernie. No one's getting waterboarded here."
― The Cursed Return of the Dastardly Thermo Thinwall, Monday, 29 June 2009 20:08 (3 years ago) Permalink
haha, how about just "MARCO!"
― wacky out of context phrase is the worst look (forksclovetofu), Monday, 29 June 2009 20:09 (3 years ago) Permalink
That drawing is just so painfully unfunny.
― Garri$on Kilo (Hurting 2), Monday, 29 June 2009 20:09 (3 years ago) Permalink
"When my lawyer said he thought I'd be going away for a long time, I figured I would hope for the best."
― special guest appearance (Roberto Spiralli), Monday, 29 June 2009 20:10 (3 years ago) Permalink
I am so proud of mine.
― baleen, the krill queen (Abbott), Monday, 29 June 2009 20:10 (3 years ago) Permalink
"Dippy dippy dive and so socialize; how ya gonna make a black nation rise?"
― wacky out of context phrase is the worst look (forksclovetofu), Monday, 29 June 2009 20:11 (3 years ago) Permalink
i actually kind of like my "i can't even swim" one, but honestly i don't know what the hell to do with this ugly fucking picture.
― wacky out of context phrase is the worst look (forksclovetofu), Monday, 29 June 2009 20:12 (3 years ago) Permalink
"You're honor, but I actually have a real estate license."
― incomprehensible Kool-Aid swallower (sarahel), Monday, 29 June 2009 20:13 (3 years ago) Permalink
^^ whoops that should be "your"
The expressions of his retainers make it seem as though he should be saying something they respectively find in poor taste & shocking.
― baleen, the krill queen (Abbott), Monday, 29 June 2009 20:14 (3 years ago) Permalink
"Can you explain to the jury exactly what you were doing in the ball pit at Chuck E Cheese?"
― special guest appearance (Roberto Spiralli), Monday, 29 June 2009 20:14 (3 years ago) Permalink
His right arm's positioning suggests he is arguing a point.
― baleen, the krill queen (Abbott), Monday, 29 June 2009 20:15 (3 years ago) Permalink
Ha, Roberto, that's great!
"I misunderstood the meaning of sub-prime."
― EZ Snappin, Monday, 29 June 2009 20:15 (3 years ago) Permalink
"I would say I am fairly confident of escaping from Alcatraz, yes."
― special guest appearance (Roberto Spiralli), Monday, 29 June 2009 20:17 (3 years ago) Permalink
I'm a little worried about going over the 50 nominations threshold again. Is there any reason that polls are limited to 50 options? I feel bad when it's poll time and I have to delete caption entries.
― timelord of the internet (Z S), Monday, 29 June 2009 20:17 (3 years ago) Permalink
Is the diver's mouth open, or is his bottom lip jutting out in defiance?
― baleen, the krill queen (Abbott), Monday, 29 June 2009 20:17 (3 years ago) Permalink
ZS we shld do like we did with the poetry contest and everyone gets to pick the favorite one of theirs they've come up with.
― baleen, the krill queen (Abbott), Monday, 29 June 2009 20:18 (3 years ago) Permalink
Pick whichever one of mine you like. None are very good.
― EZ Snappin, Monday, 29 June 2009 20:21 (3 years ago) Permalink
I thought about that Abbott, but I'm worried it would just get too complicated to do since there are already 2 different threads dedicated to the caption contest.
― timelord of the internet (Z S), Monday, 29 June 2009 20:23 (3 years ago) Permalink
i liked dan's marco polo one.
― ledge, Monday, 29 June 2009 20:25 (3 years ago) Permalink
You could probably fix all of mine by deleting the preambles.
― he is substituite by Crime Club (HI DERE), Monday, 29 June 2009 20:26 (3 years ago) Permalink
Actually, did anyone ever submit their own caption? I get the feeling that no one did.
― Philip Nunez, Monday, 29 June 2009 20:26 (3 years ago) Permalink
I did for the first one.
― wacky out of context phrase is the worst look (forksclovetofu), Monday, 29 June 2009 20:27 (3 years ago) Permalink
eh, i guess i like my speedo and chuck e cheese ones. you can definitely can the rest. looking back over, i like the flight risk one, the snorkel/acquit one and the free willy one. good shit given the weakness of the source material.
― special guest appearance (Roberto Spiralli), Monday, 29 June 2009 20:30 (3 years ago) Permalink
xposts - i submitted the first two weeks' but i didn't see the third one until today.
― special guest appearance (Roberto Spiralli), Monday, 29 June 2009 20:32 (3 years ago) Permalink
The flight risk one is pretty excellent.
― he is substituite by Crime Club (HI DERE), Monday, 29 June 2009 20:33 (3 years ago) Permalink
Yeah, I wonder about that too. On one hand, I could submit the winner myself, but then if it actually got to top 3 territory I'd worry that I'd somehow be outed as a fraud because it wasn't my caption, and plus it would feel wrong to see my name listed as the caption writer.
And plus, anyone who writes a decent caption should enter, for sure. The more we enter, the better the chance that an ILXor will make it to the top three.
So then it's tempting to say "why have a poll and choose a winner?" But if we eliminate the poll, this whole idea will probably be dead within a few weeks (it may anyway, I suspect).
― timelord of the internet (Z S), Monday, 29 June 2009 20:34 (3 years ago) Permalink
i don't get the flight risk one ;_;
― ledge, Monday, 29 June 2009 20:34 (3 years ago) Permalink
The three NYer finalists for the plane caption:
“She thinks her bomb bay makes her look fat.”Submitted by Eric ScharesPortland, Ore.
“It's a pretty good aircraft, except that it keeps nagging you to ask for directions.”Submitted by Adam PfefferBoca Raton, Fla.
"She's a lover, not a fighter."Submitted by Robert McLeanTampa, Fla.
The three ILXor nominees:
― timelord of the internet (Z S), Monday, 29 June 2009 20:36 (3 years ago) Permalink
Was "If comfort were a concern I'd take the train" entered? Because that one is more New Yorkery than any of the official 3.
― timelord of the internet (Z S), Monday, 29 June 2009 20:37 (3 years ago) Permalink
ugh those official 3 suck
― giovanni & ribsy (elmo argonaut), Monday, 29 June 2009 20:38 (3 years ago) Permalink
ha ha bitches want you to ask directions
― wacky out of context phrase is the worst look (forksclovetofu), Monday, 29 June 2009 20:39 (3 years ago) Permalink
Seems like they're tired of satirising contemporary middle class mores, going for straight-down-the-line sexist gags. Good job.
― ledge, Monday, 29 June 2009 20:39 (3 years ago) Permalink
Eric Schares, Portland, Ore.; Adam Pfeffer, Boca Raton, Fla.; Robert McLean, Tampa, Fla.: not funny
― goole, Monday, 29 June 2009 20:39 (3 years ago) Permalink
and they think they look fat! do u see the comedy!
florida is the saddest state
― wacky out of context phrase is the worst look (forksclovetofu), Monday, 29 June 2009 20:40 (3 years ago) Permalink
The last one is way, way funny compared to the first two.
None are as good as ours.
― he is substituite by Crime Club (HI DERE), Monday, 29 June 2009 20:42 (3 years ago) Permalink
i don't get the ladybird one?
― wacky out of context phrase is the worst look (forksclovetofu), Monday, 29 June 2009 20:44 (3 years ago) Permalink
yeah, the fact that the winning captions routinely aren't funny kind of removes the one criterion we are all concentrating on.
― special guest appearance (Roberto Spiralli), Monday, 29 June 2009 20:45 (3 years ago) Permalink
i just want to know when "new yorker cartoon captions" and "brick-wall comedy hell" started sharing the same tired jokes? or have i not been paying sufficient attention
― giovanni & ribsy (elmo argonaut), Monday, 29 June 2009 20:46 (3 years ago) Permalink
as a weekly reader of the new yorker, i can't think of the last cartoon they published that even made me smile.
― wacky out of context phrase is the worst look (forksclovetofu), Monday, 29 June 2009 20:48 (3 years ago) Permalink
okay, i have modified my approach. how about: "Uh oh, I'm in deep water now!"
it made me cringe just the right amount. i think it could be a winner.
― special guest appearance (Roberto Spiralli), Monday, 29 June 2009 20:52 (3 years ago) Permalink
"Well, your honor, I was going down on your wife when the incident occurred."
― special guest appearance (Roberto Spiralli), Monday, 29 June 2009 20:54 (3 years ago) Permalink
'So then it's tempting to say "why have a poll and choose a winner?"'The winner should be entered automatically by Ignatius Lem Xanadu, lest sloth tempt the winner not to enter.
― Philip Nunez, Monday, 29 June 2009 21:00 (3 years ago) Permalink
baby ruth?
― Roberto Spiralli, Monday, 29 June 2009 21:01 (3 years ago) Permalink
Agreed.
― great gabbneb's ghost (jaymc), Monday, 29 June 2009 21:03 (3 years ago) Permalink
for the flight risk one, in the poll please put "your honor said" instead of "you said"
― W i l l, Monday, 29 June 2009 21:42 (3 years ago) Permalink
he wouldn't fuck w/ court etiquette
I think italicizing "flight" might help too
― nabisco, Monday, 29 June 2009 22:22 (3 years ago) Permalink
I'm going to enter "If the snorkel doesn't fit, you must acquit," I think it might be obvious and unfunny enough to have a chance.
― congratulations (n/a), Monday, 29 June 2009 22:38 (3 years ago) Permalink
"I knew I should have taken that left turn at Albuquerque."
― s.clover, Monday, 29 June 2009 22:51 (3 years ago) Permalink
Yes, I do like this one. It's a pun, but it's elegant. And it has that New Yorkery "oh, the rich" dimension to it.
― great gabbneb's ghost (jaymc), Monday, 29 June 2009 22:52 (3 years ago) Permalink
oh wow, I didn't even get the "under" dimension -- not to workshop everything here, but maybe there's a way to bring that out
(it might be too, umm, specialized a reference to work it into something about a mortgage being "underwater," right?)
― nabisco, Monday, 29 June 2009 22:53 (3 years ago) Permalink
I was trying to work with "belly-up" somehow.
― great gabbneb's ghost (jaymc), Monday, 29 June 2009 23:02 (3 years ago) Permalink
I threw out six (!) of these things, and I think the one jaymc pointed out is the best of them. The floating debt one ("All my financial problems can be traced back to the fact that I don't float.") and the mortgage one ("I misunderstood the meaning of sub-prime.") don't quite get at the sort of knowing, unfunny, raised eyebrow humor of typical New Yorker cartoons.
So consider that one my entry.
― EZ Snappin, Monday, 29 June 2009 23:06 (3 years ago) Permalink
^ if only this one stood a chance.
― The Cursed Return of the Dastardly Thermo Thinwall, Monday, 29 June 2009 23:47 (3 years ago) Permalink
"When a reef needs protection, I'm the guy, OK?"
― Tracer Hand, Tuesday, 30 June 2009 00:05 (3 years ago) Permalink
i like the first official answer has "bombay" in it
― ken "save-a-finn" c (ken c), Tuesday, 30 June 2009 00:29 (3 years ago) Permalink
i guess that makes it a bomb bay satire?
― ken "save-a-finn" c (ken c), Tuesday, 30 June 2009 00:31 (3 years ago) Permalink
"HOW YOU LIKE MY AMICUS TRUNKS!"
― Philip Nunez, Tuesday, 30 June 2009 01:00 (3 years ago) Permalink
"No your honor, I wouldn't call it fishing for evidence exactly."
― Mordy, Tuesday, 30 June 2009 01:07 (3 years ago) Permalink
"What do you mean I'm in deep water?"
*groan*
― Super Cub, Tuesday, 30 June 2009 02:45 (3 years ago) Permalink
"Oh, and the octopus gets off scott free? Typical."
― Super Cub, Tuesday, 30 June 2009 02:54 (3 years ago) Permalink
SO, what's happenin'
― Mark G, Friday, 10 July 2009 09:56 (3 years ago) Permalink
i was wonderin
― Why? I forget what biologists have suggested. (forksclovetofu), Friday, 10 July 2009 13:24 (3 years ago) Permalink
Double issue last week, no issue this week.
― Eazy, Friday, 10 July 2009 13:42 (3 years ago) Permalink
I think groany puns are the wrong approach. New Yorker captions almost never do that.
― the kid is crying because did sharks died? (Hurting 2), Friday, 10 July 2009 14:14 (3 years ago) Permalink
Oh shit, I forgot to set up the poll last week. Sorry!
― timelord of the internet (Z S), Friday, 10 July 2009 15:15 (3 years ago) Permalink
http://blogs.suntimes.com/ebert/2009/07/the_new_yorker_no_the_new_york.html#more
― thomp, Saturday, 18 July 2009 17:51 (3 years ago) Permalink
I came up with what I think would make a perfect New Yorker cartoon --
It's a relatively close frame of two women talking, and one his showing her hand, and one is showing an engagement ring with a very large diamond and a kind of clip-on spotlight attached to the ring, lighting the diamond, and the woman is saying "You don't think it's too ostentatious, do you?"
― the kid is crying because did sharks died? (Hurting 2), Wednesday, 22 July 2009 18:56 (3 years ago) Permalink
So, uh, if that's ever the contest drawing, there's my entry.
let's win the imaginary new yorker caption contest
― 鬼の手 (Edward III), Wednesday, 22 July 2009 19:01 (3 years ago) Permalink
weird, I kinda miss these threads
― 鬼の手 (Edward III), Wednesday, 22 July 2009 19:02 (3 years ago) Permalink
Anyone is welcome to keep them going if you want! I've been ultra unreliable the past two weeks because I've been relocating to a different city, visiting friends out of town, and starting a new job. Hopefully next week I'll be able to set it up (which just means saving a copy of the new caption on tinypic.com so the link won't disappear in the future, and starting a new poll thread later in the week), but if not anyone can do it too of course.
― save your lover! (Z S), Wednesday, 22 July 2009 23:03 (3 years ago) Permalink
It's been a while, so...
Entries for this drawing, by Zachary Kanin, will be accepted through Sunday, October 25th.
― sleighdog mcdonald (unregistered), Tuesday, 20 October 2009 20:12 (3 years ago) Permalink
yay, it's back!
"Alright, _I've_ got one for you."
― Does the hole come standard or did you have to special order it (forksclovetofu), Tuesday, 20 October 2009 20:13 (3 years ago) Permalink
"'...but thy father-in-law and mother-in-law can go fuck themselves'!? Efface that, now!'"
― sleighdog mcdonald (unregistered), Tuesday, 20 October 2009 20:16 (3 years ago) Permalink
"covet... thy... neighbor's... wife... now read it back to me."
― 鬼の手 (Edward III), Tuesday, 20 October 2009 20:18 (3 years ago) Permalink
I don't care what the bottle said, this is not what "Take two tablets to sleep" means.
― Does the hole come standard or did you have to special order it (forksclovetofu), Tuesday, 20 October 2009 20:20 (3 years ago) Permalink
"i'm your wife, and even i don't care about your Top Ten list"
― sarahel, Tuesday, 20 October 2009 20:20 (3 years ago) Permalink
"give it up, moshe. they're never going to fall for it."
― 鬼の手 (Edward III), Tuesday, 20 October 2009 20:26 (3 years ago) Permalink
"how did I let you talk me into bible reenactment camp! the franklins are in aruba!"
― 鬼の手 (Edward III), Tuesday, 20 October 2009 20:31 (3 years ago) Permalink
"i just dreamed this killer riff and i had to carve it down before i forgot it"
― aarrissi-a-roni, Tuesday, 20 October 2009 20:38 (3 years ago) Permalink
"if you think i'm going to help test your hand-carved breast implants, you're crazy"
― congratulations (n/a), Tuesday, 20 October 2009 20:41 (3 years ago) Permalink
hahaha this one is great
― the blackest thing ever seen (HI DERE), Tuesday, 20 October 2009 20:41 (3 years ago) Permalink
My wife did one for this one:"Ok...I'll put down "Claws". And what you describe as your greatest weakness?"― schwantz, Wednesday, June 10, 2009 2:27 PM (4 months ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink
― schwantz, Wednesday, June 10, 2009 2:27 PM (4 months ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink
still loling at this one
― Bobby Wo (max), Tuesday, 20 October 2009 20:51 (3 years ago) Permalink
man i once had the BEST caption ever but never submitted the entry
it was a screwdriver laying on a couch in a shrinks office
my caption was "i've been dreaming i'm screwing my mother"
― cutty, Tuesday, 20 October 2009 20:53 (3 years ago) Permalink
Grr... Don't use "arial"!
― Philip Nunez, Tuesday, 20 October 2009 21:38 (3 years ago) Permalink
i was working on a comic sans gag...
― Does the hole come standard or did you have to special order it (forksclovetofu), Tuesday, 20 October 2009 21:45 (3 years ago) Permalink
your first one was really good, forks
― sarahel, Tuesday, 20 October 2009 21:46 (3 years ago) Permalink
thenk yew; i was weirdly happy with the tablets one
― Does the hole come standard or did you have to special order it (forksclovetofu), Tuesday, 20 October 2009 21:47 (3 years ago) Permalink
So I married a chiseler!
― Philip Nunez, Tuesday, 20 October 2009 21:58 (3 years ago) Permalink
Yeah, this one seems most New Yorker-y to me!
― M. Grissom/DeShields (jaymc), Tuesday, 20 October 2009 22:03 (3 years ago) Permalink
This is hilarious!
― existential eggs (Abbott), Tuesday, 20 October 2009 22:23 (3 years ago) Permalink
Is this one of those "Groany Pun" ones?
― Mark G, Wednesday, 21 October 2009 00:30 (3 years ago) Permalink
it's really quite nicely "formed".
― Does the hole come standard or did you have to special order it (forksclovetofu), Wednesday, 21 October 2009 01:36 (3 years ago) Permalink
"I don't care, if He was that bothered about his commandments, he'd have carved them Himself!"
― Mark G, Wednesday, 21 October 2009 07:19 (3 years ago) Permalink
the 'claws' one is seriously funnier than any new yorker cartoon I have seen in my life
― iatee, Wednesday, 21 October 2009 07:59 (3 years ago) Permalink
yes.
― Mark G, Wednesday, 21 October 2009 09:41 (3 years ago) Permalink
'i dn't care how many followers you have, put that thing away already'
― Tracer Hand, Wednesday, 21 October 2009 13:31 (3 years ago) Permalink
maybe 'followers' in quotes
― Tracer Hand, Wednesday, 21 October 2009 13:37 (3 years ago) Permalink
"I'm guessing 'thou shalt not procrastinate' isn't on your little list."
― 鬼の手 (Edward III), Wednesday, 21 October 2009 13:55 (3 years ago) Permalink
Tracer, I'd go for a "Twitter for Luddites"" joke.
― the blackest thing ever seen (HI DERE), Wednesday, 21 October 2009 13:57 (3 years ago) Permalink
"people who yelp are scumbags"
― 鬼の手 (Edward III), Wednesday, 21 October 2009 13:57 (3 years ago) Permalink
"I've got a hot chick waiting in bed for me so I'll just chisel this last one:"
― StanM, Wednesday, 21 October 2009 14:37 (3 years ago) Permalink
"moses i'm real happy for you and i'm gonna let you finish but aaron had one of the best idols of all time"
― Tracer Hand, Wednesday, 21 October 2009 15:10 (3 years ago) Permalink
j/k
i want my first one included in the damn poll though
― Tracer Hand, Wednesday, 21 October 2009 15:13 (3 years ago) Permalink
with the quote marks
― Tracer Hand, Wednesday, 21 October 2009 15:14 (3 years ago) Permalink
"but if i fucked you marjorie i'd still be chiseling a cold, hard piece of stone and i'd still have the commandments to do in the morning"
― aarrissi-a-roni, Wednesday, 21 October 2009 15:32 (3 years ago) Permalink
"when i said you should get a laptop to write on instead, that isn't exactly what i had in mind."
― aarrissi-a-roni, Wednesday, 21 October 2009 15:36 (3 years ago) Permalink
"You could have just tweeted - they're all under 140 characters."
― EZ Snappin, Wednesday, 21 October 2009 15:42 (3 years ago) Permalink
"if I knew you'd become this obsessed with your iSlab I never would have bought it"
― 鬼の手 (Edward III), Wednesday, 21 October 2009 16:02 (3 years ago) Permalink
"George's luddite tendencies were not improved by going mobile"
― ever dream some dude? (darraghmac), Wednesday, 21 October 2009 16:04 (3 years ago) Permalink
"Please, Hammer, don't hurt them"
― Philip Nunez, Wednesday, 21 October 2009 17:20 (3 years ago) Permalink
"a little less chiseling and a little more bangin', God. I want my own Jesus."
― husband of blood - because of the circumcision (Z S), Wednesday, 21 October 2009 23:06 (3 years ago) Permalink
Shonda! Shonda for the goyim!
― Philip Nunez, Wednesday, 21 October 2009 23:18 (3 years ago) Permalink
what about "shall not" instead of "should refrain from".
― The Cursed Return of the Dastardly Thermo Thinwall, Wednesday, 21 October 2009 23:19 (3 years ago) Permalink
(like that one)
― Mark G, Thursday, 22 October 2009 07:02 (3 years ago) Permalink
(although it should be 'shalt' innit?)
"shalt" is the informal second-person conjugation of "shall"
― Tracer Hand, Thursday, 22 October 2009 09:34 (3 years ago) Permalink
Truly, god loved us all, informally.
― Mark G, Thursday, 22 October 2009 10:23 (3 years ago) Permalink
"it's shalt nor shart"
― cutty, Thursday, 22 October 2009 10:30 (3 years ago) Permalink
woops "it's shalt NOT shart"
Shart?
― Mark G, Thursday, 22 October 2009 10:45 (3 years ago) Permalink
go on "cutty", explain it
― Tracer Hand, Thursday, 22 October 2009 10:54 (3 years ago) Permalink
google provides
― cutty, Thursday, 22 October 2009 11:00 (3 years ago) Permalink
OK, got it. it's another suggestion for the caption:
"it's shalt nor shart, woops it's shalt NOT shart oh nevermind.."
