Need to identify this eighties/early nineties film.

= zenith of human culture

also Dick Van Dyke rapping - is it as good as Debbie Harry rapping?

The Shining DUH!

Paul and Linda McCartney in the Shining?

The Shining DUH!

jack becomes dull?

Still haven't found it, I wish I could remember even pat of the title. If I remember correctly, the movie ended (not surprisingly) with someone writing the story of the movie with the magic typewriter.

(x-post)

Thanks, Leigh!

The first season Twilight Zone came to a delightful conclusion on July 1, 1960, with this episode, written by Richard Matheson. Coming home early one afternoon, Victoria West (Phyllis Kirk) is shocked to find her playwright husband Gregory West (Keenan Wynn) in the arms of another woman named Mary (Mary LaRoche). When Victoria demands an explanation, Gregory is forced to reveal that Mary was purely a figment of his imagination, "invented" on the writer's tape recorder. To prove this point, Gregory not only makes Mary re-appear, but also a "huge, red-eyed element." But this is not the only surprise in store for the nonplussed Victoria West. The hilarious finale finds series creator Rod Serling joining in on the festivities. ~ Hal Erickson, All Movie Guide

1960 though, maybe it was updated for the later series.

It's The Magic Typewriter by Jerome Bixby.

[i]that guy from that movie who plays a novelist and has a magic typewriter... UM![/i]

infallible comedy stand-bys: obvious non-rapper gets to rap

(i know its because of the wh3rd and p3r difference)

Bump.

oh god no not again

I'be not yet given up hope of finding out some day what the film is.

This got remade, didn't it?

Did you try IMDB, Tuomas?

I don't know.

Anyway, while we're on the subject, there's another film I saw as a kid that someone might identify. I think I was quite small then, so this must be from the eighties. It was a sci-fi film set in the future, or maybe even on another planet. It had a small group of heroes trying to reach some goal, possibly escape from somewhere, and of course they had to fight some bad guys along the way. Most of the group were humans or human-like, but it also included one cyborg and one robot reminiscent of R2-D2. I distinctly remember that the cyborg got killed while helping the others to escape. Possibly he was electrocuted. That's all I remember, but maybe someone can identify this movie.

(x-post)

Yep, I tried some keyword searched in IMDb but found nothing.

Battlestar Galactica?

That sounds like it could be The Black Hole. I have a very very vague recollection of it.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0078869/

The R2D2 robot:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Robot_v.i.n.cent.jpg

The cyborg:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Robot_maximillian.gif

Bollocks, try again:

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/5/52/Robot_maximillian.gif

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/1/1c/Robot_v.i.n.cent.jpg

No, I don't think that's it. The cyborg was more like a human-looking guy with some cybernetics parts. I think it's possible the lower part of his body was totally mechanic though, with wheels or crawlers replacing legs. But he definitely had a human head. And the plot description of Black Hole on Wiki doesn't ring any bells.

What about Battle Beyond the Stars? Not that I can remember much about it.

That looks more closer to what I'm looking for (I assume it was some B rate film and not a well-known flick), but it doesn't seem to feature either a cyborg nor a robot, so I don't think it's it.

Ice Pirates

This sounds like The Dark Half, based on the Stephen King novel, starring Tim Hutton.

Oh, wait, that one doesn't have rapping and phantom-balls.

It's not Ice Pirates either, I think.

Did StarCrash have robots? If so, that.

Or rather this : http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0079946/

The robots in those last two pics are the awesomest evah!

It was a sci-fi film set in the future, or maybe even on another planet. It had a small group of heroes trying to reach some goal, possibly escape from somewhere, and of course they had to fight some bad guys along the way. Most of the group were humans or human-like, but it also included one cyborg and one robot reminiscent of R2-D2. I distinctly remember that the cyborg got killed while helping the others to escape. Possibly he was electrocuted.

this is the plot of the Black Hole, to the letter.

cyborgs are alluded to as well:
"Reinhardt claims he is the only human remaining aboard the vessel. But the Palomino crew's suspicions are raised as Booth observes one humanoid robot (who walks with a limp) tending an enormous vegetable garden large enough to feed thousands, and Holland observes a "space burial" being conducted by the humanoids. An older robot model similar to V.I.N.CENT, named Old B.O.B., reveals that the crew of the Cygnus mutinied against Reinhardt when he refused to obey a recall order and return to Earth. After killing the ringleaders of the rebellion (particularly Frank McCrae, Kate's father), he used the fully automated robots aboard the ship, particularly Maximillian, to lobotomize the remainder of his crew and make them the humanoid robots on the Cygnus."

the first one reminds me of this episode of AYAOTD?

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0514415/

The fact that this movie in question is in grainy black and white, but has rapping, seems like it should be some sort of clue, because they invented color movies before rap was a "thing"

this is the plot of the Black Hole, to the letter.

Yeah, but like I said the cyborg I remember didn't look at all like the cyborg(?) in Black Hole, he was definitely a human with some cybernetic parts.

I think this is "That Movie Tuomas Made Up".

ernest borgnine?
man is straight up human, dog

The fact that this movie in question is in grainy black and white, but has rapping, seems like it should be some sort of clue, because they invented color movies before rap was a "thing"

Who said it was in "grainy black and white"? The TV series you link to might possibly be it, but the plot synopsis is too short to really tell.

Oh, I see Tombot for some reason wrote that I said the movie was in black and white, but I never said that. I think it migh'tve had this sort of film noir pastiche feel, but it was in colour.

no, I didn't say that.

I think that the movie 'unfinished business' asked abt on 7 March 2007 might be HEART AND SOULS (1993), from the director of TREMORS

also:

http://www.geocities.com/hollywood/club/4297/pics/android03.jpg

KINSKI!

