What's it all about, Alfie the 13-year-old father?

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/article2233878.ece

BOY dad Alfie Patten yesterday admitted he does not know how much nappies cost — but said: “I think it’s a lot.”
Baby-faced Alfie, who is 13 but looks more like eight, became a father four days ago when his girlfriend Chantelle Steadman gave birth to 7lb 3oz Maisie Roxanne.

He told how he and Chantelle, 15, decided against an abortion after discovering she was pregnant.

This is my favorite part:

Last night Michaela Aston, of the anti-abortion Christian charity LIFE, said: “We commend these teenagers for their courage in bringing their child into the world.

“At the same time this is symptomatic of the over-sexualisation of our youngsters and shows the policy of value-free sex education just isn’t working.”

. . . the her head melted like that Nazi dude in Raiders.

That picture of him - allied with the fact he's 4 foot dead - is chilling.

that's not some type of engagement ring he's wearing is it

lol purity ring

BOY dad Alfie Patten yesterday admitted he does not know how much nappies cost — but said: “I think it’s a lot.”

This would probly be my answer too

Well this article kinda squashes the whole "tell the kid she's just a younger sister" trick

What have we done with our lives? We could all have been great-grandparents by now.

*shudder*

Baby grow was his from weeks ago.
Joking aside, fucking hell!

xxxxx-post, no, that's his 1st wifes wedding ring, she fell off a roundabout and died.

You know, value-free sex education isn't actually a good idea. If you are going to teach kids about sex, you should also make sure they understand the potential outcomes/consequences of it and how those can be avoided. You should also make sure they understand that the only 100% effective way to avoid said consequences (like becoming a father at 13) is abstinence.

Actually, rereading this makes me realize that I think value-free sex-ed is a good idea, don't I? This is what it is, this is why people do it, these are the things that can happen, this is how you can minimize that happening to you. Stuff like this happens more often than not because kids just don't know what they're doing or what the consequences could be.

xp: lol

Alfie's story, broken exclusively by The Sun today has sparked a huge political storm with Tory leader David Cameron saying: "When I saw these pictures this morning, I just thought how worrying that in Britain today children are having children."

http://i46.photobucket.com/albums/f122/robhatchmiller/SNN1305AA-380_732314a.jpg

These two people. Having sex.

Ewwww.

I can't actually get my head around that photo

Let's fix that quote, by the way:

We commend these teenagers these teenager's parents for their courage sudden effectiveness in bringing their child into the world getting their kids to do what they say.

xpost OMG that picture makes the poor girl look like a child molester

jesus this article is a goldmine:

And Dennis, 45, said: “He could have shrugged his shoulders and sat at home on his Playstation. But he has been at the hospital every day.”

[...]

“I will talk to him again and it will be the birds and the bees talk. Some may say it’s too late but he needs to understand so there is not another baby.”

No way is that his. At 13, he doesn't even have a penis yet.

http://florenciab2011.files.wordpress.com/2008/01/medeival2.jpg

good lord, this situation is kind of exactly why god gave us abortion, I mean seriously.

I remember Britain's youngest father being 11 when the child was conceived, but at least he looked 13

I do not wish to think too much about the mechanics of this.

(not that this is any excuse)

Shit goole, that's too real!

“I will talk to him again and it will be the birds and the bees talk. Some may say it’s too late but he needs to understand so there is not another baby.”

Oh that goes in there.
Then that goes in there.
Then that goes in there.
Then that goes in there.
And then it's over.

OH DAN >:|

Foreplay was on the WII

(I am actually laughing btw)

Don't forget teabagging!

Listened to your sister
When she came home from school
Coz she was two years older
And she had boys in her room

people formed babby at this age for most of human history, and still do with some regularity. still family pic does give one big ol WTF heebie-jeebies

Chantelle’s jobless dad Steve, 43, and her five brothers in a rented council house in Eastbourne. The family live on benefits.
Dennis, who has fathered nine kids
a typical 13-year-old boy

The thing that's killing me about that picture is the probability that he rode home after that photo shoot on a Big Wheel.

Doesn't "Alfie's story, broken exclusively by The Sun" mean it's probably just a stunt and not actually true?

It means they thought who'll pay the most for the story and who'll actually print it.

oh. ok.

I'm not so fixated on how young he looks, but how miserable.

I think that's his serious-father-is-serious-about-fatherhood face tbh

"and she looks just like her father!"