― Mark G, Thursday, 22 October 2009 11:05 (3 years ago) Permalink
"wait, which one are you 'oops'-ing about?"
― husband of blood - because of the circumcision (Z S), Thursday, 22 October 2009 13:57 (3 years ago) Permalink
― cutty, Thursday, 22 October 2009 13:58 (3 years ago) Permalink
"I think he was meaning "ass" as in Donkey there"
― Mark G, Thursday, 22 October 2009 14:25 (3 years ago) Permalink
"What's it worth to you to drop the "cunnilingus" one?"
― Mark G, Thursday, 22 October 2009 14:27 (3 years ago) Permalink
did anybody submit anything? man, we suck at this.
― 鬼の手 (Edward III), Monday, 9 November 2009 16:56 (3 years ago) Permalink
this is promising tho
"It's her night off, actually."
― you get ribbons when you're in 4H (forksclovetofu), Monday, 9 November 2009 17:20 (3 years ago) Permalink
or more NYorker-y: "Funny you should ask. It's her night off."
― you get ribbons when you're in 4H (forksclovetofu), Monday, 9 November 2009 17:21 (3 years ago) Permalink
"Let's get this over with."
― Tracer Hand, Monday, 9 November 2009 17:30 (3 years ago) Permalink
"i bet you can squeal like a pig. weee!"
― aarrissi-a-roni, Monday, 9 November 2009 17:59 (3 years ago) Permalink
http://modernarthur.com/blog/christwhatanasshole.html
― Tracer Hand, Wednesday, 31 March 2010 21:49 (3 years ago) Permalink
I feel like I've seen that before, but it makes me lol irl every time.
― Ted. E. Bear, P.I. (Z S), Wednesday, 31 March 2010 23:30 (3 years ago) Permalink
"Christ, what an asshole.
― Ted. E. Bear, P.I. (Z S), Wednesday, 31 March 2010 23:34 (3 years ago) Permalink
Man, I finally get an idea for a caption, but it turns out the contest is already closed. (I got the magazine a few days late.)
― jaymc, Tuesday, 27 April 2010 14:02 (3 years ago) Permalink
Kanye West wins:
http://dawnofsuperheroes.com/?SkaS7QwM
― no turkey unless it's a club sandwich (polyphonic), Tuesday, 3 August 2010 17:38 (2 years ago) Permalink
http://www.themonkeysyouordered.com/
― thomas l. sassy (donna rouge), Monday, 10 January 2011 22:29 (2 years ago) Permalink
lolled at a few of those!
― predeep natsvitika (forksclovetofu), Tuesday, 11 January 2011 04:57 (2 years ago) Permalink
Next year's xmas cards!
"Please get back to cooking"
― Mark G, Tuesday, 11 January 2011 07:59 (2 years ago) Permalink
I put the needles in me instead of in you.
― Mark G, Wednesday, 12 January 2011 11:12 (2 years ago) Permalink
(As a sidenote, you may have noticed that there haven’t been new posts over the last few days. I was contacted this week by Condé Nast, which owns The New Yorker, about the blog using images that originally appeared in the magazine — I’m hoping to come to a satisfactory arrangement with them, but in the meantime I won’t be posting. Thank you all so much for reading and for being so enthusiastic about the blog. It’s been awesome to hear from all of you!)
Aww.
― Mark G, Monday, 24 January 2011 11:31 (2 years ago) Permalink
ugh
― zvookster, Monday, 24 January 2011 11:48 (2 years ago) Permalink
intellectual property (noun): intangible property that is the result of creativity (such as patents or trademarks or copyrights)
antonyms: fun
― nanoflymo (ledge), Monday, 24 January 2011 12:00 (2 years ago) Permalink
Something like "She said she had experience of bar work..."
― Mark G, Tuesday, 1 February 2011 10:48 (2 years ago) Permalink
"Now, will you listen to me?"
(What you reckon, too obscure?)
― Mark G, Tuesday, 26 April 2011 12:10 (2 years ago) Permalink
Love it
― 40% chill and 100% negative (Tracer Hand), Tuesday, 26 April 2011 12:15 (2 years ago) Permalink
"Look busy, the boss is coming."
― Paul McCartney and Whigs (Phil D.), Tuesday, 26 April 2011 12:41 (2 years ago) Permalink
of course, yes.
― Mark G, Tuesday, 26 April 2011 12:47 (2 years ago) Permalink
this month's cartoon is particularly fruitful
― 40% chill and 100% negative (Tracer Hand), Tuesday, 26 April 2011 13:30 (2 years ago) Permalink
http://contest.newyorker.com/CaptionContest.aspx?tab=vote&affiliate=ny-caption
"I must find the tree that killed my father.""That one was asking for it.""I came, I sawed, I conquered."
"That one was asking for it."
"I came, I sawed, I conquered."
All those 'finalists' are rub.
― Mark G, Monday, 9 May 2011 09:49 (2 years ago) Permalink
'I must find the tree that killed my father' isn't too bad imo, just made worse by context
― thomp, Monday, 9 May 2011 10:05 (2 years ago) Permalink
i really thought my "i told you we'd make better time on the freeway" was the kind of tired shit that they would love for this:http://contest.newyorker.com/CaptionContest.aspx?tab=vote&affiliate=ny-caption
― (oboe interlude) (schlump), Monday, 8 August 2011 09:52 (1 year ago) Permalink
Yeah, but those three captions are funny, for once.
Voting the cat one.
(still think my "Now, will you listen to me?" was teh graet, above.)
― Mark G, Monday, 8 August 2011 10:09 (1 year ago) Permalink
― Dark Noises from the Eurozone (Tracer Hand), Monday, 8 August 2011 10:32 (1 year ago) Permalink
"I need a chef right now."
― Mark G, Monday, 8 August 2011 10:36 (1 year ago) Permalink
"Fellas, we need the best batter available."
― Dark Noises from the Eurozone (Tracer Hand), Monday, 8 August 2011 11:12 (1 year ago) Permalink
ah, now that's a potential winner.
― Mark G, Monday, 8 August 2011 11:36 (1 year ago) Permalink
OK, I entered!
― Dark Noises from the Eurozone (Tracer Hand), Monday, 8 August 2011 12:04 (1 year ago) Permalink
i feel like that is too funny to win
― caek, Monday, 8 August 2011 12:09 (1 year ago) Permalink
"Why are you on my bench, you are a chef, get out"
― max, Monday, 8 August 2011 13:11 (1 year ago) Permalink
"Go back to France"
― (oboe interlude) (schlump), Monday, 8 August 2011 13:14 (1 year ago) Permalink
submitting this w/a NB, 'also can you print 'asshole' in the caption comp?'
― (oboe interlude) (schlump), Monday, 8 August 2011 13:16 (1 year ago) Permalink
"chefs dont play baseball, guy"
― max, Monday, 8 August 2011 13:19 (1 year ago) Permalink
"how about you cook me up a win"
"wow i must be seeing things, a chef in the dugout, crazy"
― max, Monday, 8 August 2011 13:20 (1 year ago) Permalink
"i'm sorry, but paul simon is overrated, chef"
or, conversely, "Excuse me, are we in a restaurant?"
― Mark G, Monday, 8 August 2011 13:20 (1 year ago) Permalink
"excuse me, are we in a restaurant, or a baseball park, because it sure looks like baseball to me, get out of here chef"
― max, Monday, 8 August 2011 13:21 (1 year ago) Permalink
"Christ, what an asshole."
― Dave Zuul (Phil D.), Monday, 8 August 2011 13:22 (1 year ago) Permalink
"that uniform does not even meet the minimum regulations in our league!"
― Dark Noises from the Eurozone (Tracer Hand), Monday, 8 August 2011 13:25 (1 year ago) Permalink
"this is baseball, not cooking-ball"
― max, Monday, 8 August 2011 13:26 (1 year ago) Permalink
"L-R: Roger Sterling, Jesse Eisenberg, John Travolta, IRL Matt Damon that time he went shopping with the Office guy, a Chef"
― (oboe interlude) (schlump), Monday, 8 August 2011 13:27 (1 year ago) Permalink
"what a load of crepe"
― big triffid in my backyard (Edward III), Monday, 8 August 2011 13:27 (1 year ago) Permalink
"boss i tried to steal second base but i stole a chef by mistake, here he is, chef leon"
― max, Monday, 8 August 2011 13:28 (1 year ago) Permalink
"i bet you're familiar with hot streaks, amirite?"
― Dark Noises from the Eurozone (Tracer Hand), Monday, 8 August 2011 13:29 (1 year ago) Permalink
"what a croque, monsieur."
― estela, Monday, 8 August 2011 13:29 (1 year ago) Permalink
"i said we need a big HITTER, not a big DINNER!!!"
― Dark Noises from the Eurozone (Tracer Hand), Monday, 8 August 2011 13:30 (1 year ago) Permalink
"if you try to bunt with that pan i will eat your fucking head off"
― Dark Noises from the Eurozone (Tracer Hand), Monday, 8 August 2011 13:31 (1 year ago) Permalink
"Christ, what an asshole."^coming here to post that
― future events are now current events (Z S), Monday, 8 August 2011 14:26 (1 year ago) Permalink
batter joke was the first thing that came to mind; that feels like a winner.
― I'm a nerd and nerdy things happened (forksclovetofu), Monday, 8 August 2011 18:37 (1 year ago) Permalink
Though "There's no cooking in baseball" is a close second for the outdated reference/bone dry 'humor' combo
― I'm a nerd and nerdy things happened (forksclovetofu), Monday, 8 August 2011 18:38 (1 year ago) Permalink
"chef, what a casserole."
― Philip Nunez, Monday, 8 August 2011 19:14 (1 year ago) Permalink
change up, bunt cake, slide into hot plate, fry ball - could go for a racist angle with this one to double up, BLT sabermetric
― Roberto Spiralli, Monday, 8 August 2011 23:29 (1 year ago) Permalink
"O.K., we learned a lot this game, including you can't rush a soufflé." Submitted by Jay Solomon, New York, N.Y. "First base wants to know if you have anything gluten-free." Submitted by Michael Hicks New Orleans, La. "I trust you know what to do when you get to the plate." Submitted by Phil Rosenthal Chicago, Ill.
"First base wants to know if you have anything gluten-free." Submitted by Michael Hicks New Orleans, La.
"I trust you know what to do when you get to the plate." Submitted by Phil Rosenthal Chicago, Ill.
THESE ARE ALL RUBBISH!!
"Fellas, we need the best batter available."― Dark Noises from the Eurozone (Tracer Hand), Monday, 8 August 2011 11:12 (3 weeks ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink
― Dark Noises from the Eurozone (Tracer Hand), Monday, 8 August 2011 11:12 (3 weeks ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink
Was better than all those!
― Mark G, Tuesday, 30 August 2011 08:52 (1 year ago) Permalink
did people see the ... hoozit. jason sturm? james sturm? the 'golem's mighty swing' guy ... article on trying to break into new yorker cartooning?
― thomp, Tuesday, 30 August 2011 09:28 (1 year ago) Permalink
Mark I agree but it's not quite "New Yorker" enough (nor is their third option). It's more like... actual comedy. I'd expect the gluten-free joke to win. As I've said before, the ultimate New Yorker cartoon caption (invented by me) is "I'm tired of not having balsamic vinegar".
― TracerHandVEVO (Tracer Hand), Tuesday, 30 August 2011 09:38 (1 year ago) Permalink
The gluten-free option? We shall see in 2 weeks...
― Mark G, Tuesday, 30 August 2011 09:53 (1 year ago) Permalink
"You never see them at all on Dress-Down Friday"
― Mark G, Monday, 5 September 2011 09:48 (1 year ago) Permalink
Well, I liked it.
― Mark G, Monday, 5 September 2011 13:23 (1 year ago) Permalink
"I'm tired of not having balsamic vinegar"
too on the nose?
― Philip Nunez, Monday, 5 September 2011 16:43 (1 year ago) Permalink
I like your style way more than BEK's.
― c("c) (Leee), Monday, 5 September 2011 18:05 (1 year ago) Permalink
Before they ever had the caption contest, I came up with a New Yorker cartoon that would show two well-dressed women talking to each other at an art gallery, and one is saying to the other "My masseuse is out of champagne"
I think that could also be the ultimate caption contest caption
― Helping 3 (Hurting 2), Monday, 5 September 2011 19:07 (1 year ago) Permalink
btw the italics are an essential part of it
the captions are already in italics
― max, Monday, 5 September 2011 19:10 (1 year ago) Permalink
how the hell did tracer's not win
― iatee, Monday, 5 September 2011 19:11 (1 year ago) Permalink
― Philip Nunez, Monday, 5 September 2011 20:17 (1 year ago) Permalink
Would vote for.
― c("c) (Leee), Monday, 5 September 2011 20:27 (1 year ago) Permalink
― max, Monday, September 5, 2011 3:10 PM Bookmark
So then "My masseuse is out of champagne."
― Helping 3 (Hurting 2), Monday, 5 September 2011 20:40 (1 year ago) Permalink
"Chris, what an asshole."
― remember yr man when he's at wooooooooooork (Z S), Sunday, 18 September 2011 01:14 (1 year ago) Permalink
i recently started cutting out new yorker cartoons that works particularly well with that caption and placing them into a small journal dedicated to the subject. it's not my joke, of course, but i think it'll be fun to have a whole book full of them.
― remember yr man when he's at wooooooooooork (Z S), Sunday, 18 September 2011 01:15 (1 year ago) Permalink
Chris, huh?
― Leee, Lord of Wtfomgham (Leee), Sunday, 18 September 2011 01:52 (1 year ago) Permalink
That formulation would be your joke, though.
haha, whooooooops
― remember yr man when he's at wooooooooooork (Z S), Sunday, 18 September 2011 02:01 (1 year ago) Permalink
weird, i haven't cut anything out of magazines since.... don't even wanna play that game
a project like that ZS would equate to a decent tumblr, albeit one with followers wondering why you keep skipping months worth of comics
― Hullo, I'm Jon Moss (kelpolaris), Sunday, 18 September 2011 02:02 (1 year ago) Permalink
I dunno, man. letmec*monyourt*ts.tumblr.com is just not taking off.
― Philip Nunez, Sunday, 18 September 2011 04:37 (1 year ago) Permalink
I actually have a few ideas for the new one. Does anyone know if they let you submit multiple entries?
― jaymc, Friday, 30 September 2011 17:51 (1 year ago) Permalink
Just submit them as "Roger Ebert, Chicago"?
― Leee, Lord of Wtfomgham (Leee), Saturday, 1 October 2011 17:14 (1 year ago) Permalink
Ha. I found the FAQ: only one entry per e-mail address.
― jaymc, Saturday, 1 October 2011 17:55 (1 year ago) Permalink
"Big Mouse Strikes Again!"
― Mark G, Friday, 7 October 2011 11:21 (1 year ago) Permalink
"In his favor, he's not as bad as my last boss."
― anorange (abanana), Friday, 7 October 2011 11:42 (1 year ago) Permalink
"lol, we fucked up that mouse's office but good"
― Roberto Spiralli, Friday, 7 October 2011 11:45 (1 year ago) Permalink
"This is normal."
― TracerHandVEVO (Tracer Hand), Friday, 7 October 2011 12:28 (1 year ago) Permalink
I actually just entered that.
― TracerHandVEVO (Tracer Hand), Friday, 7 October 2011 12:34 (1 year ago) Permalink
laughed out loud at tracer's
― max, Friday, 7 October 2011 12:38 (1 year ago) Permalink
"this is normal" is a funnier generic caption than "christ what an asshole"
"Did I do that?"
― Disraeli Geirs (Hurting 2), Friday, 7 October 2011 12:47 (1 year ago) Permalink
Good god these are abysmal
― TracerHandVEVO (Tracer Hand), Monday, 10 October 2011 15:32 (1 year ago) Permalink
Yeah, "Christ, what an asshole" is like 1000x better than those. Somebody couldn't slip a Tea Party joke in there someplace?
― Ubeki-beki-beki-beki-stan-stan M. (Phil D.), Monday, 10 October 2011 15:34 (1 year ago) Permalink
http://www.newyorker.com/images/2011/10/17/p465/111017_contest_p465.jpg
struggling with this one. i think if i were the art editor i would leave it captionless. i can't even tell if either of those people have their mouths open.
― TracerHandVEVO (Tracer Hand), Monday, 10 October 2011 15:35 (1 year ago) Permalink
"At least he walls don't have ears"
― EZ Snappin, Monday, 10 October 2011 15:37 (1 year ago) Permalink
not he - the.
maybe something classically oblique, but those never seem to win. "I'll miss your maize, Harry."
― TracerHandVEVO (Tracer Hand), Monday, 10 October 2011 15:40 (1 year ago) Permalink
i can't even tell if either of those people have their mouths open.
Give the dialogue to the dog.
― jaymc, Monday, 10 October 2011 15:44 (1 year ago) Permalink
"I told you I'd take care of it, didn't I?"
― TracerHandVEVO (Tracer Hand), Monday, 10 October 2011 15:48 (1 year ago) Permalink
"we are happy that victoria roberts has vandalized our indoor corn field"
― congratulations (n/a), Monday, 10 October 2011 15:54 (1 year ago) Permalink
"It's just Crabgrass, dear" is a better caption for this week!
― Mark G, Monday, 10 October 2011 15:56 (1 year ago) Permalink
"Someone's scribbled their name on our carpet!"
― Mark G, Monday, 10 October 2011 15:57 (1 year ago) Permalink
Pile the bodies high at Austerlitz and Waterloo. Shovel them under and let me work— I am the grass; I cover all. And pile them high at Gettysburg And pile them high at Ypres and Verdun. Shovel them under and let me work. Two years, ten years, and passengers ask the conductor: What place is this? Where are we now? I am the grass. Let me work
― antiautodefenestrationism (ledge), Monday, 10 October 2011 15:57 (1 year ago) Permalink
"Well, at least we'll have fresh olives next year!"
― Mark G, Monday, 10 October 2011 15:58 (1 year ago) Permalink
r. chast style titling rather than dialogue seems appropriate thereYour Ethanol Subsidies at Work
― loads of personality, loved to chase chickens (forksclovetofu), Monday, 10 October 2011 15:59 (1 year ago) Permalink
"ah, retirement"
― anorange (abanana), Monday, 10 October 2011 16:01 (1 year ago) Permalink
"Harry, there is corn growing in the living room!"
― TracerHandVEVO (Tracer Hand), Monday, 10 October 2011 16:03 (1 year ago) Permalink
the steins misunderstand the concept of cornholing
― congratulations (n/a), Monday, 10 October 2011 16:05 (1 year ago) Permalink
"I'm not sure this is how 'stalking' is supposed to work."
― Ubeki-beki-beki-beki-stan-stan M. (Phil D.), Monday, 10 October 2011 16:07 (1 year ago) Permalink
"next stop, heroin!"
― congratulations (n/a), Monday, 10 October 2011 16:10 (1 year ago) Permalink
^kinda feeling that one
― loads of personality, loved to chase chickens (forksclovetofu), Monday, 10 October 2011 16:10 (1 year ago) Permalink
Your Ethanol Subsidies at Work
irl lol
― Prostetnic Vogon Limbaugh (Dan Peterson), Monday, 10 October 2011 16:18 (1 year ago) Permalink
"Harry, I shaved my vulva!"
― TracerHandVEVO (Tracer Hand), Monday, 10 October 2011 16:22 (1 year ago) Permalink
"'work from home'? i thought you said 'jerk farm home'!"
― congratulations (n/a), Monday, 10 October 2011 16:25 (1 year ago) Permalink
"i suppose this is what passes for progress in president obama's amerikkka"
― congratulations (n/a), Monday, 10 October 2011 16:26 (1 year ago) Permalink
did i win yet?
― congratulations (n/a), Monday, 10 October 2011 16:27 (1 year ago) Permalink
Haha OK I got one.
― TracerHandVEVO (Tracer Hand), Monday, 10 October 2011 16:27 (1 year ago) Permalink
"I never promised you a rose garden."
gnerrrrrrrrr
― Mark G, Monday, 10 October 2011 16:28 (1 year ago) Permalink
Well look at what we have to work with!
― TracerHandVEVO (Tracer Hand), Monday, 10 October 2011 16:29 (1 year ago) Permalink
tru
― Mark G, Monday, 10 October 2011 16:29 (1 year ago) Permalink
"Damn Mabel, this weed is so good I can't tell if that's a mirror, or a picture frame, or a window."
― triple black belt in ILX-fu (snoball), Monday, 10 October 2011 17:19 (1 year ago) Permalink
The pope pup smokes dope.
as high as an elephants eye he said, christ what an asshole
― brownie, Monday, 10 October 2011 17:55 (1 year ago) Permalink
"Christ what a mousehole"
― Disraeli Geirs (Hurting 2), Monday, 10 October 2011 19:05 (1 year ago) Permalink
someone should have a booth for this at occupy wall street
― puff puff post (uh oh I'm having a fantasy), Monday, 10 October 2011 19:06 (1 year ago) Permalink
(late, I know)
― Disraeli Geirs (Hurting 2), Monday, 10 October 2011 19:06 (1 year ago) Permalink
current one:
"I guess he's finally going through with that plan to murder and maim thousands of civilians"
― Disraeli Geirs (Hurting 2), Monday, 10 October 2011 19:07 (1 year ago) Permalink
This is normal.
― max, Monday, 10 October 2011 21:06 (1 year ago) Permalink
"Depressing couple is depressing"
― Disraeli Geirs (Hurting 2), Monday, 10 October 2011 21:08 (1 year ago) Permalink
"you know what my favorite thing is about corn?"
― Z S, Monday, 10 October 2011 21:09 (1 year ago) Permalink
"the real joke here is that she's reading print media"
― congratulations (n/a), Monday, 10 October 2011 21:15 (1 year ago) Permalink
"wanna shuck this corn and see how many holes it'll fit into?"
rated r
― Z S, Monday, 10 October 2011 21:17 (1 year ago) Permalink
"I don't know what this week's winning caption will be, but I'll bet it will be corny"
― Disraeli Geirs (Hurting 2), Monday, 10 October 2011 21:18 (1 year ago) Permalink
Sorry, xpost, that was for the one with the dude with the weapons.