She's not aged well.

Wow, this thread.

This is still a mystery to me.

You were doing a lot of mushrooms in the early nineties?

This still rings true. That Kinski film is called Android? I remember liking it when I saw it years and years and years ago.

New year, maybe someone will finally identify this?

me OTM in 2007

I watched the "Are You Afraid of the Dark?" episode Will mentioned upthread, but unfortunately it wasn't what I was looking for. So I still need to identify this.

Sexvision?

I want to see this movie

Gigli

xp I mainly want to see what other forces are at play................

Spent like an hour and a half yesterday running keywords through IMDb on this ("Typewriter", "novelist", "sex-change") and checking EVERY unfamiliar movie or TV episode from the 80s & early 90s that came up. Found nothing even remotely close.

I suppose that's a shameful confession more than anything else.

In the early nineties I remember seeing this film, which must've been made a couple of years earlier, and I wonder if anyone could identify it. It was an American film about a crime novelist, who suddenly realizes he has a magic typewriter: whatever he writes with it comes true! Unfortunately, one of the villains of his books has come to life, and he steals the magic typewriter. Using the typewriter the villain does all sort of nasty things to the writer: first he turns him into a woman, and then makes him speak only by rapping (he hates rap). That's about all I can remember, except that at one point the writer rap about how awful it is that he can't scratch his balls (because he's now a woman).

― Tuomas (Tuomas), Thursday, April 20, 2006 8:40 AM (3 years ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

You were doing a lot of mushrooms in the early nineties?

― Mingus Realty (noodle vague), Thursday, April 20, 2006 8:44 AM (3 years ago)

this is exactly what i was thinking

<3 noodle

Is it possible you've conflated several films in your memory, T?

I guess it's possible, but I'm certain that I remember a movie/TV series where...

1) the villain has magically turned the male protagonist into a woman,

2) he has used the same magic to make the protagonist speak only by rapping, even though he hates rap music,

3) the protagonists raps how awful it is that he can't scratch his balls anymore.

I guess it's possible I've conflated this with a magic typewriter story, but I do have a clear memory of the protagonist being a writer whose typewriter makes things written with it come true. Anyway, I'm quite sure of at least seeing the sex change and the rapping part, so if anyone knows a movie where this happens, let me know. The reason I think is a movie and not a TV series is that the "scratching my balls" gag seems a bit risque for an late 80s/early 90s American TV.

And no, it's not "Sexvision", I don't think Finnish TV was showing porn films back then. And I'd certainly remember if it was porn.

I've been trying to locate "Screamplay" (which someone mentioned in 2006) on the web, but with no luck. All I've found is trailer for that movie, but that doesn't ring any bells. Plus "Screamplay" is from 1985, which seems a bit early for rap-related jokes. But if anyone has seen it or has a copy of it, let me know.

Anyway, big thanks for Contederizer and others for their effort in trying to find this!

I still haven't found out what the movie in the original post is, but I recalled two other movies/TV series from my childhood whose names I've forgotten, so maybe you might identify them? Both of these are from the 80s, I think.

1) This might've been a movie or a TV series: it featured a kid who found a magical underwater world with talking fish and stuff, kinda like in The Little Mermaid. The scenes that took place in the "real world" were done in live action, but when the kid went underwater, he and everything else turned into cartoons. (A similar trick was used in the the movie James and the Giant Peach, but this one is much older.)

2) This one was definitely a TV series: it featured a boy who ended up in space in a rather weird way. Someone or something dislodged his room (but nothing else) from his parents' house, and the room was floating in space. So when he opened the door to his room, all he could see was stars! The series also had a cyborg bad guy with a scary, glowing cyborg eye.

The first one is almost certainly The Water Babies, as detailed here.

Yeah, that's most likely it! Thanks Ned!

2 sounds like Jason of Star Command

http://i637.photobucket.com/albums/uu92/damien_stone/jason-3-dragos.jpg

A few years ago I took Tuomos' description to the A/V Maniacs boards. Truly, if anyone could identify this thing, it would be them. But I forgot to post a link to the thread (this revive reminded me).

So here's the thread I started and a handful of guesses:
http://www.avmaniacs.com/forums/showthread.php?t=33311

for some reason this reminded me of the late-eighties amazing stores series produced by steven spielberg. i cross-referenced that with "typewriter" and found out there was an episode where a screenwriter finds out he is in possession of a magical screenplay-writing houseplant that feeds off the cathode rays emitted by his black-and-white television set. interesting, kinda, but unfortunately it does not solve this puzzle.

I don't think "Jason of Star Command" is it... The bad guy in the series I recall did have a similar cyborg eye as the guy in that pic, but otherwise it doesn't ring a bell. The plot summaries don't mention anything about a kid and his room flying into space.

Thanks for the link, Ben. I tried to check the movies suggested in that thread, but none of them sound like the real deal... Except maybe for Screamplay, which was mentioned in this thread too. But so far I haven't been able to find that movie online, or even a proper summary of its plot. If anyone happens to own a copy of Screamplay or knows more about it, let me know.

http://www.amazon.com/Screamplay/dp/B0010C54F8/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=digital-video&qid=1267478899&sr=8-1

I tried that, but I get an error message saying that you can't watch the movie outside the US due to copyright.

Screamplay is on Netflix (US) - 2 stars.

Aspiring screenwriter Edgar Allen (Rufus B. Seder) works as a janitor for room and board at the Welcome Apartments, a run-down building filled with freaky characters and bizarre plot twists that wriggle their way into Edgar's horror movie script. Reality blurs with Edgar's vivid imagination, driving him into a state of creative madness. Katy Bolger and George Cordeiro costar. Extras include commentary by director Rufus B. Seder and much more.

http://cdn-7.nflximg.com/us/boxshots/large/70025317.jpg

no mention of rapping about ball scratching?