"When I saw these pictures this morning, I just thought how worrying that in Britain today children are having children.you fucking beauty - something else we can blame on the government"

To be honest, he could've done better, she's a bit of a minger.

"and she looks just like her father!"

hahaha

To be honest, he could've done better, she's a bit of a minger.

incapacitated over here

It's not his, is it. He's a patsy.

I wonder if that pink teddy bear is his or his kid's. Kid's kid. Uh yeah. Christ, that boy looks like he just outgrew his diapers.

To be honest, he could've done better, she's a bit of a minger.

I was afraid to say this. But yeah. She really scored with this little feller. Literally.

Then again at least they have one and not eight like that Angelina Jolie wannabe.

She looks a lot like Ben Linus from "Lost", doesn't she?

http://www.room111heroes.com/elizabethI05.jpg

inspired by queenie and shaved off her eyebrows in sheer desperation of having to take care of two kids

I'm quite sure the baby is shutting his eyes and thinking "where is mummy and daddy? why are my brother and sister playing with me?"

"These two people. Having sex."

I wonder if he asked her, after he came, "Was that an orgasm?"

I think that is Benjamin Linus in drag, it's another one of his crazy schemes!

http://img.thesun.co.uk/multimedia/archive/00466/Karen-Matthews_466240a.jpg

Doesn't "Alfie's story, broken exclusively by The Sun" mean it's probably just a stunt and not actually true?

I can think of less believable stories in The Sun recently.

I wonder if she breastfeeds and if she does, if the little feller gets jealous. "I WANT!" and has a crazy fit

It's actually her dad's. Alfie's gay.

"I've got me daughter up the duff; can I borrow your son?"

I keep looking at that picture and wondering... Actually are there condoms in his size?

No. Hence, the babby.

She can probably deepthroat everything and he can get his arm up to

You know what, nevermind.

Loot at the size of the onesie, it's probably his. Oops, put it on the wrong kid.

OK, the more I look at that picture it looks like there HAS to be some weird forced perspective thing going on, like she's 5 ft. closer to the camera. It's just completely unreal. Like, OK, she's a 15 year old girl, and he's a doll, and then the baby is an even smaller doll. I definitely need to start drinking soon.

That isn't actually her ear, it's a pink teddy bear behind her.

Too bad it isn't a jaunty hat; that would have been nice.

Stick a wooly hat on the kid = some kid who would be bullied by Eric Cartmann.

jesus christ even when i was 11 i knew to fingerblast skeezy older chicks instead of banging

I think that requires a photoshop thread.

xxp

the kid being the kid who got the kid pregnant, and not the kid they had.

Actually omar's would make a good photoshop thread as well.

pretty sure Eric Cartman would bully all 3 of them

Can one actually sit like this four days after giving birth?

http://img.thesun.co.uk/multimedia/archive/00732/SNN1305AA-380_732314a.jpg

MyView
By JANE MOORE
Sun Columnist

Jane, Jane, hold on there. What makes you think anyone cares?

Can one actually sit like this four days after giving birth?

From what I know, it's not like the baby is shooting out of a paper-maiche cannon!

All I can see is Ben Linus now...he's done some sort of jiggery pokery and turned Jack into a 7 year-old and Kate into a baby.

We really need Z_S here to be animating that photo.

xp serious lol

All I can see is Ben Linus now...he's done some sort of jiggery pokery and turned Jack into a 7 year-old and Kate into a baby.

This is totally how the show is going to end.

http://blog.columbusalive.com/Sensory/ben_linus.jpg

What's it all about Alfie?

LOL

jesus christ even when i was 11 i knew to fingerblast skeezy older chicks instead of banging

― memo from norv turner (omar little), Friday, February 13, 2009 7:44 PM Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

I think that requires a photoshop thread.

xxp

― Pancakes Hackman, Friday, February 13, 2009 7:44 PM Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

pls to stan & stevie STOPSTOPSTOP speculatin on actual intercourse mechanics kthx love

gah

If only they'd thought of oralfie and analf- oh, okay. Sorry.

She can probably deepthroat everything and he can get his arm up to

You know what, nevermind.

― StanM, Friday, 13 February 2009 19:37 (27 minutes ago) Bookmark

Everything?