― Disraeli Geirs (Hurting 2), Monday, 10 October 2011 21:19 (1 year ago) Permalink
lol
― congratulations (n/a), Monday, 10 October 2011 21:20 (1 year ago) Permalink
"That's it, the vegans downstairs have got to go."
― jon /via/ chi 2.0, Monday, 10 October 2011 21:22 (1 year ago) Permalink
"this cotton harvest should be really profitable once our slave shipment arrives"
― congratulations (n/a), Monday, 10 October 2011 21:23 (1 year ago) Permalink
enter that
― Disraeli Geirs (Hurting 2), Monday, 10 October 2011 21:25 (1 year ago) Permalink
"ALL TOGETHER THEN! Croc-Croc Crockaway Beach..."
― Mark G, Thursday, 20 October 2011 15:00 (1 year ago) Permalink
"wait a second - new yorker cartoons don't have color!"
― congratulations (n/a), Thursday, 20 October 2011 15:01 (1 year ago) Permalink
"Wow, our crocodile costumes are really realistic, aren't they?"
― Waka Flocka Floccupy Wall Street (Phil D.), Thursday, 20 October 2011 15:06 (1 year ago) Permalink
― max, Thursday, 20 October 2011 15:08 (1 year ago) Permalink
:D
― TracerHandVEVO (Tracer Hand), Thursday, 20 October 2011 15:09 (1 year ago) Permalink
tracer it still cracks me up, so much funnier than "christ what an asshole"
― max, Thursday, 20 October 2011 15:11 (1 year ago) Permalink
I am particularly proud of it!
― TracerHandVEVO (Tracer Hand), Thursday, 20 October 2011 15:12 (1 year ago) Permalink
Mainly I guess because it feels New Yorkerish to me, i.e. privileged people fooling themselves, or overplaying their hand, about some aspect of the world
It is befuddling to me how UN-NEW-YORKERY the winning caption nearly always is
― TracerHandVEVO (Tracer Hand), Thursday, 20 October 2011 15:14 (1 year ago) Permalink
Possibly my favorite NYer cartoon ever was captionless. It had a guy on a desert island and a guy floating on a raft, both looking at each other, and one thought balloon they shared between them: "I'm saved!"
― TracerHandVEVO (Tracer Hand), Thursday, 20 October 2011 15:27 (1 year ago) Permalink
"I hope this train is going to Croccuppy Wall Street!"
― congratulations (n/a), Thursday, 20 October 2011 15:28 (1 year ago) Permalink
^^^^^^
― TracerHandVEVO (Tracer Hand), Thursday, 20 October 2011 15:40 (1 year ago) Permalink
― max, Thursday, 20 October 2011 15:40 (1 year ago) Permalink
"With these crocodile costumes, no one will know we're alligators!"
― TracerHandVEVO (Tracer Hand), Thursday, 20 October 2011 15:47 (1 year ago) Permalink
I know, I know... but I think that starts to pick the lock of the style a bit, i.e. "solve the puzzle" of the cartoon basically
― TracerHandVEVO (Tracer Hand), Thursday, 20 October 2011 15:54 (1 year ago) Permalink
"I know; I didn't expect New Yorkers to be so friendly either!"
― loads of personality, loved to chase chickens (forksclovetofu), Thursday, 20 October 2011 16:46 (1 year ago) Permalink
"they're staring, maurice, i told you they would stare"
"this must be the...buffet car"
― Roberto Spiralli, Thursday, 20 October 2011 16:49 (1 year ago) Permalink
"vernon......don't look now....but.....her boots
― shite pele (darraghmac), Thursday, 20 October 2011 16:50 (1 year ago) Permalink
"So is this the C or the A?"(obscure crocodile v alligator / subway line joke)
― loads of personality, loved to chase chickens (forksclovetofu), Thursday, 20 October 2011 16:51 (1 year ago) Permalink
"I was just going to go for the Botox, but I think I'll also have him look at this alligator skin."
― Blue Doggie Sweater (Dan Peterson), Thursday, 20 October 2011 17:07 (1 year ago) Permalink
"You can't cross your legs, you are a crocodile!"
― TracerHandVEVO (Tracer Hand), Thursday, 20 October 2011 17:12 (1 year ago) Permalink
"Excuse me miss, do I have any human flesh left over, in my teeth, from when I was eating a person before???"
― TracerHandVEVO (Tracer Hand), Thursday, 20 October 2011 17:13 (1 year ago) Permalink
"... Excuse me."
― do not wake the dragon (DJP), Thursday, 20 October 2011 17:14 (1 year ago) Permalink
"These people act like they've never seen a gay-tor couple before!"
― pass the duchy pon the left hand side (musical duke) (Hurting 2), Thursday, 20 October 2011 17:15 (1 year ago) Permalink
"If this train doesn't start moving soon, I'm going to rip somebody's head off! FOR REAL!"
― TracerHandVEVO (Tracer Hand), Thursday, 20 October 2011 17:16 (1 year ago) Permalink
"Did he just say 'We are delayed because of CRANE traffic ahead of us'? Crane? As in the bird that I like to eat?"
― pass the duchy pon the left hand side (musical duke) (Hurting 2), Thursday, 20 October 2011 17:17 (1 year ago) Permalink
"Crocodiles on the subway? What is this, OHIO?"
― congratulations (n/a), Thursday, 20 October 2011 17:18 (1 year ago) Permalink
― TracerHandVEVO (Tracer Hand), Thursday, October 20, 2011 1:12 PM (7 minutes ago) Bookmark
I very nearly posted this exact sentence.
― Waka Flocka Floccupy Wall Street (Phil D.), Thursday, 20 October 2011 17:20 (1 year ago) Permalink
lol, iv real.
― foxes freud (Leee), Friday, 21 October 2011 04:26 (1 year ago) Permalink
"So I guess that's how babby is formed."
― hounds heidegger (Leee), Tuesday, 1 November 2011 03:56 (1 year ago) Permalink
"It beats walking"
― anorange (abanana), Tuesday, 1 November 2011 10:55 (1 year ago) Permalink
Mine was "That's all very well, but how are we going to get home?"
― Mark G, Tuesday, 1 November 2011 10:57 (1 year ago) Permalink
"they're pretty good but i wish somebody would invent cream cheese"
― Roberto Spiralli, Tuesday, 1 November 2011 11:00 (1 year ago) Permalink
aw, that was the gist of where i was going"Just give me ten minutes, then we can invent lox"
― google sluething so hard right now (forksclovetofu), Tuesday, 1 November 2011 11:58 (1 year ago) Permalink
"it's a hard life, being a miniature vagina caveman, surviving off of platelets"
― congratulations (n/a), Tuesday, 1 November 2011 14:32 (1 year ago) Permalink
"I'm WHEELY full"
― pass the duchy pon the left hand side (musical duke) (Hurting 2), Tuesday, 1 November 2011 14:33 (1 year ago) Permalink
"Eating these giant NuvaRings failed to prevent male pregnancy."
― despite all my rage I am still just a Latter Day Saint (Abbbottt), Tuesday, 1 November 2011 14:35 (1 year ago) Permalink
i just had my first exposure to the idea of nuvarings this weekend; amazing what being in a committed relationship for seven years does to your awareness of new birth control methods
― google sluething so hard right now (forksclovetofu), Tuesday, 1 November 2011 14:39 (1 year ago) Permalink
'prehistoric stakeout'
― occupy wall street 2: rummy never sleeps (darraghmac), Tuesday, 1 November 2011 14:47 (1 year ago) Permalink
amazing what being in a committed relationship for seven years does to your awareness of new birth control methods
yours was also for seven years? *solidarity*
and, this is probably really embarrassing to admit, but yeah i have not been following the new birth control method scene
― double whooooaaaaa! (Z S), Tuesday, 1 November 2011 17:02 (1 year ago) Permalink
"O! what a night!"
― congratulations (n/a), Tuesday, 1 November 2011 17:14 (1 year ago) Permalink
women are putting things inside them again! this is new! i mean it's old, but it's new!
― google sluething so hard right now (forksclovetofu), Tuesday, 1 November 2011 17:53 (1 year ago) Permalink
"Be careful how you sit, Hugo, there's a man in an armchair right behind you"
― Mark G, Monday, 14 November 2011 09:47 (1 year ago) Permalink
"you may be po-faced, but you're not hip."
― Matt Armstrong, Monday, 14 November 2011 10:54 (1 year ago) Permalink
I'm sorry
― Matt Armstrong, Monday, 14 November 2011 10:55 (1 year ago) Permalink
"This isn't working out."
― TracerHandVEVO (Tracer Hand), Monday, 14 November 2011 12:23 (1 year ago) Permalink
Is this a hippo which I see before me, The tail toward my hand? Come, let me clutch thee. I have thee not, and yet I see thee still. Art thou not, fatal vision, sensible To feeling as to sight? or art thou but A hippo of the mind, a false creation, Proceeding from the heat-oppressed brain? Mavis, it's kicking in.
― Roberto Spiralli, Monday, 14 November 2011 13:17 (1 year ago) Permalink
"Mavis, it's kicking in."
!!
This should totally join the pantheon of all-purpose captions
― TracerHandVEVO (Tracer Hand), Monday, 14 November 2011 13:19 (1 year ago) Permalink
"Isn't this supposed to be an elephant?"
― i couldn't adjust the food knobs (Phil D.), Monday, 14 November 2011 13:23 (1 year ago) Permalink
"He's a little TOO loyal."
― TracerHandVEVO (Tracer Hand), Monday, 14 November 2011 13:32 (1 year ago) Permalink
"Now that I see it installed, it IS bigger than I thought"
― ₪_₪ (darraghmac), Monday, 14 November 2011 13:34 (1 year ago) Permalink
"It's just until he finds a new habitat."
― TracerHandVEVO (Tracer Hand), Monday, 14 November 2011 14:17 (1 year ago) Permalink
"It's not the hippo, Harry, it's you."
― TracerHandVEVO (Tracer Hand), Monday, 14 November 2011 16:48 (1 year ago) Permalink
"Honestly Ted, it's like we watch the same thing every night."
― s.clover, Monday, 14 November 2011 17:50 (1 year ago) Permalink
"Well, *I* think it brightens up the place."
― s.clover, Monday, 14 November 2011 17:51 (1 year ago) Permalink
"I said, 'Look into its majestic EYES.'"
― sex-poodle Al Gore (DJP), Monday, 14 November 2011 17:58 (1 year ago) Permalink
― Roberto Spiralli, Monday, 14 November 2011 18:04 (1 year ago) Permalink
"I miss Jeremy, but I still don't regret the trade"
― your pain is probably equal (Z S), Monday, 14 November 2011 18:04 (1 year ago) Permalink
"We don't have the room? Now who's being a hypocrite?"
― pplains, Monday, 14 November 2011 18:07 (1 year ago) Permalink
"That's the last of the refried beans. Now... we wait."
― sex-poodle Al Gore (DJP), Monday, 14 November 2011 18:10 (1 year ago) Permalink
"What did you want me to do Bill? I told you he just followed me home."
― s.clover, Monday, 14 November 2011 18:10 (1 year ago) Permalink
"As souvenirs go, I suppose it's less showy than the Masai tribe in the dining room."
― s.clover, Monday, 14 November 2011 18:15 (1 year ago) Permalink
"Coffee tables are too conventional, you said. Let's be exciting, you said."
― s.clover, Monday, 14 November 2011 18:16 (1 year ago) Permalink
"I hate you."
― sex-poodle Al Gore (DJP), Monday, 14 November 2011 18:20 (1 year ago) Permalink
"Well, I'm not going to walk him in this weather."
― s.clover, Monday, 14 November 2011 18:41 (1 year ago) Permalink
"This is exactly why you need to stop drinking."
― s.clover, Monday, 14 November 2011 18:42 (1 year ago) Permalink
"57 channels and nothin' on"
― Roberto Spiralli, Monday, 14 November 2011 18:46 (1 year ago) Permalink
"I am not happy about this hippo that you bought. We live in New York and our apartment is very small."
― goole, Monday, 14 November 2011 18:55 (1 year ago) Permalink
"But darling, it's a Banksy."
― s.clover, Monday, 14 November 2011 18:57 (1 year ago) Permalink
"What else do you want me to do? I've already left two messages for the exterminator."
― s.clover, Monday, 14 November 2011 19:34 (1 year ago) Permalink
"he is, one might say, less a hippopotamus and more a hippo potty mouth""fuck you old lady"
― Roberto Spiralli, Monday, 14 November 2011 19:44 (1 year ago) Permalink
'The Olssons get a caddy, we get a caddy. Fine. The Olssons dig a pool, we dig a pool. That I can live with'
― ₪_₪ (darraghmac), Monday, 14 November 2011 19:59 (1 year ago) Permalink
some good ones forwarded here
― Don't attack when he is black. (forksclovetofu), Monday, 14 November 2011 21:27 (1 year ago) Permalink
"tonight is your turn to stand on his back and eat the parasites from his hide"
― joygoat, Monday, 14 November 2011 21:35 (1 year ago) Permalink
"I'm not acknowledging this, either."
― sex-poodle Al Gore (DJP), Monday, 14 November 2011 21:39 (1 year ago) Permalink
"Yes, I agreed, but only because I assumed HIPPO was a new Ikea product line"
― pass the duchy pon the left hand side (musical duke) (Hurting 2), Monday, 14 November 2011 21:39 (1 year ago) Permalink
ha, you could also do that one as: "When did IKEA become so literal?"
― sex-poodle Al Gore (DJP), Monday, 14 November 2011 21:40 (1 year ago) Permalink
"darling, would you pass the hippo?""i swear to god i left it around here somewhere""elephant in the room, george, elephant"
― Roberto Spiralli, Monday, 14 November 2011 21:46 (1 year ago) Permalink
"You just said, 'Jesus Christ you fat fucking hippo,' how am I supposed to take that?"
― goole, Monday, 14 November 2011 21:47 (1 year ago) Permalink
"I know I agreed to a threesome but this is ridiculous!!!!"
― goole, Monday, 14 November 2011 21:48 (1 year ago) Permalink
dammit that's where I was about to go
― sex-poodle Al Gore (DJP), Monday, 14 November 2011 21:49 (1 year ago) Permalink
xp ...said the hippo
― asked Dermot O'Leary, but he couldn't help me either. They call me the (snoball), Monday, 14 November 2011 21:52 (1 year ago) Permalink
'Well, one leg for an umbrella stand, but after that I'm really struggling'
― ₪_₪ (darraghmac), Monday, 14 November 2011 22:01 (1 year ago) Permalink
"Okay, Mr. Bossypants, you try talking to him about the water bill."
― s.clover, Monday, 14 November 2011 22:19 (1 year ago) Permalink
But suddenly...
― s.clover, Monday, 14 November 2011 22:21 (1 year ago) Permalink
"Who are you people, and how did you get into my apartment?"
"http://www.smh.com.au/environment/animals/pet-hippo-humphrey-mauls-owner-marius-to-death-20111115-1nfz4.html"
― estela, Monday, 14 November 2011 23:17 (1 year ago) Permalink
"But darling, it's a Banksy."― s.clover, Monday, November 14, 2011 2:57 PM (6 hours ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink
― s.clover, Monday, November 14, 2011 2:57 PM (6 hours ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink
I hope you submitted this.
― anorange (abanana), Tuesday, 15 November 2011 02:21 (1 year ago) Permalink
damn straight
― Mark G, Tuesday, 15 November 2011 07:05 (1 year ago) Permalink
Sterling's are really good -- by which I mean, very New Yorker-y.
― Bon Ivoj (jaymc), Tuesday, 15 November 2011 14:54 (1 year ago) Permalink
"Ok Brutus, CRUSH!"
― pass the duchy pon the left hand side (musical duke) (Hurting 2), Tuesday, 15 November 2011 15:06 (1 year ago) Permalink
'Cesar Milan has stopped returning our calls'
― ₪_₪ (darraghmac), Tuesday, 15 November 2011 15:08 (1 year ago) Permalink
"Could you fill in a bit more detail?"
― Mark G, Tuesday, 3 January 2012 10:51 (1 year ago) Permalink
Captain Obvious Caption: "Well, we all feel dead inside sometimes."
― do you want me to share what i know w/ you or not? (forksclovetofu), Tuesday, 3 January 2012 12:32 (1 year ago) Permalink
"You're just being paranoid, Andy."
― TracerHandVEVO (Tracer Hand), Tuesday, 3 January 2012 12:47 (1 year ago) Permalink
"I hate people who bounce on my couch"
― Mark G, Tuesday, 3 January 2012 12:55 (1 year ago) Permalink
"I think you should chalk this up to experience."
― EZ Snappin, Tuesday, 3 January 2012 12:57 (1 year ago) Permalink
There can only be one answer..
(unless!)
― Mark G, Monday, 16 January 2012 09:30 (1 year ago) Permalink
multiple choice:
"this is normal" is a funnier generic caption than "christ what an asshole"― max, Friday, 7 October 2011 12:38 (3 months ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink
― max, Friday, 7 October 2011 12:38 (3 months ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink
― Mark G, Monday, 16 January 2012 09:31 (1 year ago) Permalink
"you sure have got a fat ass for a snake"
― ledge, Monday, 16 January 2012 09:32 (1 year ago) Permalink
"sso i ssee you're an assp."
― sunn :o))) (Merdeyeux), Monday, 16 January 2012 09:37 (1 year ago) Permalink
"I give up. Did you do something with your hair?"
― TracerHandVEVO (Tracer Hand), Monday, 16 January 2012 12:41 (1 year ago) Permalink
submit that
― the acquisition and practice of music is unfavourable to the health of (abanana), Monday, 16 January 2012 12:53 (1 year ago) Permalink
"I don't care if they were on offer Charles, you look ridiculous"
― modric conservative (darraghmac), Monday, 16 January 2012 12:58 (1 year ago) Permalink
"You should have had your eyebrows done first!"
― Mark G, Monday, 16 January 2012 13:00 (1 year ago) Permalink
sit on it
― Roberto Spiralli, Monday, 16 January 2012 13:01 (1 year ago) Permalink
"Most of us are content with just rattles to shake."
― EZ Snappin, Monday, 16 January 2012 13:11 (1 year ago) Permalink
"So don't ask me what I think, then!"
― TracerHandVEVO (Tracer Hand), Monday, 16 January 2012 13:11 (1 year ago) Permalink
"Oh honestly, Angela!"
― Philip Nunez, Monday, 16 January 2012 19:36 (1 year ago) Permalink
"If you look closely, you can tell that that's not my tail."
― lEEE (Leee), Monday, 16 January 2012 19:55 (1 year ago) Permalink
"Most of us don't eat our peaches whole."
― EZ Snappin, Monday, 16 January 2012 20:20 (1 year ago) Permalink
"I only said that I was pretty sure Sir Mixalot was speaking rhetorically."
― this is funny u bitter dork (forksclovetofu), Monday, 16 January 2012 20:30 (1 year ago) Permalink
This is both 100% dead-on New Yorker style and 3x funnier than most actual captions, please submit!
― Guayaquil (eephus!), Monday, 16 January 2012 21:40 (1 year ago) Permalink
".. and if you want to go faster, then cicada"
― Mark G, Monday, 6 February 2012 13:01 (1 year ago) Permalink
"Isn't that unusually large for an insect?"
― You got to ro-o-oll me and call me the tumblr whites (Phil D.), Monday, 6 February 2012 13:19 (1 year ago) Permalink
vv good mark
― Dr Frogbius (darraghmac), Monday, 6 February 2012 13:24 (1 year ago) Permalink
"I got the idea from Hopalong Cassidy"
― EZ Snappin, Monday, 6 February 2012 13:35 (1 year ago) Permalink
"We were somewhere around Barstow, on the edge of the desert, when the drugs began to take hold"
― Dr Frogbius (darraghmac), Tuesday, 7 February 2012 00:08 (1 year ago) Permalink
"Everything Bethesda does is so buggy"
― puff puff post (uh oh I'm having a fantasy), Tuesday, 7 February 2012 00:19 (1 year ago) Permalink
Actually, yes. Los Alamos is right over that way. Why do you ask?
― s.clover, Tuesday, 7 February 2012 03:35 (1 year ago) Permalink
that way yonder
― s.clover, Tuesday, 7 February 2012 03:36 (1 year ago) Permalink
"This here is what we call a hybrid."
― s.clover, Tuesday, 7 February 2012 03:38 (1 year ago) Permalink
lol'd
― ljubljana, Tuesday, 7 February 2012 03:40 (1 year ago) Permalink
"so i wished for a day at the beach, a miniature pianist and a low-cost ride"
― ELI OWNS YOUR HUSBAND (forksclovetofu), Tuesday, 7 February 2012 04:52 (1 year ago) Permalink
"I was sheriff of this county when I was twenty-five years old. Hard to believe. My grandfather was a lawman; father too. "
― iatee, Tuesday, 7 February 2012 05:03 (1 year ago) Permalink
"We can't race if you're on that thing. It's not cricket!"
― EZ Snappin, Tuesday, 7 February 2012 05:06 (1 year ago) Permalink
christ what an asshole still looking like a valid option
― ELI OWNS YOUR HUSBAND (forksclovetofu), Tuesday, 7 February 2012 05:08 (1 year ago) Permalink
and "This is normal" right alongside...
― Mark G, Tuesday, 7 February 2012 07:34 (1 year ago) Permalink
"Deal with it."
― Tuomas, Tuesday, 7 February 2012 09:23 (1 year ago) Permalink
"ilovebigbugs and i do not lie"
― Dr Frogbius (darraghmac), Tuesday, 7 February 2012 09:28 (1 year ago) Permalink
― Wub wub wub wubwubwubwub wub Pzzzzzzz WUBB wubwub (Autumn Almanac), Tuesday, 7 February 2012 09:32 (1 year ago) Permalink
Lynch's 'Brokeback Mountain'
― Dr Frogbius (darraghmac), Tuesday, 7 February 2012 10:12 (1 year ago) Permalink
"hybrid" won this for me
― dayove cool (Noodle Vague), Tuesday, 7 February 2012 10:13 (1 year ago) Permalink
Hybrid +2
― Unleash the Chang (he did what!) (Austerity Ponies), Tuesday, 7 February 2012 14:59 (1 year ago) Permalink
"I miss my dead wife."