It's a Troma movie - there's a good chance that if any ball-scratch rap actually exists they were the perpetrators.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JaIGviRcodE

I didn't need to know that existed, but thanks!

The trailer to the Troma flick:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=THhTkkWvhho

Yeah, I've watched the trailer, but it doesn't provide any hints whether this might be the right movie. And I'm not gonna pay to get it, if it turns out it's not the one. Unfortunately there doesn't seem to a proper plot summary of it anywhere on the net, and the few reviews I've found don't mention anything about sex change or rapping.

tuomas, have you tried submitting your question to the onion's av club staff? they take a while to get back to you, but they're usually otm.

they're gonna have a hard time finding a movie that TUOMAS MADE UP...(in his self conscious)

If you watch the trailer and it doesn't allow you to say yes or no I think this really is an imaginary amalgam of tons of things. There aren't that many movies drawing on German expressionism - I would think that visual style would be memorable, especially as a relative youngster.

Good luck, Tuomas Quixote.

Well, the thing is that I remember that the movie had a film noirish feel to it, but based on that trailer Screamplay feels kinda too over-the-top to be the movie I'm looking for. Then again, maybe they just put the most OTT bits in the trailer? I've been able to rule out almost all the other suggestions based on plot summaries or clips on Youtube, but so far Screamplay is the only movie I can't dismiss for certain. Like you said, rapping about not being able to stratch your balls is the sort of joke you'd expect to see in a Troma movie. Then again, 1985 feels a bit early for a movie to have rap jokes... Or is it?

white people were aware there was a form of music annoying them called rap in 1985

You say upthread you think it was in color, so I think you need to rule this out, too. I agree it seems slightly early for a rap joke, especially in a movie that appears to be an homage to an earlier era. Reading up on Screamplay it seems Troma released it but had nothing to do with it creatively, so that lowers the odds of a ball scratching gender-bender rap sequence even further.

screamplay is available for instant play on netflix, somebody watch it already

Thanks for volunteering!

i've seen 'screamplay' a couple of times (it's great!); it's not the film tuomas is thinking of.

Oh man the Water Babies! I saw that as a kid in the cinema and the drowning/going to the underwater world haunted me for years.

Yeah, that scene was memorably creepy for a kid, that's pretty much all I remember of Water Babies too.

Thanks for the information, CB! I guess I'll have to look for somewhere else then.

had no idea there had ever been a movie of Water Babies

http://www.loc.gov/rr/print/swann/waterbabies/images/05898us2.jpg

Tuomas made this movie up/dreamed it and I claim my $5

You'll have to share it with Ballistic...

they're gonna have a hard time finding a movie that TUOMAS MADE UP...(in his self conscious)

― Ballistic, Tuesday, March 2, 2010 6:16 AM

Huh it sounds like the movie was hardly anything to do with the book. Should read the book some time I guess.

SOMEONE NEEDS TO SOLVE TUOMAS'S MYSTERY TOO!

but did rap jokes exist in 1985???

this sounds like do the right thing.

lock thread

Tales from the Darkside, "The Word Processor of the Gods", based on a Stephen King story

maybe. i'm just looking up descriptions of horror anthology episodes and it seems to fit.

looked it up on youtube and it's not the one.

but

Similar Plotlines

A 1940 serialized novel by Scientology founder L. Ron Hubbard, Typewriter in the Sky features the protagonist finding himself inside the story of his friend's book.

A 1960 episode of The Twilight Zone, "A World of His Own," features a dictation machine that can bring things into existence.

A 1991 episode of Are You Afraid of the Dark?, "The Tale of the Dream Machine", features a typewriter that brings dreams into existence.

A 1997 book in R. L. Stines' Goosebumps series, The Blob that Ate Everyone, has a typewriter that writes things into existence.

A 2006 film, Stranger than Fiction, has the main character's life directed by the manuscript of a novel as it is typed up.

A 2010 game, "Alan Wake", features a writer going on vacation, only to find out that the lake he lives near has the power to turn everything he writes into existence.

from "the wulf archives" (?): Gender Change Fiction List:

                         [ UNCONFIRMED MOVIES ]
unknown   ***  New Entree  ***
    A writer's characters came to life.  The villan steals the script
    and altered it which included the hero being turned into a woman
    for a short while. 

^ wonder where that came from?

Tales from the Darkside, "The Word Processor of the Gods", based on a Stephen King story

I skimmed through that episode, it's on Youtube, but it doesn't seem to have any gender change or rapping in it. It's not the Are You Afraid of the Dark? episode either, I've watched that one too.

The synopsis quoted by Contenderizer sounds exactly like that movie I saw, though! This is the first time I've seen any evidence that it actually exists. Too bad the title isn't mentioned.

*rimshot*

http://www.avmaniacs.com/forums/showthread.php?t=33311&page=1

The movie you want is 'Destiny to Order' 1989.

Here's the IMDB Page: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0099412/

And here's a pic of the main character after changed into a woman along with Michael Ironside (The Bad Guy)

https://www.echobridgeentertainment.com/uploads/01675L.jpg

Enjoy.

lol, a canadian film also released in poland, finland and west germany

MUST SEE!

if Tuomas says this isn't the movie I'm going to write a very sad rap about the whole experience

Taglines:
As a writer, J.D. is his own worst critic... until his characters come to life

He's been waiting 5 years to find out, is he still alive?