Chantelle’s jobless dad Steve, 43, and her five brothers

oh dude no no no no no no NO no

i think the theory that Alfie's dad is well the father of this baby as well, could well be true. He's just blaming poor Alfie for it :(

Can someone Jugg4lo-facepaint-photoshop that picture? (loads of arm for a tattoo as well)

OK, the more I look at that picture it looks like there HAS to be some weird forced perspective thing going on, like she's 5 ft. closer to the camera. It's just completely unreal. Like, OK, she's a 15 year old girl, and he's a doll, and then the baby is an even smaller doll. I definitely need to start drinking soon.

i thoroughly endorse this post.

http://www.stpetersburger.com/oview_img/matryoshkas-dolls.jpg

http://img.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2008/05_02/cruiseDM0505_468x819.jpg

katie holmes is pretty

“I will talk to him again and it will be the birds and the bees talk.

http://i153.photobucket.com/albums/s236/mezxspectrum/stabledoorhorsebolt.jpg

Nice tap shorts and tights, Katie.

How soon we forget Mary Kay Latourneau!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mary_Kay_Letourneau

He was 13. She was 34.

Letourneau first met Vili Fualaau (born June 26, 1983) when he was a student in her second grade class at Shorewood Elementary School in Burien, Washington.[2] Judging by their respective dates of birth, he was then eight years old; she was 29.

I'm all about OUTRAGE AT HALAL DOMINOS as PIZZA brings forth an ISLAMIC REPUBLIC OF BRITAIN or something: http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/mysun/article2230937.ece

this is all just so :-O

http://img.thesun.co.uk/multimedia/archive/00732/SNN1304B-380_732153a.jpg

Doogie Howser MD aids his bro in his girlies birth.

http://www.gamerevolution.com/oldsite/games/ps2/action/jak_and_daxter7.jpg

Job well done, Doogs.

Man, cruises heels are pretty big too.
She looks like a giant, i can't stop looking at this to see if it's fake.

Stan, tbh, I'm almost sure she had a caesarian. At their age, don't they usually get one? Also I was up'n'running after 24 hours (after a natural delivery).

people formed babby at this age for most of human history

Uh, dude, yeah, but hence the high mortality rate (for mums and babies during and after delivery). Thing is that at 15 years old, you are too young. The body isn't fully equipped yet. Yes, I know, she got pregnant, but it's not advisable. Best age is in your early to midtwenties. (Fucked up there too but at least I was *too old* namely 35).

This thread is srsly ha ha funny rofflicious but the reality is quite depressing. The father is incapable of taking care of this kid (financially, emotionally,...) and the mum? She'll probably be dumped by babyfaced daddy before the kid's outgrown his diapers (the baby, not the dad). I fucking hope their parents will take care of the baby and urge them to attend high school. But I doubt it. I wonder how I would react as a parent if my kid came home with a boy and pronounced they would become parents. I'd probably borrow a baby and let'em take care of it. Or stick'em in a daycare centre for a week and let them witness that babies are not all fluffy and cute all the time. Or I'd urge'em to consider an abortion. I wonder if you can legally force your kid to have an abortion at this age? Hmmm. Not that it's something I would do. But I wonder.

Teenage sister of boy who became a father at 13 had baby when she was the same age

Britain's youngest mother

That picture of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes is my new favourite thing on the internet.

Former Tory leader Iain Duncan Smith described the astonishing case as a 'tragic example' of the nation's social decline.

Because this kind of thing has never happened before obviously.

On the same Daily Mail page a link to this article, the tone of which I'm sure you can guess...

GPs to get bonuses for giving teenagers contraceptive implants and jabs without informing parents

How come Alfie lives on an estate with his mother (implication = single mum, council estate, I guess?) in The Sun, but lives in a quarter-of-a-million quid Essex-girl mansion in the Mail? It wouldn't be for extra shame of him not even being one of those schemie brats in the Mail, would it? It could happen to YOU!

Former Tory leader Iain Duncan Smith described the astonishing case as a 'tragic example' of the nation's social decline.

The rate of teenage pregnancies is falling, you fucking Tory cunt

Yeah, but it happened while Gordon Brown is in charge, so it's still his fault.

http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2009/02/13/article-1144244-0382E234000005DC-314_468x492.jpg

dailymail really reaching here

N/A because inconvieniently lower than under the Tories, by any chance?

Hang on when did the rise start? Round about 1979?

Near enough for the Mail to that blame that on the 60s

Or the unions

foreigners!