― Philip Nunez, Tuesday, 7 February 2012 18:16 (1 year ago) Permalink
"had a hoss before - riding out across the plains for weeks at a time, juss me and the hoss, and let me tell you son, you can't make sweet sweet love under the stars to a hoss"
― Roberto Spiralli, Tuesday, 7 February 2012 18:27 (1 year ago) Permalink
"Just don't hitch 'em near a wheat field. Trust me on that one."
― You got to ro-o-oll me and call me the tumblr whites (Phil D.), Tuesday, 7 February 2012 18:34 (1 year ago) Permalink
"It may be slower, but i'll always prefer a horse and buggy ride"
― Z S, Tuesday, 7 February 2012 18:35 (1 year ago) Permalink
"What, haven't you ever seen a man fucking a grasshopper before?"
― the acquisition and practice of music is unfavourable to the health of (abanana), Wednesday, 8 February 2012 07:25 (1 year ago) Permalink
"plus i fucked your wife"
― Little GTFO (contenderizer), Wednesday, 8 February 2012 07:36 (1 year ago) Permalink
"hey, it ain't illegal yet"
― Little GTFO (contenderizer), Wednesday, 8 February 2012 07:39 (1 year ago) Permalink
"one man, one horse, whatever..."
― Little GTFO (contenderizer), Wednesday, 8 February 2012 07:43 (1 year ago) Permalink
"company car"
― Little GTFO (contenderizer), Wednesday, 8 February 2012 07:55 (1 year ago) Permalink
"we got screwed on these hats"
― Little GTFO (contenderizer), Wednesday, 8 February 2012 07:57 (1 year ago) Permalink
"it got a 5 star review on yelp!"
― sarahell, Wednesday, 8 February 2012 08:03 (1 year ago) Permalink
"he who smelt it dealt it"
― Little GTFO (contenderizer), Wednesday, 8 February 2012 08:06 (1 year ago) Permalink
"I thought I was getting me a low-cost ride"
― ●-● (ledge), Wednesday, 8 February 2012 09:31 (1 year ago) Permalink
That's not to pick on homosexuality. It's not, you know, man on horse, man on grasshopper, or whatever the case may be
― Alan Shearer (ken c), Wednesday, 8 February 2012 09:42 (1 year ago) Permalink
"Caterpillars, mostly. Which reminds me, you're gonna need to shave that moustache off."
― TracerHandVEVO (Tracer Hand), Wednesday, 8 February 2012 10:44 (1 year ago) Permalink
"you'll be laughing the other side of your face when those lights turn green, pal"
― Dr Frogbius (darraghmac), Wednesday, 8 February 2012 10:54 (1 year ago) Permalink
"yeah, but this way i figger we get the jump on them"
― Little GTFO (contenderizer), Wednesday, 8 February 2012 18:17 (1 year ago) Permalink
"Who is your favorite Latin Contemporary artist? Mine's Jon Cicada."
― Philip Nunez, Wednesday, 8 February 2012 20:01 (1 year ago) Permalink
"I'm ready to go, by jiminy."
― EZ Snappin, Wednesday, 8 February 2012 20:07 (1 year ago) Permalink
nice
― Dr Frogbius (darraghmac), Wednesday, 8 February 2012 20:07 (1 year ago) Permalink
not my best effort up there, i admit
― the acquisition and practice of music is unfavourable to the health of (abanana), Wednesday, 8 February 2012 20:08 (1 year ago) Permalink
All together now...
― Mark G, Tuesday, 21 February 2012 15:28 (1 year ago) Permalink
"This is normal" not as funny for this one
― max, Tuesday, 21 February 2012 15:30 (1 year ago) Permalink
no, the other one...
― Mark G, Tuesday, 21 February 2012 15:30 (1 year ago) Permalink
"We are the 99 percent."
― EZ Snappin, Tuesday, 21 February 2012 15:31 (1 year ago) Permalink
'my friend told me his dick is tiny'
― beware of greek bearer bonds (darraghmac), Tuesday, 21 February 2012 15:37 (1 year ago) Permalink
"Obviously compensating for a pitifully tiny cloaca"
xpost!
― TracerHandVEVO (Tracer Hand), Tuesday, 21 February 2012 15:37 (1 year ago) Permalink
think yrs is more newyorkery tbh
― beware of greek bearer bonds (darraghmac), Tuesday, 21 February 2012 15:54 (1 year ago) Permalink
"Last night he told me to stick my thumb up his ass."
― Unleash the Chang (he did what!) (Austerity Ponies), Tuesday, 21 February 2012 15:58 (1 year ago) Permalink
Haha I was not goin for NYer style there
― TracerHandVEVO (Tracer Hand), Tuesday, 21 February 2012 16:09 (1 year ago) Permalink
'don't encourage him , dinah, he's merely reinforcing damaging species stereotypes'
― beware of greek bearer bonds (darraghmac), Tuesday, 21 February 2012 16:17 (1 year ago) Permalink
― TracerHandVEVO (Tracer Hand), Tuesday, 21 February 2012 16:18 (1 year ago) Permalink
he better shave his butt before joining our peacock centipede
― Rosie 47 (ken c), Tuesday, 21 February 2012 17:18 (1 year ago) Permalink
"I don't know who he thinks he's impressing. If you touch him I'll kill you."
― cue "White Rabbit" (kenan), Tuesday, 21 February 2012 17:49 (1 year ago) Permalink
"Is that what a real peacock looks like?""Don't ask me, I'm just a banksy"
― Rosie 47 (ken c), Tuesday, 21 February 2012 18:10 (1 year ago) Permalink
I will be so glad when Carinval is over.
― (thinks and smiles) (DJP), Tuesday, 21 February 2012 18:11 (1 year ago) Permalink
he sure is inordinately proud of his farts
― congratulations (n/a), Tuesday, 21 February 2012 18:14 (1 year ago) Permalink
"Peacocking? Really? Mystery called from 2008. He wants last decade's moves back."
― s.clover, Tuesday, 21 February 2012 18:52 (1 year ago) Permalink
I hate myself for making that joke, and you should hate yourself if you get it.
― s.clover, Tuesday, 21 February 2012 18:53 (1 year ago) Permalink
"eye catching!"
― brownie, Tuesday, 21 February 2012 18:59 (1 year ago) Permalink
"Colour? Nah I'm holding out for the 3D version to come out"
― Rosie 47 (ken c), Tuesday, 21 February 2012 19:09 (1 year ago) Permalink
"woah, I think it's kicking in"
― (thinks and smiles) (DJP), Tuesday, 21 February 2012 19:16 (1 year ago) Permalink
um,
"christ, what an asshole"
― Critique of Pure Moods (goole), Tuesday, 21 February 2012 19:24 (1 year ago) Permalink
"you paid HOW much for a walk up brownstone?"
― Philip Nunez, Tuesday, 21 February 2012 19:28 (1 year ago) Permalink
Dan's is the best so far.
― s.clover, Tuesday, 21 February 2012 19:46 (1 year ago) Permalink
Which one?
― Mark G, Wednesday, 22 February 2012 07:15 (1 year ago) Permalink
― (thinks and smiles) (DJP), Tuesday, February 21, 2012 11:16 AM (Yesterday) Bookmark
― Little GTFO (contenderizer), Wednesday, 22 February 2012 08:17 (1 year ago) Permalink
implants
― Little GTFO (contenderizer), Wednesday, 22 February 2012 08:27 (1 year ago) Permalink
OMG IT'S STARTING TO EVEN LOOK LIKE A TRIPLE RAINBOW
― Rosie 47 (ken c), Wednesday, 22 February 2012 15:16 (1 year ago) Permalink
― EZ Snappin, Monday, 27 February 2012 22:10 (1 year ago) Permalink
"Why does everyone ask if I'm John Darnielle?
― EZ Snappin, Monday, 27 February 2012 22:11 (1 year ago) Permalink
omg
― goole, Monday, 27 February 2012 22:11 (1 year ago) Permalink
lock thread
― little clouds of citrus spritz as i peel (forksclovetofu), Monday, 27 February 2012 22:12 (1 year ago) Permalink
"don't turn around, but i think that guy's checking out my ass"
― congratulations (n/a), Monday, 27 February 2012 22:14 (1 year ago) Permalink
"hey, did we just pass your twin brother?"
― congratulations (n/a), Monday, 27 February 2012 22:15 (1 year ago) Permalink
"hell is full"
― I GUESS THAT CINNABON GETTIN EATEN (Edward III), Monday, 27 February 2012 22:17 (1 year ago) Permalink
"i'm glad my mother insisted i get my MBA to fall back on instead of just focusing on my first career with the jim rose circus"
― congratulations (n/a), Monday, 27 February 2012 22:19 (1 year ago) Permalink
"So I emerged through the backseat of a limo and I thought, 'Now what?' It's not like Mathew Barney's career was going to go on forever."
― Unleash the Chang (he did what!) (Austerity Ponies), Monday, 27 February 2012 22:26 (1 year ago) Permalink
Jim Breuer ruined my life.
― EZ Snappin, Monday, 27 February 2012 22:29 (1 year ago) Permalink
"Christ, this is normal."
― omar 13337713 (Leee), Tuesday, 28 February 2012 02:45 (1 year ago) Permalink
"Yes Ted, I understand I do understand the full irony of the expression here, but no, I'm not kidding you."
― s.clover, Tuesday, 28 February 2012 04:42 (1 year ago) Permalink
"Long story short, I had to hoof it all the way from midtown."
― s.clover, Tuesday, 28 February 2012 04:45 (1 year ago) Permalink
"I did all this work but I have nothing to shofar it"
― Male Privilege: Unpacking the Invisible Nutsack (Abbbottt), Tuesday, 28 February 2012 04:47 (1 year ago) Permalink
that pun's probably been made more successfully a million billion times
― Male Privilege: Unpacking the Invisible Nutsack (Abbbottt), Tuesday, 28 February 2012 04:49 (1 year ago) Permalink
"I wanted to go to a therapist, but my wife says we need the wool."
― s.clover, Tuesday, 28 February 2012 04:52 (1 year ago) Permalink
haha the midtown one has 'new yorker potential'
― iatee, Tuesday, 28 February 2012 04:52 (1 year ago) Permalink
"I laughed at the Great God Pan."
― Tuomas, Tuesday, 28 February 2012 08:58 (1 year ago) Permalink
(Few people will probably get what that refers to, though.)
― Tuomas, Tuesday, 28 February 2012 08:59 (1 year ago) Permalink
"evil is such a loaded word."
― Little GTFO (contenderizer), Tuesday, 28 February 2012 09:04 (1 year ago) Permalink
"i sometimes think law chose me."
― Little GTFO (contenderizer), Tuesday, 28 February 2012 09:05 (1 year ago) Permalink
"well, you know, 'merry wanderer of the night' doesn't really pay the bills"
― Little GTFO (contenderizer), Tuesday, 28 February 2012 09:13 (1 year ago) Permalink
That's a win one.
Then again, these are the ones they liked for the 'cricket cowboy' one:
“On a clear day, I can get Santa Fe on the antenna.”"At the next canyon, I'll show you why."“Nope, it's not a new haircut. Try again.”
― Mark G, Tuesday, 28 February 2012 10:03 (1 year ago) Permalink
“Nope, it's not a new haircut. Try again.”
― Roberto Spiralli, Tuesday, 28 February 2012 11:47 (1 year ago) Permalink
Which also went for the 'snake with a big ass' pic.
I think we have a new 'goes with any pic' caption, along with "This is normal" and "Christ, what an asshole!"
― Mark G, Tuesday, 28 February 2012 11:51 (1 year ago) Permalink
"She's staying with some relatives for the weekend. Why?"
― TracerHandVEVO (Tracer Hand), Tuesday, 28 February 2012 11:59 (1 year ago) Permalink
― Tuomas, Tuesday, 28 February 2012 08:58 (3 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink
― Tuomas, Tuesday, 28 February 2012 08:59 (3 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink
The Great God Pan is a lawyer!
(a differently obscure reference)
― ledge, Tuesday, 28 February 2012 12:02 (1 year ago) Permalink
"They said it would stay in Vegas."
― TracerHandVEVO (Tracer Hand), Tuesday, 28 February 2012 12:40 (1 year ago) Permalink
"I'm just glad my tailor can cover the tail, to be honest with you"
― steep? that's where i'm off hiking (darraghmac), Tuesday, 28 February 2012 12:51 (1 year ago) Permalink
"they had al pacino play me and that matrix guy play kevin. i've still never seen it."
― Roberto Spiralli, Tuesday, 28 February 2012 13:14 (1 year ago) Permalink
― Tuomas, Tuesday, February 28, 2012 8:58 AM (4 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink
― Tuomas, Tuesday, February 28, 2012 8:59 AM (4 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink
Wait, Tuomas is quoting the Fall?
― emil.y, Tuesday, 28 February 2012 13:20 (1 year ago) Permalink
No, The Fall is quoting Jack Kirby.
― Tuomas, Tuesday, 28 February 2012 13:37 (1 year ago) Permalink
The vegas one and "law chose me" one are both pretty lol.
― s.clover, Tuesday, 28 February 2012 13:50 (1 year ago) Permalink
Aw, Tuomas, I knew you weren't really quoting the Fall (though actually it took me ages to remember what it was originally from), I just liked the 'posts very much out of character' element.
― emil.y, Tuesday, 28 February 2012 14:07 (1 year ago) Permalink
"...so then Stacy told me 'helicopter parents' didn't refer to literal helicopters, and everyone laughed at me."
― Philip Nunez, Tuesday, 28 February 2012 23:22 (1 year ago) Permalink
― Mark G, Monday, 5 March 2012 10:22 (1 year ago) Permalink
"apparently he's the god of orthodontics"
― Mo Money Mo Johnston (Noodle Vague), Monday, 5 March 2012 12:43 (1 year ago) Permalink
ok, that's way too good...
― Mark G, Monday, 5 March 2012 13:17 (1 year ago) Permalink
I say that every week, and every week, there's something gets chosen that's like "Oh, I forgot, the Joneses are coming over for Polenta" or something.
― Mark G, Monday, 5 March 2012 13:18 (1 year ago) Permalink
"Apparently the soil contains traces of Prozac."
― Cuba Pudding, Jr. (jaymc), Monday, 5 March 2012 13:40 (1 year ago) Permalink
"I'm afraid of what we'll find if we dig any deeper."
― EZ Snappin, Monday, 5 March 2012 13:44 (1 year ago) Permalink
"Welcome to Christmas Island."
― Vaseline MEN AMAZING JOURNEY (DJP), Monday, 5 March 2012 15:04 (1 year ago) Permalink
"the irony is that they were wiped out in a mass suicide cult"
― Mo Money Mo Johnston (Noodle Vague), Monday, 5 March 2012 15:11 (1 year ago) Permalink
"this is not normal..."
― Philip Nunez, Monday, 5 March 2012 16:11 (1 year ago) Permalink
"they say this island illustrates 'the comedy of the commons'"
― goole, Monday, 5 March 2012 16:30 (1 year ago) Permalink
comedy of the commons is awesome but too obscure, i fear.
― s.clover, Monday, 5 March 2012 19:12 (1 year ago) Permalink
"This hill has an unobstructed view of Mt. Bosom."
― Vaseline MEN AMAZING JOURNEY (DJP), Monday, 5 March 2012 19:13 (1 year ago) Permalink
"The first line of the inscription reads 'Something going to something something up. Never something something down.' I don't understand it either."
― s.clover, Monday, 5 March 2012 19:15 (1 year ago) Permalink
"Well, they were certainly handsome devils, eh? Some say they simply admired themselves to death."
― s.clover, Monday, 5 March 2012 19:16 (1 year ago) Permalink
"what's with all these rock hard penises?"
― this is my receipt for your receipt (Z S), Monday, 5 March 2012 19:17 (1 year ago) Permalink
"I'm afraid of what we'll find if we dig any deeper."― EZ Snappin, Monday, March 5, 2012 A+
― drop these whiners on a island (Surviver style) (forksclovetofu), Tuesday, 6 March 2012 03:04 (1 year ago) Permalink
orthodontics line a dead cert
― TracerHandVEVO (Tracer Hand), Tuesday, 6 March 2012 10:43 (1 year ago) Permalink
Ebert:
― the Hilary Clinton of Ghostface Killahs (Phil D.), Thursday, 8 March 2012 18:20 (1 year ago) Permalink
"they really like this punchline"
― congratulations (n/a), Thursday, 8 March 2012 18:23 (1 year ago) Permalink
oh shit EDIT "they really like this caption"
haha that's great
― Vaseline MEN AMAZING JOURNEY (DJP), Thursday, 8 March 2012 18:28 (1 year ago) Permalink
"Believe me, it's what's under the ground that's most interesting."Submitted by Webb HarrisWinter Springs, Fla.
Verry close to EZ Snappin's version!
― Mark G, Tuesday, 20 March 2012 14:33 (1 year ago) Permalink
― Mark G, Tuesday, 20 March 2012 14:34 (1 year ago) Permalink
Damn it! Mine was better.
― EZ Snappin, Tuesday, 20 March 2012 14:34 (1 year ago) Permalink
"This isn't what I meant when I asked you to lock up the house."
― EZ Snappin, Tuesday, 20 March 2012 14:39 (1 year ago) Permalink
"marco"
― Wesley Crusher: Teenage F#ck Machine (forksclovetofu), Tuesday, 20 March 2012 14:40 (1 year ago) Permalink
"It took me ten hours to inflate, you can at least turn around and look at it."
― butvi wouls (Phil D.), Tuesday, 20 March 2012 14:45 (1 year ago) Permalink
nice one forks!
"Sigmund's all grown up now Johnny. He can hold his own with his crazy family."
― EZ Snappin, Tuesday, 20 March 2012 14:46 (1 year ago) Permalink
"For goodness sake, I don't care what Maud got up to with hers! We really need a poolboy"
― less of the same (darraghmac), Tuesday, 20 March 2012 14:48 (1 year ago) Permalink
"Oh god, why did it just get about 20 degrees warmer in here?"
― Race Against Rockism (Myonga Vön Bontee), Tuesday, 20 March 2012 21:29 (1 year ago) Permalink
"Believe me, it's what's under the ground water that's most interesting."
― EZ Snappin, Tuesday, 20 March 2012 21:44 (1 year ago) Permalink
― Wesley Crusher: Teenage F#ck Machine (forksclovetofu), Tuesday, March 20, 2012 10:40 AM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink
this actually made me laugh, it cannot win
― i don't believe in zimmerman (Hurting 2), Tuesday, 20 March 2012 21:44 (1 year ago) Permalink
"I could play bass, but c'mon, THREE bass players?"
― Philip Nunez, Tuesday, 20 March 2012 22:11 (1 year ago) Permalink
"did you remember to use the SPF 75?"
― i don't believe in zimmerman (Hurting 2), Tuesday, 20 March 2012 22:16 (1 year ago) Permalink
Loch Ness called, they want their patio furniture back
― are chads electorate (brownie), Tuesday, 20 March 2012 22:34 (1 year ago) Permalink
"You don't want to wake the dragon." /obvious
― Johnny Favre (Leee), Wednesday, 21 March 2012 04:34 (1 year ago) Permalink
"You sure you want to pass on this psilocybin tea?"
― Emperor Cos Dashit (Adam Bruneau), Wednesday, 21 March 2012 05:41 (1 year ago) Permalink
forks ftw
but also:
"prepare to die"
― Fozzy Osbourne (contenderizer), Wednesday, 21 March 2012 05:51 (1 year ago) Permalink
"i thought you said you cleaned the pool"
"no, really, i love your mother. she can stay as long as she wants."
― Fozzy Osbourne (contenderizer), Wednesday, 21 March 2012 05:52 (1 year ago) Permalink
"i know the piranha were getting to be a problem, but..."
― Fozzy Osbourne (contenderizer), Wednesday, 21 March 2012 05:53 (1 year ago) Permalink
"i picked the wrong day to quit sniffing glue"
― Fozzy Osbourne (contenderizer), Wednesday, 21 March 2012 05:54 (1 year ago) Permalink
"This is Norman"
― ledge, Wednesday, 21 March 2012 11:55 (1 year ago) Permalink
"prepare to die" should be a caption in more nyer toons, esp the ones with some boring couple sitting on couches
― i don't believe in zimmerman (Hurting 2), Wednesday, 21 March 2012 12:26 (1 year ago) Permalink
"Just til they get back off holiday you say?"
― red is hungry green is jawless (Noodle Vague), Wednesday, 21 March 2012 12:30 (1 year ago) Permalink
"Told you that dwarven pool company was a mistake"
― red is hungry green is jawless (Noodle Vague), Wednesday, 21 March 2012 12:31 (1 year ago) Permalink
"did you remember to level up honey?"
― i don't believe in zimmerman (Hurting 2), Wednesday, 21 March 2012 12:35 (1 year ago) Permalink
poolboy caption is pretty good.
this is a pretty tough one, I think.
― s.clover, Wednesday, 21 March 2012 14:23 (1 year ago) Permalink
"You know, this is a bit improbable from the perspective of volume displacement"
― i don't believe in zimmerman (Hurting 2), Wednesday, 21 March 2012 14:28 (1 year ago) Permalink
the pic is not that funny on its own, is the problem
― goole, Wednesday, 21 March 2012 14:30 (1 year ago) Permalink
and it's a chinese dragon, another kink
― goole, Wednesday, 21 March 2012 14:31 (1 year ago) Permalink
...or maybe i'm mis-seeing it
― goole, Wednesday, 21 March 2012 14:32 (1 year ago) Permalink
"Calling it Eliot Nessie doesn't make it cute. Or a pet."
― EZ Snappin, Wednesday, 21 March 2012 14:38 (1 year ago) Permalink
"and you wondered why that pool cleaner had a sword and a shield"
― goole, Wednesday, 21 March 2012 14:53 (1 year ago) Permalink
"For god's sake George just give him his ring back"
― red is hungry green is jawless (Noodle Vague), Wednesday, 21 March 2012 14:56 (1 year ago) Permalink
"You might want to say "Beetlejuice" three times round about now"
― Mark G, Wednesday, 21 March 2012 14:57 (1 year ago) Permalink
"No, YOU deal with it."