Related:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e6Z0jiLTIV0&feature=related

I forgot to ask: Do I win something for knowing this movie?

if Tuomas says this isn't the movie I'm going to write a very sad rap about the whole experience

― love in a grain elevator (underrated aerosmith bootlegs I have owned), Saturday, July 2, 2011 6:14 AM (3 hours ago) Bookmark

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r3-LxmrFm40

Written by Max Power

I'm on the edge of my seat....

Breath: Bated

goddammit where are you Tuomas, we NEED YOU

oh my god, this has to be it. This HAS to be it!!

Also Known As: Fikcja czy rzeczywistosc

OMG, this sounds like it actually could be the one! The fact that it was released in Finland (and IMDb even gives the Finnish title to it) certainly supports the theory... Sadly, though, it doesn't look like it's available anywhere on DVD, or even as a torrent, so I can't confirm whether it's the right one. So frustrating! Looks like you can get an used VHS copy from Amazon, but I haven't had a VHS player (nor a TV set) for years.

I have a copy. I can Dropbox it for you if you'd like.

Goddamn the internet is amazing!

'Tis. It'll take a while to upload but it's brewing now.

I have a copy. I can Dropbox it for you if you'd like.

I don't know what Dropbox means, but if it means you can share it online, I'd be eternally grateful to you!

you have this laying around as an avi ? like, of all the films you could possibly own?

amazing. finally, lol

Btw, Chewie, how did you manage to find the movie?

That is amazing. I started that AV Maniacs thread mentioned above several years ago - those guys know every old thing - and they couldn't crack it. Well done, Chewie.

chewie you beautiful bastard

Looks like there must've been some kind of deal between the local Finnish television channel and the Canadian distributor of "Destiny to Order", because a lot of of obscure Canadian movies (including this one by the same guy who wrote and directed "Destiny to Call") were shown on Finnish TV back in the 80s and early 90s.

my god... how deep does this rabbit hole go...

Me and my mum had this thing, where if a v obscure weird film came on TV at random, we'd look at each other and say "its Canadian". We were usually correct.

"PIN" is the one I recall most clearly from this.

Aus TV has a weird symbiosis with Canada too. Theres loads of Aus ABC/CBC productions about.

think those weird canadian films were rife - national film board of canada output (where boards of canada got their name)

(um i may be confusing NFB with the children's film foundation)

How'd I find it? Well, I had actually seen the clip where the guy is turned into a hooker on YouTube before, but its since been removed.

I was actually trying to remember the name of the movie for myself, and I ran across this thread. Then I remembered there's a site called 'metamorphose.org' which is a great resource for ANY kind of transformation in movies or tv.

I figured I'd ask at metamorphose, since they were the guys who directed me to the clip on youtube in the first place.

It took metamorphose.org 15 minutes to crack it. You've been asking the wrong people. So, do I win anything for being kind enough to register an account on this site just to answer Tuomas' thread? A cash gift perhaps?

edit:

I figured linking the picture would clinch it for people, hope it helped.

You win free life membership to ILX iirc

Aus TV has a weird symbiosis with Canada too. Theres loads of Aus ABC/CBC productions about.

dubious about this

Aus TV has a weird symbiosis with Canada too. Theres loads of Aus ABC/CBC productions about.

dubious about this

No - it's true - they've done many features and at least two multi-season TV series' as international co-productions.

And it still happens today:
http://www.hollywoodreporter.com/news/canadian-pro-market-adds-australian-173921

state-funded prod cos are nothing to do with the /\.ǀ3.<. though

tuomas, I sent you an ilx email with the link to the film. Let me know if you don't get it.

I got your email, but there's no link included in it. Maybe you could try to send it again...

Sent it again. Let me know what's up.

Okay, I got the link, thanks a lot! Downloading the file, I'm so excited about this...!

it's been a banner week for lost and found on ilx

Love this thread. It's an epic saga!

I even looked to see if Destiny to Order came up in Netflix Streaming as so many other out-of-print films do. No dice.

FOR CHRISSAKES TUOMAS WE NEED SOME CLOSURE HERE

I watched the movie halfway through, and this is the one! After years of looking we found it! Thank you, Chewie and KJB!

I didn't have the time to watch the movie 'til the end, but looks like it has everything I remember it having: the faux-noir feel, the gender change, the villain making the protagonist speak by rapping. Which leads to some wonderfully silly hamming by Michael Ironside: "I play you Wagner, and you give me Rapmaninov?!".

between this and bin laden's death i feel like a whole decade is finally behind us

By the way, Kevin, do you think it'd be okay if I share the download link here? Maybe someone else might want to watch the movie too?

oh man, the internet is amazing sometimes. well done, Chewie!

why do i have a feeling kjb is gonna say "okay" and tuomas is gonna post the link and then we're gonna have the longest-simmering rickroll of all time

http://i203.photobucket.com/albums/aa295/slugbert/indiana-jones.jpg

l-r:chewie, tuomas

state-funded prod cos are nothing to do with the /\.ǀ3.<. though

― undeɹrated ærosm?th b∞tlegs I have pwned (sic)

Huh. Could swear there were some, but yr right of course theres a diff btn film borads and aunty. And, i'd defer to yr knowledge on said in any case :)

Stephen Ouimette you was the bomb in Slings & Arrows yo!

Suggest Ban Permalink

between this and bin laden's death i feel like a whole decade is finally behind us

And forks' song!

Tuomas, I'd rather you not post the link on ILX. Anyone is who interested in watching it, please just ILX mail me or Tuomas and then we'll give you the link.

Could swear there were some

there may have been some! but I don't think there was a major ongoing back & forth symbiosis, and I'm 99% sure there isn't now

Fair enough :)

(am prob conflating it with the BBC coprods)

Stephen Ouimette you was the bomb in Slings & Arrows yo!