No, everything that was bad in Britain then was the fault of the unions, NOW everything is the fault of foreigners

The Winter of Discontent = middle England's equivalent of the Holocaust

Higher in the 50s and 60s I think?

Also figures difficult to compare.

But maybe not in the 1850s, where Iain Duncan Smith and David Cameron are looking to for so many of their ideas (xp)

So falling per capita then, Daily Mail?

Mail only taking into account pure Aryans in their figures

1850s you say? When the age of consent was 12 (and not raised to 16 until 1885)?

(in the UK that is)

Daily Mail viewers really helping the situation...

Should police investigate baby born to 15-year-old girl and 13-year-old boy?

* Yes 82%
* No 18%

Like how, check its blood for drugs?

hahaha

He told how he and Chantelle, 15, decided against an abortion after discovering she was pregnant

Chantelle: "Let's write in red crayon why we shouldn't have the babby. In green why we should."
Alfie: "Why green? Can't we pick blue?"
Chantelle:"No, you stuck that up my bum the other day."
Alfie:"Ah shit, yeah."
Chantelle:"So let's DO IT!"
Alfie:"What? Finger it out?"
Chantelle:"No have a BABY!"
Alfie:"Okay, whatever you like hunny pumpkin"

really excellent stanning on behalf of the labour party here, great work, wonderful party.

http://cache.gawker.com/assets/images/io9/2008/12/babosa-brain-slug-cerebro-futurama.jpg

http://i46.photobucket.com/albums/f122/robhatchmiller/SNN1305AA-380_732314a.jpg

Stand back: Here it comes --- The next flood of "reality" shows....

13 and a Father

12 and a Mother

Dad at 10

Mom at 8

Pure at Six: The New Young Love

And lest we forget:

Mom at 7; Now 24 Kids and Counting.

http://i40.tinypic.com/bi2b90.jpg

http://images.huffingtonpost.com/gen/63718/thumbs/s-ALFIE-PATTEN-large.jpg

i got play station yall and a baby

http://www.newsoftheworld.co.uk/news/177665/Richard-Goodsell-Im-the-real-daddy-Alfie-and-I-want-a-DNA-test-to-prove-it.html

I'm not a big fan of posting links without comment, but I really don't quite know what to say.

only Jeremy Kyle can resolve this sordid mess now

“To be honest I didn’t really fancy her. She asked me out a couple of times when she moved down here but I kept turning her down. I thought she was ugly.

SO YOU SLEPT WITH HER Wtf is wrong with people.

britain

http://www.newsoftheworld.co.uk/multimedia/archive/00027/Goodsell_280x450_27330a.jpg

This is Fast Show funnyman Simon Day, surely?

This is all starting to sound like a big elaborate hoax so these fuckwits can make money.

http://www.calypsovoices.com/faces/Simon%20Day%20Lg.jpg
xp

Richard, a trainee chef

http://images.huffingtonpost.com/gen/63718/thumbs/s-ALFIE-PATTEN-large.jpghttp://images.huffingtonpost.com/gen/63718/thumbs/s-ALFIE-PATTEN-large.jpg http://images.huffingtonpost.com/gen/63718/thumbs/s-ALFIE-PATTEN-large.jpg http://images.huffingtonpost.com/gen/63718/thumbs/s-ALFIE-PATTEN-large.jpg

Particular fond of Barbie-Jayne's part in all of this, because I've decided that this is too ludicrous to take in any way seriously. I think Trayce is onto something.

Jeez, cover up those things, you're under age and we're not supposed to stare :-/

(xpost)

Terrified Tyler, 14 (is that his age or his number in the gang?)

http://www.newsoftheworld.co.uk/multimedia/archive/00027/Goodsell4_280x450_27335a.jpg

The only difference is the total absence of anything remotely funny

WRONG!

(I've already covered my views on teenage pregnancies etc elsewhere, so I'm just going to point at these people and laugh because they are living their lives through the tabloids in order that we can do that very thing)

SO YOU SLEPT WITH HER Wtf is wrong with people.

in conjunction with the post previous I can't help but read this in a Jeremy Kyle voice.

"Quite often what fails to recognise is that in some of the more difficult communities, this has become pretty much the norm.", says man of the people Iain Duncan Smith. As a resident of a recent Teenage Pregnancy Capital of Europe™ and former resident of a strong competitor for that title, I've heard of one case of a 14-year-old mother and, other than that, a small smattering of 15-year-olds (and a million 16-year-olds, of course). News story in not quite being matter of dog bites man shockrrrrr.

http://i43.tinypic.com/imhr2w.jpg

xpost - I don't know, when I was 14 there were a few girls in my year that had babies, it's not exactly rare (this was back when the Tories were in charge so sod you Ian Duncan Smith).