― TracerHandVEVO (Tracer Hand), Wednesday, 21 March 2012 15:06 (1 year ago) Permalink
"when i asked you to start 'draggin' the pool for leaves, this isn't what i meant!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
― congratulations (n/a), Wednesday, 21 March 2012 15:11 (1 year ago) Permalink
'level up' ftw
― less of the same (darraghmac), Wednesday, 21 March 2012 15:14 (1 year ago) Permalink
"I've heard this is normal."
― TracerHandVEVO (Tracer Hand), Wednesday, 21 March 2012 15:16 (1 year ago) Permalink
"I'm not trying to be cruel, I'm just saying that... oh god, he's right behind me, isn't he?"
― s.clover, Wednesday, 21 March 2012 16:44 (1 year ago) Permalink
How do you know??? IS IT TRYING TO STEAL YR JOB??
― Johnny Favre (Leee), Wednesday, 21 March 2012 16:44 (1 year ago) Permalink
lol sorry, something about all the fins and no wings made me think it was
― goole, Wednesday, 21 March 2012 16:46 (1 year ago) Permalink
you can tell the dragon is chinese because in his new monologue, mike daisey is lying about it.
― s.clover, Wednesday, 21 March 2012 16:48 (1 year ago) Permalink
^^ winner, you'd better submit it.
― Johnny Favre (Leee), Wednesday, 21 March 2012 16:50 (1 year ago) Permalink
If it weren't for Megan, I wouldn't know where my head would be at.
They're going to get a million variations on this, aren't they.
― Office Tebow (Leee), Sunday, 1 April 2012 04:45 (1 year ago) Permalink
"..."
― i don't believe in zimmerman (Hurting 2), Sunday, 1 April 2012 05:07 (1 year ago) Permalink
"Let's never fight over a girl again."
― THIS TRADE SERVES ZERO FOOTBALL PURPOSE (DJP), Sunday, 1 April 2012 14:56 (1 year ago) Permalink
"I went in with an entirely different meaning of giving head."
― EZ Snappin, Sunday, 1 April 2012 15:03 (1 year ago) Permalink
Wait, where are we going? I don't know, I have no head. Aaaaaaah!
― s.clover, Sunday, 1 April 2012 15:42 (1 year ago) Permalink
"My name is Ichabod, too! What are the odds?"
― THIS TRADE SERVES ZERO FOOTBALL PURPOSE (DJP), Sunday, 1 April 2012 15:48 (1 year ago) Permalink
"The sacrifices we make for our kids."
― EZ Snappin, Sunday, 1 April 2012 16:03 (1 year ago) Permalink
His methods are somewhat unorthodox I'll grant, but a good therapist is so hard to find.
― s.clover, Sunday, 1 April 2012 16:07 (1 year ago) Permalink
Irrelevant, had sex.
― jpattzlovevampz 2 hours ago (Phil D.), Sunday, 1 April 2012 16:09 (1 year ago) Permalink
"you're right, our barber's eyesight is definitely getting worse."
― Boo-Yaa Too Rough International Boo-Yaa Empire (Merdeyeux), Sunday, 1 April 2012 16:10 (1 year ago) Permalink
Oh, you smoke before? Man, that's genius.
― goole, Sunday, 1 April 2012 17:10 (1 year ago) Permalink
oh that's good
― red is hungry green is jawless (Noodle Vague), Sunday, 1 April 2012 17:18 (1 year ago) Permalink
"Man she was so ugly it was kind of a relief"
― red is hungry green is jawless (Noodle Vague), Sunday, 1 April 2012 17:19 (1 year ago) Permalink
I find it's simplified things for me.
― preternatural concepts concerning variances in sound and texture (contenderizer), Sunday, 1 April 2012 17:30 (1 year ago) Permalink
The best part was when she ate my head.
― preternatural concepts concerning variances in sound and texture (contenderizer), Sunday, 1 April 2012 17:31 (1 year ago) Permalink
The King of Queens is a much funnier show than I ever realized.
― preternatural concepts concerning variances in sound and texture (contenderizer), Sunday, 1 April 2012 17:32 (1 year ago) Permalink
Yeah, I've heard there can be side effects, but my hayfever's completely cured.
― preternatural concepts concerning variances in sound and texture (contenderizer), Sunday, 1 April 2012 17:38 (1 year ago) Permalink
One look in her eyes, and I completely lost my head.
― preternatural concepts concerning variances in sound and texture (contenderizer), Sunday, 1 April 2012 17:39 (1 year ago) Permalink
So I said 'let them eat grasshoppers'...
― preternatural concepts concerning variances in sound and texture (contenderizer), Sunday, 1 April 2012 17:40 (1 year ago) Permalink
I think I left my wallet back at that restaurant.
― preternatural concepts concerning variances in sound and texture (contenderizer), Sunday, 1 April 2012 17:41 (1 year ago) Permalink
― Office Tebow (Leee), Sunday, 1 April 2012 18:39 (1 year ago) Permalink
"Worth it."
― 1 week to "Charles Dingus" (forksclovetofu), Sunday, 1 April 2012 19:58 (1 year ago) Permalink
"I could really go for some pizza right now. That's right, I can't. I have no head. Aaaaaaagh!"
― s.clover, Monday, 2 April 2012 01:56 (1 year ago) Permalink
"Funnily enough, it's the little things I miss. Like my head."
― s.clover, Monday, 2 April 2012 01:58 (1 year ago) Permalink
"I get it, it's hard not to stare. Well, not for me."
― s.clover, Monday, 2 April 2012 02:01 (1 year ago) Permalink
"I thought she was only like that with me"
― i don't believe in zimmerman (Hurting 2), Monday, 2 April 2012 02:01 (1 year ago) Permalink
― recent thug (k3vin k.), Monday, 2 April 2012 02:08 (1 year ago) Permalink
"i have to end this. The sound of our colliding neck nubs is sickening when we kiss. Tell my daughter that I love her."
― 1986 tallest hair contest (Z S), Monday, 2 April 2012 02:58 (1 year ago) Permalink
"I'm sure she won't notice. Just act nonchalant."
― preternatural concepts concerning variances in sound and texture (contenderizer), Monday, 2 April 2012 03:32 (1 year ago) Permalink
"Now we'll never be astronauts"
― puff puff post (uh oh I'm having a fantasy), Monday, 2 April 2012 03:41 (1 year ago) Permalink
"Christ, what a neckhole"
― 1 week to "Charles Dingus" (forksclovetofu), Monday, 2 April 2012 04:16 (1 year ago) Permalink
"I got someone to look it up on Wikipedia. Apparently, this is normal"
― Mark G, Monday, 2 April 2012 05:59 (1 year ago) Permalink
"But I got the villa, my pension entitlements are safe and the kids are mine for the holidays, so, y'know...."
― less of the same (darraghmac), Monday, 2 April 2012 07:52 (1 year ago) Permalink
"Walk it off."
― preternatural concepts concerning variances in sound and texture (contenderizer), Monday, 2 April 2012 07:55 (1 year ago) Permalink
"it's just that we don't seem to have anything in common"
― 1986 tallest hair contest (Z S), Monday, 2 April 2012 12:51 (1 year ago) Permalink
"I can't believe you played "Heads or Tails" after seeing what happened to me."
― EZ Snappin, Monday, 2 April 2012 13:00 (1 year ago) Permalink
"I think those new boner pills are a little TOO good."
― TracerHandVEVO (Tracer Hand), Monday, 2 April 2012 15:07 (1 year ago) Permalink
she told me i was the one
― lag∞n, Monday, 2 April 2012 15:10 (1 year ago) Permalink
women eh? can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em. unlike heads, dave.keenly observed, barry. keenly observed.
― Roberto Spiralli, Monday, 2 April 2012 15:38 (1 year ago) Permalink
Is there a new one to caption?
― EZ Snappin, Monday, 2 April 2012 15:42 (1 year ago) Permalink
"marco"― Wesley Crusher: Teenage F#ck Machine (forksclovetofu), Tuesday, March 20, 2012 10:40 AM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink
this actually made me laugh, it cannot win― i don't believe in zimmerman (Hurting 2), Tuesday, March 20, 2012
this won btw
― boy, was that Dan Fielding hungry for some cake! (forksclovetofu), Monday, 16 April 2012 21:08 (1 year ago) Permalink
But isn't it the woman on the side of the pool who appears to be talking?
― Cuba Pudding, Jr. (jaymc), Monday, 16 April 2012 21:13 (1 year ago) Permalink
forks I saw that it was nom'd and was psyched. didn't know it won.
― i don't believe in zimmerman (Hurting 2), Monday, 16 April 2012 21:36 (1 year ago) Permalink
― s.clover, Monday, 16 April 2012 21:38 (1 year ago) Permalink
"Christ, what an asshole"
― goole, Monday, 16 April 2012 21:39 (1 year ago) Permalink
oh yeah, also awesome that it won!
― s.clover, Monday, 16 April 2012 21:39 (1 year ago) Permalink
"What is this joker, blind? The left lane is wide open."
― s.clover, Monday, 16 April 2012 21:41 (1 year ago) Permalink
"I am driving a Mini and therefore I deserve death"
― goole, Monday, 16 April 2012 21:44 (1 year ago) Permalink
"that may look like a ufo that is immediately behind us but it is actually a streetlamp that is in the foreground. representing three dimensions in a two-dimensional medium can be difficult."
― congratulations (n/a), Monday, 16 April 2012 21:47 (1 year ago) Permalink
go forks!
― Autumn Almanac, Monday, 16 April 2012 21:49 (1 year ago) Permalink
"did you bring condoms?"
― Mad God 40/40 (Z S), Monday, 16 April 2012 21:49 (1 year ago) Permalink
"i'm so glad that i just had my anus whitened"
― congratulations (n/a), Monday, 16 April 2012 21:50 (1 year ago) Permalink
"Maybe it's time we upgraded to a space barge."
― BEMORE SUPER FABBY (contenderizer), Monday, 16 April 2012 21:50 (1 year ago) Permalink
"Orson will be pleased."
― Autumn Almanac, Monday, 16 April 2012 21:52 (1 year ago) Permalink
"Fuck, I hate cops."
― BEMORE SUPER FABBY (contenderizer), Monday, 16 April 2012 21:52 (1 year ago) Permalink
"You first."
― BEMORE SUPER FABBY (contenderizer), Monday, 16 April 2012 21:53 (1 year ago) Permalink
"You've got your papers, right?"
― BEMORE SUPER FABBY (contenderizer), Monday, 16 April 2012 21:54 (1 year ago) Permalink
― s.clover, Monday, April 16, 2012 5:41 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink
I feel like this cartoon immediately suggests about a thousand variations on this basic theme.
― i don't believe in zimmerman (Hurting 2), Monday, 16 April 2012 21:54 (1 year ago) Permalink
"i didn't do anything wrong, this is just another case of 'driving while human'"
― congratulations (n/a), Monday, 16 April 2012 21:54 (1 year ago) Permalink
"Not again. My ass is still full of eggs from the last time."
"Wow, I always figured those "Speed Limit Enforced By Aircraft" signs were just scare tactics"
― i don't believe in zimmerman (Hurting 2), Monday, 16 April 2012 21:55 (1 year ago) Permalink
"Highway 61? More like AREA 51, amirite?"
― i don't believe in zimmerman (Hurting 2), Monday, 16 April 2012 21:56 (1 year ago) Permalink
"This 'Bluetooth Connected' station sounds just like your phone."
― Philip Nunez, Monday, 16 April 2012 21:56 (1 year ago) Permalink
"What did I say about talking to Scientologists?"
― Autumn Almanac, Monday, 16 April 2012 21:58 (1 year ago) Permalink
"Is it just me or does something seem perspectivally off about that UFO following us?"
― i don't believe in zimmerman (Hurting 2), Monday, 16 April 2012 21:59 (1 year ago) Permalink
"I should have taken that left turn at Albuquerque."
― Autumn Almanac, Monday, 16 April 2012 22:01 (1 year ago) Permalink
"Sometimes when I'm driving... on the road at night... I see two headlights coming toward me. Fast. I have this sudden impulse to turn the wheel quickly, head-on into the oncoming car. I can anticipate the explosion. The sound of shattering glass. The... flames rising out of the flowing gasoline."
― BEMORE SUPER FABBY (contenderizer), Monday, 16 April 2012 22:05 (1 year ago) Permalink
"There are four lights!"
― Philip Nunez, Monday, 16 April 2012 22:06 (1 year ago) Permalink
"you can too tell if people are here illegally by how they drive"
― goole, Monday, 16 April 2012 22:09 (1 year ago) Permalink
btw, i didn't enter with marco; that's somebody else
― boy, was that Dan Fielding hungry for some cake! (forksclovetofu), Tuesday, 17 April 2012 02:57 (1 year ago) Permalink
aww
it's a moral victory though
― BEMORE SUPER FABBY (contenderizer), Tuesday, 17 April 2012 02:58 (1 year ago) Permalink
i wonder how often they get dupe entries
― lag∞n, Tuesday, 17 April 2012 03:01 (1 year ago) Permalink
Had to look "Marco" up, so..
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marco_Polo_(game)
― Mark G, Tuesday, 17 April 2012 10:04 (1 year ago) Permalink
. . .
― i love the large auns pictures! (Phil D.), Tuesday, 17 April 2012 10:12 (1 year ago) Permalink
I didn't get the "Marco" thing either, I thought it was some oblique reference to Italian poolboys.
― Tuomas, Tuesday, 17 April 2012 10:37 (1 year ago) Permalink
That makes me feel better.
― Mark G, Tuesday, 17 April 2012 11:30 (1 year ago) Permalink
looooool
― Mad God 40/40 (Z S), Tuesday, 17 April 2012 12:08 (1 year ago) Permalink
"I don't think they're happy I refused the probe."
― You are in a maze of twisty little passages, all alike. (hugo), Tuesday, 17 April 2012 20:31 (1 year ago) Permalink
"oh yeahh.... all right... take it easy baby... make it last-make it last all niyeet... she was... an amahrican girl"
― Philip Nunez, Tuesday, 17 April 2012 21:17 (1 year ago) Permalink
Both the rectum-related ones made me irl lol.
― Trienne of Barf (Leee), Wednesday, 18 April 2012 04:24 (1 year ago) Permalink
It sort of is, in fact.
ya I don't think we really do Marco Polo in the UK. I remember I learned it from one of the Monkey Island games.
― michael nyman cat (Merdeyeux), Wednesday, 18 April 2012 04:27 (1 year ago) Permalink
people used to say it to each other when i was a kid and i had no idea wtf they were talking about. i assumed it had something to do with doing it
― Mad God 40/40 (Z S), Wednesday, 18 April 2012 04:37 (1 year ago) Permalink
"Just think of the gas mileage that thing must get. Probably some republican hunting nut."
― i don't believe in zimmerman (Hurting 2), Wednesday, 18 April 2012 04:58 (1 year ago) Permalink
"can you believe that this asshole's been tailgating us for five million light years?"
― michael nyman cat (Merdeyeux), Wednesday, 18 April 2012 05:06 (1 year ago) Permalink
people used to say it to each other when i was a kid and i had no idea wtf they were talking about. i assumed it had something to do with doing it― Mad God 40/40 (Z S)
― boy, was that Dan Fielding hungry for some cake! (forksclovetofu), Wednesday, 18 April 2012 17:07 (1 year ago) Permalink
"You said this was a shortcut."
― TracerHandVEVO (Tracer Hand), Wednesday, 18 April 2012 19:38 (1 year ago) Permalink
"Dip, don't dazzle"
― Roberto Spiralli, Wednesday, 18 April 2012 19:54 (1 year ago) Permalink
^^^ was gonna do something like that but figured it was UK-centric :D
― aboulia banks (Noodle Vague), Wednesday, 18 April 2012 19:55 (1 year ago) Permalink
― michael nyman cat (Merdeyeux), Wednesday, April 18, 2012 1:06 AM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink
I think this is the best one so far
― i don't believe in zimmerman (Hurting 2), Wednesday, 18 April 2012 19:56 (1 year ago) Permalink
^ yeah, was gonna say
― yuppie bullshit chocolate blogbait (contenderizer), Wednesday, 18 April 2012 19:56 (1 year ago) Permalink
"These donks are getting more outlandish every year. What are those, 56s?"
― i don't believe in zimmerman (Hurting 2), Wednesday, 18 April 2012 19:59 (1 year ago) Permalink
"Just keep driving, we'll be fine once we hit the Arizona border"
― Race Against Rockism (Myonga Vön Bontee), Wednesday, 18 April 2012 21:17 (1 year ago) Permalink
"slow ride! duh-nuht nuh-nuh na-nuht! take it EA-ZY! duh-nuht nuh-nuh na-nuht!"
― Philip Nunez, Wednesday, 18 April 2012 21:53 (1 year ago) Permalink
^second favorite
― i don't believe in zimmerman (Hurting 2), Wednesday, 18 April 2012 21:54 (1 year ago) Permalink
"I just can't understand why the state keeps giving them licences"
― diafiyhm (darraghmac), Wednesday, 18 April 2012 22:12 (1 year ago) Permalink
"so apparently they don't LIKE being identified"
― boy, was that Dan Fielding hungry for some cake! (forksclovetofu), Thursday, 19 April 2012 02:39 (1 year ago) Permalink
"I wish tractor beams had a low setting."
― EZ Snappin, Thursday, 19 April 2012 02:40 (1 year ago) Permalink
or the easy new yorkery one: "for god's sake Margaret, just let them pass!"
― boy, was that Dan Fielding hungry for some cake! (forksclovetofu), Thursday, 19 April 2012 02:41 (1 year ago) Permalink
"I don't know anyone called Marco!"
― Mark G, Thursday, 26 April 2012 14:47 (1 year ago) Permalink
"I"m sorry honey, he has droit du seigneur."
― I'M THAT POSTA, AAAAAAAAAH (DJP), Thursday, 26 April 2012 14:49 (1 year ago) Permalink
"i TOLD you to wait an hour"
― "in this super-sexy postracial age" (forksclovetofu), Thursday, 26 April 2012 14:52 (1 year ago) Permalink
"but you're the one who wanted to see titanic in super 3d"
― the acquisition and practice of music is unfavourable to the health of (abanana), Thursday, 26 April 2012 15:10 (1 year ago) Permalink
"But I thought you said you were ok with trying out my manga porn fantasy"
― i don't believe in zimmerman (Hurting 2), Thursday, 26 April 2012 15:13 (1 year ago) Permalink
high early standard on this one, DJP and forks in particular
― Roberto Spiralli, Thursday, 26 April 2012 15:17 (1 year ago) Permalink
yeah you should submit that dan
― iatee, Thursday, 26 April 2012 15:19 (1 year ago) Permalink
"put your mother down NOW"
― Roberto Spiralli, Thursday, 26 April 2012 15:20 (1 year ago) Permalink
"Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nagl fhtagn"
― EZ Snappin, Thursday, 26 April 2012 15:22 (1 year ago) Permalink
"Eh...too blonde. 6."
― Roberto Spiralli, Thursday, 26 April 2012 15:23 (1 year ago) Permalink
― I'M THAT POSTA, AAAAAAAAAH (DJP), Thursday, April 26, 2012 9:49 AM (30 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink
― "in this super-sexy postracial age" (forksclovetofu), Thursday, April 26, 2012 9:52 AM (28 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink
^^^can't choose. both perfect
― Meanwhile, on some cars... (Austerity Ponies), Thursday, 26 April 2012 15:23 (1 year ago) Permalink
"honey, you know i left my glasses in the car. help with what?"
― "in this super-sexy postracial age" (forksclovetofu), Thursday, 26 April 2012 15:24 (1 year ago) Permalink
"just relax, it's more scared of you than you are of it"
― Roberto Spiralli, Thursday, 26 April 2012 15:25 (1 year ago) Permalink
"christ, what an octopus"
― "in this super-sexy postracial age" (forksclovetofu), Thursday, 26 April 2012 15:28 (1 year ago) Permalink
"Don't worry, it's a vegatarian!"
― Mark G, Thursday, 26 April 2012 15:29 (1 year ago) Permalink
― Mark G, Tuesday, 8 May 2012 08:52 (1 year ago) Permalink
"MI6 actually"
― like Joe Pasquale and Gandhi (Noodle Vague), Tuesday, 8 May 2012 09:18 (1 year ago) Permalink
"I'm attempting to circumvent the ridiculous luggage restrictions imposed by this airline!!!!!!"
― TracerHandVEVO (Tracer Hand), Tuesday, 8 May 2012 09:42 (1 year ago) Permalink
"Get off my case"
― Touché Gödel (ledge), Tuesday, 8 May 2012 09:49 (1 year ago) Permalink
"Well I don't care if Bill Murray could 'make it work', I feel like an idiot"
― pet tommy & the barkhaters (darraghmac), Tuesday, 8 May 2012 10:32 (1 year ago) Permalink
"It's not my fault you had the venti instead of the grande."
― i love the large auns pictures! (Phil D.), Tuesday, 8 May 2012 10:37 (1 year ago) Permalink
"What do you mean 'except' the kitchen sink?"
― pet tommy & the barkhaters (darraghmac), Tuesday, 8 May 2012 10:48 (1 year ago) Permalink
"Damn, I think I forgot my toothbrush"
― the acquisition and practice of music is unfavourable to the health of (abanana), Tuesday, 8 May 2012 12:06 (1 year ago) Permalink
"Oh god, my toothbrush just went straight up my asshole"
― goole, Tuesday, 8 May 2012 12:18 (1 year ago) Permalink
"Robodude 9000 feels no pain.... no pain...."
― the acquisition and practice of music is unfavourable to the health of (abanana), Tuesday, 8 May 2012 12:21 (1 year ago) Permalink
"wearing sunglasses on a plane, how obnoxious."