― some dude, Monday, July 4, 2011 7:55 PM (Yesterday)

Tuomas, I'd rather you not post the link on ILX. Anyone is who interested in watching it, please just ILX mail me or Tuomas and then we'll give you the link.

Okay, that's fine with me.

could use 1 link, if anyone has the goods and feels so inclined

(will mail tuomas and hope)

you have this laying around as an avi ? like, of all the films you could possibly own?

― akm, Monday, 4 July 2011 07:07 (Yesterday) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

important questions still unanswered

I have mailed you Tuomas.

This thread brings a tear to the eye. Now, has anyone tracked down the "not gonna happen" guy?

I did get Contenderizer's mail, but not KKVGZ's, can you send it again? Remember to include you email address in the message, as the ILX messaging system doesn't automatically include it.

Now, has anyone tracked down the "not gonna happen" guy?

this was p much 60% of the content of the ngh thread

wayn3 l0ftus, three beer qu33r iirc

tuomas, I'll try again a little later.

sic, i think he goes bt "tomj or "tommy" now.

wayn3 l0ftus, three beer tomj

The internet is a good thing after all *tears of joy*

while it is pretty amazing that after 5 years somebody finally manages to identify this film, what is totally blowing my mind is that another person who just happens to open this thread actually has a copy of the film lying around on their hard drive

^^^^ OTM

hence why i am still wondering if kjb is the "exiled cubans" to tuomas's c.i.a. in this little operation

wanna point out that the guy who put up that MC Breed track on my WHAT FUCKING SONG IS THIS thread, that was his first and only post

it is a mystery

sock travels back in time, records breed sesh in order to satisfy tofu memories

IN A WORLD...

KJB is one of the real deal WTF film dudes. He referenced Final Flesh in another thread and freaked out about the GG Allin blowjob reactions in the Hated thread - not a super big surprise he has this handy.

New t-shirt design:

Front: Listen To Walter Galt
Back: Screen grab from Barbara Rubin's Christmas on Earth aka Cocks and Cunts

Sent the download link to those who mailed me.

got it! and thanks, tuomas. haven't watched it yet...

Using the typewriter the villain does all sort of nasty things to the writer: first he turns him into a woman...

*reproachful mark loi face*

ha, that's a point..

http://movies.netflix.com/WiMovie/Jason_of_Star_Command/70066208?trkid=2361637

beloved

Looks like there must've been some kind of deal between the local Finnish television channel and the Canadian distributor of "Destiny to Order", because a lot of of obscure Canadian movies (including this one by the same guy who wrote and directed "Destiny to Call") were shown on Finnish TV back in the 80s and early 90s.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1078280/releaseinfo

Okay, I have another thing I'd love someone to identify... This one's an animated short, stop-motion, made in the early or mid-90s. It's sort of a faux Japanese folk tale about a samurai who has to save a girl from a demon. The animation is the made to look as if we're watching a play, so the camera remains stationary, and instead of cutting from scene to another the props behind the characters change all the time. Also, since it's supposed to be a play, it has a on-stage narrator, an old guy with a beard. I don't remember much about the story, except that the samurai beats the demon and gets the girl. The narrator then walks to the stage, takes of a mask he was wearing and reveals that he's not actually an old guy but the samurai of the story, who's joined by the girl he saved. You'd think the story would end there, but all of a sudden the camera moves (for the first time in the movie) much closer to the characters than previously, and we see the demon attack the samurai and the girl. The demon kills both the samurai and the girl in a rather gory manner, and the short ends with that. It's quite a shock to have an ending like that, as the rest of the story was more like a classic children's animation. I think the short won some big price for short films, but I can't remember which one.

i sympathize but nobody is going to go through this again for you tuomas, i'm sorry

At least you know he's telling the truth this time

Oh yeah, and I'm pretty sure the animation was made in the UK or USA, not in Japan.

is it claymation, or what? you could try going through short/animated film fest websites for their winners, although maybe they don't go back that far.

not this?

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-rcStfxnHSX4/TiUkKJCyVZI/AAAAAAAAAhM/PMOIIoQzSF4/s1600/samurai_jack.jpg

is it claymation, or what? you could try going through short/animated film fest websites for their winners, although maybe they don't go back that far.

Not claymation, stop-motion puppets, like Nightmare Before Christmas.

Wait, so did contenderizer (or any other veteran of this thread) actually get the download link and confirm the existence of the magic typewriter ball-rap sequence?

You don't believe my word that the scene was there?

You sent me the dropbox link, but I had problems with it for some reason (format maybe?).

I was really hoping that some enterprising ilxor would have gotten some pertinent youtubes up by now.

i dropped the ball on this. started to watch the movie (thank you, t), but it was so awful that i never make it more than a few minutes in. have since deleted it (trying to save space during file migration).

Okay, I have another thing I'd love someone to identify... This one's an animated short, stop-motion, made in the early or mid-90s. It's sort of a faux Japanese folk tale about a samurai who has to save a girl from a demon. The animation is the made to look as if we're watching a play, so the camera remains stationary, and instead of cutting from scene to another the props behind the characters change all the time. Also, since it's supposed to be a play, it has a on-stage narrator, an old guy with a beard. I don't remember much about the story, except that the samurai beats the demon and gets the girl. The narrator then walks to the stage, takes of a mask he was wearing and reveals that he's not actually an old guy but the samurai of the story, who's joined by the girl he saved. You'd think the story would end there, but all of a sudden the camera moves (for the first time in the movie) much closer to the characters than previously, and we see the demon attack the samurai and the girl. The demon kills both the samurai and the girl in a rather gory manner, and the short ends with that. It's quite a shock to have an ending like that, as the rest of the story was more like a classic children's animation. I think the short won some big price for short films, but I can't remember which one.