A friend of mine's 13 year old daughter is pregnant at the minute and it's pretty heartbreaking. Like the lad in these photos she looks more like she's 10 than 13 and she's having to spend the last three months in hospital because it's taking such a physical toll on her. I know it's still bad that a lad as young-looking a Alfie is a dad but the first thing I thought when I saw the photo was how much worse it would be if it was the mother that looked like that rather than the dad.

600 gbp a week? i should have had baby earlier. and in britainia.

is it possible to tell someone "you'd make an AWESOME welfare queen" without it being a slight?

well my career aspirations total me having enough money to not work so i call that encouragement to pursue my dreams

what happens when i'm blindsighted by an article midway through reading it

Richard, a tranny chef

necessary information

"full sex"

what's sad is that there are tens of thousands of people right now wishing they could get a foot in the door as a trainee chef.

Trayce otm

and if not, ailsa otm

16yr old cuts a break by apparently not siring child of underage girl he's been sleeping with, demands dna test to prove he is SOLELY so he can get in the tabloids.

W
T
F????

http://www.newsoftheworld.co.uk/multimedia/archive/00027/Goodsell2_516x300_27332a.jpg

So much for the 'false perspective' theory. I think I find this bit the most astonishing though:

Richard’s mother Barbie-Jayne, 35, backs his story ... Last night she proudly boasted of twice appearing on TV’s Trisha show as a guest on programmes about having an overbearing personality and overactive sex life

Trisha's guests are real??

Hmm. Barbie-Jayne. There can't be too many of those around, is this her?

kinda strange that the Sun (or more likely the government) would not require a DNA test before registering a child of a 12 and 15 year old as theirs..

http://profile.ak.facebook.com/v229/1560/45/n1351260848_5070.jpg
Pint glass, dragon shirt, chest tattoo, wedding dress, reception possibly in school gym - I'm guessing it might be xp

She's also a fan of Vin Deisel (even wrong spellings get facebook pages) :

Sonia wrote at 6:27pm yesterday
He is the beutiful men that i see in the world

http://idledown.adsl24.co.uk/random-pics/ky.jpg

haha

btw that hoodie...

Dudes Flying High is on TV right this second, and the scene with the little girl and the coffee isn't so funny anymore.

Am I the only person who looks at the above photo and thinks the girl looks scarily like Vic Reeves?

it's the boobs

Still can't believe this is real.

why do they need KY?

4 sexing

so that's her + the 3 dads = 4 sexing?

lol at Americans coming to this thread to lol at Brits. The only British thing about this is the pathetic soul searching we're all supposed to do when some idiot "falls" pregnant.

O_o

Well, that and the fact that it happened in Britain! Dudes stop
biting the sucky parts of American culture

Yeah, if there were US teenagers who scarily closely resemble characters from Lost who happen to get pregnant, I'd laugh at them too!

as the parent of a 13 year old, I probably shouldn't have read this :-/

Ned, was that totally uncalled for attack at Americans a pathetic trolling attempt or did you really think it was neccesary?

Stay tuned to find out...

The only British thing about this

... is the fact that the biggest slag in school looks like Vic Reeves.

Okay I can't be the only person here genuinely surprised that there's only one 13-year old father in the UK?

Kenan stfu.

It surprised me too, as I'm also from one of our Teenage Pregnancy Capitals (and used to work with an early-30s grandmother)

The only British thing about this

... is the fact that the biggest slag in school looks like Vic Reeves.

― Bad Banana On Broadway (kenan), Sunday, February 15, 2009 12:35 PM (23 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

^^^worthwhile zing

Vic Reeves to play the mother in TV movie!

http://www.newsoftheworld.co.uk/multimedia/archive/00027/Goodsell4_280x450_27335a.jpg

This kid looks EXACTLY like my younger brother (well, if my younger brother didn't dress like a hipster).

she has such big boobs. shoulda breastfed, you silly twit

By leon norman. Posted February 15 2009 at 12:14 PM.

In the words of the famous song: "Theres no England anymore"

And the same socialist garbage is coming to America as we speak.

she has such big boobs. shoulda breastfed, you silly twit

Shoulda not assumed big boobs = ability to get loads of impressionable teenage boys into your knickers, you silly twit.