― Merdeyeux, Tuesday, 8 May 2012 12:24 (1 year ago) Permalink
technically i'm a human suitcase, but i wear many hats
― biggie smallclothes (brownie), Tuesday, 8 May 2012 12:56 (1 year ago) Permalink
lto
― Mark G, Tuesday, 8 May 2012 14:46 (1 year ago) Permalink
"my therapist told me to externalize my emotional baggage"
― Touché Gödel (ledge), Tuesday, 8 May 2012 14:58 (1 year ago) Permalink
there's a "keep calm and carry on" joke in here somewhere but i can't get at it
― (Name Withheld to Avoid Hassle) (forksclovetofu), Tuesday, 8 May 2012 15:27 (1 year ago) Permalink
I really especially hate this one.
― Scott, bass player for Tenth Avenue North (Hurting 2), Tuesday, 8 May 2012 15:27 (1 year ago) Permalink
"Customs is a bitch but check out is a snap."
― (Name Withheld to Avoid Hassle) (forksclovetofu), Tuesday, 8 May 2012 15:28 (1 year ago) Permalink
yes, this picture is not funny
― goole, Tuesday, 8 May 2012 15:28 (1 year ago) Permalink
tracer otm
this one demands the words accentuate, not guide the image because the cartoon is self-actualizing ("I'm attempting to circumvent the ridiculous luggage restrictions imposed by this airline!!!!!!") and is not only not funny but doesn't really reward deeper thought.so you kinda got to make it quiddy i think.
― (Name Withheld to Avoid Hassle) (forksclovetofu), Tuesday, 8 May 2012 15:29 (1 year ago) Permalink
"I'm gonna make a fuss like Kevin Smith on twitter when they kick me off the plane."
― EZ Snappin, Tuesday, 8 May 2012 15:31 (1 year ago) Permalink
"You can come out when we land"
― (Name Withheld to Avoid Hassle) (forksclovetofu), Tuesday, 8 May 2012 15:35 (1 year ago) Permalink
"Allahu Akbar!"
― Scott, bass player for Tenth Avenue North (Hurting 2), Tuesday, 8 May 2012 15:36 (1 year ago) Permalink
"I'm flying above the clouds at 540 mph, but they used to serve hot meals."
― a la bouquet marmoset (Austerity Ponies), Tuesday, 8 May 2012 15:40 (1 year ago) Permalink
"(FARRRRRRT!)"
― Scott, bass player for Tenth Avenue North (Hurting 2), Tuesday, 8 May 2012 15:45 (1 year ago) Permalink
im a suitcase
― max, Tuesday, 8 May 2012 15:50 (1 year ago) Permalink
"If you think this looks uncomfortable, you should see what I did to get around the restriction on liquids!"
― Scott, bass player for Tenth Avenue North (Hurting 2), Tuesday, 8 May 2012 15:51 (1 year ago) Permalink
"Boy they really pack you like sardines in these things, don't they?"
― Peppermint Patty Hearst (VegemiteGrrl), Tuesday, 8 May 2012 15:53 (1 year ago) Permalink
Part of what is irritating me about this one is that the positioning of the other passenger makes no sense to me visually.
― Scott, bass player for Tenth Avenue North (Hurting 2), Tuesday, 8 May 2012 15:54 (1 year ago) Permalink
"this is the only drawback to my plan to get a free cancer screening by going through the airport x-ray machines"
― congratulations (n/a), Tuesday, 8 May 2012 15:55 (1 year ago) Permalink
like, is he partially under the guy with the suitcase, and does he have two left arms?
― Scott, bass player for Tenth Avenue North (Hurting 2), Tuesday, 8 May 2012 15:55 (1 year ago) Permalink
"the craziest thing about me is that for some reason i am bringing four different hats on this trip"
― congratulations (n/a), Tuesday, 8 May 2012 15:56 (1 year ago) Permalink
"Guess I'm just on a lucky streak - second time I've been upgraded from baggage to coach for free."
― Scott, bass player for Tenth Avenue North (Hurting 2), Tuesday, 8 May 2012 15:57 (1 year ago) Permalink
"favorite unintentionally homoerotic new yorker cartoon imagery"
― congratulations (n/a), Tuesday, 8 May 2012 15:58 (1 year ago) Permalink
"my therapist told me i had to get a 'handle' on my fear of flying!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
― congratulations (n/a), Tuesday, 8 May 2012 15:59 (1 year ago) Permalink
― max, Tuesday, May 8, 2012 4:50 PM (9 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink
This is the only one so far that's actually made me laugh.
― emil.y, Tuesday, 8 May 2012 16:01 (1 year ago) Permalink
haha n/a I had the same thought about the hats, especially since three of them look like identical knit caps in different colors
"One for each day of Bonaroo"
― Scott, bass player for Tenth Avenue North (Hurting 2), Tuesday, 8 May 2012 16:02 (1 year ago) Permalink
what's going on with the passenger to his right? is he flat stanley slipping between the two seats?
― Philip Nunez, Tuesday, 8 May 2012 18:09 (1 year ago) Permalink
"been upgraded from baggage" is lols.
― s.clover, Tuesday, 8 May 2012 20:31 (1 year ago) Permalink
"Ironically, I could fit very few items in this bag, because the bulk of its capacity is consumed by the volume of my own body."
― s.clover, Tuesday, 8 May 2012 20:33 (1 year ago) Permalink
― Peppermint Patty Hearst (VegemiteGrrl), Tuesday, 8 May 2012 20:34 (1 year ago) Permalink
― Scott, bass player for Tenth Avenue North (Hurting 2), Tuesday, 8 May 2012 20:34 (1 year ago) Permalink
"If I knew how warm it would be, I would have gone with the valise."
― s.clover, Tuesday, 8 May 2012 20:35 (1 year ago) Permalink
It's true! The whole point is that he's supposed to be cramming as much stuff onto the plane as possible, and yet he winds up wearing extra hats and socks so he can for no apparent reason fit his own body into the suitcase. Christ what an asshole.
― Scott, bass player for Tenth Avenue North (Hurting 2), Tuesday, 8 May 2012 20:35 (1 year ago) Permalink
"I've never flown in first class before"
― (Name Withheld to Avoid Hassle) (forksclovetofu), Tuesday, 8 May 2012 20:37 (1 year ago) Permalink
"Sure makes the cavity search interesting, let me tell ya..."
― Peppermint Patty Hearst (VegemiteGrrl), Tuesday, 8 May 2012 20:37 (1 year ago) Permalink
"The downside is I have to go through the x-rays. Dying of cancer, actually."
― Scott, bass player for Tenth Avenue North (Hurting 2), Tuesday, 8 May 2012 20:39 (1 year ago) Permalink
"Lady, quit reclining your seat, it's making me uncomfortable."
― Advanced Uncle Meat recovery system (Dan Peterson), Tuesday, 8 May 2012 20:42 (1 year ago) Permalink
the lady in front appears to be wearing a shyguy mask, and the seats behind them are unoccupied, and his seatmate's legs appear to be missing, and one arm appears to be dislocated. there's so many things weird with this cartoon.
― Philip Nunez, Tuesday, 8 May 2012 20:47 (1 year ago) Permalink
_bOb_
― (Name Withheld to Avoid Hassle) (forksclovetofu), Tuesday, 8 May 2012 20:48 (1 year ago) Permalink
pretty sure I hate bOb right now
― Peppermint Patty Hearst (VegemiteGrrl), Tuesday, 8 May 2012 20:49 (1 year ago) Permalink
luggage-inspired hobo furry having sex with the back of an airline seat angers man from a dimension with bad perpective
― a la bouquet marmoset (Austerity Ponies), Tuesday, 8 May 2012 20:49 (1 year ago) Permalink
irl lols
― Peppermint Patty Hearst (VegemiteGrrl), Tuesday, 8 May 2012 20:50 (1 year ago) Permalink
"What is the deal with airline food these days?"
― goole, Tuesday, 8 May 2012 20:54 (1 year ago) Permalink
"yeah, i'm sure it seems annoying now, but the C-4's gonna open up a lot of elbow room"
― 10. “Pour Some Sugar On Me” – Tom Cruise (contenderizer), Tuesday, 8 May 2012 21:49 (1 year ago) Permalink
OMG just saw "Claws" upthread.
― Scott, bass player for Tenth Avenue North (Hurting 2), Tuesday, 8 May 2012 22:00 (1 year ago) Permalink
yeah, that's still the funniest joke itt
― 10. “Pour Some Sugar On Me” – Tom Cruise (contenderizer), Tuesday, 8 May 2012 22:02 (1 year ago) Permalink
"Christ, I've just come!"
― Mark G, Tuesday, 8 May 2012 22:29 (1 year ago) Permalink
"Traveling with your pets is such a nightmare"
― goole, Thursday, 10 May 2012 04:47 (1 year ago) Permalink
"Thinking of baseball just makes it worse!"
― I'M THAT POSTA, AAAAAAAAAH (DJP), Thursday, 10 May 2012 06:45 (1 year ago) Permalink
"I pack myself."
― o s– man (Autumn Almanac), Thursday, 10 May 2012 06:48 (1 year ago) Permalink
i.....i gotta pee
― pet tommy & the barkhaters (darraghmac), Thursday, 10 May 2012 12:39 (1 year ago) Permalink
"i TOLD you to wait an hour"― "in this super-sexy postracial age" (forksclovetofu)
― "in this super-sexy postracial age" (forksclovetofu)
This one from last week was better than any of the official finalists
― Josefa, Friday, 11 May 2012 06:55 (1 year ago) Permalink
A one-off: This one is closed but:
now, if they allowed odds on which will get the majority vote:
Your Vote1) "He's the advertising executive. Let him come up with a caption."2) "Take the commission, hon, and you can paint full time."3) "What kind of Neanderthal uses vodka instead of gin?"
.. yeah, go meta and win!
― Mark G, Monday, 14 May 2012 08:42 (1 year ago) Permalink
meanwhile...
― Mark G, Monday, 14 May 2012 08:43 (1 year ago) Permalink
"Ever HBO cancelled Luck because of racehorses dying on set, things have really changed here at the track!!!!!"
― TracerHandVEVO (Tracer Hand), Monday, 14 May 2012 11:53 (1 year ago) Permalink
Ever SINCE
― TracerHandVEVO (Tracer Hand), Monday, 14 May 2012 11:56 (1 year ago) Permalink
there was always a rush to be first to the grill on 'bring your own fetish kebab' night
― pet tommy & the barkhaters (darraghmac), Monday, 14 May 2012 12:01 (1 year ago) Permalink
"horse racing was so much easier before the mafia got involved."
― Merdeyeux, Monday, 14 May 2012 12:25 (1 year ago) Permalink
"It's kicking in."
― TracerHandVEVO (Tracer Hand), Monday, 14 May 2012 12:27 (1 year ago) Permalink
is the stick horse talking? That's weird.
― EZ Snappin, Monday, 14 May 2012 12:49 (1 year ago) Permalink
yeah the horse talking makes it almost inscrutable. i'd go non sequitur:"Giddyap!"
― (Name Withheld to Avoid Hassle) (forksclovetofu), Monday, 14 May 2012 13:35 (1 year ago) Permalink
"I should have quit while I was a head!!!!"
― biggie smallclothes (brownie), Monday, 14 May 2012 13:46 (1 year ago) Permalink
or "I think I'll quit as I'm a head" but yeah.
― Mark G, Monday, 14 May 2012 13:53 (1 year ago) Permalink
This contest is basically the NY'er's rejected cartoon depot, isn't it.
― Scott, bass player for Tenth Avenue North (Hurting 2), Monday, 14 May 2012 14:30 (1 year ago) Permalink
neigh!
― congratulations (n/a), Monday, 14 May 2012 15:02 (1 year ago) Permalink
you two see if you can find some body, i'll go on a head
― pet tommy & the barkhaters (darraghmac), Monday, 14 May 2012 15:21 (1 year ago) Permalink
yukky puns kind of don't fit the NYer's style. I think I said that upthread.
― Scott, bass player for Tenth Avenue North (Hurting 2), Monday, 14 May 2012 15:22 (1 year ago) Permalink
Let's win the National Review Caption Contest:
"These PETA idiots ruin EVERYTHING!"
― Scott, bass player for Tenth Avenue North (Hurting 2), Monday, 14 May 2012 15:23 (1 year ago) Permalink
"The best part is him whipping himself for a change."
― EZ Snappin, Monday, 14 May 2012 15:30 (1 year ago) Permalink
all day i can't turn round without being bothered by some horses's ass, but the one time i need one....
― pet tommy & the barkhaters (darraghmac), Monday, 14 May 2012 15:34 (1 year ago) Permalink
ah! got it:"Well somebody certainly doped ONE of us."
― (Name Withheld to Avoid Hassle) (forksclovetofu), Monday, 14 May 2012 15:35 (1 year ago) Permalink
"he's dying to win so he can be put out to stud."
― EZ Snappin, Monday, 14 May 2012 15:52 (1 year ago) Permalink
damn poles coming over here and takin our jobs
― pet tommy & the barkhaters (darraghmac), Monday, 14 May 2012 15:57 (1 year ago) Permalink
lol darragh
― Peppermint Patty Hearst (VegemiteGrrl), Monday, 14 May 2012 15:59 (1 year ago) Permalink
If "The Monkeys You Ordered" website doesn't have "THAT'S TED" as a caption, I will want to know why!
― Mark G, Monday, 21 May 2012 09:12 (1 year ago) Permalink
― this guy's a gangsta? his real name's mittens. (Hurting 2), Monday, 21 May 2012 11:54 (1 year ago) Permalink
"In summation, not all ideas are worth having. Thank you."
― I'M THAT POSTA, AAAAAAAAAH (DJP), Monday, 21 May 2012 12:12 (1 year ago) Permalink
"So I had a TWO billion dollar idea -- iSpanx"
― this guy's a gangsta? his real name's mittens. (Hurting 2), Monday, 21 May 2012 12:14 (1 year ago) Permalink
New Yorker-y unfunny style: "And that's the wrong slide."
― bailiwick bill (forksclovetofu), Monday, 21 May 2012 12:40 (1 year ago) Permalink
"J'ACCUSE!"
― I'M THAT POSTA, AAAAAAAAAH (DJP), Monday, 21 May 2012 13:23 (1 year ago) Permalink
^winner
― He's sick of the Swiss. He don't like em. (Austerity Ponies), Monday, 21 May 2012 17:08 (1 year ago) Permalink
"here is the cartoon and caption i submitted to the new yorker. they ... did not accept it."
― congratulations (n/a), Monday, 21 May 2012 17:13 (1 year ago) Permalink
"I think we've all learned something here today."
― s.clover, Monday, 21 May 2012 17:23 (1 year ago) Permalink
"observe how remarkably flexible my neck is."
― Merdeyeux, Monday, 21 May 2012 17:24 (1 year ago) Permalink
"This concludes the sissymanwhore presentation. Any questions?"
― bailiwick bill (forksclovetofu), Monday, 21 May 2012 17:24 (1 year ago) Permalink
oh, just got one:"Admittedly, we still have some kinks to work out of the presentation."
― bailiwick bill (forksclovetofu), Monday, 21 May 2012 17:25 (1 year ago) Permalink
another not-funny image
― goole, Monday, 21 May 2012 17:26 (1 year ago) Permalink
"More like TEDDY Talk, amirite"
― Never translate Dutch (jaymc), Monday, 21 May 2012 17:34 (1 year ago) Permalink
"more like ASSCHEEKS worth spreading, amirite"
― goole, Monday, 21 May 2012 17:37 (1 year ago) Permalink
"And now I will explain how to tie a corset."
― s.clover, Monday, 21 May 2012 17:48 (1 year ago) Permalink
I've noticed that the contest ones are almost always "Look at this outrageous juxtaposition!" in a way that kind of precludes any actually funny captions.
― this guy's a gangsta? his real name's mittens. (Hurting 2), Monday, 21 May 2012 18:14 (1 year ago) Permalink
forks that is a winning caption
― judas, a homo (elmo argonaut), Monday, 21 May 2012 18:22 (1 year ago) Permalink
half of the people who look at this will have no idea what TED is, which is a bummer, because it precludes all TEDxxx genre captions
― Mad God 40/40 (Z S), Monday, 21 May 2012 18:25 (1 year ago) Permalink
"...and he's the bad twin"
― Roberto Spiralli, Monday, 21 May 2012 18:53 (1 year ago) Permalink
"Father, Ted"
― pet tommy & the barkhaters (darraghmac), Monday, 21 May 2012 18:59 (1 year ago) Permalink
"You don't know what pain is!"
― He's sick of the Swiss. He don't like em. (Austerity Ponies), Monday, 21 May 2012 19:15 (1 year ago) Permalink
IRL LOL
― i love the large auns pictures! (Phil D.), Monday, 21 May 2012 19:16 (1 year ago) Permalink
"Wilkommen, bienvenue, welcome!"
― this guy's a gangsta? his real name's mittens. (Hurting 2), Monday, 21 May 2012 19:51 (1 year ago) Permalink
I went for "... and This is Me!"
― Mark G, Monday, 21 May 2012 20:27 (1 year ago) Permalink
"There seems to be a mistake with my slides. My name is Dave, not Ted."
― the acquisition and practice of music is unfavourable to the health of (abanana), Monday, 21 May 2012 22:14 (1 year ago) Permalink
"no, YOU the man"
― Philip Nunez, Monday, 21 May 2012 22:55 (1 year ago) Permalink
"My name is Jeff Mitchell and i live in Rugby, Warwickshire, UK. I like fucking different objects and wearing womens underwear and i love showing the pictures off."
― spextor vs bextor (contenderizer), Monday, 21 May 2012 23:14 (1 year ago) Permalink
"Perry Farrell made me admit it. Nothing's shocking."
― EZ Snappin, Monday, 21 May 2012 23:19 (1 year ago) Permalink
"I'm terribly sorry; this was supposed to be the Backwards Tuck slide, not the Left Leg Conceal."
― I'M THAT POSTA, AAAAAAAAAH (DJP), Monday, 21 May 2012 23:42 (1 year ago) Permalink
― I'M THAT POSTA, AAAAAAAAAH (DJP), Monday, 21 May 2012 08:12 (11 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink
amazing
― flopson, Monday, 21 May 2012 23:55 (1 year ago) Permalink
― Mad God 40/40 (Z S), Monday, 21 May 2012 14:25 (5 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink
new yorker readers know what TED is!
― flopson, Monday, 21 May 2012 23:56 (1 year ago) Permalink
"This is a picture of a TEDdy bear."
― EZ Snappin, Tuesday, 22 May 2012 00:03 (11 months ago) Permalink
"... and this is how you smize."
― Pot Leeedom (Leee), Tuesday, 22 May 2012 02:36 (11 months ago) Permalink
tbh the most scandalous thing about that cartoon is that the guy's using a Mac SE.
― Pot Leeedom (Leee), Tuesday, 22 May 2012 02:37 (11 months ago) Permalink
Or in caption form, "I am trying very hard to distract you from the Mac SE I'm using."
― Pot Leeedom (Leee), Tuesday, 22 May 2012 02:50 (11 months ago) Permalink
haha, I was going to post the same thing but I couldn't remember what those macs were called
― this guy's a gangsta? his real name's mittens. (Hurting 2), Tuesday, 22 May 2012 02:58 (11 months ago) Permalink
"It's called the 'treasure trail' because it leads you to my million dollar idea"
― Word of Wisdom Robots (Abbbottt), Tuesday, 22 May 2012 03:00 (11 months ago) Permalink
"I got my father's hairline and my mother's sense of the spiritual in everyday things."
― spextor vs bextor (contenderizer), Tuesday, 22 May 2012 03:25 (11 months ago) Permalink
"I always wanted to be... a lumberjack!"
― EZ Snappin, Tuesday, 22 May 2012 03:27 (11 months ago) Permalink
"This is the uniform of posthumanism I bid you wear to accelerate the singularity"
― Word of Wisdom Robots (Abbbottt), Tuesday, 22 May 2012 03:28 (11 months ago) Permalink
xxp lol
― flopson, Tuesday, 22 May 2012 03:29 (11 months ago) Permalink
― Mark G, Monday, 28 May 2012 08:31 (11 months ago) Permalink
The realities of the EU Structural Fund.
― pet tommy & the barkhaters (darraghmac), Monday, 28 May 2012 09:12 (11 months ago) Permalink
"I think we could have made better use of this Homeland Security grant"
― this guy's a gangsta? his real name's mittens. (Hurting 2), Monday, 28 May 2012 13:24 (11 months ago) Permalink
― Mark G, Monday, 28 May 2012 13:27 (11 months ago) Permalink
"They cam over 'ere, stealin' our coconats"
― Cyders from Mars (Noodle Vague), Monday, 28 May 2012 15:31 (11 months ago) Permalink
"at least we know know why it's called 'atoll'"
― pet tommy & the barkhaters (darraghmac), Monday, 28 May 2012 15:43 (11 months ago) Permalink
"okay, let's feel down the back of the seat one more time."
― Merdeyeux, Monday, 28 May 2012 15:47 (11 months ago) Permalink
"I came here for the schools........ of fish!!!!!!!"
― TracerHandVEVO (Tracer Hand), Monday, 28 May 2012 15:52 (11 months ago) Permalink
darragh FTW
― ljubljana, Monday, 28 May 2012 16:07 (11 months ago) Permalink
"The exclusivity is top notch, the golf less so."
― jump them into a gang - into the absurd (forksclovetofu), Monday, 28 May 2012 16:09 (11 months ago) Permalink
"Hey, maybe we should just ask the toll guard for a lift back home."
― Captain Jean-Luc Godard (Leee), Monday, 28 May 2012 16:36 (11 months ago) Permalink
― ljubljana, Monday, May 28, 2012 9:07 AM (7 hours ago)
― Word of Wisdom Robots (Abbbottt), Monday, 28 May 2012 23:44 (11 months ago) Permalink
^^^yep
― EZ Snappin, Monday, 28 May 2012 23:49 (11 months ago) Permalink
you should def submit it.
― s.clover, Tuesday, 29 May 2012 00:00 (11 months ago) Permalink
i prefer the eu one but i think y'all prefer the atoll one, right?