― Tuomas, 16. elokuuta 2011 19:51

I did eventually find this one, it's called "Screen Play", and you can watch it on Youtube:

http://youtu.be/VG4rkjQI7d4

Anyway, while we're on the subject, there's another film I saw as a kid that someone might identify. I think I was quite small then, so this must be from the eighties. It was a sci-fi film set in the future, or maybe even on another planet. It had a small group of heroes trying to reach some goal, possibly escape from somewhere, and of course they had to fight some bad guys along the way. Most of the group were humans or human-like, but it also included one cyborg and one robot reminiscent of R2-D2. I distinctly remember that the cyborg got killed while helping the others to escape. Possibly he was electrocuted. That's all I remember, but maybe someone can identify this movie.

― Tuomas, 24. lokakuuta 2007 14:55 Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

And this one turned out to be Eliminators.

This one, however, I've never managed to identify:

2) This one was definitely a TV series: it featured a boy who ended up in space in a rather weird way. Someone or something dislodged his room (but nothing else) from his parents' house, and the room was floating in space. So when he opened the door to his room, all he could see was stars! The series also had a cyborg bad guy with a scary, glowing cyborg eye.

― Tuomas, 1. maaliskuuta 2010 19:29 Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

It was on the telly when I was a kid, back in the mid-80s, so it can't be newer than that. For some reason I recall this series being British, but I could be wrong about that. It was definitely in English, though.

I just found a hopeful looking page. It turned out to be the question you posted to tvtropes.

Yeah, TVTropes was able to identify the other two things I was looking for, but so far I've had no success with this sci-fi series.

Hmmmm, so I'm sure I've asked this here somewhere before, but here goes nothing . . .

This is One of the movies I overwatched on VHS as a kid (tape sadly missing/destroyed now). Things I remember:

• Live Action
• Presumably Australian judging by accents and . . .
• A koala plays a narrative role, piping up and explaining stuff while being carriecd about by a kid.
• The plot involved natives in a jungle (I can't remember where they are nagtives of) who make a green snack-sized bar that makes you go loopy when you eat it.
• I remember the main baddies being a ruthless-guy-in-a-suit type, in my head looking a little bit like Ricardo Montelban in Naked Gun
• I distinctly remember one bit where the hero dude has to play a tennis match against a pro player as a diversion, and he does a Marx-Brothers-style gag of drinking lots of water to stall the diversion a little onger

It doesn't matter what film it is.

Norman Panama's penultimate directorial effort, Barnaby and Me was originally filmed for Australian television. The title character is a talented Koala Bear, who is to Australian fans what Benji is to Americans. Pausing in his escape from a vengeful mobster, American con artist Caesar falls in love with Juliet Mills, whose daughter Sally Boyden keeps Barnaby as her pet. The kooky koala teans up with Caesar for a series of picaresque adventures. It's hardly The Sting, but it's easy to take. ~ Hal Erickson, Rovi

That looks like the fella. Thanks ledge!

it is this thread still working? im looking for the movie destiny to order. Sorry if its to late, but im just discovered this forum. Thanks

ok, on Man Lab this evening they made a fake monster, like Nessie, to promote tourism to skegness.

there was a kid's tv show or a film with the same plot when i was a kid (ie around 35 years ago). monster had kids inside, built around a bicycle?

^ uk. and i think it was a uk production. felt like a Children's Film Foundation film (but nothing on their list rings a bell), or BBC. possibly canadian?

not 100% sure but:

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0067278/

The Johnstown Monster (1971)

set in ireland

or maybe this:

http://marciodisneyarchives.blogspot.co.uk/2010/09/strange-monster-of-strawberry-cove.html

title seems familiar. disney, burgess meredith...

johnstown monster looks familiar from the utube clip i watched. wikipedia sez it was shown as part of the cbs children's film festival so that's when i would have seen it, mid-to-late 70s-ish.

Pretty sure it's the Strawberry Cove one because that monster was definetely bicycle powered.

2) This one was definitely a TV series: it featured a boy who ended up in space in a rather weird way. Someone or something dislodged his room (but nothing else) from his parents' house, and the room was floating in space. So when he opened the door to his room, all he could see was stars! The series also had a cyborg bad guy with a scary, glowing cyborg eye.

― Tuomas, 1. maaliskuuta 2010 19:29 Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Still looking for this series... A friend of mine remembers seeing it on Finnish telly, and someone over at TVTropes remembers it too, so I don't think I've imagined this one. Neither of those remembered the name of the series though.

Can anyone here think of a 80s/90s film that features a character with a crescent moon shaped head? I'm asking for a friend, but suggestions that have already been made and were shot down include:

1.) Mac Tonight (from the McDonald's commercials)

http://img2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20130730083542/creepypasta/images/5/54/Mac_Tonight.png

2.) Nightbreed

http://content9.flixster.com/question/40/33/70/4033707_std.jpg

3.) This Sandman cover

http://wac.450f.edgecastcdn.net/80450F/comicsalliance.com/files/2013/10/Untitled-161.jpg

4.) UHF

http://www.bunnweb.org/smbunn/hester/uhf/uhf10.jpg

Nightbreed would have been my first answer!

Oh, and it was this Sandman film that was suggested, not the Sandman comic, apparently:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UjgHbRrnjhU

actually, that was the first thing that sprang to my mind, little short animation. was someone's graduation project iirc, Paul Berry, looked like robert smith. went on to do james and the giant peach and died young.

http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0077651/

wither four-mations...