Ned, was that totally uncalled for attack at Americans a pathetic trolling attempt or did you really think it was neccesary?

― StanM, Sunday, February 15, 2009 4:56 PM (5 hours ago) Bookmark

I have no idea what you are talking about.

Guys, as I said upthread the whole Mary Kay Letourneau thing from the 90s is like 25 times more creepier than this, and the US then was all "oh wow weirdo creeppee, Leno's joke about it last night was so funny, anyway..."

I think the lolling is mainly at the 13-that-looks-like-he's-6yo guy's facial expressions regarding the whole being a daddy thing. This would have been awkward and kinda funny in any western country, but admittedly the UK outrage here is kinda adding to that a lil'.

I guess I'm used to having messed up shit like this going unreported all the time all around me, I dunno.

The papers here haven't finished with it yet. Melanie Philips has written her second column on it, the Mail has moved onto "what are social services going to do about this" and The Sun has Alfie (possibly) taking a DNA test. Meanwhile the eternally righteous British public get their monthly opportunity to poor scorn on the "chavs" and beat themselves up abut "broken Britain" as we have been doing since the 17th century (at least).

really excellent stanning on behalf of the labour party here, great work, wonderful party.

― ^^ one of enriques sincere posts (special guest stars mark bronson), Saturday, 14 February 2009 14:07 (2 days ago) Permalink

The rate of teenage pregnancies is falling, you fucking Tory cunt

― Vitbe Is Good Bread (Tom D.), Saturday, 14 February 2009 12:30 (2 days ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

really wish you'd stop posting

And still, the lads turn up with the "I've shagged her and so's me mate wanna make a documentary about us?" line.

Heartwarming, in a way

Whoops

... unless it is clearly in the child's interests".

Hmm, wouldn't getting a large sum of money by definition be in "their interest"?

Also, If "Teh Sun" reported themselves to the press commission, would that mean they 'couldn't pay' the money out?

^^^So cynical, this is The Sun we're talking about...

Do Brits really say "full sex" all the time?

this is what i was wondering!

http://i43.tinypic.com/16945jl.jpg

tinypic. heehee

Do Brits really say "full sex" all the time?

― Alex in SF, Thursday, February 19, 2009 12:49 AM (9 hours ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

this is what i was wondering!

― i like to fart and i am crazy (gbx), Thursday, February 19, 2009 1:22 AM (9 hours ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

lol! no. or only as a joke, as in 'bridget jones's diary'.

"woman, shall we have some full sex tonight?"

"no darling, i am suffering from half a headache"

"can we afford full sex?"

"no we'll have to settle for Asda own brand"

not even "taste the difference" ?

Morrison's "The Best"

"full sex" is the cousin of "romp" in that it only exists as a newspaper concept.

Yes, I've never really understood 'romp'. Could be anything? See also "rumpy", "roll in the hay", and, thank you America, "relations".

'Romp' fits easily in lurid tabloid headline.

4 letters

so this is looking more and more to be a hoax?

it is?

yeah--turns out there is no country "britain" and the last several centuries have been an extended flashmob designed to shock people out of their dreary everyday existences

^^^love this guy

Alfie is, what, 4' something and looks younger than my nine-year-old nephew. No disrespect to the dude, but I'm not 100% convinced, on appearance alone, that he isn't a total stranger to puberty. In which case: something really fucking odd is going on here.

something really fucking odd is going on here

^ true in whatever case

Seems a hoax; on the "news" last night (on the other fucking side of the world, why would we care here? I guess that's what comes for having the union jack in your flag) a bunch of other lads have also had *ahem* 'full sex' with this lass and reckon it could be any of theirs. The Alfie angle is to net his dad (?) or someone some cash for flogging the story.

Yeah thats what I said about 2983742845 posts ago...

Trayce OTM (xpost x 2983742845)

lol

Cue "you're not the father" gif

News?

Britain's not broken after all?

They've done a £300 DNA test and Alfie's not the dad. It's in the Mirror, but I can't copy/paste the link since I'm on my phone

Sweet

"Best £300 I ever spent" said Alfie's dad's dad, probably.

If everyone started conceiving children at age 13, we would all be great-great-great-great-grandparents by our mid-80s.

ahhhh :(

you have to wonder why they didn't do this on the first day (at least of the news, of whatever, before that tabloid printed it)

Lucky little bastard! I hope he's learnt his lesson.