― pet tommy & the barkhaters (darraghmac), Tuesday, 29 May 2012 00:04 (11 months ago) Permalink
― EZ Snappin, Tuesday, 29 May 2012 00:05 (11 months ago) Permalink
you say that now, but if it wins you'll all claim to prefer the earlier work imo
― pet tommy & the barkhaters (darraghmac), Tuesday, 29 May 2012 00:09 (11 months ago) Permalink
yes
― EZ Snappin, Tuesday, 29 May 2012 00:11 (11 months ago) Permalink
the atoll one was good but I stand by my belief that puns do not win
― this guy's a gangsta? his real name's mittens. (Hurting 2), Tuesday, 29 May 2012 01:33 (11 months ago) Permalink
otm imo
― pet tommy & the barkhaters (darraghmac), Tuesday, 29 May 2012 01:43 (11 months ago) Permalink
There's something about this one. Runner-up = forks
― ljubljana, Tuesday, 29 May 2012 02:02 (11 months ago) Permalink
Needs more exclamation points imo
― TracerHandVEVO (Tracer Hand), Tuesday, 29 May 2012 10:53 (11 months ago) Permalink
everyone's a person who criticizes
― pet tommy & the barkhaters (darraghmac), Tuesday, 29 May 2012 11:05 (11 months ago) Permalink
Needs less 'know' imo.
― Mark G, Tuesday, 29 May 2012 11:07 (11 months ago) Permalink
one less k i'll grant you
― pet tommy & the barkhaters (darraghmac), Tuesday, 29 May 2012 11:07 (11 months ago) Permalink
"It's not huge, isle grant you that!!!!!
― TracerHandVEVO (Tracer Hand), Tuesday, 29 May 2012 11:11 (11 months ago) Permalink
"i'll never view a place at low tide again"
― pet tommy & the barkhaters (darraghmac), Tuesday, 29 May 2012 11:14 (11 months ago) Permalink
"We need a davenport."
― that is a weird thing to bring up over lean cuisine (DJP), Tuesday, 29 May 2012 11:42 (11 months ago) Permalink
"it is terribly ironic and not a little awkward that we have squandered our wealth on moving to a desert island with preposterously excessive immigration controls to isolate ourselves from the tyranny of sodomy and to escape the gay jihad on marriage only for me to now discover that i am in fact in love with you, and always have been"
― Roberto Spiralli, Tuesday, 29 May 2012 12:25 (11 months ago) Permalink
Please please submit that.
― emil.y, Tuesday, 29 May 2012 12:40 (11 months ago) Permalink
at the very least to colin firth's agent
― pet tommy & the barkhaters (darraghmac), Tuesday, 29 May 2012 12:41 (11 months ago) Permalink
short version:
"Why, do you fancy a shag?"
― Mark G, Tuesday, 29 May 2012 12:43 (11 months ago) Permalink
But that doesn't make any mention of the toll booth/barrier/fence deal. The implications are completely different.
― emil.y, Tuesday, 29 May 2012 12:46 (11 months ago) Permalink
it's irony/juxtaposition.
― Mark G, Tuesday, 29 May 2012 13:51 (11 months ago) Permalink
"I said from the start this congestion charge was a terrible mistake."
― s.clover, Tuesday, 29 May 2012 14:31 (11 months ago) Permalink
"this island satisfies me because i fucking hate mexicans"
― goole, Tuesday, 29 May 2012 14:49 (11 months ago) Permalink
"You smell."
― TracerHandVEVO (Tracer Hand), Tuesday, 29 May 2012 14:49 (11 months ago) Permalink
"I told you no one wants to live in a gated commune."
― EZ Snappin, Tuesday, 29 May 2012 14:51 (11 months ago) Permalink
"i knew nobody else would be here this early, didn't i say nobody else would be here this early? i just knew nobody else would be here this early"
― pet tommy & the barkhaters (darraghmac), Tuesday, 29 May 2012 14:53 (11 months ago) Permalink
"Yes, I know you like having him around, but to be perfectly frank I feel it's another unnecessary expenditure we just can't afford right now"
― pet tommy & the barkhaters (darraghmac), Tuesday, 29 May 2012 14:56 (11 months ago) Permalink
"Come to think of it, I actually do feel safer than I did four years ago."
― s.clover, Tuesday, 29 May 2012 18:07 (11 months ago) Permalink
^sounds like a winner
― jump them into a gang - into the absurd (forksclovetofu), Tuesday, 29 May 2012 18:21 (11 months ago) Permalink
"That sure was an unusual TED conference."
― oh jeez. I can feel myself quicken. (Austerity Ponies), Tuesday, 29 May 2012 18:25 (11 months ago) Permalink
^continuity
― oh jeez. I can feel myself quicken. (Austerity Ponies), Tuesday, 29 May 2012 18:26 (11 months ago) Permalink
"I thought YOU read the terms and conditions."
― TracerHandVEVO (Tracer Hand), Wednesday, 30 May 2012 10:23 (11 months ago) Permalink
Ryanair's tactic of flying into regional airports failed spectacularly in the Carribbean
― pet tommy & the barkhaters (darraghmac), Wednesday, 30 May 2012 10:39 (11 months ago) Permalink
"I do not know what I may appear to the world, but to myself I seem to have been only like a boy playing on the sea-shore, and diverting myself in now and then finding a smoother pebble or a prettier shell than ordinary, whilst the great ocean of truth lay all undiscovered before me."
― caek, Wednesday, 30 May 2012 11:19 (11 months ago) Permalink
*farts*
― oh jeez. I can feel myself quicken. (Austerity Ponies), Wednesday, 30 May 2012 14:22 (11 months ago) Permalink
"There are so many islands!As many islands as the stars at nightlike falling fruit around the schooner Flight.But things must fall, and so it always was,on one hand Venus, on the other Mars;fall, and are one, just as this earth is oneisland in archipelagoes of stars."
― s.clover, Wednesday, 30 May 2012 23:55 (11 months ago) Permalink
The "Ted" captions they chose are all rub.Anyways, moving on..
― Mark G, Monday, 11 June 2012 08:20 (11 months ago) Permalink
"The state arts board called and they revoked your grant."
― Convert simple JEEZ to BDSMcode (Austerity Ponies), Monday, 11 June 2012 13:27 (11 months ago) Permalink
"Every day I write the book."
― Julie Derpy (Phil D.), Monday, 11 June 2012 13:33 (11 months ago) Permalink
when you said great american novel etc etc
― Jesu swept (ledge), Monday, 11 June 2012 13:35 (11 months ago) Permalink
"All giant killing and no play makes Jack a dull boy?"
― Jesu swept (ledge), Monday, 11 June 2012 13:36 (11 months ago) Permalink
"Why won't you ever let me see what you're writing?"
― Convert simple JEEZ to BDSMcode (Austerity Ponies), Monday, 11 June 2012 13:37 (11 months ago) Permalink
"The size of your book makes this room essentially unlivable, why would you do this?"
― Julie Derpy (Phil D.), Monday, 11 June 2012 13:39 (11 months ago) Permalink
"your handwriting is really bad"
― goole, Monday, 11 June 2012 13:40 (11 months ago) Permalink
"You going to forge Jonathan Swift's signature as well?"
― Mark G, Monday, 11 June 2012 13:54 (11 months ago) Permalink
"Why did I marry a man whose ass is made out of blocks?"
― Convert simple JEEZ to BDSMcode (Austerity Ponies), Monday, 11 June 2012 13:58 (11 months ago) Permalink
"yes, they can send books directly to kindles, but they don't use wonkavision, dear"
― the acquisition and practice of music is unfavourable to the health of (abanana), Monday, 11 June 2012 15:45 (11 months ago) Permalink
"The phrase 'The Great American Novel' doesn't refer to great as in size!"
― this guy's a gangsta? his real name's mittens. (Hurting 2), Monday, 11 June 2012 15:47 (11 months ago) Permalink
"I'm pretty sure largehand isn't the opposite of shorthand."
― EZ Snappin, Monday, 11 June 2012 15:48 (11 months ago) Permalink
"This isn't going to work."
― TracerHandVEVO (Tracer Hand), Monday, 11 June 2012 15:49 (11 months ago) Permalink
"The "Ted" captions they chose are all rub."
― EZ Snappin, Monday, 11 June 2012 15:50 (11 months ago) Permalink
"What do you mean, 'What's wrong with this picture?' Who the hell uses the diaeresis anymore?"
― Convert simple JEEZ to BDSMcode (Austerity Ponies), Monday, 11 June 2012 15:55 (11 months ago) Permalink
95% of entries to use the caption "It's my day off"
― Mark G, Monday, 18 June 2012 11:10 (11 months ago) Permalink
"My arms are tired"
― Jesu swept (ledge), Monday, 18 June 2012 11:11 (11 months ago) Permalink
alternatively: "No, it's just a costume"
― Mark G, Monday, 18 June 2012 11:13 (11 months ago) Permalink
"Elvis stole my haircut"
― EZ Snappin, Monday, 18 June 2012 13:27 (11 months ago) Permalink
"FUI"
― Mexès Coleslaw Massacre (Noodle Vague), Monday, 18 June 2012 13:34 (11 months ago) Permalink
"I could punch straight through your head."
― nuts spats (Austerity Ponies), Monday, 18 June 2012 13:38 (11 months ago) Permalink
"After this flight, I'm gonna feel like crap tonight? Get it? Sounds like kryptonite? I'm Superman, and that was a joke about how no one likes air travel."
― Word of Wisdom Robots (Abbbottt), Monday, 18 June 2012 13:45 (11 months ago) Permalink
"Laundry day."
― Never translate Dutch (jaymc), Monday, 18 June 2012 13:50 (11 months ago) Permalink
"It's not the fans, it's just a few people in white wigs and members of parliament. They got a problem because the law is from the 1800s."
― nuts spats (Austerity Ponies), Monday, 18 June 2012 14:03 (11 months ago) Permalink
"Up in the sky. It's a bird. It's a plane. It's Supes riding coach."
― Mordy, Monday, 18 June 2012 14:07 (11 months ago) Permalink
"I'm excited to finally get a chance to relax and enjoy a good meal while flying."
― nuts spats (Austerity Ponies), Monday, 18 June 2012 14:12 (11 months ago) Permalink
"No, I'm 1940's Cartoon Superman."
― abanana, Monday, 18 June 2012 14:38 (11 months ago) Permalink
"I didn't notice. I can hear children screaming all over the world."
― nuts spats (Austerity Ponies), Monday, 18 June 2012 14:48 (11 months ago) Permalink
Hahahahaa
― Julie Derpy (Phil D.), Monday, 18 June 2012 14:51 (11 months ago) Permalink
"Pretty soon the TSA will make you wear your underwear on the outside too."
― EZ Snappin, Monday, 18 June 2012 14:55 (11 months ago) Permalink
I get a lot of frequent flier miles
― Love Max Ophüls of us all (Michael White), Monday, 18 June 2012 14:59 (11 months ago) Permalink
They overbooked Wonder Woman's invisible plane.
― Mordy, Monday, 18 June 2012 15:01 (11 months ago) Permalink
"MY passport says Bruce Wayne."
― EZ Snappin, Monday, 18 June 2012 15:02 (11 months ago) Permalink
Ebert's entry: "This way I don't get as many bugs in my teeth."
― Julie Derpy (Phil D.), Monday, 18 June 2012 15:06 (11 months ago) Permalink
"Don't freak out, but both engines failed. I'm holding this plane up with my buttcheeks."
― goole, Monday, 18 June 2012 15:15 (11 months ago) Permalink
"would you like to hear another of my superhero-themed bondage fantasies? Stewardess! 2 more vodka sodas for me and Amory Lovins, please!"
― Mad God 40/40 (Z S), Monday, 18 June 2012 15:37 (11 months ago) Permalink
"I plan on getting drunk. You'll love Absolut All-Star Superman."
― EZ Snappin, Monday, 18 June 2012 15:46 (11 months ago) Permalink
lolz
― Mordy, Monday, 18 June 2012 15:48 (11 months ago) Permalink
"i can see through your clothes. right through them. does that turn you on?"
― Roberto Spiralli, Monday, 18 June 2012 16:54 (11 months ago) Permalink
"It could be weirder. Like, just to pick an example at random, I might be wearing luggage."
― s.clover, Monday, 18 June 2012 17:30 (11 months ago) Permalink
"Lol, this legroom sure isn't 'super'!"
― s.clover, Monday, 18 June 2012 17:31 (11 months ago) Permalink
"I just travel this way for the patdowns."
― s.clover, Monday, 18 June 2012 17:32 (11 months ago) Permalink
"Nope, just a regular guy. What is this 'air marshal' program of which you speak?"
― s.clover, Monday, 18 June 2012 17:33 (11 months ago) Permalink
"Yes, I started having to travel this way after I became a quadriplegic. Thanks for reminding me, asshole."
― s.clover, Monday, 18 June 2012 17:35 (11 months ago) Permalink
"There's a man out there."
― nuts spats (Austerity Ponies), Monday, 18 June 2012 17:36 (11 months ago) Permalink
"Well, the other way, I miss out on all the great deals from Skymall!"
― s.clover, Monday, 18 June 2012 17:37 (11 months ago) Permalink
All of nuts' are killing it.
― s.clover, Monday, 18 June 2012 17:38 (11 months ago) Permalink
"You're not my type."
― Victory Chainsaw! (DJP), Monday, 18 June 2012 17:38 (11 months ago) Permalink
"This 'Superfriends Fly Free' promotion worked out pretty well, I'd have to say."
― s.clover, Monday, 18 June 2012 17:39 (11 months ago) Permalink
"It's worth it for the WiFi."
― s.clover, Monday, 18 June 2012 17:41 (11 months ago) Permalink
joedator? doesn't new yorker have a policy against using call of duty screen names as your signature?
― Philip Nunez, Monday, 18 June 2012 17:41 (11 months ago) Permalink
"George Reeves lives in my mouth."
― nuts spats (Austerity Ponies), Monday, 18 June 2012 17:43 (11 months ago) Permalink
"these luggage compartments are bigger than i'm used to."
― Merdeyeux, Monday, 18 June 2012 17:44 (11 months ago) Permalink
"And that's how I learned that teal kryptonite takes away my first class platinum pass. Weird, right?"
― s.clover, Monday, 18 June 2012 17:44 (11 months ago) Permalink
"Have you ever tried to change in an airplane bathroom?"
― EZ Snappin, Monday, 18 June 2012 17:46 (11 months ago) Permalink
"Oh, yeah right, it's impossible to reverse time by flying against the rotation of the Earth. It's totally impossible. Listen, pal, I was there, OK?"
― nuts spats (Austerity Ponies), Monday, 18 June 2012 17:53 (11 months ago) Permalink
"The 70s cartoon had it wrong. It's Miks-yez-pit-lik, not Mix-ill-plick."
― EZ Snappin, Monday, 18 June 2012 18:00 (11 months ago) Permalink
"You're probably thinking of my cousin."
― Authorities don't know who shot the 50 Cent the goose. (forksclovetofu), Monday, 18 June 2012 18:13 (11 months ago) Permalink
― nuts spats (Austerity Ponies), Monday, 18 June 2012 18:19 (11 months ago) Permalink
"Last time I fell asleep and crashed into the World Trade Center"
― Øystein, Tuesday, 19 June 2012 11:11 (11 months ago) Permalink
copper-bottomed winner
― TracerHandVEVO (Tracer Hand), Tuesday, 19 June 2012 11:15 (11 months ago) Permalink
By rights, this should be a contender. But, will this even make it into the 'other captions' section?
― Mark G, Tuesday, 19 June 2012 11:17 (11 months ago) Permalink
^ audible cackles at this one
― send him to outer space, to hug another face (NickB), Tuesday, 19 June 2012 11:48 (11 months ago) Permalink
And in an ironic twist it's William Shatner.
― Meet the G that Skrilled me... (snoball), Tuesday, 19 June 2012 13:13 (11 months ago) Permalink
i never actually enter this thing.
― Authorities don't know who shot the 50 Cent the goose. (forksclovetofu), Tuesday, 19 June 2012 20:46 (11 months ago) Permalink
― goole, Monday, 18 June 2012 11:15 (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink
this could so win!
― carly rae (flopson), Tuesday, 19 June 2012 22:48 (11 months ago) Permalink
What do you mean Comic Con isn't till next month?
― Moves Like Zappa (Leee), Wednesday, 20 June 2012 15:48 (11 months ago) Permalink
is there perhaps a more New Yorker word for "buttcheeks"? If so I think it should be submitted.
― eggleston or instagram? (Hurting 2), Wednesday, 20 June 2012 16:05 (11 months ago) Permalink
Also I'd change "freak out" to "panic"
― eggleston or instagram? (Hurting 2), Wednesday, 20 June 2012 16:06 (11 months ago) Permalink
I'm no help because I want to change the stinger to "I'm holding this plane up with pure anal suction."
― Victory Chainsaw! (DJP), Wednesday, 20 June 2012 16:07 (11 months ago) Permalink
<3
― Peppermint Patty Hearst (VegemiteGrrl), Wednesday, 20 June 2012 16:15 (11 months ago) Permalink
lmao
― carly rae (flopson), Wednesday, 20 June 2012 16:31 (11 months ago) Permalink
"glutes"
― Authorities don't know who shot the 50 Cent the goose. (forksclovetofu), Wednesday, 20 June 2012 16:41 (11 months ago) Permalink
His gluteus gripped the cloth seat covering, effervescently holding the tumescent aircraft aloft.
― eggleston or instagram? (Hurting 2), Wednesday, 20 June 2012 16:47 (11 months ago) Permalink
Effervescently?!
― Love Max Ophüls of us all (Michael White), Wednesday, 20 June 2012 16:49 (11 months ago) Permalink
his inner goddess was holding in a fart
― nuts spats (Austerity Ponies), Wednesday, 20 June 2012 16:49 (11 months ago) Permalink
oh jeez
― eggleston or instagram? (Hurting 2), Wednesday, 20 June 2012 17:00 (11 months ago) Permalink
Not only does the sun shine out of my ass but there are bubbles, too.
― Love Max Ophüls of us all (Michael White), Wednesday, 20 June 2012 17:18 (11 months ago) Permalink
"So, I just met you, and this is crazy..."
― Victory Chainsaw! (DJP), Wednesday, 20 June 2012 17:22 (11 months ago) Permalink
IT MUST AND WILL REMAIN "BUTTCHEEKS"
― goole, Wednesday, 20 June 2012 17:45 (11 months ago) Permalink
That would look inspirational on a banner
― Love Max Ophüls of us all (Michael White), Wednesday, 20 June 2012 17:50 (11 months ago) Permalink
"Don't panic, but both engines failed. I'm holding this plane up with my heroic cheeks.""
― Mad God 40/40 (Z S), Wednesday, 20 June 2012 17:56 (11 months ago) Permalink
My super ass
― Love Max Ophüls of us all (Michael White), Wednesday, 20 June 2012 17:56 (11 months ago) Permalink
buttcheeks! buttcheeks! buttcheeks!
― carly rae (flopson), Wednesday, 20 June 2012 17:57 (11 months ago) Permalink
"The movie's stylized it a bit. Frankly, the flapping makes me feel like an idiot."
― Øystein, Wednesday, 20 June 2012 17:59 (11 months ago) Permalink
Seems there's actually a funny caption in the running for the 'big book' one.. (not one of ours, tho)
This Week:
― Mark G, Monday, 25 June 2012 15:56 (10 months ago) Permalink
"Clock's ticking."
― TracerHandVEVO (Tracer Hand), Monday, 25 June 2012 16:22 (10 months ago) Permalink
mark -- which one did you find funny?
― s.clover, Monday, 25 June 2012 16:29 (10 months ago) Permalink
"the commute is a bitch, but the view is worth it"
― congratulations (n/a), Monday, 25 June 2012 16:29 (10 months ago) Permalink
"ju en me, we finely gon' hav dat leetle talk"
― roon dmc (darraghmac), Monday, 25 June 2012 16:33 (10 months ago) Permalink
"hi i'm just camping, eating a sandwich on my inflatable chair next to my inflatable futon, are you having a good time hiking next to my campsite? hi!"
― congratulations (n/a), Monday, 25 June 2012 16:42 (10 months ago) Permalink
hahahahaha
― Victory Chainsaw! (DJP), Monday, 25 June 2012 16:42 (10 months ago) Permalink
"your legs must be incredibly long. i hope you fit on this couch!"
"Hope you don't make a freudian SLIP!"
― click here if you want to load them all (Hurting 2), Monday, 25 June 2012 16:43 (10 months ago) Permalink
"so you see the analysand always arrives at his destination. $500 please."
― Merdeyeux, Monday, 25 June 2012 16:44 (10 months ago) Permalink
Welcome to the first session of "Looking Into The Abyss"
― Peppermint Patty Hearst (VegemiteGrrl), Monday, 25 June 2012 16:48 (10 months ago) Permalink
"It's not a metaphor for fuck all."
― EZ Snappin, Monday, 25 June 2012 16:50 (10 months ago) Permalink
clock ticking ftw
― Mark G, Monday, 25 June 2012 16:59 (10 months ago) Permalink
"And you must be my 3:15"
― Authorities don't know who shot the 50 Cent the goose. (forksclovetofu), Monday, 25 June 2012 17:00 (10 months ago) Permalink
alternately,"Any trouble getting here?"
― Authorities don't know who shot the 50 Cent the goose. (forksclovetofu), Monday, 25 June 2012 17:01 (10 months ago) Permalink
"YOU ARE HAFFINK ZE PENIS PROBLEMS, YESSSS?!??!"
― congratulations (n/a), Monday, 25 June 2012 17:02 (10 months ago) Permalink
"तुम कौन हो?दूर चले जाओ या मैं पुलिस को बुलाता हूँ!"
― Mad God 40/40 (Z S), Monday, 25 June 2012 17:02 (10 months ago) Permalink
"you climbed a mountain and found a punchline"
― goole, Monday, 25 June 2012 17:03 (10 months ago) Permalink
"Come, lie down on my rape divan."
― Victory Chainsaw! (DJP), Monday, 25 June 2012 17:04 (10 months ago) Permalink
(I am really sorry for that)
"Strange, you're the only one to show up for my fear of heights seminar!"