Basket Case 2 or 3 lemme check

http://www.dvdactive.com/images/reviews/screenshot/2012/10/bc2c.jpg

this is from 2, can't remember if the same character reoccurs in 3, god i need to watch these again

2 is p good, 3 is ... not. 1 is a classic obvy

ah man this thread is heartwarming.

2) This one was definitely a TV series: it featured a boy who ended up in space in a rather weird way. Someone or something dislodged his room (but nothing else) from his parents' house, and the room was floating in space. So when he opened the door to his room, all he could see was stars! The series also had a cyborg bad guy with a scary, glowing cyborg eye.

― Tuomas, 1. maaliskuuta 2010 19:29 Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Still looking for this series... A friend of mine remembers seeing it on Finnish telly, and someone over at TVTropes remembers it too, so I don't think I've imagined this one. Neither of those remembered the name of the series though.

― Tuomas, 17. tammikuuta 2014 15:37 Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

I still haven't managed to find this one. All the other movies/series I mentioned in this thread have been identified, so hopefully this one will be too some day.

I remember watching it on Finnish TV in the 80s, if that's any help.

French, or maybe Spanish or Andorran film, late 90s or 2000s. I saw it in late 2009 but it was not necessarily new. It's set at some kind of orphanage or boarding house (kids are there, in any case) out in the boonies, kind of scrubby countryside, some hills. I can't remember the plot at all except that it is mostly or entirely set out at this orphanage, and there are mobsters or criminals that come out there to ...kill everybody? Or they just want some money or a particular guy? I feel like the climax is the kids kind of surviving against these gangsters. One kid spends a lot of the movie out on his own, maybe trying to run to the next town? Like he's really good at sports? And you think he's dead at one point but actually he survived and made a plan and comes back in the nick of time, I think. I'm making this sound a little like Home Alone but the kids are older than that and the tone is a lot heavier, though I think there are some laughs.

That kind of reminds me on a movie I've been trying to identify since I saw it on TV maybe 15 years ago. I think it's from the 80s, and it's about this kid who defends his home and accosted family from intruding burglars/mobsters/criminals. At one point he fills a super-soaker with gasoline and, from a considerable distance, shoots it so that the stream of gas lands directly on the end of one guy's cigarette. At another point he goes to the bathroom, puts a bunch of chemicals on a rag, and then holds it to the criminal's mouth, knocking him out.

el espiritu en la colmena

both of them

ed. b., yours is Playing Dangerous I'll bet - - - see 8:50 forward here:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WGI-BKctOK8

omg, thank you! this answers so many questions.

Interesting side note, for many years I thought that movie was "Stuart Saves His Family" because it's literally about a kid named Stuart saving his family, but then I realized what Stuart Saves his Family actually is.

:( I thought someone had found the typewriter film

They did! Further upthread.

It was Destiny to Order: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0099412/reference

i jsut read this whole thread for the first time... wow!!!!

i found out where i can procure this which i am mos def going to do when i get home

dr. casino: the devil's backbone?

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0256009/?ref_=nv_sr_6

Hrmmm, no, set in the present day for sure. Contemporary cars, the running kid has sneakers and stuff. There might even be some French North African immigrant tensions in play.

a three part? erotic film -- one segment was set in hong kong? maybe taiwan? it featured a man having awkward sex with a woman in wheelbarrow position... they ate crabs together, i believe. in my memory, the eating of crabs bestowed some sexual power to the man in the film.

what was it?

mid to late 90s, arty

can't tell you but i do know that i now need to clear my search history so thanks for that

i've been googling it for a decade.

i saw it on the drambuie showcase review or possibly bravo, late at night. i feel like the man learned the sex secrets from a book, possibly some taoist sex manual.

i actually haven't been googling it for a decade. i thought about it for the first time in 17 years while eating crab today.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sex_and_Zen

This movie has a man learning sex secrets from a manual, and it also has two sequels. Can't remember any crab-eating scene, but I haven't watched it since the 1990s. It has a fairly memorable scene the where the guy has replaced his small penis with a horse's dong (not shown onscreen), and needs to use a ladder to have sex with some woman.

it was arty + modern. the actors may have had british accents.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0145893/

Trivia
Sarah Michelle Gellar has stated that this is one of her least favorite films that she has been in.

probably not it

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0114134/

haven't seen this since the late 90s and don't recall a scene like you describe but ticks some of the boxes

it makes finding it more difficult but it was a short film and i believe part of an anthology of erotic shorts.

i am offering a $100 USD prize to whoever can find this.

The Pillow Book is a v. good guess. Other possible contenders:

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0082422/

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0101316/?ref_=nv_sr_2

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0459666/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0082422/ -- too old, not the right contemporary setting. have you seen this? is it good?

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0101316/?ref_=nv_sr_2 -- tony leung as "the chinaman." not even close but... looks interesting?

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0459666/?ref_=fn_al_tt_1 -- i love this movie. the goofiness of the sex, the taoist sex manual and the crab eating makes hou hsiao hsien a good guess but it wasn't hou hsiao hsien.

but none of those.

Five Senses of Eros? http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1587422/

too recent. no crab eating or wheelbarrow position.

cpost
Saw Fruits of Passion many years ago, in the memory it's pretty barmy and worth seeking out

Haven't seen The Lover, it had a 'shocking' reputation for a while in Britain because it featured a very young English actress who went on to make a terrible film with Bruce Willis

Lady In Heat? http://www.filmaffinity.com/en/film730748.html

shit, getting CLOSE. but not it.

Erotique http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0109742/

Segment 3 is "Wonton Soup." Here an Australian-Chinese man tries to rekindle his affair with a Chinese woman by returning to their roots: both in the kitchen and in the bedroom.