I guess he won't have :(

http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/top-stories/2009/03/26/alfie-truth-proved-by-a-300-baby-test-115875-21228412/

Pretty sure Jeremy Kyle would've done this for nowt.

Slept with 6 boys ay?

To be honest, she’s doing the right thing getting it now as she ain’t going to get prettier.
Plus, she’ll be set up for life with a nice council flat waiting for her when she’s old enough, free money and some maintenance.

Still plenty of scope for Jeremy Kyle to get involved

But who WAS forming babbies with Chantelle then?

I don't know, but I expect we'll now be treated to another round of outrage and soulseraching from the media. Oh joy.

But who WAS forming babbies with Chantelle then?

That's what I meant about there still being scope for Jeremy Kyle to get involved

cartman's father style expose has real potential.

Oh, I wasn't aware of who Jeremy Kyle is. Sorry. (Xpost)

Oh boy. Was Alfie used as a cover-up? Hiding a dark perverted family secret? Inquiring minds want to know!

Plus, she’ll be set up for life with a nice council flat waiting for her when she’s old enough, free money and some maintenance.

― not_goodwin

Aye she's got it fucking made eh?

emphasis on "fucking"

no, she's a victim here of ___________

Mrs Thatcher

Aye she's got it fucking made eh?

― the innermost wee guy (onimo),

it was sarcasm

She's a victim of her whoremoans.

so was mine xp

You guys

babies having babies hurts everyone

'ow is babby formed, mate?

the REAL father:

http://www.computermuseum.li/Testpage/AlphieII.jpg

smiling.

Isn't Maisie pregnant yet?

Alfie's taking her out tonight to get back at Chantelle.

Alfie, the German version (Kathrin is 13, Christian is 15, they'll be Germany's youngest elders)

Zärtlich drückt er seine Freundin an sich, streichelt ihren kugelrunden Bauch.

sounds good in Deutsch!
;)

at least Kathrin looks like 25 to me. (also i'm willing to bet that Bild will feature nude photos of Deutschland jungsten Mutter, when she's 18 and in desperate need of some dough)

Christian has some bad 80s footballer hair going on there.

wow yeah i would have guessed she was 18-19 and he was 22-23

Christian has a shirt that says "GABBA" on it.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/8056700.stm

yeah, i was gonna post earlier when press gazette announced reporting restrictions had been lifted. but reading the thread, the mirror had let the cat out of the bag anyway. courts continuing to do an awesome job of maintaining press freedom in the internet age then.

Children's Secretary Ed Balls

LOL

oh man do I so want the inside story on how this one went down

my general advice to all pregnant women is that if you can either identify the father as a 13-year-old or a 15-year-old, go with 15, trust me

Poor Alfie ;_; He thought he was a man!

Damn Crutis beat me to the Ed Balls zole.

oh man do I so want the inside story on how this one went down

my general advice to all pregnant women is that if you can either identify the father as a 13-year-old or a 15-year-old, go with 15, trust me

― nabisco, Tuesday, 19 May 2009 00:19 (15 minutes ago) Bookmark

you know the general outline right? the parents colluded in saying the younger kid was the father because he looks even younger than 13 and they knew they could sell the story.

A+ parenting

A+ news reporting also

From the Mirror...

A downmarket newspaper reportedly paid Alfie’s dad Dennis, 45, for the story of how his son became one of Britain’s youngest dads after a night of unprotected sex with Chantelle.

>:(

"A night of unprotected sex with Chantelle."

This is just so sad. How do kids parent kids? :-( That said, I recently read that research has shown that teenage moms sometimes do better (than expected/girls without babies).

My brother (and sister-in-law) were teenage parents and their children are lovely. And had left home by the time my brother was 40.
MASSIVE WIN!

who will think of our children's children?

Ned, my parents as well: but there's a difference between 13 yo dad and 19 yo dad.

Yes, massive win of course. And becoming young grandparent as well! Unless you have a kid like me who waits till she's in her 30s. hah

My brother was 16 (17 when his daughter was born). It was hard at the time but being nice middle class people we did the right thing and had the child brought up by our servants as their own.

lol @ Mirror calling other tabloids "downmarket"

also lol @ this http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/top-stories/2009/05/19/tory-issues-apology-after-calling-labour-rival-a-c-115875-21371710/

"cunt" = typo for "councillor"