― that's why Love made the weirdos (brownie), Monday, 25 June 2012 17:14 (10 months ago) Permalink
"sometimes a mountain is just....a mountain"
― roon dmc (darraghmac), Monday, 25 June 2012 17:33 (10 months ago) Permalink
ok i laughed at brownie's
― congratulations (n/a), Monday, 25 June 2012 17:34 (10 months ago) Permalink
"Let me enlighten you about your mother."
― Mordy, Monday, 25 June 2012 17:44 (10 months ago) Permalink
"change of plan- mohammed's not coming"
― roon dmc (darraghmac), Monday, 25 June 2012 18:00 (10 months ago) Permalink
"Just lie down on the couch and tell me all about your small penis"
― gonna send him to outer space, to hug another face (NickB), Monday, 25 June 2012 18:18 (10 months ago) Permalink
― Peppermint Patty Hearst (VegemiteGrrl), Monday, 25 June 2012 18:21 (10 months ago) Permalink
"I admit this is a setback... but I am sure that one day, Herr Schmidt, we will beat this terrible fear of the cable car"
― gonna send him to outer space, to hug another face (NickB), Monday, 25 June 2012 18:23 (10 months ago) Permalink
"That's very interesting. Did you also find your father to be...remote?"
― click here if you want to load them all (Hurting 2), Monday, 25 June 2012 18:29 (10 months ago) Permalink
"This is analysis. Enlightenment is the next peak over."
― EZ Snappin, Monday, 25 June 2012 18:30 (10 months ago) Permalink
― Authorities don't know who shot the 50 Cent the goose. (forksclovetofu), Monday, 25 June 2012 18:39 (10 months ago) Permalink
"No need to be embarrassed, those mountains look a bit like your mother's boobies to me too"
― gonna send him to outer space, to hug another face (NickB), Monday, 25 June 2012 18:41 (10 months ago) Permalink
Awaiting the noms for the Superman one, but:
http://arstechnica.com/business/2012/06/christ-what-an-asshole-is-only-001-of-new-yorker-caption-contest-subs/
― Mark G, Monday, 2 July 2012 08:36 (10 months ago) Permalink
"um, help?"
― Mark G, Monday, 2 July 2012 14:27 (10 months ago) Permalink
sup
― Mad God 40/40 (Z S), Monday, 2 July 2012 14:30 (10 months ago) Permalink
"You know "Leda and the Swan"? I'm Michelangelo."
― EZ Snappin, Monday, 2 July 2012 14:33 (10 months ago) Permalink
"Well yes, but I also play with The Sea and Quack"
― click here if you want to load them all (Hurting 2), Monday, 2 July 2012 14:36 (10 months ago) Permalink
"The rocket fuel in my shell tickles but otherwise smooth flying."
― Mordy, Monday, 2 July 2012 14:40 (10 months ago) Permalink
i call it turtle power
― Roberto Spiralli, Monday, 2 July 2012 14:42 (10 months ago) Permalink
do you birds know how a parachute works?
― Roberto Spiralli, Monday, 2 July 2012 14:43 (10 months ago) Permalink
do you birds know how a pressure cooker works?
I think Mr. Escher had a drink or two before he drew us, am I right?
― Julie Derpy (Phil D.), Monday, 2 July 2012 14:45 (10 months ago) Permalink
"I'm a turtle dove."
― EZ Snappin, Monday, 2 July 2012 14:46 (10 months ago) Permalink
lol snappin, that's a good'un
― goole, Monday, 2 July 2012 14:46 (10 months ago) Permalink
"See, I can also 'crane' my neck. Geddit?"
― goole, Monday, 2 July 2012 14:47 (10 months ago) Permalink
"is that a photographer up there?"
― Mad God 40/40 (Z S), Monday, 2 July 2012 14:50 (10 months ago) Permalink
"I'm actually very far away from you, but I'm disproportionately huge. This guy isn't all that good at perspective."
― Julie Derpy (Phil D.), Monday, 2 July 2012 14:55 (10 months ago) Permalink
"you might know my dad, Gamera."
― EZ Snappin, Monday, 2 July 2012 14:58 (10 months ago) Permalink
"Someone told me this was a fancy dress migration."
― Victory Chainsaw! (DJP), Monday, 2 July 2012 14:59 (10 months ago) Permalink
"What are ya'll doing in my psychedelic ocean?"
― Mad God 40/40 (Z S), Monday, 2 July 2012 15:00 (10 months ago) Permalink
you guys have never won this, right
― frogbs, Monday, 2 July 2012 15:01 (10 months ago) Permalink
"You said we had to be anseriformes on this flight? I thought we just had to fill out answer forms."
― chupacabra seeds (Abbbottt), Monday, 2 July 2012 15:01 (10 months ago) Permalink
"I don't really care about flying south, I just wanted to shit on something."
― goole, Monday, 2 July 2012 15:01 (10 months ago) Permalink
"This is always the worst part of a timeshare swap."
― Victory Chainsaw! (DJP), Monday, 2 July 2012 15:01 (10 months ago) Permalink
"After I beat that hare I thought 'the sky's the limit!'"
― Jesu swept (ledge), Monday, 2 July 2012 15:03 (10 months ago) Permalink
"Best. Upgrade. EVER!"
― Victory Chainsaw! (DJP), Monday, 2 July 2012 15:04 (10 months ago) Permalink
"hypnosis"
― snoopsheepysheep (darraghmac), Monday, 2 July 2012 15:04 (10 months ago) Permalink
"is this a dream? what is that bright light? am i ... dying? oh ... god ... i am finally ... at peace..."
― congratulations (n/a), Monday, 2 July 2012 15:05 (10 months ago) Permalink
― Victory Chainsaw! (DJP), Monday, 2 July 2012 15:06 (10 months ago) Permalink
"Who you calling a dinosaur?"
― EZ Snappin, Monday, 2 July 2012 15:06 (10 months ago) Permalink
"I'm on a jobswap with Superman!"
― Mark G, Monday, 2 July 2012 15:07 (10 months ago) Permalink
"If you must know, I got 'Freaky Friday'-ed."
― Victory Chainsaw! (DJP), Monday, 2 July 2012 15:09 (10 months ago) Permalink
"It's not my negative space, or your negative space. it's our negative space."
― Mad God 40/40 (Z S), Monday, 2 July 2012 15:09 (10 months ago) Permalink
"CAW! CAW!"
― click here if you want to load them all (Hurting 2), Monday, 2 July 2012 15:09 (10 months ago) Permalink
i think you mean "QUACK! QUACK!"
― Jesu swept (ledge), Monday, 2 July 2012 15:10 (10 months ago) Permalink
"got any lettuce?"
― Mark G, Monday, 2 July 2012 15:11 (10 months ago) Permalink
"well the kids are all gone now and marcy- that's my wife, marcy- marcy said "you've always wanted to do it, you should go for it!" and i just thought, well, why not?"
― snoopsheepysheep (darraghmac), Monday, 2 July 2012 15:14 (10 months ago) Permalink
"Just go ahead and say it. Say it to my face, Hinkwell!"
― Mad God 40/40 (Z S), Monday, 2 July 2012 15:18 (10 months ago) Permalink
Yeah i figured there was a mix up, you needed a nap not a snap....ping turtle!
― that's why Love made the weirdos (brownie), Monday, 2 July 2012 15:18 (10 months ago) Permalink
winner
― boxall, Monday, 2 July 2012 15:19 (10 months ago) Permalink
if you pass an old guy with balloons attached to his house, ask him if anyone is missing, and then tell him to go fuck himself
― Roberto Spiralli, Monday, 2 July 2012 15:20 (10 months ago) Permalink
No, I make the best soup
― that's why Love made the weirdos (brownie), Monday, 2 July 2012 15:21 (10 months ago) Permalink
lol roberto
― Mad God 40/40 (Z S), Monday, 2 July 2012 15:21 (10 months ago) Permalink
"I'm bored."
― Mad God 40/40 (Z S), Monday, 2 July 2012 15:22 (10 months ago) Permalink
"When I hit puberty I'm going to turn into a swan."
― EZ Snappin, Monday, 2 July 2012 15:25 (10 months ago) Permalink
I have a death wish
― that's why Love made the weirdos (brownie), Monday, 2 July 2012 15:26 (10 months ago) Permalink
"well, in my opinion that kind of negative attitude is exactly what helps perpetuate outdated and oppressive species roles"
― snoopsheepysheep (darraghmac), Monday, 2 July 2012 15:27 (10 months ago) Permalink
"Fuck you, I'm flying!"
― Victory Chainsaw! (DJP), Monday, 2 July 2012 15:29 (10 months ago) Permalink
"ugh, whenever i fly i get stuck with the middle seat"
― congratulations (n/a), Monday, 2 July 2012 15:32 (10 months ago) Permalink
"Boy, they really changed the evolution tree in Pokemon Turquoise!"
― s.clover, Monday, 2 July 2012 15:38 (10 months ago) Permalink
"And so I say to my therapist -- Come out of my shell? I'll show you coming out of my shell!"
― s.clover, Monday, 2 July 2012 15:41 (10 months ago) Permalink
"Just dropping byyyyyyyy."
― s.clover, Monday, 2 July 2012 15:42 (10 months ago) Permalink
"Tell my wife I love her."
"The fish couldn't make it. When do we start tessellating?"
― abanana, Monday, 2 July 2012 15:43 (10 months ago) Permalink
"Why a duck? Why not a turtle?"
― s.clover, Monday, 2 July 2012 15:45 (10 months ago) Permalink
"Seriously? Turtle's can't fly? Why didn't someone tell me soooneeeeeeeee....."
― s.clover, Monday, 2 July 2012 16:00 (10 months ago) Permalink
erm "Turtles" that is. No apostrophe.
"Want to scramble some eggs?"
― Mad God 40/40 (Z S), Monday, 2 July 2012 16:01 (10 months ago) Permalink
"Actually, I'm not a duck. I'm working on an article for the New Yorker."
― click here if you want to load them all (Hurting 2), Monday, 2 July 2012 16:09 (10 months ago) Permalink
replace New Yorker with Rolling Stone and it might be a winner!
― s.clover, Monday, 2 July 2012 16:17 (10 months ago) Permalink
Yeah, so it doesn't have the meta angle. I was also thinking the wording could be tweaked, like maybe throw in an italicized "really" before "a duck"
― click here if you want to load them all (Hurting 2), Monday, 2 July 2012 16:18 (10 months ago) Permalink
"Half, on my mother's side."
― Authorities don't know who shot the 50 Cent the goose. (forksclovetofu), Monday, 2 July 2012 19:54 (10 months ago) Permalink
"Actually, I'm not really a duck, I'm Barbara Ehrenreich"
― click here if you want to load them all (Hurting 2), Monday, 2 July 2012 20:45 (10 months ago) Permalink
"Hey turtle, tell Aeschylus hi for me."
― chupacabra seeds (Abbbottt), Monday, 2 July 2012 21:35 (10 months ago) Permalink
forks' is real good too. you should submit it.
― s.clover, Monday, 2 July 2012 21:44 (10 months ago) Permalink
ah, god, i'm pissed, but abanana's REALLY made me laugh.
― If you live in Thanet and fancy doing some creative knitting (Fizzles), Wednesday, 4 July 2012 21:56 (10 months ago) Permalink
"whoooooaaaaaaaa! Whoaaaaaaaa!
― Mad God 40/40 (Z S), Thursday, 5 July 2012 02:58 (10 months ago) Permalink
― Mark G, Wednesday, 18 July 2012 09:16 (10 months ago) Permalink
Pig: "I've got a beef..."
― second dullest ILXor since 1929 (snoball), Wednesday, 18 July 2012 09:26 (10 months ago) Permalink
"I can't find the Up escalator!"
― Mark G, Wednesday, 18 July 2012 09:28 (10 months ago) Permalink
"My tail used to be a squiggly as the cartoonist's signature, but I had it shortened."
― second dullest ILXor since 1929 (snoball), Wednesday, 18 July 2012 09:29 (10 months ago) Permalink
"Well I'm sorry you feel that Mr. Wolf is an unsuitable building standards inspector, but we're quite satisfied with his performance in the role"
― starfish entryprize (darraghmac), Wednesday, 18 July 2012 09:29 (10 months ago) Permalink
Pig: "I'm fed up with this 'mmmm bacon' meme."Clerk: "Well I'm tired of this 'everything is better with zombies' thing.'
― second dullest ILXor since 1929 (snoball), Wednesday, 18 July 2012 09:32 (10 months ago) Permalink
clerk ”Well if you don't like it why don't you go live in a MOSLEM country?”
― starfish entryprize (darraghmac), Wednesday, 18 July 2012 09:38 (10 months ago) Permalink
On top of the filth and stench in there, the joker with the prod is, like, "No, Mr Pig, I expect you to die."
― Grampsy, Wednesday, 18 July 2012 09:54 (10 months ago) Permalink
"God help me, the Mu Shu Pork is made of Piglet!"
― Mordy, Wednesday, 18 July 2012 12:45 (10 months ago) Permalink
"I wish I was taller"
― max, Wednesday, 18 July 2012 12:49 (10 months ago) Permalink
"Do you have a pen I can borrow?"
― EZ Snappin, Wednesday, 18 July 2012 12:51 (10 months ago) Permalink
"Where are my pants?"
― ledge, Wednesday, 18 July 2012 13:19 (10 months ago) Permalink
"Look, you knew our policy didn't cover straw OR sticks when you signed it."
― Marco YOLO (Phil D.), Wednesday, 18 July 2012 13:22 (10 months ago) Permalink
it's weird that both of them have open mouths. i guess it's the clerk speaking, and the pig astonished
― your friend, (Z S), Wednesday, 18 July 2012 13:23 (10 months ago) Permalink
"I hate your mustache."
― abanana, Wednesday, 18 July 2012 13:24 (10 months ago) Permalink
"go wee wee wee all the way home if you don't like it"
― goole, Wednesday, 18 July 2012 14:02 (10 months ago) Permalink
"Look, I don't make the rules."^inscrutable NYorker stylee
― This clam, stranded on someone’s floor, is trying to dig itself (forksclovetofu), Wednesday, 18 July 2012 14:03 (10 months ago) Permalink
or wait: "I find it hard to believe we're the first synagogue you've had this problem with."
― This clam, stranded on someone’s floor, is trying to dig itself (forksclovetofu), Wednesday, 18 July 2012 14:06 (10 months ago) Permalink
"fuck you, pig"
― contenderizer, Wednesday, 18 July 2012 14:07 (10 months ago) Permalink
"is this about me eating your father again?"
― your friend, (Z S), Wednesday, 18 July 2012 14:10 (10 months ago) Permalink
you guys are kidding right
― max, Wednesday, 18 July 2012 14:11 (10 months ago) Permalink
one of you recognizes that cartoon??? right??? wheres al and matt h. at
hey max, here is story on popular website gawker: http://gawker.com/5926846/new-yorker-invites-readers-to-caption-seinfeld-cartoon-that-poked-fun-at-the-new-yorker
― Roberto Spiralli, Wednesday, 18 July 2012 14:19 (10 months ago) Permalink
"We don't validate porking."
― Vic Perry, Wednesday, 18 July 2012 14:25 (10 months ago) Permalink
no, i didn't catch the seinfeld reference ¯\(°_o)/¯
― contenderizer, Wednesday, 18 July 2012 14:28 (10 months ago) Permalink
Seinfeld seasons 8 and 9 never happened.
― abanana, Wednesday, 18 July 2012 14:31 (10 months ago) Permalink
I have never seen this episode, and I don't care to.
― abanana, Wednesday, 18 July 2012 14:37 (10 months ago) Permalink
No, better: "We don't validate porking. Pork you, you porking pig."
― Vic Perry, Wednesday, 18 July 2012 14:37 (10 months ago) Permalink
"I don't watch Seinfeld. I only watch TV for the nature documentaries."
― second dullest ILXor since 1929 (snoball), Wednesday, 18 July 2012 16:11 (10 months ago) Permalink
i feel good about not getting that reference.i also think mine is pretty good.
― This clam, stranded on someone’s floor, is trying to dig itself (forksclovetofu), Wednesday, 18 July 2012 21:01 (10 months ago) Permalink
"I'm a cahhwp!"
― Philip Nunez, Wednesday, 18 July 2012 21:10 (10 months ago) Permalink
― Mark G, Tuesday, 28 August 2012 09:06 (8 months ago) Permalink
"I asked if he's OK with male/male contact during this and he whispered, 'No.'"
― Darren Robocopsky (Phil D.), Tuesday, 28 August 2012 11:33 (8 months ago) Permalink
"Apparently, he thinks it was too quiet.."
― Mark G, Tuesday, 28 August 2012 11:43 (8 months ago) Permalink
Or, "The Monkeys You Ordered" version:
"THIS MAN IS IN BED WITH US!"
― Mark G, Tuesday, 28 August 2012 11:44 (8 months ago) Permalink
"It seems to me, first of all, from what I understand from doctors, that’s really rare. If it’s a legitimate rape, uhh, the female body has ways to try and shut that whole thing down. But let’s assume that maybe that didn’t work or something. You know, I think there should be some punishment, but I think the punishment ought to be of the rapist and not attacking the child."
― Hadrian VIII, Tuesday, 28 August 2012 13:02 (8 months ago) Permalink
"We're going to get to the bottom of this orgasm thing."
― Mordy, Tuesday, 28 August 2012 13:05 (8 months ago) Permalink
oh golly xp
― it's in your face but you can't (Crabbits), Tuesday, 28 August 2012 13:06 (8 months ago) Permalink
"I know I'm not the best lover but I can't believe you hired a private dick!"
― EZ Snappin, Tuesday, 28 August 2012 13:11 (8 months ago) Permalink
ha!
― it's in your face but you can't (Crabbits), Tuesday, 28 August 2012 13:12 (8 months ago) Permalink
"I think someone's spying on us while we have sex."
― wise men farting over you (snoball), Tuesday, 28 August 2012 13:20 (8 months ago) Permalink
"I've hired this PI to find out who wrote 'Walsh' on our bedroom carpet."
― wise men farting over you (snoball), Tuesday, 28 August 2012 13:21 (8 months ago) Permalink
"He's just for cupping the balls!"
― Hadrian VIII, Tuesday, 28 August 2012 13:29 (8 months ago) Permalink
in a better world, "he's just for cupping the balls!" would easily win
― Thanks WEBSITE!! (Z S), Tuesday, 28 August 2012 14:27 (8 months ago) Permalink
"He followed me home. Can I keep him?"
― This cad needs a cordial introduction to Eugene of Oxbow. (forksclovetofu), Tuesday, 28 August 2012 21:09 (8 months ago) Permalink
"I know you like ska, honey, but this is ONE STEP BEYOND"
― Philip Nunez, Tuesday, 28 August 2012 21:18 (8 months ago) Permalink
"I didn't tell him to wear a raincoat! I only told him your a squirter!"
― EZ Snappin, Tuesday, 28 August 2012 21:41 (8 months ago) Permalink
you're. Damn phone.
― EZ Snappin, Tuesday, 28 August 2012 21:42 (8 months ago) Permalink
i said we needed more fun in the boudoir not more men into... neo noir!
― hail dayton (brownie), Tuesday, 28 August 2012 22:53 (8 months ago) Permalink
lolll
― ayonanas (Matt P), Tuesday, 28 August 2012 22:54 (8 months ago) Permalink
can you hand me that glass of water?
― hail dayton (brownie), Tuesday, 28 August 2012 22:55 (8 months ago) Permalink
"Look at this fucking hipster"
― look at this quarterstaff (Hurting 2), Tuesday, 28 August 2012 23:06 (8 months ago) Permalink
"I know you said you wouldn't in any case, but just wanted to let you know, this guy's been eating crackers."
― Philip Nunez, Tuesday, 28 August 2012 23:32 (8 months ago) Permalink
"He's on the case of the missing libido."
― Mordy, Tuesday, 28 August 2012 23:34 (8 months ago) Permalink
not bad
― This cad needs a cordial introduction to Eugene of Oxbow. (forksclovetofu), Tuesday, 28 August 2012 23:52 (8 months ago) Permalink
"This sillouhette with hands and half a face has nowhere else to sleep tonight."
― look at this quarterstaff (Hurting 2), Tuesday, 28 August 2012 23:59 (8 months ago) Permalink
"It's some kind of prequel to The Big Sleep."
― eatandoph (Neue Jesse Schule), Wednesday, 29 August 2012 00:20 (8 months ago) Permalink
"let's be reasonable, he did bring his own pillow."
― tubular, mondo, gnabry (Merdeyeux), Wednesday, 29 August 2012 00:52 (8 months ago) Permalink
"Lay it again, Sam."
― EZ Snappin, Wednesday, 29 August 2012 00:53 (8 months ago) Permalink
were you followed?
― Roberto Spiralli, Wednesday, 29 August 2012 01:11 (8 months ago) Permalink
"You might not mind Mallory, but I do, Alice."
or "Christ what an asshole"
― get you ass to mahs (abanana), Wednesday, 29 August 2012 15:47 (8 months ago) Permalink
"Does your husband always wear his trenchcoat to bed?"
― s.clover, Wednesday, 29 August 2012 15:59 (8 months ago) Permalink
"Ok, now get out the globe, and then remember to moan 'do it, Rockapella!'.
― s.clover, Wednesday, 29 August 2012 16:04 (8 months ago) Permalink
"He wants to know if we have any liquids, gels or pastes."
― TracerHandVEVO (Tracer Hand), Wednesday, 29 August 2012 16:39 (8 months ago) Permalink
"he's here to investigate why my end table is twice as big as yours"
― congratulations (n/a), Wednesday, 29 August 2012 16:45 (8 months ago) Permalink
― TracerHandVEVO (Tracer Hand), Wednesday, 29 August 2012 16:46 (8 months ago) Permalink
"He says he's just a spy in the house of love."
― i know your nuts hurt! who's laughing? (contenderizer), Wednesday, 29 August 2012 17:00 (8 months ago) Permalink
"riveting!"
― Philip Nunez, Wednesday, 29 August 2012 17:05 (8 months ago) Permalink<