The Pillow Book is a v. good guess

First thing I thought of but I don't remember there being any, errrr, crabs in it.

Ha, just noticed the post above mine, you owe anagram $100!!!!!!

I was just about to post Erotique! I remembered watching some multi-part erotic film that had an Asian segment, and the only other thing I remembered about it was that Priscilla Barnes (A Chrissy replacement on Three's Company) was in it, so I went to her imdb page.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8hSnLqancDA

This is all there is on youtube from Destiny to Order.

French, or maybe Spanish or Andorran film, late 90s or 2000s. I saw it in late 2009 but it was not necessarily new. It's set at some kind of orphanage or boarding house (kids are there, in any case) out in the boonies, kind of scrubby countryside, some hills. I can't remember the plot at all except that it is mostly or entirely set out at this orphanage, and there are mobsters or criminals that come out there to ...kill everybody? Or they just want some money or a particular guy? I feel like the climax is the kids kind of surviving against these gangsters. One kid spends a lot of the movie out on his own, maybe trying to run to the next town? Like he's really good at sports? And you think he's dead at one point but actually he survived and made a plan and comes back in the nick of time, I think. I'm making this sound a little like Home Alone but the kids are older than that and the tone is a lot heavier, though I think there are some laughs.

― Doctor Casino, Saturday, April 25, 2015 6:43 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

finally found this - it's Éric Rochant's Total Western. Google Translate of French Wikipedia suggests it was about a criminal thug who lays low by posing as a teacher at a juvenile offenders' center in the boonies. Some other mafioso types show up to take him down and recover some protection money he made off with, but with the help of the kids he takes them all down, brutally.

2) This one was definitely a TV series: it featured a boy who ended up in space in a rather weird way. Someone or something dislodged his room (but nothing else) from his parents' house, and the room was floating in space. So when he opened the door to his room, all he could see was stars! The series also had a cyborg bad guy with a scary, glowing cyborg eye.

― Tuomas, 1. maaliskuuta 2010 19:29 Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Someone at tvtropes.com remembered this series too, though they couldn't remember its name either. They did provide this extra info though:

The house floating in space is almost identical to Zathura, However, the residents are not travelling home and there is a bubble shield around the house that protects it from impact. I would lean toward it being British in origin, and it had reruns in the early 2000s. Most likely on the BBC. live action. There is also one scene I remember: Two boys are standing outside the house (on the floating rock) the first boy is worried about something and asks the second boy for advice. Throughout the conversation the second boy is throwing stones at the bubble shield, trying to get them to go through, but they keep bouncing back, at one point one does penetrate the shield, and he shouts "that one went through!". Near the end of the conversation, the first boy says something that makes the second stop and stare at him. at this point his last thrown stone bounces back and hits him on the head, knocking him over.

Does this ring any bells for you Britons?

Oh, and as I mentioned upthread, I saw this series on the telly in the '80s, so it can't be newer than that. "Zathura" is the 2005 film with a similar premise.

Tuomas, is it Crash? Danish series from 1984?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5CnERf2d3Yg
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crash_(1984_TV_series)

Wow, I think that's actually it! I googled Crash and turns out it was show on Finnish telly in 1986, which would the right era for me having seen it as a young kid (I turned 7 that year). Thanks a bunch!

No problem! I just googled bedroom spaceship tv. Looks like most of it is on google, enjoy!

I mean, most of it is on youtube...

The end credits of Destiny to Order, featuring clips from the film, a song (sadly, not "Destiny Rap") and gratuitous shots of the late, lamented Sam the Record Man.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2uhyXrD6M4g

Wow, thanks! So much eighties hair! And I gotta say, Jefferson Mappin and Richardo Keens-Douglas are pretty awesome names.

So wait... if that footage is to be trusted, is it in fact a magic IBM XT and not a typewriter at all!?

Top ten ilx threads right here, imho

This is a movie I saw at a film festival in 2015 or 2016, so it's from the 2010s. A very surreal Japanese movie where a guy falls in the sewers and meets these weird CGI animals. He befriends one of them, who sings a song to him. Guy records the song, it becomes a massive hit and he becomes a big pop star, but he never tells he got it from his animal friend, and his conscience starts to weigh on him. In the end the animal grows into Godzilla size and attacks the guy during a big concert of his. I'm sure some of you must know this one?

?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KNfYMUEJkkk

Yes, that's it, thanks!

My gf and her friends have spent years trying to figure out what cartoon (glimpsed in the background of a family photo) is from. Dozens, maybe even hundreds of people have seen this image but nobody knows what it is from. If you recognize this man, please tell me. pic.twitter.com/nZibSf1QQH

— Will Sloan (@WillSloanEsq) September 2, 2022

(reveal on thread if you want to challenge yourself and not look)

The one that'd always bugged me as a kid, I worked out some years ago. A weird Japanese anime version of Jack and the Beanstalk, especially the bits with the witch (hope this link jumps to the right part)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tnd3MFBink4

And also the song about 16 minutes in, which was stuck in my head for YEARS pre-internet never being able to work out what the hell I'd seen.

I remember seeing a film on TV about fifteen years ago. I was half-watching it. It was odd. It was essentially a Japanese sci-fi cartoon - an "anime" as young people call them - but interspersed with the animation was live-action footage of a US actor in a spacesuit talking to a little girl. The animated sequences were supposed to represent some kind of fantasy world that the little girl could access. The live-action used cartoonish matte paintings. I remember it still.

A bit of Googling leaves me none the wiser, although I'm disappointed to learn that Panty and Stocking with Garterbelt isn't nearly as rude as I was expecting. Have you ever played Antichamber? It's a puzzle game with mind-bending portals. I like to call it Pantychamber because that thought pleases me.